weathered fair Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 I'm not a fortune teller, but I've come to the conclusion that I'm an aromantic asexual and will be one for the rest of my life. So, it's like, what now? If you're heterosexual or a bisexual in a hetero relationship, I expect that a large part of your life-plan might revolve around the possibility of marriage and acquiring children. If you're a homosexual or a bisexual in a homosexual relationship, and you live in the right country or state, your game-plan might look something like that too. In addition to that, if you're ho or bi, you might have the option to work as an advocate for YOUR peers, become part of a community, or whatever. In the western world, the largest portion of your adult life is set to revolve around the romantic relationships you'll form with other people. The second largest part of your life is set to revolve around your career- for myself and most people that I know, this means working at a job you hate for more hours than you'd prefer, and making less money than you deserve and can live comfortably on. This part of the game is nothing to look forward to at all. But with that avenue being the only one available to you, what do you do indeed? My logical reaction to this is to make up for the lack of a romance pot by throwing all my cards into the friendship pot. Friendship is AWESOME, after all. However, the older I get, the more difficult it seems to form AWESOME friendships. While you're placing top priority on being buddy-buddy with others, they're placing top-priority on their girlfriend, their future husband, etc. etc. I suspect things will become worse than this when my peers and I continue to age and ACTUAL HUSBANDS and ACTUAL WIVES and OFFSPRING come into the mix. In this scenario, playing second banana is unavoidable. But being a second banana is a really unpleasant role to fill- you've got nowhere to go but down and anything that person does with you will always be second tier since they've got something much better, sweeter and much more meaningful on the side. If I may emo up the place for a bit...it's super duper lonely like this- whether this is reality or an error in perception. Some days Absolutely all the time, I think I would make things much easier for myself if I pretended to be sexual and romantically interested with people. Buuut, I could never go through with it- for easily guessable reasons, I'm sure. Anyway, I hope I can get over this. How would you accelerate that? What do guys think? Any worries of your own? /refers to title again Link to post Share on other sites
Jess312 Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Hi! I'm aromantic also. I feel the same way most of the time... Everyone is interested in dating, and I just want a friend. Keep true to yourself! You're not alone.. Link to post Share on other sites
mylittlehazmat Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Despite being aromantic, I have had several relationships ... and since I can't disclude the fact I might have an SO in the future, despite my inability to love them romantically, I worry that I might not be able to satisfy them in the way they need, ie. romantically. T_T However, that is not going to stop me from throwing everything into me, me, me, my ambition and me. :3 So selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
weathered fair Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 Three cheers for relating to each other's problems! :D I know that I'm technically not alone- the world is filled with many people- but none of the folk I feel I have a chance of relating to exactly are here in front of me, in the meat. I should be happy that I at least have the nets, but still I want more. I feel like Ariel right now. D: EDIT: Hazmat! What's an SO? What kind of ambitions are you shooting for? Link to post Share on other sites
Loosed Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Nice thing about being aromantic is not being tied down by the need to acquire a mate (and possibly to raise young.) You can instead focus your undivided energies on other worthier pursuits...like the cure for cancer, making wads of cash, or cake pie! Friendships will follow so long as you are open to them (and open to letting them know you will only be interested in friendship should they mention anything more). Link to post Share on other sites
Oro Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Hey, fellow aromantic here. :) I feel your worries. But I figure since you're not concerned with getting a significant other (SO as abbreviated above in mylittlehazmat's post) don't stress about other's getting 'em. It's how the majority of the world functions and although I think it's incorrect and troublesome to put SO relationships always-and-just-because in front of other relationships (namely the platonic ones I'm after) it's still possible to make it work. :) I have a good relationship with my friend and her SO, in that I'm friends with both of them and we hang out as a trio most of the time. But I think the positivity of that situation hinges on how good the two of them are at being inclusive and not making me feel like a third wheel. Just gotta find peeps like them. :) And stick to your guns! Just because you're not someone's lover doesn't make you any less important! Link to post Share on other sites
ashly~ Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 I feel ya. I'm getting close to that stage where all of my friends are paring off into serious relationships and marriage and all that stuff. Coming in second place sucks and while I know that I'll always have friends (so in that sense I'll never truly be alone) I would very much like someone to consider me their first place and not have to worry about them leaving 'cause of something I can't do. But I have my good days and bad days, so really this issue only worries me on bad days. I'm lucky enough that at least the job/working portion of my life can turn out decent enough for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Kurai-Tenshi_Niks Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 I would say I'm borderline aromantic..not too sure. I do worry about the same things though...most of my friends are either getting married or in serious relationships..it's hard to find a bunch of friends who aren't interested in dating and just want to chill out ya know? I get by alright though, i try not to worry about it too much, only because in the end I end up getting too depressed over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sennkestra Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 As an aromantic, my ideal goal would be to find someone (or more than one?) who thinks likewise, as a sort of SO (significant other) or at least a friend who will still meet up with me. And, even though I'm an aromantic ace, If I found an amazing person who still wants to be with me, I can compromise in a relationship if I like the person. I may not have a passionate romance, but I do feel affection of some kind. And I can cook :D As for ways to avoid being forever alone...if you can get involved in some kind of activity, like a volunteer or interest group, you will a least be able to make friends and meet up with them there. I suppose, rather than a romantic partner, my ideal goal in life is to find a roommate. Something like a live-in best friend, I suppose. I can find friends and companionship through work and/or shared activities, but I really just want someone I can come home to. Even if it were someone I only sort of got along with, I just really don't want to live alone. Like, if you've ever seen Sherlock, I want something like that. Not a romantic interest, necessarily, but a flatmate and a friend. Someone who I can trust and come home to. A John to my Sherlock. Link to post Share on other sites
Samael Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 As an aromantic, my ideal goal would be to find someone (or more than one?) who thinks likewise, as a sort of SO (significant other) or at least a friend who will still meet up with me. And, even though I'm an aromantic ace, If I found an amazing person who still wants to be with me, I can compromise in a relationship if I like the person. I may not have a passionate romance, but I do feel affection of some kind. And I can cook :D Hah, that sounds perfect to me! :D I can feel like home on this thread. I've always been aromantic as well, but only during the recent years have I started to wonder what the future really looks like. I don't want or need a relationship, if by that term we make reference to romantic or sexual relations. I wouldn't, however, mind some kind of partner-in-crime at some point, an aromantic partner :) The benefits of having one usually exceeds the benefits of flying solo, so that would be my main incentive to remain open to (unconventional!) SO's. As to the OP's question, I don't actively worry about this matter though. Most my time goes to working anyways, so I'll busy myself with the productive aspect of life for the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Feather Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Like, if you've ever seen Sherlock, I want something like that. Not a romantic interest, necessarily, but a flatmate and a friend. Someone who I can trust and come home to. A John to my Sherlock. That's what I want. I think I could be okay alone because I don't think I wouldn't be lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
Kotoko Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 I've been on the exact same wavelength lately! I've been wondering, "What the hell am I going to do with my life?" I'm turning 23 soon. Based on the fact that both my grandparents lived into their 90's and longevity may be genetic, I have many many years left to live. Yeah, I can work. I have a decent job that I've been working at for about a year now, and it's steady. But that's it. It's "just steady". I feel like I need a little more out of life besides working, sleeping, grocery shopping, and cleaning with occasional outings with friends (which don't involve a whole lot, as there's nothing to do in this city for young people). I've thought about getting a hobby, about learning something new. I mean, I've always wanted to learn to play the cello and I probably have enough savings to pursue that goal. But I work part-time shift work, both days and nights, so my schedule is as erratic as they come. I can't commit to a weekly thing. And there's the whole volunteer thing to help people to pass time and do meaningful stuff, but my job is all about helping people. Don't get me wrong, I like helping people, but I don't really want to be doing it ALL the time. It'll just remind me of work and drain me physically and emotionally and I don't need that. So, yeah. What else do I do? How do I fill in this vast amount of time that is my life without wasting it all? I want my life to be fulfilling and meaningful, but for most people, as you said, it involves finding that "special someone" and perhaps raising a family...but again, that's not for me. What else is there, then? This dilemma has been driving me nuts for the past few weeks =/ Link to post Share on other sites
mylittlehazmat Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 EDIT: Hazmat! What's an SO? What kind of ambitions are you shooting for? An SO is a Significant Other. For relevant trivia, a "zucchini" is the colloquial term for an aromantic SO. My ambition is to do film directing. *squeaks and hides under the sofa* EDIT: I also want a Pharaoh hound. SO CUTE. And then I would have a companion, a dose of unconditional love and aww, I would be happy. n_n Link to post Share on other sites
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