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  2. Blaiddmelyn

    is anyone else also experiencing constant problems with glasses?

    I've generally been alright. I've found that the opticians I've been to have been very careful about how they measure me so they can make the frames. I mean, sometimes they slide a little but not too much. As for frame, I've discovered if I go to my opticians on a Sunday, the sales assistants are usually quite bored and therefore very keen to use me as a glasses model. Obviously, they want to make a sale but I've gotten the impression they also are just glad to have something to do, so I've generally gotten styles that suit me.
  3. tygersongbird

    2020 U.S. Presidential Race

    Quarter 3 Contributions by candiate (updated): Note this does not signify individual donors. This just means total money raised by the candidate, followed by whether it was an uptick from the Quarter 2 Fundraiser amounts for each candidate. This is to show whether a candidate is trending up or trending down. We'll discuss who's stock is up and whose stock is down. Those who are in green made bigger returns in Quarter 3 than in quarter 2, with a trend up. Those in blue are trending down. The bigger the font, the bigger the return overall. The bigger the decrease, the smaller the font--unless you're already at the bottom. So, this is the list of all the candidates reporting for quarter 3. The funds poured in often tell where donors are going, although many take corporate PAC money, so that's a technicality. Take a look at the list and you'll see where the trend is going. Bernie Sanders-- $25.3 million (⬆️ 7 million) Elizabeth Warren-- $24.6 million (⬆️ $6.2 million) Pete Buttigieg-- $19.1 million (⬇️ $6 million) Joe Biden-- $15.2 million (⬇️ $7 million) Kamala Harris-- $11.6 million (⬇️ $600,000) Andrew Yang-- $10 million (⬆️ $7.2 million) Cory Booker-- $6 million (⬆️ $1.5 million) Amy Klobuchar-- $ 4.8 million (⬆️ $1 million) Beto O'Rourke-- $4.5 million (⬆️ $900,000) Marianne Williamson-- $3.1 million (⬆️ $1.5 million) Tulsi Gabbard-- $3 million (⬆️ 1.2 million) Steve Bullock-- $2.3 million (⬆️ N.A) Michael Bennet 2.1 million (⬇️ $700,000) Tom Steyer-- $2 million John Delaney-- $500,000 (⬇️ $500,000) Tim Ryan-- $400,000 (⬇️ $100,000) Joe Sestak-- $400,000 (N.A.)
  4. daveb

    anyone past 50 on here?

    I was "supposed" to drive about 3 hours to go to an event today through to Saturday, but we are having a long spell of rain (from now through to next Tuesday or Wednesday), and then I looked at the traffic map, and said nope. It wasn't something I really had to go to, but I will miss meeting up with some old colleagues. On the other hand, now I can stay and listen to the rain while sitting at home nice and cozy.
  5. No, and I think in general its a bad idea to do so. Too many risks of accidentally crossing lines, causing someone to feel harassed (or at least uncomfortable) etc.
  6. I am sorry my comments have hurt you, you have been very respectful to me in your post so I wish that you had not felt hurt by it. I feel like I have been invalidated so many times on this website, and I have tried to explain myself (like you have), yet still been invalidated, that I have just become extremely angry in general. Yes, I have opinions about certain things, but I would have kept them to myself if I was not invalidated so many times, despite me explaining it so much. So, I talked about my beliefs which, invalidated you, and it never should have. What I believe about it is irrelevant, everyone still deserves respect, and everyones label of asexuality should be respected, and it was only because of how angry I have felt due to being invalidated so many times, that I lashed out. I have tried to explain my position about why I'm sex favorable and still asexual on here in the way you described your desire to never have sex and how asexuality gives you permission for that. However, the people who invalidated me did not care and completely ignored me. I think that part of the problem we are having is that there are essentially two definitions going for asexuality, and many of us only meet one definition (rather than both). There is a) a lack of sexual attraction for people and b) a desire to never have sex/ or no desire to have sex. So, for example, I suspect people in your position, don't want asexuality to mean "its ok for some of us to have sex" because, then how can you use the word to tell people "no and never" to sex when some of us have it? But for those of us like me, who have no other word to describe the lack of sexual attraction we experience and the problems it has caused, we need a word to mean that. The word asexuality makes sense (homo- sexual attraction to the same sex, bi, sexual attraction to both, and a- sexually attraction to neither). And, I feel like my relationships will go better if people understand I am asexual in that I lack attraction to people. They won't expect things of me that they would expect of a sexual person. They won't expect me to react like a sexual person does, because I don't. I may have sex with them, but even THAT won't happen like it does with a sexual person. The label of asexuality gives me that. I think perhaps, a solution to this whole mess, might be do sub-divide asexuality again, into two types. One that is not sexually attracted to people, but may or may not be interested in sex, and one that is not interested in sex, but may or may not be sexually attracted to people. I think if we did something like that, then there would be space for everyone to be under the asexuality umbrella without anyone else saying "no you are not asexual". In a sense, thats what I think sex repulsed and sex favorable asexuality is supposed to mean, but a lot of people get really rigid about their half of the definition. I really do tell all sexual people that I meet, that sex favorable asexuality is rare. I think this is important because there are people who do not want to have sex, or who are indifferent to have sex, and my existence shouldn't put pressure on other asexuals to have it. So I do feel like it is the responsibility of all sex favorable asexuals to explain how rare we are, and if said sexual person is to meet another asexual, they shouldn't be expecting them to be sex favorable. I think one of the points in this post (or was it another) is that people who are sex repulsed, or fear sex, are probably going to feel like you do: asexuality gives them permission to never have sex and it gives them permission to never have people expect sex of them. So if asexuality also includes people who do want sex, but lack attraction to people instead, sex repulsed asexuals might feel horrible because they are afraid that sexuals will start wanting them to have sex again even with the asexual label. (So I do feel like, most likely, the ones invalidating me are most likely to be sex repulsed for this reason. Thank you for not being one of those people who invalidates me.) But again, I don't think it has to be that asexuality will lose it's "no to sex" meaning, if we are very clear about educating people that sex favorable asexuals are rare. I think if people are properly educated, they will get it and stop pressuring people like you. When we talk to sexuals about asexuality, maybe we all need to have more of a conversation about the sex spectrum, from sex-repulsed, to indifferent, to sex favorable. I am also not completely alien to your not wanting sex thing, either. While I have never experienced a fear of sex, there was a time when I did not want sex at all, with anyone. (well, not Piv. And I was never fond of giving oral to anyone either). But thats because for me, sex can hurt pretty easily. If you had caught me maybe 6 years ago, I would be saying no to sex all the time too. But I have since had it where it didn't hurt, so I'd be interested in trying it again. Also, I like sexual activity... (playing with toys, etc). But I do understand some of the pressure people get to have sex, when you do not want it. I don't think I've had quite the negative reaction that you've had towards people asking me to have sex (I've never cried about it) but I do know that people can be pretty insistent. I suspect another part of the problem is that sexuals have trouble understanding why someone wouldn't want sex, because its such a big part of their life. Anyway, I do think there is room for everyone who needs it to use the asexuality label. I just think, we need to not invalidate each other, and for those of you who think that I'm not asexual because I don't meet definition b) and only definition a), then you need to keep that to yourself. There are, after all, two definitions of asexuality going. I think there is room for both to exist. If I had not been invalidated so many times, I never would have gotten so angry and lashed out in the first place. But, me getting angry and hitting innocent bystanders (you) is not good either. I also want to add, that the invalidation sex favorable asexuals have felt, has gotten so bad on AVEN, that most of us have left. Which means, we have no place to be. That's not right either. The people who remain (like me) feel like we have to fight for our right to exist here. You are not part of the problem and I'm sorry I hurt you in regards to this.
  7. Pinball Wizard

    What do you think about coming out?

    I feel like we shouldn't come out to people, but let them in, instead. Invite them into our world, rather than giving our security or esteem to people by "coming out". Idk, I like that phrasing better, like letting people into your home if you want. It's your door to your world, you control who comes in it. Maybe that's too serious for here, but that's my opinion.
  8. shadow8

    What video games are you playing?

    Star Wars:Knights of the Old Republic l & ll, love those games to death, currently on my last planet on my 6th play through (I have one on the original Xbox I will go back to later)
  9. I absolutely do not judge or treat those who come out negatively or differently, and I never even assumed coming out was immature or odd I only try to understand their motives, because I have my own and I wish to know what makes people want to come out (as long as they're okay with sharing that).
  10. theV0ID

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    ... no not really. My life is plenty complicated regardless, and I'm kinky so I have to worry about the ramifications to my career of that getting out even if it doesn't involve sex. Also I'm not going to assume that sexual's lives are all that complicated and full of temptation anyway.
  11. daveb

    Feedback for Staff Elections/Volunteering

    Just wanted to say I am reading everyone's posts and trying to take it all in without getting defensive or taking anything personally. I hear a lot of disgruntlement, and won't argue that there is no cause for it since obviously there is. I am also interested to hear constructive criticism and suggestions for things we might be able to do to improve things, generic is fine, but specific ideas/steps would be even better. I know some of you have mentioned a few and I hope one outcome of this thread will be a list of the suggestions. We can always try to do better, even if perfection is unlikely/impossible. Please keep the input coming. And thank you to everyone who contributes here (and everywhere on AVEN for that matter)!
  12. fragglerock

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    Definitely, for sure. I don't mean to imply that asexuality is easier, or better, or that all asexuals have it better than some allosexuals or some asexuals have it better than all allosexuals. I just mean that personally I appreciate that there are some things I don't have to deal with. Maybe I can edit my original post to make that more clear.
  13. I agree with you and I think you do have a good point. I always imagine coming out like sitting down with your friends or family and going how you have something important to say. Perhaps it looks that way for some. I think I don't consider it coming out, because my friend follows me on twt, where I am very open about my sexuality and of course I can't quote the entire conversation, but it felt more like she stating an opinion or a fact about herself and me agreeing with her that ''yeah, me too'' haha. I'm glad it was this casual that it didn't feel like coming out at all
  14. Firefly8

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    @fragglerock I think it depends on the individual person: their life circumstances and how they deal with things. There are many sexual people who are very happy with their relationships and lives. There are also many asexuals that have complications in their lives because of that. I'm going with the idea that it's all relative.
  15. I wouldn't hide it, but I also don't go out of my way to discuss it either, the sort of people I work with are very narrow minded, childish, even homophobic, I can't be dealing with idiots like that, if they want to make up something about me, that's fine, whilst they're making up stories about me, they're leaving someone else alone, but it's a very childish menatality in the transport industry, especially in the west country, they don't tend to bully me now though as I put them in their place, but if you're of a mild nature, they'd have a go
  16. Not at all, it's too much hassle so I don't mention it at work.
  17. Hello my situation is different but I'm dating a guy that's sexual and not ace at all and I stay with him because he's honestly the best guy that ever came into my life and it makes me happy knowing that he's there with me. I even told came out to him 6 days ago about being aroace and he thought it was cool and interesting and that it didn't put him off at all. I'm fine with having sex (in fact I love it :p) though I'm starting to consider that I'm probably not ace my because I do feel sexual attraction towards him but not romantic and I don't feel sexual attraction towards anyone else so ghsdfjshd
  18. Yes allowsexual feels a lot better. I as well as everyone is multi faceted and sex is a big issue it’s not all I am. we love each other very deeply and so don’t see divorce as being on the table right now. We have a life time in common ... all things geeky for one. Watching Dr. Who talking Star Wars or even politics is were we can finish each other sentences. However i hate the anxiety I give him for simply being. We haven’t had sex in 4 years and I try to hard to be patient but I’m not as nice as I use to be. I he or I had known we wouldn’t have married as painful as it is it’s just the truth.
  19. I do not go to work do discuss my personal life, I go to work to work. If a co-worker asked me about my relationship history then I would shut the conversation down with a simple "sorry I don't want to talk about that" and then change the subject. If that makes them uncomfortable then tough cookies. But then I prefer to have a very clear delimitation between work life and personal life. I get on well with my coworkers and like them as people but have absolutely no interest in being friends with them. I've actually never had a co-worker ask me anything about my personal life, and I would be really uncomfortable if they did, even including one co-worker who I regularly go on work trips abroad with and am thus very comfortable with. This is a good response, and one I actually use with non-work-colleague friendly-acquaintance-but-not-friends type people who start asking about my relationship status or history. It's also a good way to give off "no I do not want to date you" vibes.
  20. Cheshire-Cat

    Feedback for Staff Elections/Volunteering

    The problem I see with saying it's admods decision is it will lead to massive claims of bias because the membership didn't get a say. So if someone decides to run, and decides someone in the current admod team has something against them, then they'll say they didn't get it because admods don't like them. By letting the membership vote the admods can't get that blame.
  21. It depends on the topic of conversation. It doesnt come up often but I have been in my job 10 years and I have quite close relationships with a few of my collegues because in my general workplace we are a small team ( like about 7-10 of us). Most of them know I'm single and quite a few of them know that I have only had one relationship given that it happened whilst I was working there. I am out to a few of them, but that's only because its come up and ive felt comfortable. I have one keyworker who doesnt know because the last time it could have been discussed was about a year ago when she first started and I didnt feel comfortable enough so kinda dodged a bit. If she asked me now, I would tell her.
  22. fragglerock

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    @Firefly8 In my experiences of talking with allosexuals, many of whom I've had deep conversations with about relationships and sexuality, they often have found their sexuality to be complicated and very messy. They still wouldn't get rid of it if they could because it's worth the trade-offs for them, but they're often at least somewhat conflicted about those feelings. For a non-personal example, the characters in Bojack Horseman get into all kinds of tough situations because of their libidos. Admittedly that's a show that focuses on messy situations, by and large, but it's also a show that's frequently applauded for its realism. @CBC Well "less complicated" is the word I would use when talking to allosexuals (or non-asexuals? not sure if the meanings are any different). I would say "less-complicated" because it's more abstract and it carries a minimum of emotional and value connotations, and usually when describing psychological phenomenon that's the tone I go for. In this case though it seemed a rare (for me) opportunity to talk to other people who actually share the feeling and for whom I don't have to be merely technical, I can also convey my personal feelings about it. And to technically describe why it feels emotionally "clean" to me I'd say it's for the simple reason that my ace lifestyle doesn't have a lot of things that I don't want it to have. To wax philosophical this seems to be what people mean by clean generally: there's usually nothing actually wrong with the things that make something "not clean". People don't mind dirt they just want it in their garden or on the bottom of their shoes, not the top. A stain on a shirt is just soup or coffee - things people like - they just didn't want them on their shirt. So to recap, I quite agree that "uncomplicated" would have the same meaning without connotations of feeling, and if you're thinking that saying "clean" is a little exclusionary, I suppose I'd agree with you. But...there are so many ways that allosexuals can be exclusionary and often are (not saying you're being that way), and everywhere in life I'm careful not to offend allosexuals by implying there's anything nice about the way I'm different. Always having to act like there's nothing I like about being asexual because that would make people uncomfortable and because it's more palatable to society if existence in some weird minority is merely a curse, without any blessing. Right now it would be nice to have this conversation face to face because in text it probably sounds like I'm ranting or angry or even just upset but actually...how to describe it...I'm really at peace with things, I'm sympathetic to the allosexual viewpoint, but...well "wistful" is a good word to describe my feelings about this. Wistful about the difficulties of being able to say "hey here are some things I really like about this".
  23. Um, 55 is older and not worth the effort? 😱 I couldn’t disagree more! 😬 Perspective is a funny thing! 🤣
  24. Starbucks Covfefe

    What do you think about coming out?

    "don't ask don't tell" is how I roll.
  25. Internetlionboy

    Any Aces want to chat?

    Heya! Dinosaurs are amazing even though I'm more of a dragon person myself 😛 He is! My heart belongs to Thor, though ghsdfjsh
  26. Mz Tricky

    The Banning Game!

    Banned for telling Ted he has to dress as a vampire at the Arcade Halloween party.
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