Notte stellata Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 I was reading some old threads in this board, and I came across this one: Being Demiromantic. Now, I know the official definition of demiromantic is "someone who only experiences romantic attraction after developing an emotional connection beforehand". But a lot of people in that thread who identified as demiromantic also mentioned another factor: lack of interest in finding a romantic relationship when they're single. In other words, they have no interest in the idea of a 'relationship' unless they've already found someone they're romantically attracted to (e.g. posts #15, #21 and #23 in that thread). Personally, I think I'm demiromantic, but I did have the desire for a romantic relationship when I was single, e.g. I tried to find a partner from online dating. But the thing is, I can't do the typical "dating" with the expectation of a romance upfront. Even when meeting someone from a dating site, I still need to be friends with them first (which is why I think I'm demiromantic). In other words, I did actively seek a romantic relationship, but with a "friends first" approach. So I'm curious to know what other demiromantics think. Do you identify with both the official definition and "lack of interest in finding a romantic relationship", or only one of them? Do you think the latter is also an important part of demiromanticism? Any comment is welcome. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Texace 12 Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 Honestly, the whole "Demisphere" confuses me. All I know is, when I'm completely over someone, and I don't feel anything residual for anyone, I'm happy. I'm not wishing I was in a relationship; I'm just... happy. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you're not aromantic, it almost seems like you're either co-dependent or demi-romantic. I just consider myself hetero-romantic. It's good to have that wall around your heart when you're not with anyone so you don't get all sad and shit that you're not with anyone, but I just don't really like the definitions of the whole "Demisphere." I understand "demisexual," but I think romanticism is too fluid to put into a category. Link to post Share on other sites
Mostly Peaceful Ryan Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 I think it has nothing to do with being demi-romantic, just like some asexuals are sex repulsed, while others are indifferent and some enjoy sex.someone can desire sex and still not be sexually attracted to someone. Same with Demi-romantic depends on the specific person as to whether they desire a romantic relationship without being romantically attract to someone. I personally do not even think about a relationship without the person. I never had the desire to go to an online dating site or even have friends set me up on blind-dates. I could careless if I was dating during that time period. Once I get the emotional connection with the right person, I then start thinking about having a romantic relationship. I hope this helped :) Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 It would be nice to have someone to love, and make me feel appreciated in return... but it's waaaaaay on the back burner. My foremost priority right now is jettisoning baggage while surviving, and I'm not going to fall hard for anyone until I'm out of damage-control mode. Then there's the problem that finding love is essentially a counterintuitive process... you don't just put on your poker face, sit down across the table from a prospective partner, and both whip out your notepads and start checking off desirable and undesirable traits. Although personally, I think that wouldn't be any worse than the way it's done now... Link to post Share on other sites
Notte stellata Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 I just don't really like the definitions of the whole "Demisphere." I understand "demisexual," but I think romanticism is too fluid to put into a category. Yeah, the difference between demisexual and "full" sexual seems much bigger than the difference between demiromantic and "full" romantic. Some people think demiromantic isn't that different from the mainstream, so it doesn't need a separate label. Well, I don't know how common it is. I don't mind just calling myself heteroromantic either. Actually I used to be a "full" romantic, but in the past few years I've become more like demiromantic. Maybe I'm just more cautious and picky now. I think it has nothing to do with being demi-romantic, just like some asexuals are sex repulsed, while others are indifferent and some enjoy sex.someone can desire sex and still not be sexually attracted to someone. Same with Demi-romantic depends on the specific person as to whether they desire a romantic relationship without being romantically attract to someone. Yeah, that makes sense. But I guess there are only a very small number of asexuals or demisexuals who actively desire sex when they don't have a sexual partner. Maybe it's similar for people on the aro spectrum, maybe not. Then there's the problem that finding love is essentially a counterintuitive process... you don't just put on your poker face, sit down across the table from a prospective partner, and both whip out your notepads and start checking off desirable and undesirable traits. LOL, yeah, that's the kind of "dating" I can never do. :P Link to post Share on other sites
helana12_03 Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I don't want to be in a relationship when I'm single (but these days I'm completely aromantic, so I'm not sure I should be answering this question...). Years ago (when I was demiromantic), I decided I wanted to be in a relationship when I had a few crushes on people I'd known for a long time (the romantic attraction made me want to start dating people). When I was in a relationship, I wasn't always sure I wanted to be in it... Link to post Share on other sites
Atuin Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I had no interest in a relationship when I was single, but I don't associate it with my being demiromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
Starr Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I'm somewhat demi / grey romantic I don't know if this makes sense but.. I always saw demiromantic as being aromantic until you found someone you that you share a really strong emotional connection with and in turn feel very close to. Now when I am in aromantic mode I don't care about relationships , love , and I couldn't be fussed to pursue it. The person you feel close to you don't expect to find them in an hour from now or tomorrow even if you did it's something that kinda creeps up on you as time goes by and then I start caring about my relationship with them and begin to feel romantic attraction to them. So I'd say I'd go with both even though the latter one is something temporary. Link to post Share on other sites
Song Lily Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 I do want a relationship, but I usually don't seek it. Mostly because it will end up in me hurting the person because I won't be able to feel anything for them, etc. Well, at least when I jump into romance with someone I'm not friends first. Thankfully I realised the pattern and stopped altogether. If romance finds me, fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 I voted "Unsure." I know, in general, that I want a romantic life partner. I also know that I don't want a romantic relationship with anyone, or don't really think about it with anyone, until I have romantic feelings for them. I also know that I have to be friends or friendly first before romantic feelings ever develop for someone. I know, for some, it might take years for that to happen. However, it has happened in as few as two months for me. I know that right now I want a romantic relationship with someone that I have romantic feelings for, and that, otherwise, I'd rather be "single." "Dating" also doesn't work for me, in the sense that it doesn't make sense for me to "date" someone if I don't have romantic feelings for them or romantic interest in them. Whenever I've been on a "date" with someone without that in the past, it's been an unenjoyable experience for me. It feels like there's a lot of pressure to be romantic or for things to eventually become romantic when the context is a "date," and my line of thinking is, "I don't know you, so I'm not even thinking about romantic things with you." Just the idea of a "date" with someone I don't know or don't know well, and don't experience romantic attraction for, triggers so much anxiety for me, that I freak out a little and think things like, "What if he tries to kiss me?" and just generally feel uncomfortable and can't relax. I really don't think the typical "dating" scene works for me because of all of this. I've been asked out on "dates" recently by people that I really would genuinely like to get to know and spend time with, however, I'm not at all interested in them romantically, ... but maybe I could be once I get to know them, however, going about it the "dating" way is not the best way for me to get to know someone. So, I don't really know where I fall in regards to "desire for a romantic relationship." I'm happy when I'm not in one if there isn't someone I want to be in one with. And at the same time, when I'm "single," I still know I want a romantic life partner. I haven't really connected any of this to my identifying as demiromantic. I've only recently identified as demiromantic because I don't experience romantic attraction outright. Before that, I didn't make any distinction about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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