Mondo_Eric Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 The feeling of falling in love, for some, is the best experience in the world. But it is not for me. In the last years, I have observed different relationships: in my family, friends, the media, statistics on divorces and different studies giving information on how people today are more open on certain things, and it does not convince me anymore. Along with that, I don't find the feeling of love anywhere near "fine" when it is unrequited. In fact, it causes me kind of repulsive. It is basically humiliating. My aromantic nature was formed from both my failed crushes from 1996-2009 and these observations as explained above, and I highly doubt I can ever turn romantic again; I would have to be convinced that most people are selfless and good, and experiences in live that have impacted me will never convince me on this. But still, I am not saying everybody is evil or has bad intentions. Therefore, my door is still open for friendships, including close ones. i just believe strong friendships are good enough to compensate for the need to socialize and be with someone. People like me don't want to be someone 24/7, we enjoy both our times of solitude and our social times. In our social time, we are pretty much like everyone else, except we get bored at romantic and sexual topics. We prefer to talk about something else, like for example politics, social issues, sports, life as a whole, and more. In our time of solitude, we do a lot of things while at the same time we take time to think and meditate. I for example have taken some of the free time to meditate about life, question things that we generally follow because it is part of culture, religion or a standard mindset. We research on different things, and those of us who believe in God take some time time to analyze religion and look more into the spirirual. I am not going to say we all aromantic asexuals do this, but at least I do it, and all of this, counting also my time spent in my education, keeps me busy enough. I cannot tell you how just great it is to say I haven't felt a bit of jealous in three years, after the end of my eighth and final crush. I can't understand why some love that feeling. I can say the feeling of unrequited love sickened me and I cannot see myself back into that. But anyway I just wanted to share how it is to live as an aromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
ithaca Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 I would really really prefer it if instead of correcting with "I'm not saying all aromantics are like this" you could use "I" instead of "we" ;) I identify as aromantic/questioning and I don't relate to most of what you posted here. It's ok to be you, but I prefer "I-statements" rather than "we-statements", just saying :) Link to post Share on other sites
Mondo_Eric Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 I would really really prefer it if instead of correcting with "I'm not saying all aromantics are like this" you could use "I" instead of "we" ;) I identify as aromantic/questioning and I don't relate to most of what you posted here. It's ok to be you, but I prefer "I-statements" rather than "we-statements", just saying :) You may not be like me, but that does not mean I am the only aromantic asexual who acts like I do. So the correction I made, in my opinion, is better than using I because some may agree with me and those who disagree, like you, can understand that I am not generalizing as for the correction later on the post. If I leave the correction out then it's understandable. Understand people I cannot write here being extremely careful as to avoid the slightest disagreement. Link to post Share on other sites
Mondo_Eric Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 Those who don't feel happy being aromantic, ok. I am stating here why I feel happy that way and pointing out what those of us who do feel happy this way tend to do, in general. I have read some asexuals who have the same or extremely similar points of view I have, and I am just letting know sexuals as well as homo and heteroromantic asexuals why I, and other aromantic asexuals, NOT ALL, feel there are many benefits being this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Naosuu Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Uh, i'm not entirely sure where you got the idea Ithacula "may not like (you)". I think she was merely pointing out a minor... hrm, criticism in the way you expressed yourself. As for your essay, I could write out my own thoughts... but a fellow member has already summed up my own thoughts about romanticism and aromanticism quite nicely. Link to post Share on other sites
ithaca Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 I think Eric said that "I may not BE like him", not that I may not like him, though at first I had read it like that too :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Naosuu Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Osnap, you're totally right. My bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Qutenkuddly Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 This topic has been moved to the A/Romantic Identities forum. Qutenkuddly, Asexual Musings and Rantings Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Personally, i find sexual topics fascinating, albeit uncomfortable. In my life, there are a lot of positive relationship models, so I tend to be idealistic about them. I have also always been the curious type, and would certainly persue various lines of inquiry regardless of my orientation. I do agree that I statements would be a more effective manner of getting your point across without generalising. You're speaking as an aromantic individual, not an aromantic community, so the we- statements threw me off a bit, as well as contributing to potential generalisations. Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Well not every good thing in life, is not necessarily another persons desire. I myself is aromantic and I'm happy with that. I'm not feeling that missing out feeling either. Link to post Share on other sites
Mondo_Eric Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 Personally, i find sexual topics fascinating, albeit uncomfortable. In my life, there are a lot of positive relationship models, so I tend to be idealistic about them. I have also always been the curious type, and would certainly persue various lines of inquiry regardless of my orientation. I do agree that I statements would be a more effective manner of getting your point across without generalising. You're speaking as an aromantic individual, not an aromantic community, so the we- statements threw me off a bit, as well as contributing to potential generalisations. First paragraph: That is okay. In my case, I am the kind of person that never deviates from what is realistic. I was not so before and it created me a lot of trouble. We may want to think of a perfect world where our dreams, all of them, can be true. Unfortunately it is impossible. Some dream can come true. Never will all of them. I dream of a world free of acephobia, homophobia, xenophobia, political discrimination, religious discrimination and fanaticism, and during my time when I had my crushes, I dreamed of a serious, real relationship. Gave up on all that. This is why now I chose another path. Those who elect other paths, it's okay as long as they are happy. Second paragraph: Again I killed the generalization later in the post when I said it did not necessarily means all asexual aromantics act the same way I do. Link to post Share on other sites
wanderingscribe Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Being in love, on the few occasions I've allowed it to happen, makes me feel mentally anxious and at times physically ill due to lack of sleep, poor concentration and loss of appetite. Who needs that? I also get to avoid all the obligations, baggage, drama, conflicts and resentments that others seem quite willing to put up with just for the sake of being in a relationship, and I can do as I like and live as I please without having to consider a partner's feelings or opinions. Am I missing out? Not on anything I want. The 'pleasures' of having someone in my life aren't worth the frustrations I would have to go through if and when it all crashed and burned. Like Aristippus of the Cyreniacs, a lesser known follower of Socrates, I believe the avoidance of trouble is the highest attainable goal, and I achieve that by keeping to myself and doing what makes me happy. You could, as many have, ask how I know all of what I've mentioned above when I've never experienced it for myself. I've watched friends' lives fall apart when their relationships crumble, or grow more complicated when they take on the responsibilities that go with being a parent as well as a partner. Neither of those options is for me, thanks all the same :). Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Personally, i find sexual topics fascinating, albeit uncomfortable. In my life, there are a lot of positive relationship models, so I tend to be idealistic about them. I have also always been the curious type, and would certainly persue various lines of inquiry regardless of my orientation. I do agree that I statements would be a more effective manner of getting your point across without generalising. You're speaking as an aromantic individual, not an aromantic community, so the we- statements threw me off a bit, as well as contributing to potential generalisations. First paragraph: That is okay. In my case, I am the kind of person that never deviates from what is realistic. I was not so before and it created me a lot of trouble. We may want to think of a perfect world where our dreams, all of them, can be true. Unfortunately it is impossible. Some dream can come true. Never will all of them. I dream of a world free of acephobia, homophobia, xenophobia, political discrimination, religious discrimination and fanaticism, and during my time when I had my crushes, I dreamed of a serious, real relationship. Gave up on all that. This is why now I chose another path. Those who elect other paths, it's okay as long as they are happy. Second paragraph: Again I killed the generalization later in the post when I said it did not necessarily means all asexual aromantics act the same way I do. 1 Yah. Just goes to show the diversity present in even a tiny group of people. :) 2 Yes, you did cancel the generalization. I'm just saying it's clearer to not make it in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Yes, you did cancel the generalization. I'm just saying it's clearer to not make it in the first place. Yes. Some of the generalizing feels like being lectured. Link to post Share on other sites
AlineDaryen Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I guess the experience is different for aro aces like me who never even get crushes or try to comply with the expectations of others and the only discomfort comes from being so different from the romantic majority and navigating the environments and situations governed by romantic feelings and relationships. I have no reason to dislike romance in general, I even enjoy it very much in the way someone may enjoy astronomy or history, out of curiosity about the world and people around me. It's only confusing and mildly repulsive when romantic feelings/expectations are directed on me specifically, but I don't see it as a reason to be repulsed or uninterested in general. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I guess the experience is different for aro aces like me who never even get crushes or try to comply with the expectations of others and the only discomfort comes from being so different from the romantic majority and navigating the environments and situations governed by romantic feelings and relationships. I have no reason to dislike romance in general, I even enjoy it very much in the way someone may enjoy astronomy or history, out of curiosity about the world and people around me. It's only confusing and mildly repulsive when romantic feelings/expectations are directed on me specifically, but I don't see it as a reason to be repulsed or uninterested in general. This applies to me as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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