Anyone wanna explain to me Demiromanticism?

[neverafraidtokeeponliving]

Could somebody please explain demiromanticism to me? Would a person be considered demiromantic if they dated people because they wanted a relationship but not because they had an actual romantic attraction to the person and then later developed romantic attraction to their partner? What exactly is romantic attraction? Is it the same as falling in love? Also, People usually fall in love gradually and don't start a relationship already in love so is what I described above normal? I'm kinda confused. Also, what is the term for a biromantic or panromantic demiromantic?

[Philip027]

It's when you can't form any sort of romantic attraction/connection with another person unless it evolves from some sort of preexisting connection, such as a close friendship. I consider myself a demiromantic.

It's like... you know how some people can be susceptible to falling in "love at first sight" when they see some cute looking person they don't even know? Demis, for the most part, don't have that happen to them. There may be desires to get to know the person better, but the romantic attractions generally won't occur until AFTER that happens.

What exactly is romantic attraction? Is it the same as falling in love?

Eh... guess that's close enough. It's basically when the desire to have a romantic relationship becomes fixated on a particular person, so for all intents and purposes most people could probably shorten that to falling in love.

Also, what is the term for a biromantic or panromantic demiromantic?

They're mostly just buzzwords people around here have invented to tell us all apart; they're not "official" and people in Real Life™ will probably give you funny looks if you try to use them. I doubt there's any particular "term" for what you've just said. You could just say bi-demiromantic or whatever, and people here would probably understand it. People here have made weirder blends of terms before...

[Oxeyed]

I don't have any better answers than the previous poster, but I'm glad you brought this up, as I was thinking about the exact same thing. At first I thought I was "demisexual". But really I can feel sexually attracted to many people. I simply don't have the inclination to actually get that close to most people (i.e. have sex with them). I have to really get to know someone (or convince myself that I know that person) to be able to have sex with that person. I do not "fall in love" like other people, and think people who get so wrapped up with one person that they 'forget' about other people are pretty silly.

I have a long-distance partner, who's one of the most awesome people I've ever met, and I guess after all this time I'm "in love" with him, since I don't want to lose him, even if I found a local partner (I'm also in the poly community, which my partner knows). It would be nice to have a sex life here, but I can't just make myself sleep around, and frankly I'm a sapiosexual in an area where that's not exactly an advantage for finding a mate.

[neverafraidtokeeponliving]

Would a person be considered demiromantic if they dated people because they wanted a relationship but not because they had an actual romantic attraction to the person and then later developed romantic attraction to their partner?

Thanks, do you guys have an answer to this question?

[Oxeyed]

Sounds good to me ;-) Though I think that the "secondary" romantic attraction would need to *eventually* form, otherwise the relationship would just fizzle out.

In my case, I would have liked to explore relationships with certain people. But they didn't not fall instantly for me (I'm not charming initially, as I take time to warm up to people, learn their patterns, etc. BTW, I have Asperger's), so just weren't interested in trying to form a friendship that would be the basis for a later bond.

[Philip027]

It could be something like that, yes.

For me, when it happens, it's rather rare, so it kinda hits me from out of left field, so to speak.

[Notte stellata]

Would a person be considered demiromantic if they dated people because they wanted a relationship but not because they had an actual romantic attraction to the person and then later developed romantic attraction to their partner?

In my opinion, it could be, but not necessarily. The point is how the romantic attraction is developed. For demiromantics, it probably develops from a deep friendship, and it can be hard to say when the friendship evolves into romance.