So I have this friend...

[chryl213]

And we are kind of really close. Over last summer we spent nearly every day together and we formed a very strong bond. I think that if I was interested sexually in females I would have a crush on her, but I'm not. However, I am in love with her, just not in the usual sense of the term. She makes me very happy when I am with her, she is my best friend but on a higher level. We hang out all the time, just spending time together or talking. We go out to places, and we've slept in the same bed on multiple occasions (because she didn't want to sleep on the floor lol XD) She is also a very cuddly person, and she does attempt to initiate friendly touching. I'm just not usually that touchy of a person. I will stress there is nothing sexual about the touching though.

Also to note, she is straight, I am asexual, and she has relationships with guys, and I don't have relationships. I always get really jealous when she spends time with these guys instead of me, and I don't understand why she has these sexual relationships. It frustrates me, because I feel like they don't care about her like I do.

Anyway, I'm just wondering if anyone can relate or understands what I'm talking about. Is there a term for this very strong non-sexual relationship?

[Philip027]

Someone may possibly come in here to suggest "zucchini"

I implore you, do not use this bastardized abomination of a term.

[Ase of Spades]

Speaking as someone who has this exact relationship with another friend, it sounds to me like she's your zucchini you might have queer platonic feelings for her.

[chryl213]

someone explain the zucchini thing please? lol, I don't get it... Queer platonic sounds about right though. Thanks for the responses.

[Philip027]

Speaking as someone who has this exact relationship with another friend, it sounds to me like she's your zucchini you might have queer platonic feelings for her.

You've chosen wisely, friend~

[Wineblood]

I have a friend like that too, we're very close and I sort of get upset when she hangs around guys she likes in that way.

[ithaca]

Asexual Curiosities: Zucchinis

On relationships, squishes and zucchini

My thoughts on the word Zucchini

Squashes and Zucchinis

This is what I have about zucchini. My opinion is that each relationship is different and only you can know what you feel, so check it out around and see if you find a term you like. Good luck with this girl

[Guest]

Speaking as someone who has this exact relationship with another friend, it sounds to me like she's your zucchini you might have queer platonic feelings for her.

You've chosen wisely, friend~

:D Phil, you and I are zucchini-hating soul mates.

I don't get why we need a term at all. Hasn't the world spun round quite fine for the previous thousands of years by referring to such a thing as a "close friendship"? My partner uses the term PLP (platonic life partner). She also likes to use LLP (learning life partner) for her schoolmates. Given that I've seen several of her PLPs come and go, I'm not so sure the "life partner" part needs to be included, which just leaves... friendship. And we're back to square one.

[Philip027]

Asexual Curiosities: Zucchinis

On relationships, squishes and zucchini

My thoughts on the word Zucchini

Squashes and Zucchinis

This is what I have about zucchini. My opinion is that each relationship is different and only you can know what you feel, so check it out around and see if you find a term you like. Good luck with this girl

<_<

[banana monkey]

I have someone like this but only just realised what I felt for him was queerplatonic. I went through exactly the same situation as the OP when I discovered he liked me (Since I knew he felt more than a friend to me but didnt think I was attracted to him in any way.

And Philip027....

I would just like to say that it REALLY helps me to have labels. It helps me figure out what I am feeling by being able to catorgorize it. I suppose you could say it ligitimises it for me and then helps me accept it and explain it to others. This is one of the reasons why we need them. I have just today found out what the term zucchini means (although I have come across queerplatonic relationships on AVEN before) and think it will be really helpful if i ever have a queerplatonic relationship because I wont have to call my SO my boyfriend and accidently give them the wrong idea.

Just my 2 cents, but I know others on AVEN dont like catorgorizing things at all and dont feel the need for labels.

[Not My Area]

I only learned the term squish the other day, and this is the first time I've seen zucchini... Like banana monkey, I like having terms for these things, if for no other reason than it lets me know that there are enough people out there who have a similar experience to warrant a term. That said, where on earth did therm "zucchini" come from? Awful term.

[Pipsqueak]

To stem the rising tide of people who want to know where the term zucchini came from (admittedly including me), it was pure silliness, or in more detail:

My thoughts on the word Zucchini

Has to say:

'Actually, let’s give out a short history of the word “zucchini” in this context, because it seems to me that a lot of people don’t know where it comes from. Last December, Kaz wrote a post discussing zer confusing, blurring-the-lines romantic orientation. In the comments, ze and meloukhia (who also goes by s.e. smith elsewhere on the internet) got to discussing the total lack of words available for talking about relationships that blur the lines between what is traditionally considered friendship and what is traditionally considered romantic relationships. Meloukhia made a joke (“Ok, I am now referring to these kinds of relationships as zucchini. This is official, and so shall it be.”) and the word took off.'

Also worth of note for those more unfamiliar with the more normal use of zucchini, they're also called 'courgettes', and so follow up the pun by being also being a vegetable squash.

[ithaca]

To stem the rising tide of people who want to know where the term zucchini came from (admittedly including me), it was pure silliness, or in more detail:

My thoughts on the word Zucchini

Has to say:

'Actually, let’s give out a short history of the word “zucchini” in this context, because it seems to me that a lot of people don’t know where it comes from. Last December, Kaz wrote a post discussing zer confusing, blurring-the-lines romantic orientation. In the comments, ze and meloukhia (who also goes by s.e. smith elsewhere on the internet) got to discussing the total lack of words available for talking about relationships that blur the lines between what is traditionally considered friendship and what is traditionally considered romantic relationships. Meloukhia made a joke (“Ok, I am now referring to these kinds of relationships as zucchini. This is official, and so shall it be.”) and the word took off.'

Also worth of note for those more unfamiliar with the more normal use of zucchini, they're also called 'courgettes', and so follow up the pun by being also being a vegetable squash.

That's an awesome piece of history ^_^

[Philip027]

And Philip027....

I would just like to say that it REALLY helps me to have labels. It helps me figure out what I am feeling by being able to catorgorize it. I suppose you could say it ligitimises it for me and then helps me accept it and explain it to others. This is one of the reasons why we need them. I have just today found out what the term zucchini means (although I have come across queerplatonic relationships on AVEN before) and think it will be really helpful if i ever have a queerplatonic relationship because I wont have to call my SO my boyfriend and accidently give them the wrong idea.

A label that actually describes what it refers to in its name = useful and appropriate

Referring to platonic relationship partners as vegetables for no particularly good reason = not as much

To stem the rising tide of people who want to know where the term zucchini came from (admittedly including me), it was pure silliness

No kidding. That's a shocker.

[aland]

you love her as a friend okay more than a friend, nothing wrong with that, where you are going to screw up is if you keep getting jealous of her seeing other guys, you arent her partner. just think about it before you start pissing off your best mate

there is nothing wrong about showing love and affection to someone else, to me that is perfectly natural, you get close to someone you will start to love and trust them, give love freely but as long as you get back what you give. My best mate is gay and open and yeah I love the guy, yes we have hugged and once we kissed, to me it was natural to show affection to someone that means a lot to you. dont ever want to sleep with him and he doesnt find me sexually attractive. doesnt mean we wont run through brick walls for each other