How do you know when you should ask someone out or date them?

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

After a lot of thoguht I have decided I probably am indeed aromantic, which explains some of my awkwardness involving romantic relationships. Not so much that I don't like them, I just don't feel any response and don't know what to do. It feels very much like there are rules and I have to follow them, but don't know them.

Perhaps I'm not able to relax enough to go with the flow and over think it all. But finding someone kissing you has no effect, and them gazing at you lovingly very off putting does make it more difficult.

I can get very fond of someone but don't know if it'd be a waste of time telling them because they sometimes act very strange about it if I tell them I don't mind if we date or not.

It occurs to me, I don't actually even know when you should ask someone to be with you (courting type dating, not the going out on the odd date thing).

Is there a drive to date people that an aromantic would likely miss? If so I suppose I'd just ignore that requirement, but it makes me uncomfortable not feeling the same way about others with such things because I feel like I can't offer them any thing.

I wouldn't find them sexually attractive, I'd be indifferent to them kissing me and would be confused by their romantic actions.

However I do still love them and want to make them happy, so in that sense I think I'd be a great partner, I just don't know if I am just wasting my time considering dating though.

So after much rambling, my point is really, how does any one decide it's a good time to date someone, and why then?

[MadRat]

Is there a drive to date people that an aromantic would likely miss?

I think the answer is "yes".

If so I suppose I'd just ignore that requirement, but it makes me uncomfortable not feeling the same way about others with such things because I feel like I can't offer them any thing.

Have you ever considered "dating" aromantic person? You can offer them what they want - a close relationship without too much of romantic stuff.

[maven]

It occurs to me, I don't actually even know when you should ask someone to be with you (courting type dating, not the going out on the odd date thing).

Is there a drive to date people that an aromantic would likely miss?

Yup. In fact, the drive for romantic relationships is the definition of romantic attraction in the AVEN wiki.

If so I suppose I'd just ignore that requirement, but it makes me uncomfortable not feeling the same way about others with such things because I feel like I can't offer them any thing.

I wouldn't find them sexually attractive, I'd be indifferent to them kissing me and would be confused by their romantic actions.

However I do still love them and want to make them happy, so in that sense I think I'd be a great partner, I just don't know if I am just wasting my time considering dating though.

You have things to offer! You're obviously a great friend and I'm sure you'd be a great partner too. The question is, can you offer them what they need? True, most romantic sexuals out there aren't going to want to settle for a non-romantic non-sexual relationship, but you never know.

As far as wasting your time... well, that's up to how you see it. If you want a partner, go for it, regardless of whether or not you have what you think they need - let them make that decision.

So after much rambling, my point is really, how does any one decide it's a good time to date someone, and why then?

I'm pretty sure this is something romantics just know. They might not know when to ask, or how to ask, but they definitely have an idea of when things have progressed into romantic relationship territory and I'm pretty sure it's more of an instinctive thing than a decision.

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

Maven you have a point about letting them make the decision. My mom says I tend to make the conclusion that they can get better and don't respect their opinion enough to accept they do actually like me. >_<;

And yes, MadRat, I've considered dating an aromantic. It'd be ideal, but I don't think I know any personally besides on lovely, fluffy lady. XD it's a little unlikely I'd find one, although I keep the option open of course!

I mean it's not like I get a drive to date, but I do kinda like the idea sometimes, but then all the other issues just dampen the feeling and I soon feel sort of indifferent about it, in light of the hassle it'd be.

It makes me wonder if I should keep pushing myself to learn to be able to let go of some of the control (which is probably part of the problem) or if I shouldn't to avoid upsetting someones feelings (my main concern). Lacking the understanding of the rules just makes the whole ordeal seem messy haha

And thanks for your input!