I feel too independant to have a relationship - does this mean Im aromantic?

[silvernlilac]

Sorry I thought there was now an aromantic forum but I couldnt find one. Ive had some family here the last few days and they all went to a family party last weekend (I didnt go) and were talking about relations and their children and who they were married to, their kids etc. It just made me feel a bit crap cos I feel like a bit of a failure/disappointment to my dad that Im 30 and still single/unmarried/childless. The stupid thing is Im very happy to be in this position. I 100% do not want kids and Im not sure I wanna get married either. But I really feel that I am just too independant to have a relationship with anyone and wonder if this makes me aromantic. I am not sure really. I have been a loner most of my life and although I have a lot of friends (how I dont know lol) and a decent social life, I still do a lot of things on my own and spend most evenings alone. I worry that decades of being alone like this means I just could never adapt now to being in a relationship. I dont think I have the right mindset for it. I am far too selfish (unfortunately :( ) and like my own space too much and the ability to be able to do what I want. I still have this fear of being alone all my life though :( But ironically I feel the older I get the more I want to stay single. Weird huh?? I dont understand that. When I hear about people like my cousin who has just seen her husband walk out on her after 5 years cos hes found someone else, it makes me even more determined Im gonna stay single as the last thing I want is to be reliant on a man which I think you kinda are if your in a relationship with one. God this has nothing to do with asexuality at all does it. Its just a load of mindless waffle. Ah well sod it, Im gonna post it anyway

[The Great WTF]

Moving this to A/Romantic Identities.

The Great WTF

Asexual Relationships Moderator

[silvernlilac]

Oh right, thanks. So I was right there is an aromantic section. Not sure why I didnt see it before

[TheKindredSoul]

Sorry I thought there was now an aromantic forum but I couldnt find one. Ive had some family here the last few days and they all went to a family party last weekend (I didnt go) and were talking about relations and their children and who they were married to, their kids etc. It just made me feel a bit crap cos I feel like a bit of a failure/disappointment to my dad that Im 30 and still single/unmarried/childless. The stupid thing is Im very happy to be in this position. I 100% do not want kids and Im not sure I wanna get married either. But I really feel that I am just too independant to have a relationship with anyone and wonder if this makes me aromantic. I am not sure really. I have been a loner most of my life and although I have a lot of friends (how I dont know lol) and a decent social life, I still do a lot of things on my own and spend most evenings alone. I worry that decades of being alone like this means I just could never adapt now to being in a relationship. I dont think I have the right mindset for it. I am far too selfish (unfortunately :( ) and like my own space too much and the ability to be able to do what I want. I still have this fear of being alone all my life though :( But ironically I feel the older I get the more I want to stay single. Weird huh?? I dont understand that. When I hear about people like my cousin who has just seen her husband walk out on her after 5 years cos hes found someone else, it makes me even more determined Im gonna stay single as the last thing I want is to be reliant on a man which I think you kinda are if your in a relationship with one. God this has nothing to do with asexuality at all does it. Its just a load of mindless waffle. Ah well sod it, Im gonna post it anyway

There is indeed an A/Romantic forum because your topic has been moved.

With that aside, I am aromantic too, and an introvert, and I am super independent. I don't think all relationships are dependent though, because when I see my squish who is in a relationship, she seems to be fine on her own because she is such an independent person, but she fell in love despite her independent ways. The reason she and her husband are together has nothing to do with relying on one another as if she is his half and he is her half and without that half she cannot function on her own; it is love. When you love someone (doesn't need to be romantic) you naturally want to be around them. I love my squish.

She's a good teacher and guider for someone as young as me, but I am not dependent on her. I can still function independently despite the fact that I love her so much and love being around her whenever I can. That's a different breed of love, but same idea. A mother and child can love each other, but when the child grows up, they still love each other, but the child has to leave the nest and live the independent life of an adult. Maybe my examples are not so good, but I tried based on my knowledge. Basically what I am saying is that romantic love can be independent, and I have examples in real life from people I know.

Also, aromantics have friends to be around so they won't be lonely. Some even form queerplatonic relationships, but that's not for me.

I personally prefer just the typical friendship or a spiritual relationship, not queerplatonic. I also want a cuddle partner too for my cuddle drive.

I will have that because I'll have three pets to snuggle with, but if I had a squish to cuddle with along with three cuddly animals, I'd be the luckiest person

on the planet.

You may be an aromantic. I am not sure though. Any crushes if you don't mind me asking?

[ithaca]

*Ahem* This is not only an aromantic forum.

It's called A/Romantic Forum because it's open to both Romantic and Aromantic oriented people.

Please go on and enjoy.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

Wow, first of all - ARE YOU ME??????????????????? :lol:

I'm almost 34 years old, and I've been thinking about these exact same things over the past week. I recently came back from a reunion of sorts with some old friends. All are around my age, most are married, and most have children (born, on the way, or planned soon). Between that and the general pressure from family and society to "settle down" at this age, this has really been on my mind this week.

But ironically I feel the older I get the more I want to stay single. Weird huh??

I'm the same. For the last 5+ I've been watching people around me switching from a "young and single" mentality and lifestyle to a "wanting to settle down" mentality and lifestyle. With me it has almost been the opposite: throughout my 20s I was a bit of a workaholic career man, and in a serious relationship which really looked like it would go somewhere - but as I got older I realised that I'm just naturally too much of a free spirit for that narrative. Essentially as you say: Too independent to have a relationship. At least in that very codependent and absolute sense that "being in a relationship" is usually socially constructed in.

I don't think this means that you're aromantic though. I know I'm not anyway. If anything, I think I possibly have a more intense and sensitive romantic drive than average - it just isn't naturally directed towards the kind of social outcomes that mainstream culture encourages.

Hmmm, I don't have any real advice, this is all too personal and we all have our own path. But I do just want to say that you shouldn't feel like a freak. Well, actually, people like us ARE social outliers of sorts - which is what it means to be a "freak", by definition. But I don't think this is something that necessarily needs to be "fixed". Compromising yourself to be "more normal" is a bad idea, unless you truly know deep down that you'll actually be happier that way, on balance. Even if things go wrong with that "normal" way of life.

I, for one, know that I wouldn't be.

[FlaafyTaffy]

The A/Romantic forum section is near the bottom of the page. Just have to scroll down a bit to see it.

Now, I am have a lot of different thoughts and questions about things myself. I may not be much good but I can try and offer some advice.

Romantic relationships can be a lot of different things. They don't have to be one person with one person forever and ever and once you are with that person you have no more independence. Some people have open relationships where you can date other people/hang around other people/do whatever you want with other people. Some are casual. Some are serious. When you enter into a relationship you don't have to give up your independence.

I think being alone is okay. There is nothing wrong with not needing a serious relationship/companionship type thing. Some people are happy with just a good group of friends. I know this really isn't answering anything really, but just wanted to say that it's okay for feeling how you do and there's nothing wrong or "too selfish" about anything. Also, who cares if you're "too selfish"? Shouldn't we all be a little too selfish sometimes? You're living your life for you, live it how you want it.

My mom is a lot older and she has been single for a long time. She says she doesn't really want a relationship, she just wants someone she can spend time with sometimes. She would like someone to go to dinner with every now and then but that's basically it. So maybe you can do your thing now and then when you're old or bored and lonely just find someone to do something with.

Egads, took forever with my reply... doing other things and thinking about my response and a bunch of people responded while I was typing out my comment. :redface:

[Quiverfree]

But I really feel that I am just too independant to have a relationship with anyone and wonder if this makes me aromantic.

Well, it doesn't necessarily, because some people can feel the attraction of a romantic relationship but decide they want other things more, but it's certainly compatible with being aromantic. What's important is that there's nothing wrong with being single and if you don't want a relationship, nobody else has the right to expect you to have one.

[Wobot]

I've been wondering the same thing about myself... I've always thought I was some kind of romantic because I like the idea of being in a relationship, but when it comes down to it, I can't actually see myself dating, being married, living with someone, or having kids. I'm happy living in my apartment alone with my dog and rats.

[alto]

Question is, do you feel romantic attraction or not? The Aromantic FAQ on the AVEN wiki is deeply helpful for determining this :D

[silvernlilac]

You may be an aromantic. I am not sure though. Any crushes if you don't mind me asking?

Yeah one or two although they never seem to last long. I had a crush recently but its gone away now and I just feel a bit empty inside now which I feel sad about :(

Question is, do you feel romantic attraction or not? The Aromantic FAQ on the AVEN wiki is deeply helpful for determining this :D

Erm I think so yeah but I still dont really crave a relationship even though I like the idea of it. I dunno Im just weird haha

[CDSM]

Guess it depends on how you define romance.

But if you aren't interested, you aren't interested, either way.

If you don't want to be alone, there's always the possibility you just don't like the idea of conventional relationships. You feel too independent, you feel you don't want to settle down. I ask you: How would the possibility of a romantic relationship that didn't necessarily involve some kind of dependence, or settling down, or having a family?

I myself don't really like most conventional relationship ideals (partly from a lack of relationship experience meaning I'm clueless as to what I should and should not expect in terms of them), but I still consider myself romantic because I like having deep emotional connections with people.

[MadRat]

Sorry I thought there was now an aromantic forum but I couldnt find one. Ive had some family here the last few days and they all went to a family party last weekend (I didnt go) and were talking about relations and their children and who they were married to, their kids etc. It just made me feel a bit crap cos I feel like a bit of a failure/disappointment to my dad that Im 30 and still single/unmarried/childless. The stupid thing is Im very happy to be in this position. I 100% do not want kids and Im not sure I wanna get married either. But I really feel that I am just too independant to have a relationship with anyone and wonder if this makes me aromantic. I am not sure really. I have been a loner most of my life and although I have a lot of friends (how I dont know lol) and a decent social life, I still do a lot of things on my own and spend most evenings alone. I worry that decades of being alone like this means I just could never adapt now to being in a relationship. I dont think I have the right mindset for it. I am far too selfish (unfortunately :( ) and like my own space too much and the ability to be able to do what I want. I still have this fear of being alone all my life though :( But ironically I feel the older I get the more I want to stay single. Weird huh?? I dont understand that. When I hear about people like my cousin who has just seen her husband walk out on her after 5 years cos hes found someone else, it makes me even more determined Im gonna stay single as the last thing I want is to be reliant on a man which I think you kinda are if your in a relationship with one. God this has nothing to do with asexuality at all does it. Its just a load of mindless waffle. Ah well sod it, Im gonna post it anyway

Haha, so many similarities with me!

I can hardly tell what is in my case aromantic tendency, what is learned behaviour and what is independence.

I´m sure I don´t want children and marriage (I´m marriage-repulsed - there´s nothing nice and romantic about it for me).

I´m not sure if I want a romantic relationship but I definitelly don´t want anyone in my territory, which means I could date someone but I don´t want to live in the same house with him. But for most of people it would mean I don´t love them enough.

I´ve never fallen for anyone accesible, which makes me wonder if I´m really able to love someone who loves me, or if I can only live my love-life in a fantasy and admire my beloved one from the distance. Noone has ever loved me in romantic way, so I´ve never had a chance to explore it.

I feel mostly like lithromantic.

I think there´s one more problem about people who are used to be single - they can hardly compromise because they are not used to compromise. They do always what they want, when they want - and then suddenly there´s another person who wants it to be different way!

When it comes to relationships I´m a 14 years old teenager who wants to live her dream and not that fu*king real life ´cause I´ve never learned what it´s like to live real life.

[Cakey]

I do believe many of us on here are really quite similar, although I have been less the loner throughout my life, as I really enjoyed the mixing in with others. Well, that was until I discovered Aven, and I then realized, that all down these many years, I’d always been cast in other people’s productions, mostly in unsuitable roles, delivering my lines to enhance others.

As I desire nothing belonging to anyone else………….. ‘move-in’………. is a word unheard in my ‘Asexual guide to The happy Aromantic life.’ (Written with sentences that use ‘me’ instead of ‘we’ ! ) Why would I want someone marking their territorial scent on my 4 clean walls, wiping their feet on my independence and with expressive self-importance, acting as though their name was on the Queen’s every New Year’s Honours list. The only list that ever founds their name, was probably the bailiffs, lol ;)

To be in the eternal presence of someone, who’s thoughts, views and world-wide experience, was by nature, of elevated importance, in regard to my little silly ideas, would makes the years that stretch ahead, suddenly yawn so much slower. After all, having to be in awe of this philosophical Ghenghsi Ghan, with vast territories of intellect, (think allotment), hewn from 40 heroic years, just-getting-by, in the suburbs of Little Bridlilngton, mostly at mum and dad’s, and sometimes at Aunty Pats, would be nothing, but riveting! :)

Well, they can keep their idealism; I have truly earned my realism. :) I feel cold, at the thought of the ‘hounds of vowels’, hunting me down, to criticize and frown, at all that I do or earnestly attempt or plan to try. All, with a tally ho of repetitive, tut tuts, tut tut this, tut tut that, always tut tuting, the tut tuts, at me, never ever tut tuting, the tut tuts back.

I have no need to listen to music, nor have I really the time, not while I have the human cd, forever accompanying me. But always stuck in the same old groove! :)

I shall share with you, some of my top ten of greatest tut tuts, some of them outsold my patience, with greater irritation than others!

That not how you do it, tut tut!

How did you manage without me, tut tut!

Don’t be silly (said wearily), I will do it (said with resignation), tut tut!

Are you sure you know what you are doing. Tut tut!

Ok, it looks alright, but you went about it the wrong way Tut tut,!

I hate the way you do the vacuuming, If I wasn’t so busy with the footie, I’d do it myself, tut tut!

I’m surprised this house is still standing, tut tut, sometimes you just haven’t a clue, tut tut!

Why didn’t you pick me up from the pub, just cus I didn’t tell you which pub I was in, doesn’t mean you couldn’t have made the effort, my pie and chips got cold, tut tut!

Tee hee, I have Squirreled away, in my Crib Sheet Guide ‘To Achieving Brisk Domestic Business, whilst subtly distracting the Human Yapping Machine,’ this one paragraph reply, for every tut tut now tried, I am able to reply:

“If you had bothered to stop tut tuting and telling the world where it was going wrong and sticking your tut tuts in everyone else’s tut-tuts and up their butts, you may have allowed some time to unsaddle your self-acclaimed magnificence, from its tut tut throne of perfection and made an effort at actually ‘doing something’ instead of flexing you PHD in droning drivel, like puffing air, from an eternally deflating Lillo. You may have graduated with honours in supportive partner, instead of terrorizing me with your towering lack inadequacy and resplendent, inability Not really torment, to be honest, it was like the Jolly Green Giant being savaged by an Action Man Doll with piles! :)

But wonder as I do, how, in comparison with friends, the scenario is all so camly cast and stresslessly lit, clean air on set, reclining thoughts of common-sense and reason. Helping, instead of hindering, sharing and giving. An interchange of questions and answers, humour’s softball gently played, back and forth. Greater mutual respect and kindred achievement, sharing life’s problems, not burdened by a travelling trunk of issues, belonging to another. :)

P.S Do I want children, yes? My neighbour’s two professional nose-pickers, are always welcome to come round mine and mow my lawns. Bless them, with their amazing motionless-abilities; I’m never quite sure if they’re humans or statues. :)

[Naosuu]

I'm not entirely well-versed in the aromantic vocabulary quite yet, so please pardon me if I seem.. ignorant.

I'm probably going to have an unpopular opinion, I don't think that wanting to be "independent" in a relationship doesn't make you an aromantic. Rather, I see "independence" as a personality trait in of itself. Not wanting to start a family or have kids has more to do with how you want to lead your life than being aromantic.

Let's take the "romantic" bit out of "relationship" for a second. Next, let's assume you have two friends: Bob and Alice.

Bob likes talking with you, you guys get along really well and Bob wants to do everything with you. Everything. However, you've noticed that Bob has a funky tendency to adjust his preferences so they match your's. ("I've listened to that song. I thought it was cool!" "Oh, I didn't think it was that great.." "Oh, me too!" ...???)

I'm sure many people have encountered this kind of person before. Bob is the kind of person who lacks his own personality and fills his emptiness with a stronger person's personality. This is not the kind of person anyone wants to be with, as it becomes evident that his mood is subject to his hyper-sensitivity, thin-skin, insecurity and how he perceived your "coldness" during the last call over skype.

Then there is Alice. Alice is smart, funny and both of you share a lot of the same interests. You show each other different songs. Some of them at hits between you two, some of them.... well, not so much. Sometimes you guys disagree about things, but your relationship is strong enough to keep you guys together and resolve the tension.

Alice is the kind of person you want to be around. She has her own sense of self, knows what she does and doesn't like, and she shares her opinion without feeling guilty or remorseful. Even if that means calling you a stupid bastard for breaking your promise with your niece to bring her to the aquarium (even if she has seen it a BAJILLION times) in favour of another, unimportant, activity.

Now, just add the romantic element in it... in my opinion, Alice sounds much more suitable for an "independent" type. However, is it really a question of being "independent" or just being with a strong/"complete" person? Most people who cycle through relationships tend to feel lonely, they do not feel "complete" without a romantic partner, are helpless romantics (love junkies?) or they use their new partner to run away from their broken heart. In the context of a relationship, feelings change over time and, sometimes, needs go unmet. The important part to remember is honest and open communication helps maintain the relationship's life.

I consider myself a romantic (based on my capacity to have crushes), but I totally agree that I wouldn't want to be with someone like Bob. Ever. Right now I feel pretty satisfied, nor do I actively strive for a romantic relationship. In fact, I'm dipping my toes into the "dating" pool because I'm curious, not to necessarily find a relationship (if anything, it might just fall into my lap). Does that make me aromantic? I certainly don't think so. I think this makes me more self-contained and low-key than some/most of my peers, heavily driven by my curiosity.

I agree that, after being on one's on for a while, there'll likely be an adjustment period with another person. But I think it's important to bear in mind that all relationships, romantic or platonic, require some compromise. Your friend might like you and all, but if you belch like Homer Simpson and it genuinely disgusts them, you stop that right away. If you keep going, you're clearly disrespecting your friend.

[Guest]

^^ for sure. I know lots of extraordinarily independent people who will never move in with their SO's, prefer to take separate vacations, maintain separate residences, etc... but they aren't aromantic. Independence and romanticism aren't connected. Plus, I've seen some rather codependent, clingy aromantics around here... it's just that their codependency falls on their friends, rather than their romantic partners.

[Cakey]

I'm not entirely well-versed in the aromantic vocabulary quite yet, so please pardon me if I seem.. ignorant.

I'm probably going to have an unpopular opinion, I don't think that wanting to be "independent" in a relationship doesn't make you an aromantic. Rather, I see "independence" as a personality trait in of itself. Not wanting to start a family or have kids has more to do with how you want to lead your life than being aromantic.

Generally, those independents that I have seen as more aromantic, have basically lived just how they have lived, for the duration of their independent lives. Those romantic, but claiming independence, I have seen them weaken, or suffer more, noticing it in their conversations, even exploding with the frustration of it all.

Romance is a drug, it changes your mind, those under its influence, may/will act differently, I feel. Though off topic, I have picked up on the signals of a partner being overtaken by romance and have had to adjust my behaviour, to ensure my signals are not misread and my fall-back strategy leads me into a free and open space.

In a relationship sense, for me, an aromantic will continue to be an aromantic, but a romantic would always carry doubt, because of my general practical experience and much exposure to body/vocal-intonation modes of expression.

This means I have enjoyed close communicate through the main senses, whilst seeing contrasting messages in their secondary means of communication.

The important part to remember is honest and open communication helps maintain the relationship's life.

Idealistically fine, realistically and practically, from the experiences in life, I have never met one partner who was fully open, everyone seemed to keep bits back for themselves, as did I. :)

P.S. I am not saying people can't be romantic and independent, it seems they can. I am just a product of my particular experiences and how I read people and how I try to successfully foresee and negotiate a relationship's breakup, ensuring the least emotionally-problematical fall out, minimum financial loss, and where appropriate, least dispersal of guilt!

[Guest]

Generally, those independents that I have seen as more aromantic, have basically lived just how they have lived, for the duration of their independent lives. Those romantic, but claiming independence, I have seen them weaken, or suffer more, noticing it in their conversations, even exploding with the frustration of it all.

Romance is a drug, it changes your mind, those under its influence, may/will act differently, I feel. Though off topic, I have picked up on the signals of a partner being overtaken by romance and have had to adjust my behaviour, to ensure my signals are not misread and my fall-back strategy leads me into a free and open space.

I think it is just that, as with all things, we love who we love, and sometimes not all our traits match up. Some independent romantics meet other independent romantics, but a lot of the time two partners will have differing levels of independent needs. So, depending on which outcome any specific person would prefer, they can try to adjust and make compromises, or they can end the relationship. What anyone chooses is entirely dependent on the situation. I have dumped people for not giving me enough space, but then I stayed with my current partner, who loudly proclaims that she gave me NO space (even when I asked, as she's fond of acknowledging)... and with her, i stayed. There are just too many variables present in the formation of a relationship to single out one and say "this is why I stayed." I think it seems easier to say "this is why I left". Even then, however, our personalities, our past experiences, our situations (friend support, financial support, etc) play a role that we don't always like to acknowledge.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

^^ for sure. I know lots of extraordinarily independent people who will never move in with their SO's, prefer to take separate vacations, maintain separate residences, etc... but they aren't aromantic. Independence and romanticism aren't connected. Plus, I've seen some rather codependent, clingy aromantics around here... it's just that their codependency falls on their friends, rather than their romantic partners.

My parents know a married couple in their 60s who've been happily married for some 40+ years, but haven't lived together since their late 20s.

At some point after a few years of the initial "normal married life", they just realised that they are both extremely independent minded people who don't like all the little stresses, compromises and aggravations of cohabitation, and decided on that setup. And it works for them. Apparently they are extremely happy and cute, and their relationship has a kind of youthful "boyfriend-girlfriend" dynamic, which seems to be fed by their mutual indulgence of their independence. They don't have children (by choice), which obviously made this much easier.

At any rate, this is a good example of how "romantic relationship" doesn't necessarily have to imply "traditional co-dependent cohabiting marriage-type life". It's something that I used to conflate in the past myself, and it made me think it has to do with aromantic tendencies.

[Cakey]

I agree , my view was my self-guide book and no one can live like another person does, so I may be seeing certain traits, because that is the type of person I come close too, so I miss out on all the other lovely variations, probably. I have noticed people repeatedly attracting similar types? So I may be looking for the same traditional traits, suitable for mine.

I and my partners, have swept out on courtship's fickle floor, a few times, and danced many an emotional highland-fling. Predictable, a few years down the line, we ended up tossing the caber at each other and flame -flowing blame around each-others reputation. Sometimes, you can never enunciate enough badness about someone you still have feelings for.

Without doubt, their innocent evil, really needed to be revealed and exposed, so others would understand their sneaky-vicious ways and how saintly-stoical, in your suffering, you inscrutable remained . Hypocrisy is just not in the vocabulary, as quietly is forgot, your own evil misdemeanour's of malevolence and block-busters of pestilence

Though both partners scored as virtuosos of vindictiveness, Your own famous stories and feckless foibles

went largely unreported, in your supporters partisan media, that marched for your innocence, reading avidly you-sides sanitised Fanzine!

[Guest]

Predictable, a few years down the line, we ended up tossing the caber at each other and flame -flowing blame around each-others reputation.

Love this sentence!

Without doubt, their innocent evil, really needed to be revealed and exposed, so others would understand their sneaky-vicious ways and how saintly-stoical, in your suffering, you inscrutable remained.

Reminds me of the Dresden Dolls' song Good Day, where she sings to her ex about not giving a shit about his dating woes after their break up:

I want all the details of the pain and misery

That you are inflicting on the others

I consider them my sisters and I want their numbers

[samepage1]

Pardon me if this has been said, and I missed it. Not wanting a partnered relationship does not mean necessarily that someone is aromantic. Wanting a partnered relationship does not mean necessarily that someone is romantic, either.

[TheKindredSoul]

Pardon me if this has been said, and I missed it. Not wanting a partnered relationship does not mean necessarily that someone is aromantic. Wanting a partnered relationship does not mean necessarily that someone is romantic, either.

Yes, an aromantic can get into a romantic relationship and wanting a partnered relationship doesn't really mean you are romantic, like this person said. To me, simply mind-boggling!

I guess it is like sexual attraction. You don't need it in order to desire sex. You don't need romantic attraction in order to desire a partnered relationship.

[Guest]

Also, a partnered relationship doesn't have to be romantic, either. I've disagreed with quite a bunch of people already (not on here) who called my partnership a "romantic 'ship". It's totally not, in either of our eyes, and that doesn't make it any less "partnerish", whatever that means. :D

[Junebug03]

I get what your saying. I know I never want to get married after seeing the crap my father did to my mom and the abuse he did to me. Why would I put myself in that situation again!? I would much rather have the (in my opinion) "ideal best friend partnership" that Mysticus Insanus seems to have, where no romance is involved. But that is me. Heck, if you remain single thats cool. And if you end up getting married thats cool too.