Jump to content

Demiromantic, Grey-A or Aromantic?


Ace Of <3 s

Recommended Posts

Ace Of <3 s

There are many things I am (still)confused about.

I don't think I have experienced romantic attraction. I am not sure because although I have felt more happy than usual when I have seen certain people, and reckon it is possible it is just because they are good friends or I am happy at the attention they give.... I am not quite sure on this. I think maybe it was low level attraction. For example, I kept unconsciously sighing happily when I spoke to them on msn or something xD So I think I identify as demiromantic.. but I am not sure until I get these questions answered below (as best as your ability allows xD).

I don't quite understand how someone could experience attraction without knowing someone well, so I don't quite understand the concept of grey-a. What are your experiences of being grey-A? I have heard some people say they have been attracted to celebrities. What are you attracted to with them? I like the personality of Jack Sparrow... his wit, charm and the fact he is funny and an enigma, even if he does act like a dick at times :L Is this romantic attraction or just admiration??

Another thing I don't understand is when do you "know someone well"? How well do you need to know them to say you are demiromantic rather than say grey-a?

A BIG question I have always wondered about:

When do you decide you are aromantic? I don't mean decide as in choose, I mean identify. For example, if I haven't experienced romantic attraction yet is that because you are aromantic or haven't found that specific person you just love? Are you just picky or are you actually aromantic? Do you wait until say you are 40 before you definitely know- as due to probability if you havent found someone already you are likely to be aromantic?

The definition of aromantic is not experiencing romantic attraction... but does that definition also include not wanting a relationship? What if you want a relationship but havent loved anyone?

I know romantic love etc has a spectrum as well as sexuality, but I am trying to understand each bit of the spectrum more xD

And whats the difference between familial love and romantic love??

Sorry, I have just realised how many questions I have asked.... Sorry!

Any replies will be welcome though

Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't quite understand how someone could experience attraction without knowing someone well, so I don't quite understand the concept of grey-a.

To what I understand, gray-A people feel sexual attraction only under certain circumstances, not necessarily related to knowing the person well. They could feel sexually attracted to someone they don't know much or not feel sexually attracted to someone they like. Depends.

If you're talking about demisexuals, then it's different. They tend to feel sexual attraction only after falling in love with someone, and only for that one person.

Also, what you feel toward Sparrow looks more like admiration and/or aesthetic attraction to me. :P

Another thing I don't understand is when do you "know someone well"? How well do you need to know them to say you are demiromantic rather than say grey-a?

Demiromantics are the equivalent of demisexuals but on the romantic side, not the sexual one. Namely, they can fall in love with someone after knowing them for long and appreciating them as people. The "hard to get" ones, if you want a rather silly metaphor. For the comparison with gray-A, see above.

When do you decide you are aromantic? I don't mean decide as in choose, I mean identify. For example, if I haven't experienced romantic attraction yet is that because you are aromantic or haven't found that specific person you just love? Are you just picky or are you actually aromantic? Do you wait until say you are 40 before you definitely know- as due to probability if you havent found someone already you are likely to be aromantic?

The definition of aromantic is not experiencing romantic attraction... but does that definition also include not wanting a relationship? What if you want a relationship but havent loved anyone?

Whenever you feel it, like defining yourself asexual. Potentially, you could be romantic or demiromantic and just couldn't find the one for you yet, but that's up to you to understand and define. The line between aromantic and demiromantic isn't as thick as you might imagine after all. There's no precise age, as there is no precise age at which you can say you're asexual, or when you fall in love or marry or whatever; everyone must find their own. And no, being aromantic doesn't mean you don't want a relationship. It just means you could not want a romantic relationship, but some aromantics do look for an "aromantic significant other", i.e. either a very close friend or someone to live with, for reasons other than romance.

And whats the difference between familial love and romantic love??

It differs in the way you feel and what you want from that person, I guess. You wouldn't be jealous if a brother/sister had a significant other, generally speaking, nor would you want to spend all your life with them (though some people who lack a romantic partner do live with their brothers and sisters). Huh... I can't explain it very well, I guess, but you'll eventually find out if and when you fall in love :P

Link to post
Share on other sites
cthuvianace

For me, in friendships that have newly become very close, I often have difficulty differentiating between platonic and romantic love. (I'm demiromantic, by the way.)

I rarely experience romantic attraction, but sometimes I confuse myself into thinking maybe I am experiencing it. I get very mixed up at times, as far as whether the feelings I have for someone are very deeply platonic, in the way of a squish, or romantic, in the way of a crush. For me, how I know for sure is how long the attraction lasts. If it's platonic, I usually get really obsessive for a while, then it kind of fizzles when I haven't seen the friend in a while. When it's romantic, it sticks around alot longer, and I have difficulty getting that person out of my head for more than just a few days.

As far as defining yourself as aromantic, it's entirely up to you. For me, how I identify romantically has always been a bit of a journey, throughout my life, as I understand myself better and better. I've identified as aromantic, heteroromantic, biromantic, and panromantic before fully figuring out romantic orientation (or at least I think I've got romantic orientation figured out) and settling on demiromantic.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ace Of <3 s
I don't quite understand how someone could experience attraction without knowing someone well, so I don't quite understand the concept of grey-a.

To what I understand, gray-A people feel sexual attraction only under certain circumstances, not necessarily related to knowing the person well. They could feel sexually attracted to someone they don't know much or not feel sexually attracted to someone they like. Depends.

If you're talking about demisexuals, then it's different. They tend to feel sexual attraction only after falling in love with someone, and only for that one person.

Also, what you feel toward Sparrow looks more like admiration and/or aesthetic attraction to me. :P

Another thing I don't understand is when do you "know someone well"? How well do you need to know them to say you are demiromantic rather than say grey-a?

Demiromantics are the equivalent of demisexuals but on the romantic side, not the sexual one. Namely, they can fall in love with someone after knowing them for long and appreciating them as people. The "hard to get" ones, if you want a rather silly metaphor. For the comparison with gray-A, see above.

When do you decide you are aromantic? I don't mean decide as in choose, I mean identify. For example, if I haven't experienced romantic attraction yet is that because you are aromantic or haven't found that specific person you just love? Are you just picky or are you actually aromantic? Do you wait until say you are 40 before you definitely know- as due to probability if you havent found someone already you are likely to be aromantic?

The definition of aromantic is not experiencing romantic attraction... but does that definition also include not wanting a relationship? What if you want a relationship but havent loved anyone?

Whenever you feel it, like defining yourself asexual. Potentially, you could be romantic or demiromantic and just couldn't find the one for you yet, but that's up to you to understand and define. The line between aromantic and demiromantic isn't as thick as you might imagine after all. There's no precise age, as there is no precise age at which you can say you're asexual, or when you fall in love or marry or whatever; everyone must find their own. And no, being aromantic doesn't mean you don't want a relationship. It just means you could not want a romantic relationship, but some aromantics do look for an "aromantic significant other", i.e. either a very close friend or someone to live with, for reasons other than romance.

And whats the difference between familial love and romantic love??

It differs in the way you feel and what you want from that person, I guess. You wouldn't be jealous if a brother/sister had a significant other, generally speaking, nor would you want to spend all your life with them (though some people who lack a romantic partner do live with their brothers and sisters). Huh... I can't explain it very well, I guess, but you'll eventually find out if and when you fall in love :P

My attraction for Jack Sparrow seems platonic then :P

So does that mean that grey romantics can feel romantic attraction in only certain situations but not necessarily know the person well too?

And so aromantics won't have romantic relationships because they don't experience romantic attraction, but can have platonic mutalistic relationships... do any aromantics want a romantic relationship if they could experience that attraction?

I think your point about being jealous of a significant other is a good way to explain it :P

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ace Of <3 s

For me, in friendships that have newly become very close, I often have difficulty differentiating between platonic and romantic love. (I'm demiromantic, by the way.)

I rarely experience romantic attraction, but sometimes I confuse myself into thinking maybe I am experiencing it. I get very mixed up at times, as far as whether the feelings I have for someone are very deeply platonic, in the way of a squish, or romantic, in the way of a crush. For me, how I know for sure is how long the attraction lasts. If it's platonic, I usually get really obsessive for a while, then it kind of fizzles when I haven't seen the friend in a while. When it's romantic, it sticks around alot longer, and I have difficulty getting that person out of my head for more than just a few days.

As far as defining yourself as aromantic, it's entirely up to you. For me, how I identify romantically has always been a bit of a journey, throughout my life, as I understand myself better and better. I've identified as aromantic, heteroromantic, biromantic, and panromantic before fully figuring out romantic orientation (or at least I think I've got romantic orientation figured out) and settling on demiromantic.

See I have never quite understood the term "squish". I had never heard of it until I came to AVEN...

Is that like the admiration I have for Jack Sparrow? :D

Link to post
Share on other sites

It differs in the way you feel and what you want from that person, I guess. You wouldn't be jealous if a brother/sister had a significant other, generally speaking, nor would you want to spend all your life with them (though some people who lack a romantic partner do live with their brothers and sisters).

And some people aren't jealous just because their boyfriend/girlfriend has another partner either.

Link to post
Share on other sites

And some people aren't jealous just because their boyfriend/girlfriend has another partner either.

See, that's why I said it's difficult to explain. It mostly lies in the feeling and behaviour in my opinion, but it's still different for everyone. It'd be complicate to give a definition that is worth for everyone.

So does that mean that grey romantics can feel romantic attraction in only certain situations but not necessarily know the person well too?

And so aromantics won't have romantic relationships because they don't experience romantic attraction, but can have platonic mutalistic relationships... do any aromantics want a romantic relationship if they could experience that attraction?

About grays, yes, I'd say so. I haven't quite figured out the difference between demiromantic and gray-romantic, because unlike demisexual and gray-A it's a little more blurry to me. I do know of some aromantics who are wanting to establish a long-term nonromantic relationship (there's been a thread on it some time ago) and I guess they would want a romantic relationship if they were romantic themselves, it's just that they are not. You should ask these questions to those directly interested, they would surely give you a more precise answer than any of my speculations :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
cthuvianace

See I have never quite understood the term "squish". I had never heard of it until I came to AVEN...

Is that like the admiration I have for Jack Sparrow? :D

That's pretty much exactly what a squish is. I define a squish as a "friend crush". It's a personal who I have really intense platonic feelings for, and love them very much, but have no desire for anything romantic with them. Essentially it's like a platonic crush, and for me the feeling attached has always been, "Oh my god, you're so awesome and I love you so much but I don't want to date you, I just want you to be my friend for ever and ever and never leave my side!"

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ace Of <3 s

See I have never quite understood the term "squish". I had never heard of it until I came to AVEN...

Is that like the admiration I have for Jack Sparrow? :D

That's pretty much exactly what a squish is. I define a squish as a "friend crush". It's a personal who I have really intense platonic feelings for, and love them very much, but have no desire for anything romantic with them. Essentially it's like a platonic crush, and for me the feeling attached has always been, "Oh my god, you're so awesome and I love you so much but I don't want to date you, I just want you to be my friend for ever and ever and never leave my side!"

So that is essentially like my best friend xD

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...