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  2. Grimalkin

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    Meh, I dunno. Sometimes I'd like to experience all the passionate mess that is human sexuality. I'd love to be swept away in it the way my partner is sometimes. Also, let's not forget about emotional cheating! Aces can still cheat, even if it's not sexual.
  3. I'm sexual and I haven't experienced most of that stuff and I'm uhh... clean? I don't even know what you mean by that.
  4. I don't feel erased by the attraction definition itself. I just think it's too vague, because the term 'sexual attraction' is often misunderstood and narrowly interpreted. If sex only means PiV, oral and anal, excluding all the rest, and sexual attraction only means "I look at someone's naked body, get turned on and think 'I want to have sex with that,'" excluding all other forms of sexual attraction, then half the world's population can identify as asexual, rendering the word effectively meaningless. I agree, and yes, there should be room for both of our experiences within asexuality. I'm noticing that written articles tend to erase mine, while people on AVEN tend to erase yours. On AVEN you can respond and call someone out on their shit. I can't do that with these articles, and they will reach far more people than any AVEN poster could ever hope to. Can you see how that is incredibly frustrating, and makes us feel powerless? While I don't agree with people telling those who use the attraction definition that they're not ace, I do think this frustration is why they're acting out. When most articles on asexuality say that most asexuals still pursue sex to experience physical pleasure or to feel closer to their partner, you bet I feel erased. When those same articles insist that asexuals are not afraid of sex, so 'don't worry it's not a disorder', heck yeah I feel erased. (First three articles that popped up when I googled 'asexual' all did this.) When most people on ace dating websites still expect sex in a romantic relationship, I feel erased, betrayed, lost, alone, broken, hopeless. If ace places aren't for people like me, where else am I supposed to go? If the term 'asexuality' is appropriated and changed to actively exclude people like me, to the point of implying that there is something wrong with me for never wanting sex (like OP did), then I feel like I'm back to where I started before I found the term asexuality. I can't even express how that makes me feel. Anger and indignation are definitely in the mix. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ So the truth is I do feel threatened by people like @gray-a girl, who want to push people like me outside of the definition of asexuality and back into this: I've been called all of those things and more. I haven't been through any type of conversion therapy, but my mom did want to send me to the doctor to fix it when I came out to her as ace, and I seriously considered going for over a year. Thank gosh a friend convinced me not to. But there are aces who've gotten pills to fix their 'issue.' And there isn't only conversion therapy, there's also corrective rape, which I was also very close to experiencing, though I fortunately escaped it. (He was so drunk he fell asleep within seconds, though I was still locked inside his apartment. The next day he thankfully changed his mind and decided I fell into the 'innocent child that you pat on the head'- category, rather than the 'confused inexperienced babe who I will convince sex is awesome'- category, so I got away fairly okay.) I need the word asexuality to include me (obviously among others, there's room for diversity), and I need it to be taken seriously, because the shit I wrote above has to stop sooner rather than later. So if someone tries to push me out of it, that means I get pushed back into pathologization and mandatory sexuality. That doesn't just make me feel erased, it makes me feel like my future, and the future of younger aces like me, is under full frontal attack. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ The hearts mean the same thing as in my previous post. React to it all you want, but don't use it to tell me what I am.
  5. Yeah I’ve had problems with glasses sliding off. I mostly wear contacts now, but once in a while I’ll either forget to put them in or I won’t have time to put them in while I’m getting ready for work so I wear the spare glasses I keep in my bag, and I have to keep pushing them back on my face to keep them from sliding off. It can get pretty infuriating.
  6. When I started to hit puberty, I had a lot of sexual fantasies. Today,it's rare,but it happens. But I never had this in first person perspective. I was seeing myself,but it was more like I was watching from third person perspective(almost always with fictional people). I thought it is normal and common for all sexual people, I just couldn't imagine in first person myself having sex. Until some time ago I didn't know,that it's a name for it. Even when I watched porn, I wasn't attracted to actors,just never. Also,I never really had desire to engage in this kind of activity.
  7. This post is about some of the nice things that can come with asexuality. I'm not antisexual or taking an elitist approach - many of the people I most respect and admire are allosexual - but I felt like talking about some of the upsides to asexuality, the things I'm grateful for as a result of being the way I am. It's obviously not something I can easily talk to allosexuals about or that they'd relate to. For me personally, the thing I most appreciate about asexuality is the sense of cleanliness I get from it. I know this feeling isn't universal but I figure some people here share it. I don't mean a purity, especially not a moral or spiritual purity. I mean a kind of lifestyle cleanliness. So many things I don't have to worry about or be distracted by or spend time working on. To a lot of allosexuals this sounds like I'm "just not getting laid" and it's sour grapes. It's nice to have a place where people understand that really isn't the case. Some of the things that make asexuality feel pleasantly "clean" to me: Not having to apply willpower or effort to resist sexual temptation Not being distracted by sexual thoughts and feelings Not having to spend a huge amount of time on personal appearance and buying clothes and going out to bars or spending time on Tinder in order to get a physical need met. I'm romantic so there can be similar motivations for pursuing romance but I don't also have sexual needs that I need to constantly fulfill. Anecdote: I easily overheat with close-fitting clothes so I told a roommate I prefer boxers to boxer briefs. He said "yeah, but women really like boxer briefs" and I chuckled and said that was fine. (If I got into a relationship and they cared I could switch but I don't have to worry about turning off a casual partner.) Not worrying about career damage or blackmail (probably a fanciful concern) from private sexual activities coming to light. I suppose asexuality can harm a reputation a little but I don't have to worry about people having pictures or recollections of me hiring sex workers or having affairs. (I realize that not all asexuals are celibate or have been, I'm not antisexual and I don't think less of people for sexual behavior unless they're being immoral with it, but I'm guessing most asexuals never have to worry about this.) Never feeling temptation to cheat, and being able to offer security to a partner that it's never going to happen. Possibly a contentious point, but not feeling sexual shame. I know some people are ashamed of their asexuality but it's worth remembering that a lot of allosexuals are ashamed of their sexual feelings. I've known a lot of allosexuals who've really struggled with that. I'll end with a little ditty I've always liked and I find widely applicable to life in general:
  8. Internetlionboy

    Questioning my gender

    Also there are actually trans people that are ok with their body and their dysphoria don't always have to be like strong or distressing. They can get euphoria from identifying as the gender they are and when others refer them with the pronouns they prefer! I used to identify as a trans guy myself and that's how my dysphroia was, now I just use nonbinary because my gender identity is too mind boggling for me 😛 I wish you luck on your questioning journey!
  9. Tunhope

    A question on Aegosexuality

    The words themselves define the situation. Anegosexual ( from Latin) : no ego or 'I' . Autochorissexual ( from Greek) : self (auto) apart (chori) So I would think that if a person participates in the fantasy, they are not anegosexual or autochorissexual. It's not about whether or not they would act the fantasy out. It's about their role ( or rather their lack of role) in the fantasy. Thank you for posting the extract @Laurann
  10. Gloomy


    I’m a girl, but yeah thicc thighs are pretty nice. xD
  11. For me the answer is only one and not entirely painlessly.
  12. Duke Memphis

    Ace Gardeners

    I'm just really bad at taking care of plants.
  13. Nowhere Girl

    What do you think about coming out?

    I want people to know that I don't have sex because I would be uncomfortable with an assumption that I possibly do. Of course, everyone may have their opinion. Just don't treat people who consider being out something important to be less mature or anything (or the other way around). Different people may have different reasons for being out or not and all should be respected.
  14. Grimalkin

    Asexuality on God is Grey

    I actually haven't watched this video specifically, however, I would like to praise God is Grey in general. She is the perfect example (in my personal opinion) of what a good Christian should be. She's caring, warm, loving of everyone, and even YouTube's dear Mr. Atheist can't say a mean thing about her. Go check her out if that sort of thing interests you.
  15. MichaelTannock


    You're welcome!
  16. GhostGoesToWail


    It's official, my parents have a realty addiction.

  17. Sexuality was something that never bothered me and I've never questioned seriously until last year. I began thinking whether I was bisexual and asexual and turns out that yes, I am bi and ace. But I have no intention in coming out to absolutely anyone, not to my family or my friends. I only ''came out'' to one of my friends, who admitted to being bi without missing a beat. But it was so casual and comfortable that I wouldn't consider it ''coming out'', because we're very close, we trust each other and we're both close to lgbt community. I've always had mixed feelings when it comes to coming out, especially to friends, but I am sure that it all depends on the person and the environment they live in. I know that coming out means a lot to many, even if it's scary, downright terrifying, able to end up in being unaccepted, disowned by family and left by friends. People, I assume, want to come out to be truly comfortable with who they are without having to adjust and act a certain way. When it comes to me, I don't plan on coming out to anyone simply because I think my sexuality is none of their business. It's only my business. I'm the only one who needs to know who I am in terms of my sexuality. No one else needs to know that I am attracted to both men and women, no one else needs to know I don't want sex. Perhaps it's also because I treat people the same way - I don't need to know your sexuality or if you have sex or not. All I care is that you're a good human being who is happy with your life and you treat others well. What are your thoughts on coming out? Have you come out and can you tell me why you did that and why it was important to you? I'd love to know all kinds of opinions, because I don't think my opinion is the right one, perhaps I am missing something crucial. So I'd love to know what you think about it.
  18. stellamara

    Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!

    Hello there. Same as borderprincess, I'm new to this thread too. I've been fairly sure of my asexuality for a number of years, but realising that I'm also into girls is a little harder to accept (due to my rather conservative family, I'm afraid). It's hard to put into words how grateful I am that a space like this exists on AVEN. And I'm really looking forward to reading through this thread and gaining insight from all you wonderful people.
  19. The situation was made worse because he said he was asexual before I even knew the word. He had been my best friend since our early teens and it really messed me up a lot. BUT the messages I have had here so far have been so wonderful that I know for sure that I have found a place where I can be myself and finally feel safe. THANK YOU 🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰
  20. They're lovely @NimaToad and I agree about that sky in the third one. I took a sky pic the other day. I'll try to put it up.
  21. I will say this for me has been the biggest area of compromise for me. Even though I’m in a relationship, I am out, and openly asexual, I’m also someone with some level of visibility, at least locally. I do wish I could be more honest and vocal about issues facing aces, and my thoughts and feeling on the more “delicate” subjects, but of course there comes a point where it would be unfair on my partner, and so I’m not able to do as much as I would like. I do very much hate having to still maintain some level of “sexual passing”, but it’s not worth throwing everything away for.
  22. Thank you so much. Your kind words and the welcome are very much appreciated. And that cake is amazing 😁
  23. Howard

    Asexuality on God is Grey

    I only listened to half of it because she didn't get to the core of the subject and failed to hook me in order to watch the rest of the video. Afterall, it's an ad for a podcast of sort. Having said that, it's great that asexulity is spoken of and it's portrayed with its difficulties.
  24. Laurann

    A question on Aegosexuality

    Hm, yeah that's not what the label describes. I'm not sure if there is a label that describes not wanting to act on fantasies, but I think it's a fairly common thing among sexual people. Though I'd need confirmation on that, don't take my word on it. Having sexual fantasies that involve yourself is less common among aces, but that doesn't mean aces who have those can't exist.
  25. Tunhope

    anyone past 50 on here?

    and from me ,too @onemammoth
  26. shdow555

    A question on Aegosexuality

    Yes, that's the research I was referencing. So based on this I got that Anego/autochris (I assume these are the same thing) is where a person is fantasizing in third person. My case just seems vastly different than many asexual's. Someone told me to look into the label because I have no desire to act on my long-term fantasies.
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