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Being asked out?


rebeccaE

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Today this guy at my school asked my out on a date. I'm an aromantic asexual and so I am in no way interested in a relationship. I'm really bad at saying no so I ended up making plans with him but I feel terrible for leading him on. Also I once went out on a date with a guy because I couldnt say no and he ended up making out with me and it was disgusting. I do not want to go on this date but I don't want things to be awkward because I have 2 classes with him. What can I do?

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cleuchtturm

Who the heck makes out on a first date? Not saying it's your fault, I doubt you initiated it, but still. Anyway, things will be awkward now no matter what you do. It's up to you whether you want to go on that one date to "humor" him, or just tell him now that you would rather not date him. I'd go with the former, just because I hate when people give me the sad face.

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I agree that things will be awkward, but you'll be surprised how easy it is to forget someones in your class. Unless you have a fixed seating arrangement and you're near him.

I think it might be best if you just cancel and save yourselves the awkward date.

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Yeah thanks I think I will try to cancel it.

Also for the record I pretty much ran away when he kissed me... awkward

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Personally, I'd rather have someone tell me no if they're not interested in a date with me, but that might just be me.

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SorryNotSorry

Being male, I never have to worry about being asked out. :P

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cleuchtturm

Being male, I never have to worry about being asked out. :P

Would you like to go out with me?

I couldn't resist. :P

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5_♦♣

Just simply tell him that you're not interested in dating him.

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hiccupping-hippo

I understand your predicament all too well. The first time this happened to me, I was completely naive in regards to the world of dating and sex, and didn't even realise I was on a date. My assumption was that you're friends unless specified otherwise, rather than the other way around! Before I knew it he was making out with me; I was totally disgusted and pretty much ran away as well. I am shocked that people can be so insensitive and do this on the very first date. On the bright side though, at least the warning signs are there early and you know not to get too involved with them.

As hard as it is, you need to tell him that you're not looking for anything beyond a friendship, and the earlier you let him know the better. You can still spend time with him outside of class as friends if you want to and you may like to suggest this to him to make it sound less rejectful (providing you are happy to see him outside of class).

All the best!

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Yeah thanks I think I will try to cancel it.

Also for the record I pretty much ran away when he kissed me... awkward

I think it would be useful not to make it personal by saying you don't want to date him. You could say something like you not dating at all/anyone. That way it will be less likely he's going to take it personally and make your classes awkward. I think cancelling would be the right thing do do though. If you go on a date you will have to be careful not to make him more keen, which could be awkward.

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Being male, I never have to worry about being asked out. :P

Hah, I want to move to wherever your living, if that's the case there. I wouldn't mind hearing your secret to not being harassed, in case it's not tied to your location.

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Being male, I never have to worry about being asked out. :P

I am greatful for this every time I think about something even remotely related. If someone asked me out, I'd have no idea how to resolve the situation. While I have made contingency plans should this happen, I imagine that the shock of it actually happening would make them difficult to remember.

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Definitely let him know you don't want to pursue anything other than friendship, and make sure he's on the same page. If he's really unwilling to compromise on that front, then your best bet's to cancel. If he's okay with just being friends, though, you might miss out on a really fun non-date if he turns out to be awesome.

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I get accused of leading people on all of the time because there are certain things I want to be free to do that send the wrong signals to sexuals. For example, when I lived in the city, I would invite people over to converse and do art. My room was a clothing optional place because I dislike wearing clothing, but I think sometimes guys would think that by giving them permission to get naked, I was inviting them to do sexual things with me. They sometimes got angry with me about it. So I stopped the nudism thing and just started hanging out with people while fully clothed. Even that was sometimes misinterpreted, because apparently inviting someone over to one's house is perceived as a sexual invitation. So, how are people supposed to have intimate non-sexual conversations if they are never allowed to spend time alone together?

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It seems best to just tell him. It could end up really going downhill if you aren't honest with him.

I've only been asked out once and he tried to be nonchalant I guess and then just had to ask me since all it did was just confuse me about what was going on. I think I only said yes because I wasn't entirely sure what was going on and someone else was there so I just said yes. I'm barely sure it counts as a date since he never mentioned it again. It was obvious he wanted sex eventually, so it wouldn't have worked and I think he realized it. He kept complimenting my shirt and apparently it wasn't my shirt he was focusing on. It was the first date and already he was thinking about things like that. I think people just sometimes want sex so much it's all they can really think about.

I'm going to have to be honest with a friend of mine soon enough. I know he wants to go out with me and he keeps sorta implying it, but I know I definately don't want to.

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Being male, I never have to worry about being asked out. :P

Hah, I want to move to wherever your living, if that's the case there. I wouldn't mind hearing your secret to not being harassed, in case it's not tied to your location.

I think I'm in the same boat as woodworker on this. As to secrets for not being harrassed, I guess some guys got it and some guys don't. :lol:

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If someone asked me out on a date and I didn't want to go on a date I would say, "I'm not currently looking to be in a relationship. I'm just not ready right now." That could mean so many different things that most people will let it go without asking you to get into details. You can also say that if someone tries to kiss you or you find your self on a date when you didn't even know you were on one.

If you're not sure if the said person asked you out on a date or just to haing out say, "do you mind if my friend ___ comes too?" Or just invite your friend anyway and if they say anything go back to first response, "I didn't realize this was a romantic date. I'm not interested/ ready to date right now."

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Just talk to him, it may not be a fun conversation, but you'll both feel better in the end after settling it out. See why he's interested and tell him about you. It's best to do it in a neutral place (place that neither of you frequent) and don't say that it's because of him (it can put him on the defensive).

It was awkward when I was first asked out, I didn't see it coming and he was nervous as hell(took him two weeks to build up the courage) and I was like "Okay? I guess we can try it...?" He, however, did not except making out right away (it seemed anyway). He got a kiss on the cheek about a week or two in.

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Ah, the plight of the ace of spades.

When I've been asked out, bringing up what an asexual was and then talking about why I did not want to date helped a lot: explaining no, I'm not afraid of sex, I just am ambivalent and would rather err on the side of celibacy; no, I don't have internalized homophobia; no, I am not interested in the emotional involvement required of a relationship.

However, only one of the friendships survived. I parted on fairly good terms with all of them, but we seldom spoke or hung out anymore.

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I would avoid mentioning that I'm ace unless it's someone I know really well. Otherwise, there's no telling how the other person will take it, and I like to avoid being insulted by clueless people. :P

Just realize that even sexuals get asked out by people they're not interested in, or have life issues that prevent them from dating. There's a zillion potential reasons for not being interested in dating a guy, and you have the right to turn anyone down. But trust me, I know how awkward it can be...I was asked out once (but luckily at the end of the semester so I never saw that person again).

And for what it's worth, in the future, you can always get creative when a guy asks you out. You just got out of a relationship with a total nutter. Or you're in a long distance relationship with a guy in the marines, or you're becoming a nun. :P

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Not that it's the right thing to do (at all) but I just lie and say that I'm not ready to date after my last relationship.

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