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  2. Back to Avalon

    I went to an LGBT group and it was helpful

    I'm sorry you're having those negative experiences here. Unfortunately, some people appoint themselves judge and jury of others' asexuality. If someone is harassing, insulting, or trying to invalidate you, be sure to report it to a moderator.
  3. Moony Lovegood

    Your least favorite film and why?

    @SithGirl I haven't seen The Last Jedi but I was told the director was trying to piss off fans by not just making everything predictable. That one sounds better but I just lost all interest in Star Wars after The Force Awakens.
  4. Greetings. I am so glad I found this site. A bit about me: Kansas born, SoCal raised in a time when sexuality was carefully monitored. Y'all know what i mean. I've had several girlfriends, sexual in nature. But only in my late teens did it mean anything to me. That was some 30+ years ago. On my second marriage now, trying to justify my feelings. Yes I love her, but no sex in seven years.
  5. Zagadka

    Your least favorite film and why?

    I don't know what the worst movie I've seen is, but the only film I've walked out of was W. I don't see many films in theaters, though, and I've seen worse films overall, I just don't remember them much.
  6. The person who wrote it was a user a few years ago. It is about recovery as a sexual after breaking up with an ace, if I recall.
  7. I agree. Such claims literally tell me to spend a crap ton of cash to get hormones checked, therapy, blood work done, etc. just to confirm that I indeed don't experience sexual attraction rather than am suffering from repressed trauma from my childhood or a hormone imbalance or side effects from drugs. It's horribly invalidating. "You can't be sure you're feeling what you're feeling until we have you tested. I don't have to be tested though. I'm normal. You're not."
  8. GhostGoesToWail


    Good design is dead. Long live good design.

  9. InquisitivePhilosopher

    Feedback for Staff Elections/Volunteering

    @.Lia Sure. I just like keeping an open mind to others' ideas/solutions.
  10. @SithGirl, indeed. Note, I'm only halfway through, so I don't have the whole picture yet. Thus far, the author does present as someone who has done more self-improvement than the average person, and he does present the asexual perspective in an informative manner empathetically and without blaming or vilifying. But, as the title of the book suggests it ultimately is a guide for how to heal after you end your relationship. He does suggest things can work out in a asexual-sexual relationship, but does prioritize sexual expression for the sexual. (The book is biased in that he did choose to end his relationship.) I'm reading it because I want to better understand my husband's experience. I think the book is important in that the author is shedding light on things not often understood or discussed. The book could have used some editing - while the author is clearly a loving person, he sometimes errs on the side of self-importance. I think it would be interesting for this author to co-write a book with an asexual author to bring better balance. We need more literature on asexuality so that no one book becomes authoritative. This book would have been better marketed as a memoir and not a self-help book. So far, the only thing I found somewhat offensive is his suggestion that all medical and psychological issues should be ruled out before claiming asexuality. He's not wrong because there is a distinction between asexuality and sexual dysfunction. But, this is a slippery slope; NO ONE should have to undergo scrutiny before being allowed to claim their sexual identity.
  11. TheAPparition

    Quickly, Before They See!

  12. TheAPparition

    Guess who comes next...

    Yes. kenny?
  13. TheAPparition

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    Blue 1...
  14. anisotrophic


    When I came out as non-binary, someone very close to me very privately came out as asexual. (And after my spouse was privately reconsidering his bisexuality, but he's also private about that, so this other person couldn't have known it.) So I think the increasing visibility is real! That looks like sloppy writing. 😕 elsewhere it states "Some medical and mental health professional may still misunderstand asexual identity. As a result, asexual people may be told that their lack of sexual desire is due to a mental illness or a disability." There *is* a strong overlap with gender dysphoria and trans status, though.
  15. kenny.

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

  16. TheAPparition

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    Blue 4
  17. SithGirl

    Music Album Poll

    I've bought CDs. And only when I know I like them. When I listen to music, I listen to singles, not the entire album. So I won't buy the whole album unless I know I'll like 90% of it. (Also because the poll is about "the last year" my answers are different than in general because Japan).
  18. Janus DarkFox

    People with glasses

    -2.50 and - 3.00 myopia with slight astigmatism requiring glasses full time since about eh age of 7. Vision is always a constant worsening requiring new every year or two, whichever if there's a flare-up in one of optic nerves requiring attention more regular that is changing the vision regularly.
  19. Invisible Man

    Change one letter

  20. SithGirl

    Your least favorite film and why?

    I feel was one of the few people that preferred The Last Jedi to The Force Awakens. I just had so much hope in TFA for it to be ruined with bullshit pandering to fans and other crap and was still pissed they de-canonized the Extended Universe only to basically steal from it. And the fact that so many fans came away singing its praises just increased my hatred. I'm glad it's finally being seen for the trash it is, but holy crap did I hate TFA. TLJ wasn't much better and objectively is so so much worse, but it at least didn't feel like a complete copy of another movie (just taking from two and mixing them like a salad). Still hated it, but I had also lost faith in the sequel trilogy by then so the bar was so low they came closer to meeting it than TFA for me. Still... holy crap is it bad...
  21. Invisible Man

    Alphabetical "Better than sex" game

    Jellybeans are BTS.
  22. @Cosettebiele I have only ever been attracted to one person and I am 64 years old now. I put this down to me having Total Aphantasia, I identify as Demisexual. I cannot stay online much longer, my battery is going flat but I explain more about this in two posts near the bottom of this page on this thread
  23. Today
  24. Can't click the link because my work internet/computer, but holy crap I hate that title. Not only is the sub-title long and obnoxious, it sounds just horribly biased. I don't look on that title and think there will be much in the way of understanding and respect towards asexuals and asexuality.
  25. if i'm being honest it is probably a bit of a mix between Tigger and Calvin's Dad (from Calvin and Hobbes ofc). Tigger has been one of my favorite fictional characters since i was very little just because i felt like if he existed irl we would get along so well because of how much i could relate to him. both his energy and how oblivious he always seems to be matches me so well, he always tries to have fun and do the right thing even if it doesn't usually lend good results. As for Calvin's Dad, all you have to do is read some of the comic strips and you get the picture. the dad is so unbelievably average, he tries to crack jokes and go on adventures (both of which are pretty disastrous in most cases), and he seems to appreciate relaxing at home with a book. that all fits me pretty well, but most of all the comic strips always show how frustrated and run-down he can get despite all of his efforts to turn things around which i can really relate to.
  26. I know there was some question in another thread about asexuals joining a LGBT group. I decided to go, and I felt like it was really good for me. I found that I actually could relate to some of the things that were talked about, especially stuff related to people not being really accepting of your orientation or your gender identity. The sad thing is, the place where I have been able to relate to them on, was actually because of the treatment I got here. I've had a number of people invalidate my orientation because I identify as a sex favorable asexual... (technically I am gray-a but if you look at my life right now, rather than ten years ago, asexuality fits better so I am going with that now). But the sex favorable part has really made some people here very invalidating. There is one thing thats interesting, though. I used to feel kind of like, is non-gender binary even real or some kind of made up thing? I'd always be respectful and use the right pronouns, and never let on that I thought that, but I did. Now, after experiencing some prejudice (is that the right word?) here on AVEN, I think I can not feel that way. Basically, I don't understand non-gender binary. I don't understand how that could work. How could someone feel that they are neither gender? I can grasp feeling like the wrong gender, but neither? It doesn't make sense to me. But after the treatment I got here at AVEN,I started looking at things differently. I think that just because you don't understand a person's experience and just because it doesn't make sense to you, doesn't mean it's invalid and that it's wrong. It doesn't mean its all in their head, or they are mislabeling themselves, or making up labels for themselves. Just because I can't understand non-gender binary, doesn't mean it's not a real way to be. Just because I'm a sex favorable asexual and certain people don't understand how thats possible, doesn't mean its not valid. And, just because I do enjoy sexual activity with people, doesn't mean I feel sexual attraction to that person. Maybe that doesn't make sense to people, and maybe I can't really have that make sense unless you were to somehow magically step in my shoes. But I think, we need to trust people when they say their orientation or gender identity. Not understanding does not equal not valid. I think, of the few here who try to invalidate my own orientation, maybe part of it is that they don't understand how it's possible. Maybe part of it, too, is that the "no sex" part is so important to some people that they feel insecure about allowing other people to identify as asexual or on the ace spectrum. But I think, a big part of it, is that there is a lack of understanding. A feeling like, this cannot make sense, so it must be wrong. So I just wanted to share that with people. I also feel like its kind of sad that, my main experience with a lack of respect for my orientation has been here. I haven't really come out to a lot of people IRL, and I'm only starting to do that now, so I might experience some prejudice/invalidation outside of AVEN too. (Hopefully not). But it makes me sad that, THE place where I should be accepted, is not necessarily always so. Perhaps thats also why sexuals invalidate asexuals. They just cannot grasp not being sexually attracted to people and/or not wanting sex. Anyway I just wanted to share that with people. I think that, for those of you who have felt invalidated irl due to being on the ace spectrum, or had other problems with people not understanding, LGBT groups can be helpful.
  27. confused_nerd

    idk i am confused...

    Thanks! I love the cake! I love how this community is so welcoming!
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