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  2. I've got a kid to take care of so anything I can do from home (like on the forums) is good.
  3. Ardoise

    I might be biromantic?

    Good for you.
  4. bookwormprincesskat

    Questions about asexuality

    1) Are you male or female? Female 2) When did you begin to believe your sexuality was different to others? Hm. I’m not entirely sure. I suppose the first time I actually started to explore and wonder what I was probably started around 18. I went from thinking I was straight to bisexual or even maybe a lesbian and then pansexual. I was pretty confused for quite awhile. Growing up in a strict Christian household I didn’t know asexual existed. I thought something was wrong with me for a long time. 3) Are you single or in a relationship? Married 4) Are you 18-29, 30-45 or older than 45 years old. 18-29. Just turned 26 a week ago. 5) Would you change your sexuality to meet the majority of people? Nope. 6) Have you ever had sex with anyone? Yes 7) Does your partner accept your sexuality/ did your previous partner accept your sexuality? Yes he does. He is super supportive. I think we already knew that there was something more beyond just a super low sex drive so when I came out once I was sure it wasn’t a huge surprise and didn’t change much since we already had a nice arrangement that works for us. 8. ) Do you feel pressured to change your sexuality to meet the majority of people? Yes I do. Mostly because we are also a polyamorous couple. Most poly people are very very sexual so it can be a hard to find a place where I feel comfortable. 9) Have you seen any change in your asexuality over time i.e become more sexually curious/tolerant or become even less interested in sex/intolerant? More adverse actually. Beyond my husband I have beyond zero interest in sex. I would rather not hear or see it. I am fine reading bits of it because I can skim over it but that’s about as far as it goes. 10) What rating would you give your asexuality 1-100 (1 being I absolutely detest the very thought of sex and it completely repulses me, 100 being I have no particular interest in sex but occasionally I do it and it can actually feel quite physically pleasant for me). hmmm again this is difficult to answer. I suppose if I think about my husband 100. But again outside of that relationship it would be 1.
  5. Vee.

    Vee.

    I don't get why people often perceive growing up in a such a negative way. I can understand it with growing old, but here I mean growing from a child to an adult. It's like saying you never want to become a knowledgeable expert in something you care about, but want to just stay a weak, vulnerable beginner who hardly even knows what they're doing.

    1. CajunAce

      CajunAce

      because it's new, dangerous, and has more responsibility/ consequences.

    2. Vee.

      Vee.

      Being a child is very dangerous too, even more so since they're smaller and weaker. They're lucky when they have loving and caring parents who are there to look after them, because not every child does.

      I also don't get how people say there is not responsibility or consequences. Ever had school or chores, or got in trouble for doing something your not supposed to? It's life.

      Honestly I think not teaching children the truth about the dangers of the world and their responsibilities is bad parenting imo.

    3. CajunAce

      CajunAce

      true, but many people fantasize their childhoods and wish for the "happier, simpler" times where "things were better".

       

      And you're right about teaching kids, but it also depends on the kid and how they process things. I was an easily impressionable child and had to go to several funerals as a kid. This made me have a big dislike for funerals and me crying in front of others. Didn't help me get over a fear of driving, either.... but kids are very perceptive. Part of the reason I love talking to them as an adult.

  6. hello! so, i’ve been questioning my romantic identity recently, and i’m leaning more and more towards the possibility of being aro. and, it scares me. for the past 4-5 years, discovering that i “liked” girls a thousand times more than boys has been a big part of me. i never found boys attractive but i do stop in my tracks when i see a pretty girl (so, every day). i thought that meant i was gay. i mean, i’ve just always seen girls as 1000x more aesthetically pleasing, and i didn’t really imagine dating, but if i did i wanted a girl. or, i thought. turns out, i don’t really want to date anyone, and i didn’t feel enough when i dated a girl i thought was prettier than all the stars combined. so, now i’m 80% sure i’m not gay (and actually aro), and i just don’t know what to do with myself. it was a main piece in the puzzle of my life, and now it doesn’t even match the big picture.
  7. ryn2

    anyone past 50 on here?

    Probably cost more too! XD
  8. Phoenix the II

    Potentially conflicting definitions of asexuality

    Don't care for sex... No desire for partnered sex comes first to me. Then again, I'm confused by different types of attraction. Which comes with part with gender dysphoria too... I'm pretty sure, sexual attraction for me ain't there...
  9. Even though you've got alot of communication you need more. Im the Ace in my relationship and we had to pretty much sit down and full on discuss what my needs are and what his needs are and find a way we were both happy and could go on. Mine was i get some of things I want and like alot which arent sexual and his needs we also touched on and how and we came up with a plan or stratergy that works for him and that im comfortable with. We also had hard lines and no on what would not be done and we stuck to it. It wasnt easy but it worked for us. You two might need to sit down and work out something similar. What do you need? What does she need? Is there a middle ground? Are you both comfortable with the middle ground? Tailor it to you both. Hell you could change it in time if it no longer works or you want to tweek it the man thing is the only way you two are going to find whats good for both of you is a serious talk about it. Hopefully this helps and i didnt just rant on lol
  10. Ileeca

    Asexual Parents Thread

    I’m a parent of an 11 year old son. I’m thrilled for this thread, as I’m newly out and struggling with what/how much to tell him.
  11. If you want to delete a post entirely you can PM a mod to do it. Otherwise, you can edit it like you did - sometimes I have just tried to make a sort of relevant post; sometimes I have just left a single period in a post that I didn't want to let stand (when I wasn't a mod and couldn't just delete the whole post). You can find who the mod of the forum the post is in by going to the "who mods what" thread (and can find the link to that from any page by going up to the banners at the top, to the gray one that says "Terms of Service and Important Links".)
  12. Lady Constellation

    corrupt the wish above.

    Granted, but Kim Jong Un is now the president of USA. I wish that I don’t need to sleep
  13. Today
  14. Lady Constellation

    How not to answer a newbie

    QWERTY. I can also type with an abc keyboard, but I’m more used to the qwerty board. What’s the ritual to meet other aces?
  15. Writer In The Forest

    I might be biromantic?

    Hi, I'm new too (yay), but I might be able to give you a tip. I recently went back and forth and upside-down with my own romantic inclination and ended up doing a lot of research before I found something that sounded right. If biromantic doesn't sound quite right for you, look up some of the lesser known romantic orientations. I know there's one that describes finding feminine features more appealing, even if the person in question isn't a girl (I think it's called gynoromantic). There's also one for the opposite, masculine (again, I think it's androromantic, but might want to check my definitions). It's okay if it takes you a while to figure it out. I know that's how it worked for me. I kept bouncing between homoromantic, heteroromantic, biromantic, and panromantic (I was very very confused). But then I scrapped it all and just went and looked up a list of them. And what do you know, I found the right terms in "polyromantic asexual." Just take your time and think about it. Things like this don't have to happen overnight. Took me a while to figure out I was asexual to begin with. Health class got even weirder than usual. 😃
  16. daveb

    anyone past 50 on here?

    I joke that I have more crowns than half the royal families of Europe. I had good teeth when I was younger, but then they went downhill quickly (like my mom's, speaking of genetics). There was about a decade or so after I lost all of my baby teeth when I had zero cavities.
  17. Lady Constellation

    Choose between two completely different things

    A soft blanket. I’m so tired right now. A leisurely walk in a park or a relaxing soak in a hot tub?
  18. Lady Constellation

    Interview the person below you

    1. His complete and utter disregard and contempt for anyone remotely different from him. 2. Once, to tell people that it was cacti and not cactuses. 3. Porter? I don’t really know what this means 😅 1. What’s your favorite thing about spring? 2. What made you smile today? 3. What’s a good habit you have?
  19. Welcome back and Maybe participate in (or start) local AVEN meetups in your area? Here on the forums you could do things like run for a moderation position, contribute to AVENues, post on the forums, and maybe see about participating in some of the other forum stuff like some of the other teams (Project team, Declass team) when they have a need for more people. others might have additional ideas for ways to contribute.
  20. Nowhere Girl

    Questions about asexuality

    1) Are you male or female? Female. 2) When did you begin to believe your sexuality was different to others? Around the age of 16? But some 10 years earlier I already intended not to marry and not to have children and I realised that it's contrary to what girls are taught to dream of. It could be perceived as a harbinger of my asexuality. 3) Are you single or in a relationship? Single. Also homoaffectional and always unrequited... 4) Are you 18-29, 30-45 or older than 45 years old. 38 years old soon. 5) Would you change your sexuality to meet the majority of people? Never. 6) Have you ever had sex with anyone? No. 7) Does your partner accept your sexuality/ did your previous partner accept your sexuality? Not applicable. 8 ) Do you feel pressured to change your sexuality to meet the majority of people? [I need to add the space after "8" because otherwise it changes into an emoticon ) A little. But I'm proud to resist sociocultural pressure. 9) Have you seen any change in your asexuality over time i.e become more sexually curious/tolerant or become even less interested in sex/intolerant? In these areas you have mentioned - not really. However, I became more open to admitting the complexity of my experience: for example, that I'm not asexual according to one definition of asexuality (I experience something I could describe as sexual attraction), but still asexual according to another (despite the former, I absolutely don't want to have sex). I accepted my feelings more fully, became more steadfast in knowing that, for example, discomfort with nudity is not a thing to be ashamed of and that if I wouldn't even want to be attractive, I should be brave enough to defend my choice of embracing my nudity aversion instead of giving in to the predominant social belief that it's a pathological phenomenon. 10) What rating would you give your asexuality 1-100 (1 being I absolutely detest the very thought of sex and it completely repulses me, 100 being I have no particular interest in sex but occasionally I do it and it can actually feel quite physically pleasant for me). Hard to say in numbers. I could say that I "detest the very thought of sex" - but only the thought of personally having sex. I don't have such reactions to sex not involving myself, can have third-person fantasies... I consider it important insofar as allosexual notions of "being sexually open" usually fit asexual people very poorly. Our feelings about sex are often very complex. I feel a need to "warn" people that I'm not sex-indifferent, I'm 0% sexually available, not just "uninterested in having sex", but actively distressed by the idea of doing it. However, it would be almost equally inaccurate to assume that I'm "not interested in sex" - I find sexuality a very interesting topic, it's just that partnered sex is definitely not something in which I would like to participate.
  21. Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. I think you need to consider carefully what level of sexual interaction with your partner would let you be happy. Then, you are lucky that you are able to discuss sex with her, find out what her comfort level is with that. You need to keep realistic expectations. If she is asexual she will never desire you that way - though she may ( or may not) be happy to engage in some sexual activities with you because she enjoys making you happy. Its all about compatibility. No right or wrong about what level of sex *should* be appropriate - what matters is whether there is a sex life that makes you both happy - even if it isn't perfect for either.
  22. ryn2

    anyone past 50 on here?

    Yeah, it’s not a time I remember fondly!
  23. Above and beyond all else, he'd need to be like me and stand up for others at risk to himself. And be angry about the state of the world right now (creeping fascism isn't just an American problem) He'd need to actively care for those in front of him who are worse off than him. Be against bigotry in all forms. He'd be willing to hide people from unjust raids like the ones targeting Cambodians and Vietnamese right now that the whole city has told me to my face they don't care about because it doesn't affect them or their favourite actress.(Caring is what I just think is decent, but if it weren't so horrifyingly rare, I'd still have a career and the creep of fascism wouldn't be happening, I guess. I don't understand how caring about others is so rare, and furthermore, anyone who resists or seeks safety from oppression of their own caste and then turns around and is a bigot to another worse-off case, to quote Garfield, "deserves to be drug out into the street and shot") Beyond that, I really don't care about much, but he'd need to understand I don't live for sex. He'd need to be physically affectionate, though. He'd also need to be old enough to remember what an 8-track player is and enthused by things like me still having one. Act his age and not like he's 20. Considering what all's around me, the fact he'd need to not be a bigot aside (I'm mixed and trans, and not white cisgay, I'm not accepted anyway, so a bigot wouldn't date me in the first place anymore than I'd date him), he'd also not be obsessed with what celebrity uses what toothpaste... (I live near Hollywood...) He'd be all for starting a non-evangelical homeless shelter with anti-discrimination policies, but it'd be fine if he has no more funds than me. Saying that, he could be any religion, he would need to be okay with me being Jodo Shinshu Buddhist (basically like Reform for Buddhism. My pastor knows I'm trans and not straight, this has never been a problem). We would celebrate both our religions' holidays. He'd need to be literate in at least one language. I was beat by teachers for not being fluent in English my first month in an American school. I don't put up with native monolingual English speakers telling me "my welcome." And the white ones, of course, it seems to be a mostly white problem because that's who can just skate by life and get high-paying jobs and 70 promotions without having to even be literate, are always better employed than I will ever be. I only put up with that if English is not their native. (In which case, well, I had to learn English, too) If Japanese is his native, that's really groovy, but not necessary or even likely for how much Japanese Americans are taught to hate ourselves (highest marry-out rate of ANYONE)
  24. CajunAce

    CajunAce

    Sick, depressed, and PMS-ed. Hope I'm a beautiful butterfly after all this pain.

    1. QuantumEcho

      QuantumEcho

      you wont be . you will be a bear and wanna kill everything.

    2. Vee.

      Vee.

      AYE AYE AYE I'M YOUR LITTLE BUTTERFLY 🦋

    3. CajunAce

      CajunAce

      or one of those butterflies that suck the blood from the fallen

  25. pickles mcgee

    anyone past 50 on here?

    Not true! I'm always interested in people's stories, including their challenges. Sorry that your teenage self had so much to deal with, @ryn2; that time is already hard enough as it is. 😬
  26. ryn2

    Job Hunting as a Grown Up

    Ugh! I guess that’s better than sleeping in and going to a crappy workplace but not *much* better.
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