samepage1 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 There have been a lot of threads (in Q&A) recently asking what aromanticism and romanticism are. For those of you who have been getting tired of the "same" topic over and over, I sympathize, but rest assured in knowing that every last one of them was useful in clarifying my understanding of what romantic and aromantic are. So I figure there must be other people who found them similarly useful. Somehow I managed to last over a year here on AVEN having a misunderstanding of what romantic means. Have other people had the same issue? Now that I understand, I can clearly see that I'm aromantic, which might have been useful to know a bit sooner. But maybe I'm just a huge blockhead when it comes to understanding some concepts; I had heard of asexuality at least 5 years before I actually understood what it was. I had thought that an asexual person would lack a libido, and I didn't think not wanting sex was a noteworthy trait, anyhow. I suppose that, likewise, I didn't think that not wanting a relationship was a noteworthy trait, either. I didn't realize that people were actually attracted in some sort of way to people that makes them want to have some sort of close emotional connection that essentially makes them want to be "with" someone and have some sort of relationship that somehow differs from a friendship in some way that I don't understand. It makes a lot more sense to think of myself as aromantic. It explains why love seems like a meaningless idea to me, and yet it carries so much weight with most people. I hate to say it, because I had previously had a distaste for all the descriptors that we have for ourselves here on AVEN, but now that it's clear to me that I'm aromantic, considering myself gray-asexual also makes more sense to me. Anyone else have trouble understanding romantic vs. aromantic and think something should be done to make the terms clearer on AVEN? How has understanding your romanticism/aromanticism affected your understanding of your sexuality or vice-versa? Link to post Share on other sites
Kavilk Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 In some regards I think romantic attraction is even hazier a concept than sexual attraction. I thought last night's episode of How I Met Your Mother was brilliant when Ted and Barney were thinking of raising a baby together instead of looking for wives. It made me think "Why do you go out looking for that someone when you already have good friends? What's the difference?". Link to post Share on other sites
Jillianimal Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I think I figured it out, but I'm not sure if my concept of it is the same as your concept =/ Link to post Share on other sites
ialex Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I am definitely romantic, but very slightly bi-romantic, I think I am exclusively heteroromantic but I'm not sure. My favorite movie is Garden State, I can't be aromantic. They are so cute. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Shuttershy Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Can an aromantic enjoy romance literature? Like, actuallt seek it out or write it? I just got confused because I'm understanding it that its when you're indifferent to the idea of romance entirely, or don't understand it, so then how can someone ejoy reading about romance and stuff, and be aromantic? Just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
samepage1 Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 Even to an aromantic, I think the idea of a romantic relationship can still seem like an appealing idea, and I think that's why I tried to have that kind of relationship. It didn't work. Similarly, the idea of eating vegetables to stay healthy sounds appealing, even if you don't like vegetables. It's when you go to eat them that it loses its appeal. Link to post Share on other sites
Jillianimal Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Can an aromantic enjoy romance literature? Like, actuallt seek it out or write it? I just got confused because I'm understanding it that its when you're indifferent to the idea of romance entirely, or don't understand it, so then how can someone ejoy reading about romance and stuff, and be aromantic? Just curious. I think so. Even going by how you understand it, yeah, if they aren't involved. I think of aromantic as the same as asexual, only being with romantic attraction instead of sexual. They don't experience infatuation (which may or may not include sexual attraction and/or desire for a relationship). I'm sure there are "unromantic" romantics who experience the attraction but don't care much for expressing it in flowery, mushy-gushy cliche ways out there. Link to post Share on other sites
maven Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Anyone else have trouble understanding romantic vs. aromantic and think something should be done to make the terms clearer on AVEN? How has understanding your romanticism/aromanticism affected your understanding of your sexuality or vice-versa? I do think there's a need for a more concrete definition of "romantic attraction," especially due to the recent explosion of topics asking about it. But I haven't been able to find a good definition (this may or may not be due to me being aromantic ). It's hard to define something when you don't feel it yourself- all I can say is that it looks like other people feel it, and I've never felt it. My favorite movie is Garden State, I can't be aromantic. They are so cute. LOL. I've never seen Garden State, but two of my favorite movies are 10 Things I Hate About You and Love Actually (they share the top spot with The Matrix and Gladiator). Being aromantic doesn't mean I don't think romance is cute - for other people. Can an aromantic enjoy romance literature? Like, actuallt seek it out or write it? I just got confused because I'm understanding it that its when you're indifferent to the idea of romance entirely, or don't understand it, so then how can someone ejoy reading about romance and stuff, and be aromantic?Just curious. Sure! I read romance novels throughout high school, mostly to try and understand what other people were feeling. Books were so much more descriptive than my friends' explanations of how they felt. And now I sometimes read them for fun. I usually don't bother with straight romance, but Urban Fantasy is my favorite genre and there's a decent amount of romance sprinkled throughout. I enjoy it because it's realistic - the characters aren't aromantic, they want to be in romantic relationships, and I'm happy for them when they find the person they want to be with. Link to post Share on other sites
wallflowerblooming Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I agree with maven--I firmly identify as aromantic but goooosh am I a sucker for cute people being cute at each other. I love that giddy-happiness, I really do. Would I want that kind of relationship? In the Real World, I don't think I could do it. In Fiction Land, however, I think it's fantastic. So I think a/romanticism deals with stuff in real life--beyond whether or not you like the idea of something. Do you actually like the real deal, I think, is what determines whether or not you're a/romantic and/or a/sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Jillianimal Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Anyone else have trouble understanding romantic vs. aromantic and think something should be done to make the terms clearer on AVEN? How has understanding your romanticism/aromanticism affected your understanding of your sexuality or vice-versa? I do think there's a need for a more concrete definition of "romantic attraction," especially due to the recent explosion of topics asking about it. But I haven't been able to find a good definition (this may or may not be due to me being aromantic ). It's hard to define something when you don't feel it yourself- all I can say is that it looks like other people feel it, and I've never felt it. I agree, which is why I tried explaining that all here. Basically it's infatuation in my eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
corvalis Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Yeah, I was in kind of the same boat as you, samepage1, especially on this: didn't realize that people were actually attracted in some sort of way to people that makes them want to have some sort of close emotional connection that essentially makes them want to be "with" someone and have some sort of relationship that somehow differs from a friendship in some way that I don't understand..I identified as ace by the time I was fifteen, but I didn't really realize I was aromantic until recently, when I met with some AVENites offline and talked to them about romantic attraction and what it felt like. The way they described it, of wanting to be close to a certain person and all that jazz, made me realize, yo, wait, I think I missed the boat on this one, too. Def never had the whole wanting to be close to somebody special thing going on. To me, though, aromanticism ties more into the quirks of my personality, and asexuality's its own weird, separate biological thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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