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Aromantic and Asexual but feel capable of romance and sex?


Janus the Fox

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Janus the Fox

Pritty much the title, can Aromantic Asexuals "feel" they are capable of romance and sex despite any attractions, desires etc.

The feeling of being desirable, body confident, feeling ready for it and so on and yet have no desire to be with someone else.

It's difficult to put into words but the state of limbo, like sexuals that dont feel desired, yet could feeling desirable for romance and sex exist with Aromantic Asexuals? 

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I don’t see any reason why not. If the aro ace felt close enough (platonically) i.e. if they were soul mates (for example), as long as the aro ace was ok with sex and romanticy stuff or if they did it just cost hay enjoyed it (but not because of attraction) it’s perfectly possible, even if unlikely.

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Vampyremage

I can't speak specifically about being aromantic, but from the asexual side of things it certainly is possible to feel capable of sex, to have sex and een, at least to an extent, enjoy sex. I can conceptualize it being similar for aromantics as pertains to romantic situations, although perhaps an actual aromantic could better comment on that side of things.

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I don't know about the aromantic part, but as far as asexual but being confident in their sexiness and feeling enjoyment and/or skillfullness at sex, yes. Definitely.

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That's the irony of it all. Some people base their whole sense of self worth on other people finding them sexually desirable. They might even spend mega bucks to be sexually desirable and sexually attractive. And then there are folks like me whose self-worth isn't reflected through or dependent on the eyes of others; who know we are sexually desirable (because other people desire sex primarily); and would rather spend the money on a new set of tires. :)

So, in my opinion, it is not a matter of thinking you can't get what you want, it is wanting what you want to get, if anything at all. ;)

Lucinda

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Sure why not. I can't see a reason why one couldn't act up, if they so decided. Also, romantic or sexual behaviour need not be caused by attraction, but for example by the will to compromise or similar. I'm capable of the action of ripping out the wings of butterflies, but since I don't inherently experience a desire to do so (attraction), my decision to do so would have to be based on other possible reasons.

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Sockstealingnome

Aromantic here and capabilities have nothing to do with desire. Now I'm not sure entirely what you're asking. I see two possibilities:

1) Is an aromantic ace able to be romantic and have sex with another? Absolutely. Would their heart be in it? Most likely not. I could go makeout with someone right now but be bored the whole time.

2) Does an aromantic ace feel the need to be sexually and/or romantically desirable? Again, absolutely. I would be guilty of doing this, not because I was actually interested but just because there is a sense of power in it. Maybe I'm just a horrible person who thinks it's fun to subtly manipulate people. It's really just an ego boost to be able to say, "If I really wanted that person, I could have them."

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Pritty much the title, can Aromantic Asexuals "feel" they are capable of romance and sex despite any attractions, desires etc.

I think so. I'm aromantic and asexual and there have been times when I have been able to imagine myself in a sexual and romantic relationship, but when it gets to reality, there just isn't anything there.

The feeling of being desirable, body confident, feeling ready for it and so on and yet have no desire to be with someone else.

I definately have a positive body image, and if I were to dress more femininly I would certainly feel desireable, although not ready for sex or any sort of relationship.

It's difficult to put into words but the state of limbo, like sexuals that dont feel desired, yet could feeling desirable for romance and sex exist with Aromantic Asexuals? 

So like when a sexual person feels ugly and like no one will love them, but the opposite. An asexual aromantic person who feels very attractive and like others want to be in a relationship with them, despite the fact that they don't want a relationship?

I certainly think so, and if I were completely cisfemale I would probably be in that category.

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byanyotherusername

Pritty much the title, can Aromantic Asexuals "feel" they are capable of romance and sex despite any attractions, desires etc.

The feeling of being desirable, body confident, feeling ready for it and so on and yet have no desire to be with someone else.

It's difficult to put into words but the state of limbo, like sexuals that dont feel desired, yet could feeling desirable for romance and sex exist with Aromantic Asexuals? 

Well, I'm aromantic and asexual-ish (possibly gray?). I have felt "desirable" I suppose. I don't have any body image issues, and like myself as a person. I knew I had features (both looks-wise and personality-wise) commonly thought to be "attractive." Before I discovered asexuality and aromanticism I figured I would want romance and sex one day and wasn't worried about my ability to attain them. I also felt "ready for it" emotionally (I knew I wouldn't make the stupid mistakes my friends were making) and figured part of the problem was that I was more mature than my peers and would simply have to wait until I was older to find someone to have a "serious" relationship with, free of all the trivial high school drama.

Basically, in my mind, I felt totally ready for it, but the situation was never right. Then I discovered AVEN and my worldview changed and I have no idea if I would be capable of a romantic relationship or not...I don't feel romantically or sexually attracted to people, so it would basically have to be a conscience decision to enter into something that makes me kind of uncomfortable...And I can't really imagine a situation where that would happen.

I think what convinced me of this most is that I had a male friend who I became close to because he had a crush on me. He went out of his way to hang out with me as much as possible, and we had all kinds of deep conversations, and I felt very connected to him...but on a completely platonic level. We were as close as I have only ever felt to my sister, some of the cousins I grew up with, and my best friend of all time who moved away a couple years ago. Basically, it was the closest I had ever felt to a guy...And I didn't want anything "more" than that close friendship. The relationship seemed perfect to me as it was. I, of course, had to break it to him eventually that nothing romantic was going to happen, and after a few different conversations it sunk in and he stopped spending so much time with me. Which was hard, but I dealt with it, and I still felt just as close to him when we did hang out. Then he got a girlfriend, and it was like a brick wall had come between us. Not quite that dramatic, but he definitely became more distant, hung out with me even less, and more often than not when he is with me his mind is on her. And, briefly, I thought I might have made a mistake. I considered what it would have been like to have dated him, and still have that closeness...But dating would have changed things, too, and there are things his gf gives him that I just don't feel capable of providing. And if I couldn't do it for him, I don't think I could do it for anyone.

And if I am not capable of that type of relationship, then I am clearly not a desirable person to have that kind of relationship with, if that makes sense.

Lol, long post. Does that answer your question?

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