Grays, I've got some questions for you...

[Member33070]

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[JustLunar]

Well, I'm still on the gray/pure A fence, but I'll do my best.

-Yes, for ease of convenience. Although I have a few sexual traits, I am functionally asexual because I will not engage in sexual intercourse under any circumstances. Ultimately, when people ask, they want to know who/what you're willing to bang, not what's going on mentally.

-Asexuals, definitely. Sex-talk aside, I find that I just culturally mesh better with asexuals a lot better. Sure, it's a smaller demographic, but the ratio is way skewed.

-Erm. Maybe? I mean, I don't want to get into nitty-gritty, the "sexual" desires I do have are continually diminishing and are generally just a minor nuisance.

-It's rare for it to occur for me in real life. I think it's getting drilled into my head that people who do remotely sexual acts ultimately want to "go all the way", so my subconscious knows that it's better not to think about it.

-I am repulsed by sexual intercourse. More specifically, I find sexual organs to be utterly disgusting and I always have.

-That's a good question. I'm not entirely sure, but it's rare enough that I doubt it matters.

-Heh, if I could look at a sexual organ and think "that's not all that bad", then that would be the deal-breaker. Ain't going to happen any time soon, if at all.

Hopefully I could be of use. Best of luck with coming to terms with everything, I know how stressful it can be when you can't really pinpoint where you stand on the map.

[Guest]

I'm a gray and I'll try to do the best I can.

- Do you describe yourself as asexual (to others) ever? If so, why?

I describe myself as asexual to others more often than not because I see myself closer to asexual than sexual. The reason why I don't say I'm a gray is because I've noticed that a lot of people tend to be confused enough with the asexuality part :lol:

- Do you feel like you fit in more with sexuals or asexuals, or do you feel "trapped" between the two in the "grayness"?

I fit in with both groups pretty well. I've always hung out with a diverse group of friends so it really was just like "okay, never heard of that before...let's talk about it over lunch"

- Do you have a libido and how strong is it?

I do but it's not that strong.

- How often do you experience sexual attraction - like, how many people are you attracted to, would you say?

Besides Hugh Jackman...I'd say I've been sexually attracted to one or two people over my lifetime. Now if you wanted to know if I experienced any intrinsic sexual desire...that's a no.

- Are you repulsed, indifferent, or neither? And to what extent?

I'd say I was repulsed until I actually had sex. Now I'm more indifferent. To me, sex isn't something that I would want to do, but I wouldn't be against it under the right circumstances.

- Are you the sort that only experiences attraction under certain circumstances (ie - fetish, you're demisexual, etc)?

If you're talking about sexual attraction...it seems more or less random.

- At what "level" would you stop calling yourself gray and consider yourself fully "sexual"?

I've actually been thinking of that one a lot lately and I still haven't come up with a good answer. If I ever do, I'll pop in again

[Quill Pen Gentleman]

Gray-A here. I'm fairly sure I'm gray-a, anyways.

1. To the very few people I've come out to and to the even fewer who even bothered to ask, I say asexual for convenience sake. My asaexuality is like a cloud.

2. I relate to the ace community more than I relate to the sexual community, but I'm not biased when choosing friends or who I hang out with. Sexuality doesn't matter when choosing friends, at least to me.

3. My libido is low, and sometimes nonexistent. I tend to think about the subject of sex alot, though.

4. I've been sexually attracted mostly to cartoon characters (I think this is referred to as "donald ducking") and the majority of them are females. I can't say how many offhand, maybe five to ten at the most throughout my lifespan so far (I'm almost 20).

5. Most of the time I'm indifferent, but it varies. It depends on if I like the person or not and how I like them. In general I don't give a hoot if someone has sex, just as long as you do it where I can't see/hear/feel them while they engage in that activity.

6. Once I felt a small sexual attraction to a friend, but now I realize that it was me trying to prove something to myself rather than a regular sexual attraction. I think my "circumstance" for me is: a cartoon character that I find attractive and don't allow myself to think of something else. It takes me a while to actually be sexually attracted to someone and now that I'm actually giving it some thought I'm beginning to question my grayness. Hmmmm.

7. When I find someone that I automatically want to have sex with and keep on having this desire for a long time. That's when I would cry and say "I'm not ace anymore!" and then I'd probably get over it and find a way to avoid said person.

I feel a bit strange now becuase as far as I can tell, I've had to put some sort of conscious effort into being sexually attracted to someone (cartoon characters too).

[Wineblood]

Before I answer, I don't know where you place demi on the asexuality spectrum and how different you consider it to grey. That's the viewpoint I'll be answering from.

- Do you describe yourself as asexual (to others) ever? If so, why?

Yes. To people I don't know or just casually know, there's no difference between what I feel and what an asexual feels. I also don't feel like the details of it are any of their business and explaining the difference can be a pain. To close people, I might explain, depending on who they are. If I'm heading into a relationship with someone, I would definitely tell them in detail.

- Do you feel like you fit in more with sexuals or asexuals, or do you feel "trapped" between the two in the "grayness"?

Most of the time I fit in more with asexuals, but I do understand some of the things that affect sexuals.

- Do you have a libido and how strong is it?

I do have one. It is very strong. It's the main thing that made me doubt my asexuality before I discovered the terms "grey" and "demi".

- How often do you experience sexual attraction - like, how many people are you attracted to, would you say?

I have felt it twice in my life and both times for the same person.

- Are you repulsed, indifferent, or neither? And to what extent?

For hetero sex (I'm hetero-romantic), I'm generally indifferent and for homo sex, I'm mildly repulsed. As a demi, there have been a couple of times where I was inclined to try it and my indifference seemed to be somewhat gone, but I didn't have a chance to investigate it too much.

- Are you the sort that only experiences attraction under certain circumstances (ie - fetish, you're demisexual, etc)?

Demisexual, as I've said a few times now :P

I also have a "fetish" of sorts, although it might just be how my brain works, as I've found this also applying to non-sexual things.

- At what "level" would you stop calling yourself gray and consider yourself fully "sexual"?

When I would be changing my routine/appearance/behaviour only for the purposes of increasing my odds of having sex and would be willing to have sex with a few people. So, right now I'm working on improving my body for health/confidence, but if I were to aim for something specific that people find attractive then that would make me sexual (by my standards). Again, I've only felt sexual attraction to one person who I was close to, I don't consider sexual just from that. If I were to feel that for quite a few people, then I would consider myself sexual.

[Flying Hazels]

1. Do you describe yourself as asexual (to others) ever? If so, why?

I describe myself as asexual to other asexuals, but I do not mention my sexuality to people outside of our AVEN circle.

2. Do you feel like you fit in more with sexuals or asexuals, or do you feel "trapped" between the two in the "grayness"?

I fit in more with asexuals than with sexuals. I've never felt trapped between the two in the grey area.

3. Do you have a libido and how strong is it?

I'm certain that I do have a libido, but it lacks any significant strength.

4. How often do you experience sexual attraction - like, how many people are you attracted to, would you say?

I don't experience any sexual attraction. I'm caught in the romantic grey area.

5. Are you repulsed, indifferent, or neither? And to what extent?

I'm not repulsed. I feel slightly indifferent, but I also struggle with trying to completely purge romantic feelings. It might sound unconventional, but romance has been highly destructive and impractical for me.

6. Are you the sort that only experiences attraction under certain circumstances (ie - fetish, you're demisexual, etc)?

No.

7. At what "level" would you stop calling yourself gray and consider yourself fully "sexual"?

I wouldn't call myself sexual; my romantic identity is a different story.

[Fluffy Pink Robot!]

> Do you describe yourself as asexual (to others) ever? If so, why?

I rarely talk about my sexuality. The precise language I like to use is, "asexuality is an important part of my self-understanding."

Before I had "asexual" as a vocabulary word, I remember expressing a wish to have a roommate-like relationship with a romantic interest, and also, when I was in high school, having a conversation where we went around the table announcing our sexual orientation and I said something like, "I guess I'm straight but I don't really do anything with it."

- Do you feel like you fit in more with sexuals or asexuals, or do you feel "trapped" between the two in the "grayness"?

I find it hard not to assume that other people are asexual unless they talk about their sexuality, even though, logically, I know that this is not true. The fact that I avoid places where people are likely to be sexually expressive I'm sure has something to do with this.

When people make an overt sexual display or joke, it simultaneously feels like a wall and a bridge open up. On one hand I know that there is a difference between the two of us that I will never really understand, but at the same time, I (depending on the circumstance) at least respect their openness and appreciate that that side of their personality is no longer hidden from me.

- Do you have a libido and how strong is it?

It comes in waves. At the low end I forget it ever existed, at the high end it can compromise my self control.

- How often do you experience sexual attraction - like, how many people are you attracted to, would you say?

The term "sexual attraction" is problematic for me. If I see an attractive woman, I am immediately and viscerally aware of that fact, but this does not translate into a desire to take any action. If anything, I am just waiting for the sensation to go away and weary of having my judgment compromised. Sometimes people interpret this reaction as a lack of confidence, and, while they are not strictly wrong, I find this kind of hard-wired biological response egodystonic in a way that I can not imagine being willing to unlearn.

- Are you repulsed, indifferent, or neither? And to what extent?

When I have had sex, I find that it requires a certain force of will to overcome a resistance, but, otherwise, I don't think I'm in any way repulsed.

- Are you the sort that only experiences attraction under certain circumstances (ie - fetish, you're demisexual, etc)?

I'm really not sure how to answer this. I haven't mapped it out.

- At what "level" would you stop calling yourself gray and consider yourself fully "sexual"?

My impression is that sexual people find it upsetting to go more than X time without sex.

[Member33070]

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[Jockey]

I'm not voting because I don't know what I am.

I do sometimes describe myself as asexual.

I don't feel like I fit in anywhere, but I also don't feel trapped. I feel like I fit in a little bit everywhere.

I have a libido. At times, I believe it has been stronger than average, at times it's been totally absent, at the moment my guess is that it's roughly average for a guy my age.

I don't know if I've ever experienced sexual attraction. I'm not sure what sexual attraction is. If sexual attraction is wanting to have sex with somebody, never. If sexual attraction is being aroused by something a person does, maybe a couple times. If sexual attraction is blushing when somebody is around, the number is probably between a dozen and two dozen, only one being a celebrity. I don't know how a person can be sexually attracted to a character in a book.

I'm kind of grossed out by seeing sexual things, but not by talking about them. I don't really classify myself as either indifferent or repulsed.

I like to masturbate with particular things in mind, but I'm not sure they constitute a fetish. I don't think they do.

I am sexual in that I like to masturbate. Also I sometimes like people extra much. And I'm aware of a sort of attraction, only I don't think it's sexual. Frankly, I think I have all of the components of normal sexuality, only they don't fit together for me, so I don't actually want to have sex (or a relationship) with any people.

[alto]

I don't really know what I am and am still questioning. I think I may be a lesbian or bisexual going through an asexual phase, or a late bloomer. You see, my Grandma did not start feeling these things until 19 and I think I might turn out like that too.

I have described myself as a Gray-A to others. I have described myself as asexual to one person and now regret it. I feel as though I fit in with sexuals, most of my friends are sexuals and I fit in well with them.

What does having average libido feel like?

I've felt sexual attraction to 2 real life people. I also was infatuated toward two others but didn't feel any sexual attraction towards them.

I have never been sexually attracted to celebs or characters, although I think that some celebs are pretty. It would depend on what sexual attraction felt like. A description would help...

I love talking about sex and related topics! It's fascinating!

I think I may be demisexual in a way. I can be sexually attracted to strangers (although that's rare). However, I cannot fantasize about people I am not emotionally close to. It just doesn't work.

I don't know.

[Member33070]

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[MadRat]

Do you ever describe yourself as asexual to others?

Except AVEN, no. And I have no need to do so.

Which group do you feel like you "fit in with" best?

Gray-A, deffinitely. If I had to to choose only between asexual or sexual, I would choose asexual.

Do you have a libido? How strong is it?

Very strong.

How many real-life people have you met/seen (in life, not pictures/movies/etc) and been sexually attracted to?

I know for sure about one. Maybe I was vaguely attracted to more, but it was long ago. I don´t remember my feelings good enough. I don´t count them as indicator of my grayness.

How many real people have you observed (ie, celebrities, movie stars, etc) but not met, have you been sexually attracted to?

One.

How many fantasy characters (ie, not real) have you been sexually attracted to?

Two. I made up a fictional characters to help me with masturbation fantasies.:-D But when you´re atracted to a real person, it works better.

Which of these fits you best?

Other. Repulsed by certain aspects of sex (fluids) and certain practises (blow jobs, anal sex...) Repulsed by anything which resemble violence against me, even if it´s not real violence and it´s not really painful. Repulsed and scarred by the idea that I´m controlled by someone and I can do nothing against it. I´m absolutely inexperienced, so I would appreciate a leader, but very gentle, patient, tender leader who would be able to make me feel safe all the time. You can surely see how difficult it would be... :(

Afraid, or maybe even scarred of pain which would for sure be very strong during first sex (unbreakable hymen <_< ). And my nudity is VERY uncomfortable and degrading for me.

Do any of these things apply to you?

I am only into certain specific sexual things/situations.

At what "level" would you consider yourself fully sexual?

Definitelly if I was sexually attracted to a large number of people. And maybe if I was OK with more than very limited sexual practises too. My borders are not normal. It´s not only becuase of asexuality itself, I think.

[samepage1]

I answered the survey because I'm probably gray-a, although I don't actively think of myself as such, if that makes any sense; I consider myself asexual. I always describe myself as asexual to others and feel totally comfortable fitting in with the aces. My libido is probably somewhat above average, but not quite enough to consider it "very strong."

I feel quite comfortable calling myself asexual in the same way that I think that a guy who is attracted to many women could still reasonably call himself straight even if he were attracted to a few men.

So I hope I didn't gum up your survey.

[Member33070]

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[Yolly]

I'm demisexual :)

Do you describe yourself as asexual (to others) ever? If so, why?

I usually describe myself as demisexual, which often is accompanied with an explanation of asexuality. Sometimes I just say I identify on the asexual spectrum. I do so partly because I like not having to hide part of my identity and partly to raise awareness of asexuality.

Do you feel like you fit in more with sexuals or asexuals, or do you feel "trapped" between the two in the "grayness"?

I put trapped in the poll but it depends. Sexuality is an important part of my life (both personally and as a queer, feminist, sex education advocate) and sometimes I don't feel my opinions are necessarily considered welcome/appropriate /many asexuals don't want to hear about sex (which is fine obviously); so then I feel like I fit more in with sexuals. On the other hand, I can't relate to sexuals talking about sexual attraction really; so it's great to feel like I have the asexual community then. I guess I feel kind of like an asexual who happens to have been sexually attracted to someone, and a sexual who happens to only have ever been sexually attracted to one person; all at once. I guess if I had to pick I would probably choose sexuals right now (though that hasn't always been the case and quite possibly won't be in future) but I feel I fit into both (and neither).

Do you have a libido and how strong is it?

Yes, I said low; but it's difficult to know. There's such a wide range of "normal" and I don't really know (or particularly care).

How often do you experience sexual attraction - like, how many people are you attracted to, would you say?

I've been sexually attracted to one person (who I was in a long term relationship with) and what I'd say was the start of sexual attraction to one other person, a friend, but the real sexual attraction never developed (whether that was age, inexperience, the fact it was unrequited or something else I'm not sure). I've never been sexually attracted to someone I don't know.

Are you repulsed, indifferent, or neither? And to what extent?

When I'm sexually attracted to someone I want to have sex with them. When I'm not I don't, and the idea of having sex I don't want is pretty repulsive, but I wouldn't consider that being repulsed by sex.

Are you the sort that only experiences attraction under certain circumstances (ie - fetish, you're demisexual, etc)?

I'm demisexual. I'm only into certain things (which is true of everybody to some extent) - I can relate to the stone identity (though I don't tend to use it).

At what "level" would you stop calling yourself gray and consider yourself fully "sexual"?

What would have to change for me personally, is to be sexually attracted to lots of people/people I didn't know. But obviously that's just for me, I wouldn't police someone else's identity.

[Member 35376]

Do you describe yourself as asexual (to others) ever? If so, why?

Yes, but only if it is a detail that someone needs to know (potential partners that is.. sometimes I do slip and say it to close friends).

Do you feel like you fit in more with sexuals or asexuals, or do you feel "trapped" between the two in the "grayness"?

Very much trapped.. I am less repulsed by sex than most fully sexuals (in that aspect I can only compare myself to hypersexuals).

Do you have a libido and how strong is it?

Fluctuates quite a lot.

How often do you experience sexual attraction - like, how many people are you attracted to, would you say?

0. To make a long story short.

Are you repulsed, indifferent, or neither? And to what extent?

I am willing (LOL.. how did that come out).

Are you the sort that only experiences attraction under certain circumstances (ie - fetish, you're demisexual, etc)?

Something like that.. sexual attraction does not exist within me as such but under some specific circumstances I can act sexually but it is a "secondary action" where the "primary action" is either emotional or body contact (cuddling etc).

At what "level" would you stop calling yourself gray and consider yourself fully "sexual"?

TMI

When having no problem screwing for 8 hours (shitty drug (no.. there were no other drugs involved other than sex) but at least it made her happy).

PS: Great questions, Birdwing.. interesting to read peoples responses! :)

[Cirdan]

Do you describe yourself as asexual (to others) ever? If so, why?

Yes I generally do if it's brought up. This can often happen because I live with my girlfriend but we have separate rooms and nothing sexual has ever really happened between us.

Do you feel like you fit in more with sexuals or asexuals, or do you feel "trapped" between the two in the "grayness"?

I mostly feel I fit in with asexuals. Sometimes I think I'm maybe halfway between being asexual and gray-asexual :P

Do you have a libido and how strong is it?

I think it's maybe average/slightly below so. When I was with a sexual there was usually no real point us having sex more than once every two/three days as I wouldn't be able to finish so would have just been frustrating (although there was one exception to that...). By myself, probably once every two or three days usually, can be longer if I've got a lot on.

How often do you experience sexual attraction - like, how many people are you attracted to, would you say?

I don't know because I can't exactly work out whether I have experienced it or not....

Are you repulsed, indifferent, or neither? And to what extent?

Indifferent mostly. I can enjoy it (from experience). Certainly not repulsed.

Are you the sort that only experiences attraction under certain circumstances (ie - fetish, you're demisexual, etc)?

I don't think so really - normally I don't think I do but if things get to a certain level physically instincts kick in and I'm quite keen (putting it mildly) for them to keep going.

At what "level" would you stop calling yourself gray and consider yourself fully "sexual"?

I would definitely consider myself gray if I felt sexual contact was desirable and could be important in a relationship (I'm not sure I fully agree with this). If I felt that sexual contact was an essential part of a relationship then that would be fully "sexual".

[Member33070]

whee destroying AVEN history

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[JustLunar]

That's an interesting proposal, Birdie. Honestly I highly doubt that the mods would be so inclined to make a separate subforum for a minority among the minority that is AVEN, but it's worth a shot. The initial lack of visibility of gray-asexuality (and, honestly, the exclusivity of the "asexual" culture in general) is what put me off of AVEN for two years. Though, to be honest, I'm not sure the gray-a community could spawn enough threads to really warrant a separate area. Logistical rant, perhaps.

[Member33070]

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[Member 35376]

And is it really such a minority? I'm new to it all. I mean, it sure feels like a minority, but I'm willing to bet that there's tons of grays out there in the world. They just don't know it...

It is my experience that there are many greys and demis "out there". I use to say that if AVEN has shown anything (besides that there are people being "fully asexual") it is that people are fed up with an oversexualised world and many out there do not see sex as priority one.. we are dealing with so many personalities and ambitions out in the world and I believe sex is actually somewhat fading with time and with the other stuff we do in this life that is of highly important value (and that can be just about anything). How many out there have not met the love of their life and cared about the emotional bound before and actually beyond sex.. it does happen and it is getting more and more close to a norm I believe.

Though the constant flow of information (TV/movies/etc) are not keeping up with this reality.. they are still stuck way back in time. I have for example watched some really strong erotic movies (not porns) to find the PURE sexual aspect.. where a standard love movie with some sex scene completely misses the "core" of sexuality and instead shows some stupid cliché-version of sex and strong emotions. And on the other side of the coin.. where are all the REALLY alternative love movies? Nowhere to be seen.. almost. Polyamoury.. asexuality (incl grey).. etc.. nope.. not there. Funny.. because we can find all of those things in reality and they may be "advancing" or letting themselves show more fully with the information age.

[Member33070]

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[Member 35376]

An interesting concept, and I do agree that some things are oversexualized. But I don't think grays are necessarily fed up with an oversexualized society, we don't choose our orientation or level of attraction or anything. We don't choose to be gray...

Hmm.. mostly I am, as is known by now I guess (hehe), often fed up with HOW society treats different things. I can see a clear "system error" but it is on such a high level (for me) that I do not know exactly how one would even begin to change it (and I honestly do not know in general what people "out there" think about this either... I just have my own biased grasp of others viewpoint). In another one of your threads I speculated that written words may not be able to address some things correctly. And considering how influenced people are by series and movies... that thought has validity.

I think there might be a bit of an advantage for grays who hang around AVEN and really get a good grasp of the ace side of the coin, as well as the sexual side from the sexuals about, and from society in general. Knowing all of the different levels of attraction and whatnot.

Yes, I do think so too. Again.. we are flooded with so much BS-info/"enternainment" from "society" (=meaning SOME who clearly profit (as in big big cash OR some "fav ideology") from certain views) that it leaves people confused or just end with "the common adapted man" (who comes home to hirs daily dose of pills to be able to be in that position at all).. and to really draw this to its edge.. this life CAN be tough.. that info we are flooded with many times do NOT help us get through RL things... because it is not in synch with reality... and it is "outdated" (from my POV of course).

Even though I spent so much of my life being repulsed, I can't help but feel like I might end up turning "fully sexual" as I'm going through all this, and am just in a gray "phase" right now, so the last question on this poll is super important to me.

It feels weird as heck. Yep. There. I said it.

That deals with the easy SAID word "acceptance"... quite tough in RL ;)

[guitar sunshine]

Do you describe yourself as asexual (to others) ever? If so, why?

It's a lot simpler and most people dont understand the simple concept. Why confuse them more?

Do you feel like you fit in more with sexuals or asexuals, or do you feel "trapped" between the two in the "grayness"?

Way trapped. Not sexual enough to keep a bf, not asexual enough to find some else ace :/

Do you have a libido and how strong is it?

Rediculously high. But i don't like sex.. My body is just very receptive to touch.

How often do you experience sexual attraction - like, how many people are you attracted to, would you say?

I wouldnt call it sexual attraction if only because it's not about sex. For lack of better term, i'd say i'm sensually attracted to people because when i like someone like that i find great enjoyment both physically and mentally from just being close to them and touching/kissing/whatever in a sensual manner.

Are you repulsed, indifferent, or neither? And to what extent?

Sex positive, but when it comes to me having sex specifically, repulsed.

Are you the sort that only experiences attraction under certain circumstances (ie - fetish, you're demisexual, etc)?

like i said before, it's not about sex-it's about being sensual.

[Blood Angel]

•Do you describe yourself as asexual (to others) ever? If so, why?

I have never described myself sexually though I will talk about masturbation to friends and mention shemales or anime porn but never actually discuss my fixed sexuality or description, it is open to debate.

•Do you feel like you fit in more with sexuals or asexuals, or do you feel "trapped" between the two in the "grayness"?

I feel more asexual than anything.

•Do you have a libido and how strong is it?

Quite strong, I have to masturbate quite regular.

•How often do you experience sexual attraction - like, how many people are you attracted to, would you say?

I can't say I've ever felt sexual attraction, I have been aroused and almost had sex but never felt the urge to do it with any particular person.

•Are you repulsed, indifferent, or neither? And to what extent?

Indifferent, though somewhat repulsed when I could have had sex. I suppose I should have voted repulsed looking back because I didn't like the smell of it all. However I voted indifferent because I don't get squeamish when it comes to porn or talking about sex.

•Are you the sort that only experiences attraction under certain circumstances (ie - fetish, you're demisexual, etc)?

Maybe under certain circimstances, but lack the experience to know that for sure.

•At what "level" would you stop calling yourself gray and consider yourself fully "sexual"?

Probably when I actively seek sex for pleasure or change myself for another person to attract them sexually.

[Member33070]

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[NamTar]

I usually describe myself as just asexual, but in the past I think I did lean more toward grey-a and maybe I did feel something vaguely like sexual attraction. I don't even bother questioning it anymore, because I'm celibate by choice for the past ten years or so.

As a teenager I had a libido, mostly developed crushes on celebrities, real people (I mean people like classmates) were utterly unappealing to me.

I know I'm totally aromantic, I don't even question that. I think I might have experienced mild sexual attraction before, and I used to enjoy sex (the physical part of it).

For me, it's not that sex seems horrible or whatever, it's that I guess, people seem horrible. That's not right, either, hmm. When I think of myself as a "pair" with someone else, they suddenly seem all wrong (while they may be perfectly ok to have as a friend). For example, through college I had a very uncharacteristic crush on this guy in my classes, and he was nice, and interesting to look at (not conventionally attractive, though) but even if I imagined myself with him, I didn't REALLY want him sexually or romantically, so the crush made no logical sense, lol. I've even tried to imagine a "perfect" partner, and I can't, because it doesn't make sense for me to be with them (but it'd be ok for others).

Like, let's see. When I was 15 or so I had a crush on Trent Reznor. I liked his music, his voice, and thought he was interesting to look at. But if he had suddenly appeared naked in my bed one night, I wouldn've jumped and ran out of the house, lol. And I think maybe other people with celebrity crushes actually DO want to do stuff with the celeb they have a crush on. It's a big split with the fantasy and the reality.

Sorry if none of that made sense.

I relate to asexuals MUCH more than sexuals, but I don't think I know any aces in real life. I have a suspicion my brother might be one, but we're not close enough that we talk about such things with each other. If my friends are talking about sex and childbirth and such things, I just don't have much to contribute, I haven't had or wanted sex in over a decade (and even then, I wonder if it was confusion and teenage hormones).

The only way that my possible greyness affects me is that sometimes, I feel like I have a bit more empathy toward sexuals than some might.

[Guest Invisible Pumpkin]

* Do you describe yourself as asexual (to others) ever? If so, why?

I do so, to other asexuals.

* Do you feel like you fit in more with sexuals or asexuals, or do you feel "trapped" between the two in the "grayness"?

Asexuals, I wouldn't been dealing with all this pain nor been part of this community if I thought I fit with sexuals and would be able to have "normal" sexuals relationship with others. The major issue for me, it's not what I am, it's what I want.

* Do you have a libido and how strong is it?

I do!! Where is it? I lost it again :lol:. Ok getting serious mine it's related to love and hormones, it show up in very specific moments of the month, it's mostly low to average unless I'm in love, then it becomes a monster that can eat me

* How often do you experience sexual attraction - like, how many people are you attracted to, would you say?

If I'm in love, otherwise would be really rarely and in very specific situations.

* Are you repulsed, indifferent, or neither? And to what extent?

Neither. I could feel repulsed by very specific situations or acts, I'm sex positive and I would like to have sex with my partner but not on a regular basis, in my own terms and conditions and never as a important part of the relationship, more like a plus you can have in special moments.

* Are you the sort that only experiences attraction under certain circumstances (ie - fetish, you're demisexual, etc)?

Somehow...yes, but not related to fetish, read above.

* At what "level" would you stop calling yourself gray and consider yourself fully "sexual"?

I don't consider myself sexual, if it's so I would rather to tag me as grey, demi or just asexual. I really don't think a grey would ever consider their self fully sexuals, because we are not, but that's my opinion.

[Member33070]

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[Guest Invisible Pumpkin]

I really don't think a grey would ever consider their self fully sexuals, because we are not, but that's my opinion.

That question is sort of hoping to figure out the "boundary" between gray and sexual.

I was wondering what "level" of sexuality grays thought was "too sexual" to be considered "gray" anymore. Like what "amount" of sexual attraction, libido, or whatever else is "too much" for a gray.

It's all opinion and not really anything scientific. ;)

Also...I find it really adorable that two people have gone through and voted on all of the "I'm not a gray-A" :lol: Polls are irresistible, aren't they?!!

:P LOL my brain become a square when read that :redface:. Anyway I keep what I said, maybe greys are more open to sex, but many others asexuals that aren't grey are open too, who knows! :P