Jump to content

All Activity

This stream auto-updates     

  1. Yesterday
  2. greyisnotacolor

    Asexual spouse and non-asexual me

    Is your wife using the word 'asexual' in the sense that this could be a temporary thing, or is this her orientation? If you are here posting about this in an international forum for asexual people and looking for a solution, to me that shows that you do love her to a degree and want this to work between you, which leads me to two possible paths: 1. Your wife is in fact, NOT asexual and is incorrectly using the word in order to justify trying to explain a mental instability she is going through. 2. Your wife is ACTUALLY an asexual and there is a chance therapy might not help and you'd both be better off doing your research about what asexuality actually is and working together to try to figure out whether this relationship is going to be worth it for the both of you to put your time and effort into making work. If it's #1: it would benefit the two of you to consider couples therapy. Maybe think about some open ended questions you can ask her about how she's feeling and what she's going through so that you can try to understand why she's feeling however it is she's feeling. Post-Partum Depression was my first indicator that there is a good chance that she's going through some really tough mental walls on her own, and she's having a hard time asking for help. If that's the case, the last thing you want to do is show her that she doesn't matter enough to you by making it about YOU. If she's responsive to your open ended questions and you're learning more about how she's feeling, there is a chance she could open up to you a bit more and see that you genuinely want to know more about what she's going through so that you can help and be the man she knows you can be for her. Now, if it's #2: doing the questions thing will likely help determine if this is what's happened, too. It is possible for people to feel heterosexual and then later on in life decide they feel asexual; it's not something we can control, it is just who we are. If this is the case, then this would be a good time to let her know that you are a sexual man and this is a requirement in your life. If she isn't able to help you find a solution to this by compromise or working together as a team to figure out a solution, then I'm sorry to say this but it could be best for the two of you to find people in your lives who can fulfill those things for either of you. Being in an ace/allo relationship is not easy, and it takes both of you to push the rock up the hill together. If only one person is willing to make the sacrifices, it's likely that unhappiness will eventually follow. TL;DR - COMMUNICATE. Talk it out with her and if you can't do it with one another, find a professional to help guide you through it. If you don't do it for yourselves, do it for your kids.
  3. Kmas

    Kmas

    When your slightly depressed but also have reese's peanut butter chocolate bunny....

  4. 1-2 years! Rare! 3-5 - unusual. Anyone here on Aven earn $250,000 per year?
  5. I can’t speak for outside the US but the average is a little misleading here... in big cities, especially, there are a good number of jobs - executive-level businessperson, small business owner (in certain fields), medical doctor (in some disciplines), attorney - that pay well enough that a million dollars is roughly 1-2 years’ pay. A level down from that you have people for whom it would be 3-5 years’ pay. That’s offset by the larger number of people working minimum wage jobs in labor-intense fields. Point being, the people for whom it’s just a few years’ savings are not only found in “rarified air” jobs almost no one actually holds.
  6. lowLifeLoner

    #Asexual advantages

    I'm not constantly thinking about how the girl sitting over the room is "hot". Instead I can focus all of my energy on thinking about far more interesting things, like lunch.
  7. James121

    College roommates and sex

    Can’t you agree with them that they will notify you of likely visits so you can leave?
  8. will123

    anyone past 50 on here?

    We have Coronation Cake in Canada.
  9. Just Dani

    a gender positive thread

    That's cool! I've never been to one of those, but I have heard of them! 😃
  10. Midland Tyke

    anyone past 50 on here?

    For those who don't want to waste time, Coronation Chicken was created to celebrate the coronation of the current Queen, back in the early 1950s. Coronation chicken sandwiches and sandwich filling is very commonly available in the UK.
  11. Yes if it’s with a sexual person, no if it isn’t
  12. Evren

    Life Hacks

    Omg seriously? This is life changing.
  13. greyisnotacolor

    Tips for coming out to a prospective partner?

    This is honestly a tough one, and I say this from a place of real study and trying to figure out the best way to do this exact thing you are trying to do. The truth is: there is no 'right time' to tell someone about your asexuality. When you build a relationship with someone whether it is friendship, potential partnership, business, all of it can be based off of a first impression, or a long term connection. You would tell a friendly girlfriend you're into Taylor Swift, but you might not tell your crush that. They don't need to know, so why disclose it, right? When I came out to my boyfriend as asexual, the discovery of asexuality was a joint effort. I didn't even know I was asexual until he brought it into our relationship as a solution to some of the sexual problems we were having in the bedroom. After doing my own research and discovering that this was exactly what was happening to me...it took us a long time to figure out what the next steps to our relationship would be. He wants children and a family, is very sexual and I am not. I'd like kids, but I'm not in a terrible hurry; plus, I'm a big advocate for adoption and he really wants a batch of his own. Coming out as asexual tested our relationship in ways we hadn't imagined, and by this time we were already into it two whole years. It's been a year since my asexual discovery of myself and we're still together. We have a schedule, work through the bumps in our relationship by really talking things out (even though I still have a hard time with it myself) but I do remember feeling a bit scared when I asked him what he would have thought of me if I'd known I was asexual before meeting him. Would he still be with me today? He thought about it for a long time, but his honest answer to me would have been no. Sex is important to him, and even though it might be hard for us as asexuals to understand that, we still need to try. Part of me feels like telling you this doesn't seem to really help answer your question, but the more you know, the better you can judge for yourself what the best route is for you. The right person, no matter when you tell them will figure out a way to make it work. Everyone is different and it's up to you to determine for yourself when is the right time for YOU, and perhaps also for the person you're interested in.
  14. Remmirath

    Stanley Cup 2019 playoffs

    Those are also what I'm hoping for, but I'm concerned that the Blues might make it further (although not, I think, past the Sharks). The Sharks I'm expecting to go all the way to the final at this point; that last game against the Knights really felt like it should've been the last game of the conference final, not the first round. Given the way things have gone I could very well be wrong, but those definitely looked like the two strongest teams in the west. Absolutely everything I predicted for the first round was wrong. I am hoping to be less wrong this time.
  15. Vee.

    #Asexual advantages

    Considering the thought of ever producing offspring biologically horrifies me anyway I’d say it’s good that I’m more than happy to avoid the means of doing so (as well as for picking up STDs and whatever else). If anything, the only part of it that “sucks” is living in a sex-obsessed society.
  16. I would do a lot of 'immoral' things for $1m, despite being asexual. Apologies, I'm switched to maximum female at the moment and it's playing havoc with my libido.
  17. CajunAce

    #Asexual advantages

    More sleep
  18. You need to add 3 words to complete the sentence.... ”in my opinion”
  19. Midland Tyke

    anyone past 50 on here?

    Huh! You can talk! 😛
  20. Perspektiv

    Master Trump Thread

    I thought it was dotard Donald..
  21. I’m definitely missing something here. You are the second person to claim that $1,000,000 may not be a lot. Assuming the average wage in the USA is say $50,000 per year, and assuming you pay some tax and end up with $35,000 in your pocket, it would take 29 years to save $1,000,000 and that assumes that you bought absolutely nothing along the way. On what planet is $1,000,000 not a load of money?
  22. CustardCream

    #Asexual advantages

    Being sex repulsed must suck. It's hard enough being sex neutral...
  1. Load more activity
×
×
  • Create New...