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Aromantic Asexual Gray's


Janus the Fox

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Janus the Fox

Oddly, I'm getting a sence around here that Aromantic Asexuals are completely and utterly sexuality-less, I believe that is not always the case, can it.

OK, as it stands, I have no desires, no significant attractions, find people in general attractive, have no sexual desire and a libido so rare it is difficult to enjoy it, despite being unable to get arousal from erotic material without a little fantasy.

I do think that that some other Aromantic Asexuals, have more sexual features than I do though.

There's still stuff that strikes me dumb though, do sexuals and/or romantics "really" feel absoute attraction upfront? As I've known, very few have felt that way without knowing someone first. To me the Demi stuff sounds much more common that it is known today.

Psych is conflicting though, "Asexuals have absoutly nothing in terms of all sexual aspects, no fantasies, the inability to feel arousal, no sex drive, absoloutly nothing" do all of them really? Oh and everything I try to explain, that's not entirely what asexuality is, I'm apperantly fully sexual, there's no gray area within the profession yet.

Well, I don't know what to think anymore...

Perhaps just a rant, but there's clarity needed with the gray-area.  

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Well, I tentatively identify as an aromantic gray-ace. I don't think I have ever felt romantic attraction before, which, as I understand it, is a desire to form some kind of exclusive emotional intimacy with a person and integrate him or her into your daily life. There are people who I love and trust completely, and for me that is the pinnacle of emotional intimacy. It feels the same whether it's with someone in my family, a friend, male, female, older, younger, etc...I never have a desire to form some kind of exclusive bond with any of them. I'm happy that our lives are largely independent, with occasional overlap. There have been people in my life I loved in this way that showed a romantic interest in me, and who I understood on an intellectual level would make an ideal partner, but I had no desire to be anything besides friends, the "relationship thing" held no appeal. For a while, I was even what I would consider "romance-repulsed": vehemently against the idea of ever being in a relationship and cynical about romance in general. Thus I can say with almost complete certainty that I have never felt romantic attraction, or at least completely misunderstood it if I did. >.<

I have however felt aesthetic, physical and sexual attraction before (I think), physical attraction (e.g. desire to hug, hold hands, cuddle) the most, and sexual attraction the least. In terms of feeling sexual attraction up front...that has happened to me only once or twice, but it has happened. And in one of these instances, I actually lost all sexual attraction to the guy once I got to know him, because I started to think of him as a friend instead of fantasy material, haha. Which is almost, like, the opposite of demi? XD But I have definitely felt the most intense sexual attraction to people I have gotten to know, and become physical with (but never beyond cuddling, really). Still, it has happened very rarely, and has never been accompanied with a desire for a romantic connection, so I've never acted on it. And, even though I've felt sexual attraction, I've never actually wanted to have sex. Which strikes me as not the way "fully sexual" people are, so I identify as gray-a.

I do have a friend who is fully aromantic and asexual, and you could kind of describe it as "sexuality-less" I suppose. She has never felt romantic, sexual, aesthetic or physical attraction as far as she is aware, and has trouble even wrapping her head around the concepts. But I think that is probably the most rare type of asexuality, and for most of us it's less black and white (hence the term "gray," I suppose. ;))

Sexuality is complicated and unclear. Which makes any labels we attempt to assign complicated and unclear. "Clarity" would be nice, but can't always be expected. I think it's obvious there is a spectrum, though, and that feeling any of the things you describe certainly doesn't make you "fully sexual" and probably significantly closer to the "asexual" side of the spectrum than the "sexual" side.

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Yeaaa, I am in no way "fully sexual". I have been calling myself demi mostly but I have no idea if that is accurate. I have dated one person where I was a "romantic heterosexual", but before then an since then I'm essentially aromantic asexual.

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I have never checked someone out, never had anyone "catch my eye", and have never went after sex before with anyone other than the one past GF. I have [not responded to]/[ignored] people hitting on me (it has to be very obvious for me to notice) or at least not intentionally.

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Anyways for the one person I "liked", I had known her for a few years. When I did begin to like her however it happened in a very very short period of time. I went from ace to sexual sometime under a week probably.

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Some people around me have spoken about the above "catching the eye" type thing which I think is attraction.

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It would not surprise me if what we call demi was common, I can't tell you from sure.

But definitely, I have felt sexual attraction within minutes in one case, and within days in some others. It's nothing odd, and I'm almost sure it happens to a great part of the sexual collective.

Can't tell about the romantical side.

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