I might be aromantic?

[Rusted Crimson Lust]

I'm starting to think I might be aromantic, but I can't tell, because I don't know the difference between platonic and romantic. I want someone who understands me, someone I can talk to, and watch television with, and laugh with. I want someone who I can feel completely comfortable with. I like being alone most of the time, but sometimes I just want someone I can talk to. I think sometimes being in my own head for too long can get overwhelming. Sometimes I want someone I can share my thoughts with. I have never had a real crush, I've faked some because I felt awkward. I haven't faked any for a while, because I kind of stopped caring what other people thought. I don't know what romance is. I just want a really good friend I can maybe live with, or live close to in case I get lonely. I want someone I can completely trust. I don't want to go on "dates" with anyone, because I don't really see the point. I just want to go places with my soul friend? I think that the term I want. I don't know... Ugh I hate being confused... I think romance is cute, I just, don't understand it, and don't think I can see myself in that situation. Can someone explain romantic attraction? What is it?

[flyingwise]

I can identify with many of the things you have shared! I think I'm more or less in the same boat as you, so to speak. I myself have faked crushes, but it's because society taught me that we were supposed to have crushes. I can at least understand that now.

I also hope to find a "soul friend". I like the way you put that!

I haven't ever experienced romantic attraction, but I think that it intertwines a lot with platonic relationships and the desire to form these friendships(especially for aces). I believe that strong friendships are the foundation for good romantic relationships. There is a huge range of romantic attraction. That is, it could range from purely emotional (and platonic) attraction, to sexual attraction. Perhaps there is no exact definition of romantic attraction. I think that aces and sexuals would describe it very differently, as well.

I know there must be a lot more to it, but I hope this helps a little bit. :)

[trewdys]

I'm more or less the same as you.

I think romance is cute, I just, don't understand it

This is what led me to identify as aromantic. I just don't get it, and that's that.

[maub]

i started to identify as aromantic because i just didn't understand what romantic attraction is, like trewdys wrote it.

i read a lot about this and asked people about it and everyone writes or says something different. i think one reason for that is - we hear about romance all the time. long before we experience it ourselves, disney movies tell us romance is great, blah, blah, blah..so, we have a very unspecific idea what romance should be like and when the average sexual romantic person feels something like that, they just don't think about what exactly it is they feel, they don't differentiate between sexual attraction, romantic attraction and just liking someone a lot (not all of them, of course. but so many that our understanding of romance is a huge mess).

but there are two things i've read a lot:

1.) romance is attraction based on nothing.

not "i like you because we have the same interests..." but "i just like you." and a while later maybe "i just stopped liking you.". no because, no reason. (of course you could like that person for a lot of other reasons, too..)

2.) this special feeling. butterflies or dinosaurs or whatever you have in your stomach. and i think here it is important to differentiate again.

i had a feeling similar to this. i had it for a person. i have it for ted videos. i have it for other things and i would call it "liking something or someone so much that you feel a strong emotional reaction when you think about it/that person". romantic attraction might give you the same feeling but that doesn't mean every butterfly is a sign of romance.

tldr: romantic attraction is probably attraction based on nothing.

sorry for bad use of the awesome english language.

[jennyO]

I'm starting to think I might be aromantic, but I can't tell, because I don't know the difference between platonic and romantic. I want someone who understands me, someone I can talk to, and watch television with, and laugh with. I want someone who I can feel completely comfortable with. I like being alone most of the time, but sometimes I just want someone I can talk to. I think sometimes being in my own head for too long can get overwhelming. Sometimes I want someone I can share my thoughts with. I have never had a real crush, I've faked some because I felt awkward. I haven't faked any for a while, because I kind of stopped caring what other people thought. I don't know what romance is. I just want a really good friend I can maybe live with, or live close to in case I get lonely. I want someone I can completely trust. I don't want to go on "dates" with anyone, because I don't really see the point. I just want to go places with my soul friend? I think that the term I want. I don't know... Ugh I hate being confused... I think romance is cute, I just, don't understand it, and don't think I can see myself in that situation. Can someone explain romantic attraction? What is it?

I can definitely identify with the idea of a 'soul friend'. 'Dating' and 'sexual relationships' always seemed like an awfully lot of unnecessary bother to me.

[disclaimer: I consider myself a romantic (asexual)]

To me, romance is associated with the rather overwhelming societal expectation that people will marry/fall madly in love and marry/look like the folks on the covers of romance novels (snerk) etc. Romance is associated with the often unrealistic expectations that society offers about what love/marriage/true love has to offer. Kinda cynical, huh?

But, having grown up in the fifties and sixties, when I pretty much expected (even though I'm woman-identified) to find my soul mate and marry for life, when every book I ever read had girls eventually finding the right man, ad nauseum (damn, there's that cynicism again!), I have had a lot of times of developing pretty heavy-duty non-sexual crushes on people (some men, as well as many women). The problems came in when 1) the person didn't reciprocate; 2) although I certainly wanted long-term, loving relationships (small 'r'), and definitely enjoyed the butterflies-in-the-stomach, head-over-heels, exhilarating part of feeling romantic, I have no clue how to find someone who can meet me where I am. (Finding this community a few days ago has been awesome!)

I feel like I'm rambling, and I need to get offline, but perhaps something I've had to say will be helpful. Feel free to pursue the conversation.