Delete This Acct Please Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 Okay. so for my entire life, I've always wanted a romantic relationship. SO much so, that I based my entire life off of it. I could do without the sex, (obviously,) but without Romance? Never. Now I find romance not only unappealing, but a little grotesque. (for me, that is) I can see why I felt I needed to have it, but Recently, I've just stopped wanting it. I KNOW I'm asexual, that is irrefutable. But Aromantic? Can you just BECOME aromantic over time? Link to post Share on other sites
Mostly Peaceful Ryan Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 In short I believe you could change, since there is Fluid Sexuality, I think there would have to be Fluid Romantic orientation as well. However you may want to look into those feelings of wanting a romantic relationship. It may not have been an attraction to someone else, you could have just desired the romantic relationship, for reasons like social expectation, but never be been romantically attracted to anyone. I'm just wondering did you feel romantically attracted to anyone or just desire to be in a romantic relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Texace 12 Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 Personally, I feel like I am just like you. I do want romance in my life. When I'm in a relationship, I love the other person and love deeply. When I get into one of my many "almost" relationships, and it fails, and that girl has successfully torn down the protective walls around my heart to leave it exposed and my love unrequited, I find myself wanting more love. However, if I'm recovered from a failed relationship or "almost relationship," and there are no other love prospects in sight AND I am not looking for a relationship, I tend to be a bit aromantic during that time period. The bottom line is, we're human. Heterosexual men may have fantasized about other men before, and aromantic people may have found love at one time. These labels we come up for ourselves are not set in stone. It may be important to ourselves to know how we identify because knowing ourselves gives us a very high level of important self-security, but the truth is, it's just a label. People change. God doesn't build straight rivers. Link to post Share on other sites
Almagest Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 Aromantic just means lack of romantic attraction to people. It has nothing to do with wanting or not wanting romance (contrary to popular belief). It's the same as asexual meaning just a lack of sexual attraction. Nothing to do with wanting or not wanting sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Vampyremage Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 There seems to be some evidence of fluid sexually right here on AVEN, given the fact that some members have reportedly switched from one orientation to asexual or vice versa. Thus, I think it is relatively accurate to assume that fluid romanticism is also fairly plausible. Just go with what feels right to you, the label isn't nearly as important. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 Aromantic just means lack of romantic attraction to people. It has nothing to do with wanting or not wanting romance (contrary to popular belief). It's the same as asexual meaning just a lack of sexual attraction. Nothing to do with wanting or not wanting sex. That depends on who you talk to. Some asexuals feel very strongly that if you do desire sex, how is that any different from sexual people?...this is not to say that asexuals do not have sex. But if they really want/desire it, that seems like sexual people. It's kind of like saying you are a gay guy, but you only want to have sex with females. It just doesn't make sense. Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 Yes, my misanthropy over the past years pretty much killed my romance desires and possibility sexuality too. Oh wait, controversial comment. Link to post Share on other sites
Almagest Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 Aromantic just means lack of romantic attraction to people. It has nothing to do with wanting or not wanting romance (contrary to popular belief). It's the same as asexual meaning just a lack of sexual attraction. Nothing to do with wanting or not wanting sex. That depends on who you talk to. Some asexuals feel very strongly that if you do desire sex, how is that any different from sexual people?...this is not to say that asexuals do not have sex. But if they really want/desire it, that seems like sexual people. It's kind of like saying you are a gay guy, but you only want to have sex with females. It just doesn't make sense. Not all sexual people want sex (celibates). But that doesn't make them asexual because they still experience sexual attraction. Not all asexual people are repulsed by sex. Some enjoy sex. Doesn't make them sexual though because they still don't experience sexual attraction. And I actually know guys who are gay but they only want to have sex with females. Doesn't make them straight though because they're still attracted to guys not girls. Orientations, be they sexual or romantic, are complicated. My point in making my previous post (which I should have stated earlier) was that "aromantic" might not be the best word for describing the OP's situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Delete This Acct Please Posted August 7, 2012 Author Share Posted August 7, 2012 Thanks Everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 Aromantic just means lack of romantic attraction to people. It has nothing to do with wanting or not wanting romance (contrary to popular belief). It's the same as asexual meaning just a lack of sexual attraction. Nothing to do with wanting or not wanting sex. That depends on who you talk to. Some asexuals feel very strongly that if you do desire sex, how is that any different from sexual people?...this is not to say that asexuals do not have sex. But if they really want/desire it, that seems like sexual people. It's kind of like saying you are a gay guy, but you only want to have sex with females. It just doesn't make sense. Not all sexual people want sex (celibates). But that doesn't make them asexual because they still experience sexual attraction. Not all asexual people are repulsed by sex. Some enjoy sex. Doesn't make them sexual though because they still don't experience sexual attraction. And I actually know guys who are gay but they only want to have sex with females. Doesn't make them straight though because they're still attracted to guys not girls. Orientations, be they sexual or romantic, are complicated. My point in making my previous post (which I should have stated earlier) was that "aromantic" might not be the best word for describing the OP's situation. That's why I said it depends on who you talk to. Not all sexual people experience sexual attraction. My point was that asexual doesn't always just mean a lack of sexual attraction, sometimes it has everything to do with not desiring sexual relations (not celibacy, just to be clear). If you know people who call themselves gay and desire sex with females, that's very interesting. I thought if they were attracted to men that would make them bi. Oh well, your understanding is different than mine. :) Link to post Share on other sites
MadRat Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 I think you can become realistic, more cynical, less naive... Romance is nice in movies but noone shows you what happened after final titles. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 I'm a kind of "Romance Repulsed Romantic" - I came up with that term in this post. I get the feeling that a lot of people who "wish they were Aromantic" are really actually something like this. Is it possible to become truly Aromantic? I don't know. Sometimes I wish I could, because I'm stuck in this freaky No Man's Land between being romantic but mostly wanting to live a life and have relationships which are very far from typical conventional "romantic relationships". So that sucks. On the other hand, when I do have someone around whom I can share such feelings with, it's a beautiful thing. It's just that for most people, romantic feelings seem to come packaged with a whole slew of grand expectations which I just don't understand. I find myself thinking - why can't we just share these feelings and basically remain something like Best Friends With Cuddle Benefits - why does it just have to lead to total exclusive life sharing forever or else it doesn't count? Maybe in some ways I am in a bit of a grey area between Romantic and Aromantic that way. It's like I experience romantic attraction, but it doesn't have the same natural follow-through that it seems to have for most people. Link to post Share on other sites
Ace McHeeb Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 My romantic orientation has changed now as well. I used to be all for a relationship, dreamed of my wedding since I was a little boy. Rehearsed proposing countless times. I have always been a helpless romantic. Now that I'm divorced and living with my mom, I'm quite happy to remain unattached. Seeing romance in movies and on TV frustrates me. I want to reach through the screen and slap the happy love birds and tell them they're making a huge mistake. I hate seeing couples in love, because my experience is that it's fake. Romance doesn't serve any purpose that I can think of; and I've been streamlining my life, getting rid of all the unnecessary items. Sorry. Went on a rant. Just wanted to say that you're not alone. I've gone from helpless romantic to completely aromantic in the past six months. Link to post Share on other sites
Almagest Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Aromantic just means lack of romantic attraction to people. It has nothing to do with wanting or not wanting romance (contrary to popular belief). It's the same as asexual meaning just a lack of sexual attraction. Nothing to do with wanting or not wanting sex. That depends on who you talk to. Some asexuals feel very strongly that if you do desire sex, how is that any different from sexual people?...this is not to say that asexuals do not have sex. But if they really want/desire it, that seems like sexual people. It's kind of like saying you are a gay guy, but you only want to have sex with females. It just doesn't make sense. Not all sexual people want sex (celibates). But that doesn't make them asexual because they still experience sexual attraction. Not all asexual people are repulsed by sex. Some enjoy sex. Doesn't make them sexual though because they still don't experience sexual attraction. And I actually know guys who are gay but they only want to have sex with females. Doesn't make them straight though because they're still attracted to guys not girls. Orientations, be they sexual or romantic, are complicated. My point in making my previous post (which I should have stated earlier) was that "aromantic" might not be the best word for describing the OP's situation. That's why I said it depends on who you talk to. Not all sexual people experience sexual attraction. My point was that asexual doesn't always just mean a lack of sexual attraction, sometimes it has everything to do with not desiring sexual relations (not celibacy, just to be clear). If you know people who call themselves gay and desire sex with females, that's very interesting. I thought if they were attracted to men that would make them bi. Oh well, your understanding is different than mine. :) Ah, okay. You might want to be careful when you say that though. Because "not desiring sexual relations" is not strictly an ace thing. Your earlier post made it sound like "not desiring sexual relations" was a mandatory part of being asexual. Glad we got that cleared up though. ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Sorry Almagest, I definitely try to be really careful how I word things. If you're talking about the part you bold lettered, I used the words doesn't always and sometimes. There are some people who have a descriptive view of asexuality as opposed to a prescriptive view and asexuality can certainly be defined in terms of desire instead of and even exclusive of attraction. I tend to say an asexual lacks sexual attraction and/or the desire for partnered sex. This seems to cover most everyone...and for sure we don't want to exclude people. Sorry again! Link to post Share on other sites
Naosuu Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Nice responses so far. I'd simply like to add my own slice of to push the discussion: I'd like to point out that not all romantics are constantly looking for a relationship. In fact, it's generally regarded as somewhat... reckless(?) when someone cycles through relationships like clothing. Most people might regard that individual as a "love junky" or someone who wants to live off of that high. Then there are more mellow or self-contained romantics who don't believe in "soul mates", "their other half", or other romantic ideas. They rarely go searching for relationships. Are these people any less romantic? I don't think so. I'd also like to ask: what are your ideas of a "romantic" person? Someone who loves all the conventional "romantic" things, like candle-lit dinners and rose petals on the ground? Someone who is constantly on the look-out for a romantic relationship? Someone who can easily get swept from their feet the moment a new beau/belle enters the picture? Where do your ideas of a "romantic" person come from? My impression is that what is considered "romantic" is highly personal. This leaves me confused whenever someone claims to be aromantic on the basis that they don't like candle-lit dinners, slow walks on the beach and barf at cheesy, corny romantic-comedies and excessive PDA. I barf at cheesy, corny romantic-comedies and excessive PDA, and I'm a romantic. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Vampyremage Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Moved to A/Romantic Identities Vampyremage Asexual Q&A Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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