Jump to content

aromantic, grayromantic, or hopeless?


consultingarchangel

Recommended Posts

consultingarchangel

okay, here's the low-down. i'm 15, trans*ish identifying as male, ace, and unsure where i'm fitting in on the romanticism spectrum.

i've known about aromanticism as long as i've known about asexuality, but i never had that "YES" moment like i did with asexuality. i considered it, thought about it properly, didn't think it fitted me, and moved on. but given recent events, i'm wondering.

see, i had been going out with this guy, henry, for just over four months, until a month ago we broke up. it wasn't because i'm a fuckup of a human being, it just wasn't really working. henry has been my best friend for about three years, which i gather is weird - my best friend only knew her boyfriend for about three weeks before they started going out. there are a lot of potential reasons why henry and i didn't work out - because we knew each other too well, because neither of us have any experience with dating etc., but maybe just because i don't do romance well?

i had a crush on a guy when i was about ten years old, like a major crush. y'know, drawing love hearts around your name and their surname, looking at something and thinking "i wonder if he'll notice me if i get him that" - that kind of crush. and then about a year and a half, it just stopped. and after that, nothing else. oh, i have celebrity crushes, but that's pretty much required if you're on tumblr. if i met them in real life, i'd just want to be their best friend.

but then i have the hopeless part. i'm asexual, not conventionally attractive, not identifying anywhere near my assigned gender, attention-seeking, have sociopathic tendencies and enough issues to weigh down an aeroplane. and i've considered the possibility that i'm just trying to convince myself that i don't need a romantic relationship to be whole, because i know the chances of finding someone who'll not only accept me in all my fuckery but also love me on top of that, are quite low.

but at the same time, i don't really know whether or not what i want is a romantic relationship. the closest thing i've seen to what i want was described as a queer-platonic relationship.

i want an intimate relationship, something more than friendship. i want someone who i can come back to at the end of the day and complain to about all that happened. i want someone who'll give me a footrub or a cup of hot chocolate or a cuddle. i want something like romance but not quite like it.

i gave the basics in an ask to the 'ask an aromantic' blog, and they said it sounded like i'm possibly grey-aromantic (which i am adopting as grayromantic), but i want to know what you people think.

so

um

discuss

Link to post
Share on other sites

but at the same time, i don't really know whether or not what i want is a romantic relationship. the closest thing i've seen to what i want was described as a queer-platonic relationship.

i want an intimate relationship, something more than friendship. i want someone who i can come back to at the end of the day and complain to about all that happened. i want someone who'll give me a footrub or a cup of hot chocolate or a cuddle. i want something like romance but not quite like it.

You don't need to be aromantic to be in a queerplatonic relationship ^_^ If that's the type of relationship you'd like, go for it. Don't worry about the romance vs. nonromance. From what you've described, I think you can have that sort of relationship platonically or romantically.

An aromantic doesn't feel romantic attraction to anyone - they don't have crushes (though they may have squishes). A grey-aromantic/grey-romantic feels romantic attraction every now and then - less frequently than a romantic (there's no hard and fast rule about the frequency, it's just less often than you think other people do). Five years of not having crushes is probably less frequently than most, though the label is yours to decide/take up. Another thing to consider is that you've probably been changing a lot in the past couple years (no clue when you realized you were trans or ace, but I'm guessing it was relatively recently?) and you might need time to settle down and internalize your own identity. It's kind of hard to wonder about what you like/want/need in another person when you're still growing and learning new things about yourself.

As for the hopeless part, don't worry. Everyone has problems and baggage they bring to a relationship. It's what makes people unique, and what makes a relationship (any type) so fulfilling - you finally have someone you can unload and be free with. Even though your relationship with Henry didn't work out, he obviously saw something in you or he wouldn't have been your bff for so long and then your partner after that. Have faith, and some :cake: .

Also, do you have the link for the 'ask an aromantic' blog? I'd love to check it out!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Marmalade_Cat

First, I will say hi and your display pic is awesome :)

I think that you may be grey-romantic. If you found one person who would totally accept you and love you despite all of your issues, likes and dislikes, would you want to be in a long-term romantic relationship with them?

Queer platonic relationships are that one step up from friendship. They would be there like a best friend, but unlike a best friend, they would be the person who you would like to spend your time with and maybe live together. And rant about life and how wonderful and weird it is all at the same time. But you can have many of these kinds of relationships in your life. Romantic relationshps might be like finding that one and only person (or people if it is a polyamorous relationship) who you can count on, rant to, love and cherish and care for. (Wow I talk way too much...)

Aaanyways, to me, it sounds like you might want to be in a romantic relationship but you feel as though you don't think the other person would want to not just accept you, but love you. And in regards to you feeling that you might not do romance well, I guess we all just learn through trial and error and discoveries as time passes. Cake? :cake:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Let's get married... Lol. You have all the same issues as me; I've decided to Id as gender queer trans guy since I'm transitioning like an average ftm. I'm also wondering if I'm even a romantic... I litter ally could have posted that.

You sound greyromantic to me, although your the only one qualified to decide that. And it's not hopeless... It may seem unlikely to you, but there is someone out there for you ( I know that sounds like the response of a sexual to asexuality. I totally don't mean it that way. There is someone compatible with you who would want to enter a queer platonic relationship with you)

Link to post
Share on other sites
consultingarchangel

@maven;

yeah this is all pretty recent... i'm just pretty impatient and hate not knowing how to define myself XD

also the link to the ask an aromantic blog is here

@Marmalade_Cat;

hi, and i'm glad you like it. i edited it myself /proud

okay the more i hear about qp relationships, the more i'm put in mind of sherlock and john. (more specifically the tv version but kind of any incarnation i guess lql)

oh thank you for the cake c:

@Hexagon;

wow creepy ikr

but i'm already married sorry

idk it seems unlikely but hey

weirder things have happened

once it rained fish

i think

thanks for the replies ( ' u ' )

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...