LonelyWind Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Asexual Q&A, Aromantic Q&A, what's the difference? I'm curious as to what other aromantics think about loneliness they make experience as they age. The basic gameplan for life is, for most, to get married and have kids. This voids loneliness quite well, but if you never do find someone to love what do you do? Once you retire, once it's not so easy to go out with friends, once you don't meet many people through everyday experiences anymore, what is your plan? Link to post Share on other sites
noysoffer Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Why do we need somebody to love when we can marry our job, which will never disappoint us, always love us, give us our lifestyle, and stay faithful to us??? I think that marrying our job is a very healthy option. Plus, marrying your job enables you to raise your children in the best possible conditions, because you'll have enough money to provide for them. So, my plan is to live with my work, and adopt children once I have enough money. Link to post Share on other sites
M.A.O. Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Why do we need somebody to love when we can marry our job, which will never disappoint us, always love us, give us our lifestyle, and stay faithful to us? While this may be one perspective to take, I think you can extend it further to general community effort or organised causes. Working with others towards common goals, and feeling that you are genuinely accomplishing something worthwhile and beneficial can do a lot to enhance belonging and expel any sense of loneliness. When you are so old that you can no longer do these things, and infirm enough that you have little ability to build new experiences rather than try to share where you have been, the question then becomes, who do you share with? Time treats some more kindly than others - there is no saying that your children or spouse will outlive you. Anything can happen. I feel like this is where the real power of religious institutions come from. It's not necessarily in the actual religion so much as the security and community. When an old widow(er) has no more children left, or they've all moved away or are in no position to take care of them, often they can still count on regular visits and support from whatever church/synagogue/mosque they were a part of for so many years and made so many contributions to. It has been a very important social dynamic for a long time, though I suppose this particular example has been deteriorating for a number of reasons - especially greater human mobility, which means that people may change communities regularly instead of growing up and staying in the same one for their entire lives. Uh... nuts, I think I forgot where else I was going with this. I'll add more once I have a grasp on it. But in the long and the short of it, LonelyWind, I feel like what you're asking about affects all the elderly pretty strongly, regardless of whether they were married and had children or not, and that the "plan" lies most squarely in these three: how you lived your life prior, how reflecting on your life makes you feel, and how you feel you are remembered now and once you have passed on. If that makes sense? It might just be more important for an aromantic to emphasize these things if they are sure they are not going to try to build a family of their own later. Link to post Share on other sites
Durandal Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 I think that marrying our job is a very healthy option. Marrying our job definitely can be. In addition, hobbies are important to balance out the weekly grind and supplement the mind's prowess. I find reading especially important and television not so much! A healthy regimen should include exercise as well. I know a woman of retirement age whose hobby is playing World of Warcraft. Her favorite aspects are meeting people, guild involvement, questing with others, and exploring the virtual world. Volunteering is good way to be involved with your community. I've encountered dating groups who utilize volunteering as a means to meet new people and live new experiences. What's not to enjoy about that! Link to post Share on other sites
Cakey Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Well, I was in relationships between 25 and 40, including marriage, and non of them really satisfied me. Ideally, for me, I would like to share a house with other asexual/aromantics, so we have people around us, who we can really relate to and feel safe with. Though they would need an absurd sense of humour to cope with me. :) Pole dancing, ding-bats, with celery jammed up their nostrils, who love wearing psychedelic togas, freshened with aftershave/perfume, from the essence-of-potash range! ....Please apply here: Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyWind Posted March 24, 2012 Author Share Posted March 24, 2012 Ideally This is where you run into trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Cakey Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Ideally This is where you run into trouble. I have met other asexual/aromantics, but none my age... There must be some out there who want to do a house share? Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyWind Posted March 24, 2012 Author Share Posted March 24, 2012 Ideally This is where you run into trouble. I have met other asexual/aromantics, but none my age... There must be some out there who want to do a house share? I, and I imagine most others, get sick of even their best friend eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
Cakey Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Ideally This is where you run into trouble. I have met other asexual/aromantics, but none my age... There must be some out there who want to do a house share? I, and I imagine most others, get sick of even their best friend eventually. When living in the same house, that is not true with me, my friend moved in for quite a while. We got along fine and used to make time to sit down together in the living room...... I think she is also an aromantic/asexual, but I never knew about it at the time, but it would explain how we got on together, we had a lot of subject areas in common and didn't need to talk about the obvious.... Plus I do know, I am easy to live with, due to being laid-back about a lot of things, primarily because I have made enough mistakes and done so many wrong things in my life, I can't really judge others in a domestic setting. Though, To live with someone who keeps bringing a different man home every week, would be a complete nightmare. Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyWind Posted March 24, 2012 Author Share Posted March 24, 2012 Ideally This is where you run into trouble. I have met other asexual/aromantics, but none my age... There must be some out there who want to do a house share? I, and I imagine most others, get sick of even their best friend eventually. When living in the same house, that is not true with me, my friend moved in for quite a while. We got along fine and used to make time to sit down together in the living room...... I think she is also an aromantic/asexual, but I never knew about it at the time, but it would explain how we got on together, we had a lot of subject areas in common and didn't need to talk about the obvious.... Plus I do know, I am easy to live with, due to being laid-back about a lot of things, primarily because I have made enough mistakes and done so many wrong things in my life, I can't really judge others in a domestic setting. Though, To live with someone who keeps bringing a different man home every week, would be a complete nightmare. I suppose if the home is big enough. Link to post Share on other sites
samepage1 Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Who says getting married and having kids avoids loneliness? EDIT: You might request that this get moved to Older Asexuals if you want older people to answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Cakey Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Who says getting married and having kids avoids loneliness? EDIT: You might request that this get moved to Older Asexuals if you want older people to answer. That is so true, my friend also complains about being put down all the time by her husband and her father. It is especially hurtful with her father, when she is doing everything for him, it gives her a very low self-esteem, bless her little cotton socks. Link to post Share on other sites
Cakey Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Ideally This is where you run into trouble. I have met other asexual/aromantics, but none my age... There must be some out there who want to do a house share? I, and I imagine most others, get sick of even their best friend eventually. When living in the same house, that is not true with me, my friend moved in for quite a while. We got along fine and used to make time to sit down together in the living room...... I think she is also an aromantic/asexual, but I never knew about it at the time, but it would explain how we got on together, we had a lot of subject areas in common and didn't need to talk about the obvious.... Plus I do know, I am easy to live with, due to being laid-back about a lot of things, primarily because I have made enough mistakes and done so many wrong things in my life, I can't really judge others in a domestic setting. Though, To live with someone who keeps bringing a different man home every week, would be a complete nightmare. I suppose if the home is big enough. You need to have a positive outlook about it as well, I guess? You also need some compassion for your housemates.... :) A new world is only a new mind, so you really need to be wanting and trying to make this happen. Else yes, I believe it will fail. The asexual/aromantic persona, is quite a large part of the compatibility spectrum, I think? Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyWind Posted March 24, 2012 Author Share Posted March 24, 2012 It's not really directed at older aromantics, more-so at younger ones looking to the future. And if marriage and kids don't avoid loneliness for you, it's not marriage's fault. You're obviously not with the right person/people. Link to post Share on other sites
Cakey Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 It's not really directed at older aromantics, more-so at younger ones looking to the future. And if marriage and kids don't avoid loneliness for you, it's not marriage's fault. You're obviously not with the right person/people. But it was the right person when they met. :) Link to post Share on other sites
5_♦♣ Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Why do we need somebody to love when we can marry our job, which will never disappoint us, always love us, give us our lifestyle, and stay faithful to us??? I think that marrying our job is a very healthy option. Plus, marrying your job enables you to raise your children in the best possible conditions, because you'll have enough money to provide for them. What? You mean, it actually is possible to marry ones job? I ask as I'm madly in love with my job and have joked about marrying in various places here on AVEN. Though, I don't want children, whether biological or adopted; if I were to really marry my job, it'd be because I truly love it. Which, I suppose, is the difference between me as a romantic (that loves their job as much as other romantics love other people)- and you as an aromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
ashly~ Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 I'm a natural introvert on top of being an aromantic so I'm not worried about my future too much. I can do my job well into my older years and can travel for it, when I can't travel anymore I can also work from home. Like people have mentioned before, I plan to spend my time enjoying my job. Reading, community work, art, music and I'm sure there will be a few friends hanging around that I can talk to still. I don't want kids and my family will be around somewhere even if we're not too close. Link to post Share on other sites
Cakey Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Interesting how us asexual aromantics, seem to regard our jobs more highly? Link to post Share on other sites
glitchunter Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Asexual Q&A, Aromantic Q&A, what's the difference? I'm curious as to what other aromantics think about loneliness they make experience as they age. The basic gameplan for life is, for most, to get married and have kids. This voids loneliness quite well, but if you never do find someone to love what do you do? Once you retire, once it's not so easy to go out with friends, once you don't meet many people through everyday experiences anymore, what is your plan? If I found myself following the basic gameplan for life and living the way most people do, I would kill myself. Anyhow, to fill the void: pets, friends, and the fictional characters that go in my story. Link to post Share on other sites
ashly~ Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 If I found myself following the basic gameplan for life and living the way most people do, I would kill myself. I've tried dating and have seriously thought about marriage as well as kids and found that I just couldn't do it. For me it would be exhausting, boring, and no fun at all. Link to post Share on other sites
_Dee_ Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 Plan A: Boston marriage - the partnership aspect of marriage but without most of the romantic stuff. (I think I might be a little borderline in regards to romantic orientation - the main reasons I don't consider my squishes romantic attraction is that I don't feel the need for exclusivity or the title of "girlfriend".) Basically like living with a close friend with it being more like a household than just being roommates. And this might be a small group of people rather than just me and one other. Adopting kids is a possibility if the other(s) want to and I'm mature enough not to mess them up. Plan B: Become "that relative who's always here but isn't actually related to us" for a friend's family. In general, I think it's having a chosen family in addition to my biological family that I really want. Link to post Share on other sites
5_♦♣ Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 I also wholeheartedly agree with the person who said that marriage and children isn't a good way to avoid being lonely in old age. In fact, even with all the rights and privileges that come with marriage-not being lonely in old age isn't among them. Same with having children: No guarantee that they'll look after you when you're old. And that's assuming that ones spouse/offspring outlives oneself. Link to post Share on other sites
Verp Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 I'm 24 years old and this is basically my plan in more or less chronological order: - graduate - get job - settle down in own home - aqcuire animals and plants - become active in non-governmental organisations - try to enter the political field of the muncipality I live in - found my own organisation around one of my interests - after the required years of work expertise, aqcuire further education - become an authority or at least somewhat recognised on my field of work - make enough moneys to buy a house with a garden - ??? - PROFIT! And here are some goals that I'm always willing to grasp at whenever I have the opportunity and the means to do so: - make friends - take part in charity - master skills for the sheer fun of it - work towards a better world - ADVENTURE! Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyWind Posted March 27, 2012 Author Share Posted March 27, 2012 I'm 24 years old and this is basically my plan in more or less chronological order: - graduate - get job - settle down in own home - aqcuire animals and plants - become active in non-governmental organisations - try to enter the political field of the muncipality I live in - found my own organisation around one of my interests - after the required years of work expertise, aqcuire further education - become an authority or at least somewhat recognised on my field of work - make enough moneys to buy a house with a garden - ??? - PROFIT! And here are some goals that I'm always willing to grasp at whenever I have the opportunity and the means to do so: - make friends - take part in charity - master skills for the sheer fun of it - work towards a better world - ADVENTURE! It's funny because "PROFIT!" in this case means "eventually die". Link to post Share on other sites
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