TKDgirl101 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 so heres the thing...for about 2 years now i have been against love. Like i HATE it. I don't know why! iv'e never been sexually harmed or anything, i just have this burning hatred for it. Like when any thing comes on TV whether it be holding hands, kissing or sex, i get extremely mad. Like i want to hit things. I have never had a desire to be in a relationship and don't plan on it. I cringe at the thought of sex! when most girls my age are dating guys or even having sex, i despise it. My Mom has threatened to take me for therapy because she thinks there's something wrong with me. When i tell her i'm just not interested in sex or dating or i think its "nasty", She comes back with "Well, you don't like other girls do you?" or "Well, you're not a lesbian are you?", and it makes me feel horrible!I've actually lost 2 really great friends over this. My friends were talking about liking guys, dating and getting married and stuff, and i just went off! I started yelling about how stupid that was and how stupid they we're for wanting to date someone! Looking back though, i know i messed up and i would give anything to have them back. But anyways, i've pretended to like famous guys, i actually told my Mom i think the old spice guy is hot! lol! But it's just a cover up so she won't think i'm weird. I was just wanting to know if what iv'e described to you about myself sounds like im asexual. Any and all answers are appreciated. Thanks:) Link to post Share on other sites
Verb Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Well, in my woefully-inadequate knowledge of asexual definitions etc, to me it initially comes across that you would be a repulsed aromantic asexual. But like I say, I'm still not entirely confident in my knowledge of what "repulsed" entails, and to a lesser extent what "aromantic" covers. I don't know...when it comes to love and sex etc, I kind of have the "Roll my eyes" response and switch off, because it really doesn't interest me, but also I suppose there could be some annoyance there...Either way, I can empathise with having a certain degree of negative emotion in response to it. The only thing I would say is that your reactions seem a bit...um...disproportionate. Normally I'd say that whatever's normal for you is ok, but when you said you lost two close friends because of it, it made me wonder if there isn't something else at play. Generally nothing is really a problem until it starts to impact negatively on your life. Though I could totally understand your reaction if the friends in question were constantly going on about love etc ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Azure.Providence Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I can't say if you are asexual or not but you are definitely repulsed by the idea of dating and sex...nothing wrong with that per se but yelling at people for not feeling the same as you do strikes me as a problem of some sort... Link to post Share on other sites
TKDgirl101 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 Well, in my woefully-inadequate knowledge of asexual definitions etc, to me it initially comes across that you would be a repulsed aromantic asexual. But like I say, I'm still not entirely confident in my knowledge of what "repulsed" entails, and to a lesser extent what "aromantic" covers. I don't know...when it comes to love and sex etc, I kind of have the "Roll my eyes" response and switch off, because it really doesn't interest me, but also I suppose there could be some annoyance there...Either way, I can empathise with having a certain degree of negative emotion in response to it. The only thing I would say is that your reactions seem a bit...um...disproportionate. Normally I'd say that whatever's normal for you is ok, but when you said you lost two close friends because of it, it made me wonder if there isn't something else at play. Generally nothing is really a problem until it starts to impact negatively on your life. Though I could totally understand your reaction if the friends in question were constantly going on about love etc ;) Thank you for your reply. I have also thought the same thing about my Reactions being disproportionate. what would you suggest I do about it? should I take my Mom up on her offer and go see a therapist? Link to post Share on other sites
TKDgirl101 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 I can't say if you are asexual or not but you are definitely repulsed by the idea of dating and sex...nothing wrong with that per se but yelling at people for not feeling the same as you do strikes me as a problem of some sort... I know, But i can't seem to find any thing that would have caused me to have a problem or feel that way! I never been raped or sexually harmed in any way...i can't find anything to peg it to! Link to post Share on other sites
Verb Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Well, in my woefully-inadequate knowledge of asexual definitions etc, to me it initially comes across that you would be a repulsed aromantic asexual. But like I say, I'm still not entirely confident in my knowledge of what "repulsed" entails, and to a lesser extent what "aromantic" covers. I don't know...when it comes to love and sex etc, I kind of have the "Roll my eyes" response and switch off, because it really doesn't interest me, but also I suppose there could be some annoyance there...Either way, I can empathise with having a certain degree of negative emotion in response to it. The only thing I would say is that your reactions seem a bit...um...disproportionate. Normally I'd say that whatever's normal for you is ok, but when you said you lost two close friends because of it, it made me wonder if there isn't something else at play. Generally nothing is really a problem until it starts to impact negatively on your life. Though I could totally understand your reaction if the friends in question were constantly going on about love etc ;) Thank you for your reply. I have also thought the same thing about my Reactions being disproportionate. what would you suggest I do about it? should I take my Mom up on her offer and go see a therapist? Well, you don't need to jump right in with therapy. There are other things you could try first. Have you sat down and thought about where all that emotion could be coming from? Identifying the course could be a big step, and looking inside yourself can help you understand who you are quite effectively. Link to post Share on other sites
TKDgirl101 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 Well, in my woefully-inadequate knowledge of asexual definitions etc, to me it initially comes across that you would be a repulsed aromantic asexual. But like I say, I'm still not entirely confident in my knowledge of what "repulsed" entails, and to a lesser extent what "aromantic" covers. I don't know...when it comes to love and sex etc, I kind of have the "Roll my eyes" response and switch off, because it really doesn't interest me, but also I suppose there could be some annoyance there...Either way, I can empathise with having a certain degree of negative emotion in response to it. The only thing I would say is that your reactions seem a bit...um...disproportionate. Normally I'd say that whatever's normal for you is ok, but when you said you lost two close friends because of it, it made me wonder if there isn't something else at play. Generally nothing is really a problem until it starts to impact negatively on your life. Though I could totally understand your reaction if the friends in question were constantly going on about love etc ;) Thank you for your reply. I have also thought the same thing about my Reactions being disproportionate. what would you suggest I do about it? should I take my Mom up on her offer and go see a therapist? Well, you don't need to jump right in with therapy. There are other things you could try first. Have you sat down and thought about where all that emotion could be coming from? Identifying the course could be a big step, and looking inside yourself can help you understand who you are quite effectively. I will say the time I yelled at my friends was about 1.5 years ago and since then I have discovered asexuality. I think theo reasion I yelled at them was because I had all these feelings that were different from theirs and I felt alone. I didn't know it was okay to feel this way. Now if I see kissing or sex on TV I.just walk.out of the room and wait till its over. I finally accepted that I cant remove love and sex from the media I just need to stay away from it and move on:) Link to post Share on other sites
Verb Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Well, as long as it's under control there shouldn't be any problem ^_^ I'm pretty sure everyone's had their moments where they've let particularly strong emotions get the better of them. And especially in the situation you describe, the frustration caused by that confusion can be quite intense. Link to post Share on other sites
MinusCelsius Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I'd say take the offer and try therapy. Not to cure you from your dislike of romance, but for anger management. There's nothing wrong with getting mad or having a strong dislike, but the way you express that seems to be an issue if you lost friends over it. Anger management, or at least finding out why you freak out in a disproportionate way, is what you need. You can silently hate and dislike whatever you want, as long as you have the outbursts under control. Just because you freak at these specific things doesn't mean your anger is related to them, by the way. It's just an easy target to let it out - something you don't get or want, but everyone seems to rub in your face. That would make everyone a bit mad. And if there's already a lot anger waiting for a chance to get out, this is the moment it all explodes. There doesn't have to be a specific "target" that makes you "very mad", it could be a little thing here, a little thing there that sums up, and fires at the next best target (which happens to be the ever-present romance and sex; not uncommon that asexual aromantics are hypersenstive to it and face a permanent overload by what sexuals/romantics find normal or even subtle). In short, I don't think you should change your likes and dislikes. But you should find a way to not let that be an issue in your life, let it be with parents or friends. Trying what your mother suggests will, in any case, calm her down because she sees you at least try it. Worst case? Therapy doesn't help at all and you can chalk it up as a failed experiment. Best case? You find a way to control your anger. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDreamer Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Well to be honest, it isn't very normal for people to hate love the way you seem to do. Sure, there's people that's just not interested and so on. But to get so angry as you describe isn't anything I've ever heard about before. Maybe it might be an idea to try to talk to someone to sort out your feelings and maybe try to find out why you feel so strongly about this. Are you sure there's no reason why you hate it so much? Like has anyone you cared about really let you down at some point? Like close family or friends or someone else that you were really close to? Did anything happen two years ago that could have caused this hate? And I see you mention that you haven't been sexually harmed, but it could be anything else like someone you cared for abandoning you or something. No matter what, I think this is something you should try and work through. Link to post Share on other sites
TKDgirl101 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 When all this happened was about 1.5 years ago, so I do feel like I have my anger under control now. :D Link to post Share on other sites
Squirm Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 When all this happened was about 1.5 years ago, so I do feel like I have my anger under control now. :D Ahh don't listen to that crap, be as angry as you want. It helps if you just get into some sort of martial art so you can still be angry and learn how to "defend" yourself by beating the crap out of ppl when you spar. I seriously recommend keeping your anger. It helps. Link to post Share on other sites
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