LifePerspective Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 So. I'm trying to figure out if I'm aromantic or grey-romantic. The problem basically comes down to this one specific relationship I have. It's kind of more than friends, but not romantic, exactly? I guess the main question I have is: what's the difference between a queerplatonic and romantic relationship? Like, if you want to be the most epic best friends that ever were with someone, and have deep discussions and in-jokes and secrets and memories and stuff, but without kissing and cuddling? Is that the difference? Or is the difference in if you share a house with them or something? Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, or has been asked before. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 Like, if you want to be the most epic best friends that ever were with someone, and have deep discussions and in-jokes and secrets and memories and stuff, but without kissing and cuddling? Is that the difference? For me this is pretty much it. In general too: the difference between friendship and romance comes from that urge to get all tender and kissy and cuddly and physical. For the longest time I couldn't pin it down, but that is basically it. The kind of touching that makes you "look like an unambiguous couple" if done in public as PDA. That said, this is far from a universal definition. eg. For people who are touch-indifferent or touch-repulsed, the two probably look exactly the same - at least from where I'm standing. Link to post Share on other sites
fractal_dust Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 I think a lot of it is personal opinion / cultural background, but I see romantic attraction as distinct from cuddling. I see romantic relations more as a bunch of special symbols that you are important to a person / signs of a special commitment to you (although not necessarily a monogamous one). So while I will happily snuggle with people I definitely consider just friends or even just friendly acquaintances, I would not be comfortable holding hands with anyone except my boyfriend. For me there is a definite idea of the relationship being special and fuzzy that I classify as romantic, but I can't fully pin it down. Link to post Share on other sites
LifePerspective Posted August 3, 2012 Author Share Posted August 3, 2012 Thanks for the replies. So it basically comes down to personal definition of romance. That's a bit less specific than I would like, but I guess it's hard putting some feelings into words. I think I'm going to stick with aromantic for now. Thank you both so much for your help. :) Link to post Share on other sites
ithaca Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 It's a very good question. Recently, I have been having the problem with understanding the difference shades between best friend, QPP and romantic relationship. I think some people confuse best friendship with QPP, but it's just an impression I have. I think QPP means that you recognize each other as partners, not just friends, but you're not attracted to each other romantically, if it makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
maven Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 I think some people confuse best friendship with QPP, but it's just an impression I have. I think QPP means that you recognize each other as partners, not just friends, but you're not attracted to each other romantically, if it makes sense. I agree. The big difference between close friends and QPPs is commitment, in my mind. Instead of coasting along like friends, falling in and out of each other's lives, you want to be more connected in each other's lives as they change. Romantic partners require romantic attraction, which can involve a whole host of things (butterflies, nervousness, jealousy, etc) but I think the biggest thing is a desire to be a focus in the other person's life ... And yet, that can't quite be right because it's erasing lithromantics. **must think some more** This is a good question to hammer out for the wiki, if it's not already there. Displays of affection like hugging or kissing don't play a role in the differences between relationships- they're all physical actions that can have different meanings to different people. Again, that's just my opinion, and I may happen to be a little more biased than others - hugging and cuddling between close friends is common in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiverfree Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 Displays of affection like hugging or kissing don't play a role in the differences between relationships- they're all physical actions that can have different meanings to different people. Again, that's just my opinion, and I may happen to be a little more biased than others - hugging and cuddling between close friends is common in my life. This makes sense to me. I think the breakthrough in naming romantic attraction was to treat relationships and sex as separate questions. After that, it seems illogical to define romance in terms of some other physical action. Saying "a romantic relationship is one with hugging in it" sounds too much like saying "a romantic relationship is one with sex in it." I'd feel more comfortable thinking of it as a purely social desire. Then again, I don't have much stake in the romantic/queerplatonic distinction, since I'm not likely to want either kind of relationship myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Wobot Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 I think that'd have to be something you'd have to talk about with your partner(s) and figure out if y'all have romantic feelings for each other or just a really strong emotional bond. And you definitely can't judge the difference between a romantic relationship and a queerplatonic one on behavior. My QPP (I usually just refer to him as my best friend because that's easier for people to understand, although we mean more than that to each other) and I are super cuddly & affectionate, go out on dates, and we're going to be living together once we've graduated college. But he's got a boyfriend and I have no interest in romantic relationships. He's the most important person in my life, sort of like family but closer. I don't really understand romantic attraction, so I can't really tell you what a romantic relationship would be like :/ Link to post Share on other sites
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