Aromantics in relationships with romantics..

[ithaca]

This topic has probably been discussed already, but I think it's been while, maybe?

So I wanted to ask all aromantics on the board and/or their romantic partners: how do you deal with the lack of romantic attraction from one of the parties involved? Or how do you deal with the romantic "needs" of the other party (or parties if in poly relationships) involved?

I guess it can be similar to asking a mixed ace-sexual relationship(s) how they deal with it?

Please feel free to share your experiences.

[Mezzo Forte]

Well, I used to date before I knew I was aromantic, and I conveniently only dated celibate guys, which took my asexuality out of the equation. I mainly entered relationships because of platonic attraction and because I had trouble rejecting the friends that asked me to enter a relationship with them. Since I didn't know that I was aromantic, I didn't really deal with compromise directly, but the people I dated generally weren't really pushy about certain romantic and physical gestures. I was always known for my "G rated relationships" because of that. Unfortunately though, I always lost interest in the relationships first, since my apathy to romance eventually becomes repulsion, and I have to end it in order to salvage my friendships with the guys I dated.

Some lasted longer than others, ranged from 1 month to 15 month relationships. I don't really date nowadays though since now that I'm in college, I don't want to be pressured for romance or sex. Instead, I've engaged with my passion so I can marry my job later on :lol:

[@ce]

To be honest, I just pretend that I am a romantic. I started off my relationship before I was comfortable with the sexual origination, and personally my romantic origination was harder for me accept then my sexual orientation.

Luckily, my boyfriend isn’t very clingy nor really romantic so I don’t have too many issues.

I’d compare it to me going to my boyfriend’s band’s gigs when I don’t like the type of music they play, because it makes him happy. And him playing catch with me even though it’s not his fvorite thing either.

I don’t like it, but I don’t hate it either. I think if I had a very cuddly boyfriend I would have more issues but my boyfriend only wants to cuddle once in a while and I don’t mind that.

[f-ace-palm]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 16 months now, and he doesn't know about me being ace, aro or neutrois/agender (still trying to figure that last one out). It's not that I'm afraid to come out to him or anything like that - I'm out to most of my friends and have no trouble talking to anyone about it, it's just never come up in conversation with him and personally I find spontaneous leaping out of the closet kind of weird.

When we first started going out I still thought I was cisgender and romantic, but kind of thought I was bisexual because I didn't know that ace/aro/GQ existed and I didn't have any preference over males and females. Since then I've kind of become uncomfortable being in a 'relationship' with him, but feel that if I break it off things would get real awkward, especially because our different groups of friends have recently pretty much merged into one group. And he's a really awesome guy, so I've kept my mouth shut. Good thing is he doesn't seem too interested in anything past handholding and chaste hello/goodbye kisses, and we don't really act 'couple-y'. I've even quitely considered the possibility that he's secretly ace/aro too (which would be hilarious, we'd be the most ridiculous couple in history XD) but from all other appearances he's straight.

So in an actual answer to your question, I deal with it by trying to ignore it as much as possible, because I'm a hermit who doesn't like talking about feelings :D

[The Great WTF]

Oddly enough, I'm pretty sure my partner fits somewhere into the grey-romantic category, but he's got this weird habit of falling head over heels for absolutely horrible women. Seriously. It never fails. Every girl he's ever fallen in love with has turned out to be a heartless bitch who glories in making him feel horrible about his personality quirks. One is a former friend of mine and she's the worst of the lot. <_< I'm not sure where I sit on the category of romantic attraction with him, honestly, since he just dropped a huge bombshell on me that's made me completely reevaluate the last three years and wonder if he IS romantically attracted to me.

Thus far, my aromanticism hasn't been a problem for us. He knows that I don't think I'll ever fall in love in that way and he's perfectly happy with it. His obsession with cuddling doesn't bother me any more than his obsession with sex does and he's doesn't fall into the "I NEED to be near you!" thing, so I'm happy with him. As far as I can tell, he is with me as well.

[Silvernight]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 16 months now, and he doesn't know about me being ace, aro or neutrois/agender (still trying to figure that last one out). It's not that I'm afraid to come out to him or anything like that - I'm out to most of my friends and have no trouble talking to anyone about it, it's just never come up in conversation with him and personally I find spontaneous leaping out of the closet kind of weird.

<..>

Good thing is he doesn't seem too interested in anything past handholding and chaste hello/goodbye kisses, and we don't really act 'couple-y'. I've even quitely considered the possibility that he's secretly ace/aro too (which would be hilarious, we'd be the most ridiculous couple in history XD) but from all other appearances he's straight.

So in an actual answer to your question, I deal with it by trying to ignore it as much as possible, because I'm a hermit who doesn't like talking about feelings :D

It's almost like I'm reading about my own relationship xD I'm also aro ace and I've been going out with mine for about a year now, maybe a bit less. We've never talked about anything sexually related, it just doesn't come up because we don't do anything sexual either. Through all that time, he pecked me on the lips... a couple of times I think xD Other than that we just hug and sometimes I take him by the arm when we're walking around. That's it! He also does not seem to be very romantic, we never did any lovey-dovey stuff, so I'm also wondering if he's aro ace himself. Or something very close. So we don't even look like a couple, could be easily brother and sister. I only know for a fact that he's straight, and he generally acts very ace-y. Would make sense he picked me because I was exuding ace-y vibes too. xD