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  2. Tystie

    drivers license

    I couldn’t help but think about this thread this morning. I was walking through the car park at work when I saw a sticker in the rear window of a vehicle: ‘Born to ride; forced to drive’.
  3. Snao van der Cone

    For 30-somethings and those around that age

    Yer face is wise.
  4. HeWhoSingsAmongTheStars

    Help Dealing with Coworkers ProGun Beliefs

    Sadly no. I live in a college town and I'm trying to save up to move out. It took me a long time to find this job and right now I have to work full-time and part-time in order to make enough to pay all the bills (including my increased rent and student loans😔) and have enough left over to put away for moving. I've been looking for almost two years for two other jobs that would work timewise, but I haven't been able to find anything. So this job it is 😢
  5. TheAPparition

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    Five blues!
  6. Snao van der Cone

    Snao van der Cone

    I'm wearing lots of purple, grey, and black this Ace Week. I don't have much white clothing to wear, but that doesn't matter because I am a very white person. 

  7. ZooBot

    Teen Corner

    So recently i've started to question my romantic orientation. I've fallen in love twice (I think), and had a small crush (I think) once, and based on that i labeled myself as biromantic, but now i'm not so sure. Both times i've had what i believe to be romantic feelings, it was with people i considered close friends, so i have considered that i may be demiromantic, but i've always had a hard time distinguishing friendship from possible romantic attraction. I'm pretty sure i feel romantic attraction, and that fairytale romance is something i want to have some day, but how will i know that i like someone romantically instead of strong platonic feelings? Wanting physical affection in the form of hugging and cuddling won't really work, since that's something i like to get from friends as well. I will say that for now, the biromantic label is what i am going to use as it's what i've found to be most applicable so far, but as i've learned about other forms of romantic attraction and other terms for those, i've started to wonder if biromantic was the right term to describe me. And although i know rationally there is nothing wrong with it, trying to figure out this kind of stuff for myself makes me really nervous because i feel like if i later realise 'hey, that wasn't the right term for how i feel', then i feel like i was lying to everyone who i had told 'hey, this is what i identify as' in the past. Anyway, im in the middle of class now so i should get back to work. See ya'll later! TL:DR - Im a confused mess of feelings and don't know how to determine how i fell about people.
  8. Topi

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    Four blues.
  9. anisotrophic

    What's in a Name

    selecting names for children is tough too. can't avoid it. spent many hours deliberating. (well, mostly for the first one.) for my own name change I just lopped off a bunch of letters to make a less-gendered nickname / new name, classic enby style. (my birthname / deadname is very gendered.) the nickname route made it easy to get folks to switch over, but the lack of dramatic change can also mean they don't take the gender identity seriously. (of course, many many things can mean people don't take gender identity seriously.) my mom said she didn't like it, but she doesn't like a lot of things. oh well.
  10. Memento1

    Cheating ex reached out to me

    As others have said, there is no should. We can't make this decision for you. If you only feel you should respond because it's the polite thing to do, he's given you a complete pass on needing to reply. It sounds like writing to you is helping him identify and work through his feelings. If you feel writing back would help you identify yours, it may be helpful. If you write back, do it because you think it will help YOU, not him. If you think you're more likely to fall into old bad habits or dredge up bitterness, don't. If you feel you'll get triggered by further correspondence, give yourself a pass to focus on your own emotional healing.
  11. That's a good way to put it. It's an experience I'm supposed to have, that's supposed to be fundamental to the human experience, and supposed to be important in order to relate to other people, especially other men. Just never seemed all that important to me. So I kept putting it off; oh, I'll start seriously trying to date once I finish college; oh, I'll start once I land a decent job; oh, I'll start once I'm doing this or that. But secretly, I was always just content with my status quo. Well, the body image issue with me isn't the scars or even the weight as much as the mobility limitations. Like, I know from life experience osmosis that the first time is always awkward and clumsy, and with my back, it'd be even more so, and with my age even more so. And the thought of forcing someone I cared about to deal with that just fills me with anxiety. Definitely, yeah. I've been actively exploring this possibility for less than a day. Go Team Disorganized Idealists! Partially it's the "joke to society" thing, partially it's a fear of coming across as weird and off-putting for not having had that shared experience. The scene where he describes breasts as bags of sand and everyone just looks at him like he's insane really stuck with me. Like, what fundamental parts of the human experience am I so in the dark about that I don't even know I'm in the dark about them? Dang it, I was hoping strangers on the internet could solve all of my issues for me! Joking (I hope that was obvious), but I'll take that under advisement, particularly the assertive communication stuff. I'm definitely a bit of a pushover. And on being less of a weird internet hermit. This is actually the first time I've ever reached out to an online group like this. If nothing else, adopting the label might stop my friends from trying to hook me up with any single women who enter their social orbits.
  12. Neutral Charge

    For 30-somethings and those around that age

    this made me laugh, a evil laugh! =)))
  13. AM42

    Hello

    Welcome! 🍰 A lot of what you've written applies to me as well: asexual, agender, just recently joined here but have known about it for some time. Feel free to chat if you want 😊 I don't know any aces in real life either.
  14. TheAPparition

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    Three blues.
  15. Hoots

    Cheating ex reached out to me

    He's reminiscing a relationship through fond memories. Which is something everyone does after a relationship. I wouldn't respond or take action just yet. Wait until you've gathered your thoughts of what to do about this situation and then proceed. However there's always a chance that there is no ill-intent in his email. Opposite intentions are also true. To me, he seems like he just wants to reconnect in a way and perhaps just remain friends. Remember that you are not required to do anything. If you feel as though leaving him on "read" is the best option for you, then do that.
  16. bluedragonwings

    For 30-somethings and those around that age

    Don’t trust anyone over 30 Wiser. More like wise ass.
  17. Yeah, people always come here wanting a diagnosis. Will I be this way forever, or can I change? The more important question is why do you want to change? What do you want to do RIGHT NOW and why? Why are you terrified of becoming the 40-year old virgin? Because he's a joke to society? Don't have sex to avoid embarrassment - that's a guaranteed way to hate it. The take-away I got from The 40-Year Old Virgin? Don't hide how you feel - let friends know. The people who care and are worthy will understand, be patient, and not push you. More than wanting sex, they want to feel close to you. And the more anxiety you build up and try to push through, the more you sabotage yourself. The bigger issue than whether you're asexual or not is how you feel about yourself. Work on your anxiety and shame issues, and the whole question on whether you fit a label will matter less. I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm INFJ so I can totally relate to those feelings of being misunderstood, ostracized, and super sensitive. For me, I made little progress sitting at home and worrying. I had to DO something about it: talk to friends about my feelings, talk to a counselor, journal, learn about and practice mindfulness and assertive communication, seek out different perspectives. I have no patience nowadays for "advice" that is all what not to do: don't be so sensitive, don't take it personally, stop thinking that way, stop being late. It doesn't tell you what to do instead. Overly generalized advice on what to do is also pretty useless: be more assertive, have a better attitude, just state your feelings, just stand there, get in touch with your body. I look for detailed, step-by-step instructions for how to build a new skill. Like this guide to assertive communication. Not all detailed advice is helpful or correct. Gather many and try to synthesize them into something that works for you. I really had to try hard to not self-isolate: I learned tips I didn't even know I needed by sharing my journey with others. As an added bonus, people are super attracted to self-confidence. I also discovered I had a bit of a sexual side when I learned how to stand up for myself and set up barriers, and be completely okay with NOT being sexual. Sometimes it can help to take on a label if it gives you self-confidence, if it aligns with how you feel right now and you want to embrace that, and later you discover that label doesn't fit you anymore or is too restrictive. If it helps you, do it! It doesn't mean you've figured yourself out, it means you're on the journey to figuring yourself out.
  18. I like kisses as long as they're not too wet. That just grosses me out. Now that I think of it, there does seem to be a more sexual element to kisses that use a lot of tongue and spit. What do you guys think?
  19. Hoots

    Hoots

    First status update. Better make it special.

     

     

     

    I'll post this gif

    FineWellmadeGnu-size_restricted.gif

  20. Droopy615

    Older married asexuals?

    49 years old, married for 10 years, no kids. Figured out I was ace a month ago (it came up as a side journey as part of therapy). I have not told my wife. We don’t have sex very often 2-3 times a year—at her request). I am very comfortable with PDA, hand holding, kissing, cuddling etc. But sex with her is, for me just about trying to give her the best experience I can. I’m pretty sure we will talk about it, she is a psychologist herself, and I think she will know something is up, particularly after I figure out my own specifics
  21. DuranDuranfan

    What's in a Name

    This reminds me of those episodes of Star Trek Voyager with the EMH trying to decide on a name.
  22. Today
  23. OutsidersEyes

    The Lost Sexuality Game

    Borderlands, just mess up like I did and drop your sexuality when you meant to drop that useless gun. And then a Skag ate it. TPBM lost their sexuality trying to do parkour.
  24. Topi

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    One more blue is never too much.
  25. daveb

    Help Dealing with Coworkers ProGun Beliefs

    Yeah, some conversations are just better to avoid if possible.
  26. Duketor Memphenstein

    Apparently I picked the right week to start asking questions?

    I have a friend from high school with rods attached to her spine and is heavier-set with scar tissue and genetic bulk, and she's in a very happy relationship that's good for her, so that shouldn't be much of a concern for you if you're looking for a relationship. If you're not looking for a relationship, that's perfectly okay. Being in a relationship isn't the best thing for everyone. It sounds like you still have some thinking, introspection, and accepting to do, so it would be good to make sure your head's clear enough to decide before you slap labels on yourself. Also, ENFP here. Like you, but with more extroversion.
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