The Line Between Romantic and Aromantic

[Vampyremage]

I'm starting to realize that the line between those who are romantic and aromantic really isn't as clear as one might think at first glance. To me, it seems much more like a spectrum in a very similar way as sexuality is a spectrum. Not only do you have the tradtional orientation spectrum, but also a spectrum of amount. If one is romantic, that person can have a greater or lesser romantic drive, with the lowest end being completely aromantic.

I came to this conclusion not only because of conversations I've been having with my SO, but also through reading some of the threads here. For example, I consider myself to be panromantic, but I'm realizing that my romantic "drive" really isn't as strong as many. I like being in a relationship, but I am almost as happy simply being alone. On the other end, there seem to be those who almost need to be in a relationship in order to feel complete and content with life.

I'm curious on other's opinions of this manner. Any other "light" romantics out there?

[Pandoren]

Agreed. That's why I use the term "grey-romantic".

[Vampyremage]

Agreed. That's why I use the term "grey-romantic".

So would that potentially make me an asexual grey-panromantic? Hmm, that does seem like a bit of a mouthful.

[Rhaenys]

Agreed. That's why I use the term "grey-romantic".

Same with me.

I feel romantic attraction but this fluctuates and most of the time I'm borderline aromantic. In addition I disregard my romantic attraction too.

[Pandoren]

Yeah, it is a bit. I generally just use "grey-romantic" by itself, leaving off "gyne/homo" especially since I wouldn't really know where to put it lol. I guess for someone who wants to display the extra word as an addition of importance then it is a bit more complicated.

[you*hear*but*do*you*listen]

I'm full romantic, but for a while I was in a relationship with someone (who is sexual, actually) who is definitely on the nebulous border between aromantic and romantic. She actually uses "demiromantic".

[Vampyremage]

I guess I probably could be considered grey-romantic. That being said, however, for me I'm not sure that they grey portion holds that same important as the pan portion. Therefore I think I may just retain my panromantic label with the understanding that I probably am verging on being grey-romantic.

[Pepipanda]

I consider myself an aromantic who wants to have a partner (later in life). No attraction, but there's still the desire for a companion, some kind of super best friend to potentially settle down and raise kids with.

[Guest]

I'm more romantic than I could ever think. Up till before getting in a relationship I was fine with being single, but my love for him is so strong that I would never be able to bear a breakup (which, sadly, I need to expect at any given time since he's not asexual).

I'd never get into another relationship to forget a breakup though. I'd feel very lonely, but I don't think I'd be able to love someone else so deeply.

[Osek]

I consider myself an aromantic who wants to have a partner (later in life). No attraction, but there's still the desire for a companion, some kind of super best friend to potentially settle down and raise kids with.

Same here, minus the kids.

I want to be romantic, but I'm not. I find myseld hoping that eventually I'll find the right person(who will agree to exchange Hershey kisses instead of actually kissing), but really I think I'm just in denial.

[MadeOfStars]

I think I am probably gray-romantic. I am married and love my husband, but our relationship is more or less "best friends with benefits," and by "benefits" I mean kissing and cuddling, not sex. As far as I'm concerned that's a perfect arrangement. Before him I had crushes and thought about dating, but every time I had an opportunity to date or kiss someone I kind of freaked out and avoided it, all along thinking I was just scared/not ready but now I think maybe I wasn't actually attracted to them romantically, or maybe I just don't have much of a romantic drive? I had one other relationship before my husband, but I was kind of coerced into it, and it only lasted three months. There was definitely nothing romantic about it.

But I don't think I exactly qualify as aromantic either. I'm just not sure. Gray sounds like a useful way of describing what feels different from completely platonic somehow, in an undefinable way, yet doesn't fit the usual idea of romance.

[Moon Thief]

For awhile I've been thinking if I would be aromantic or romantic. I've been thinking that I would be classified as romantic, in the fact that I know in the future that I want to have a companion. On the other hand I just have moments where romanticism seems like a huge turn off, while other times I wouldn't mind having a little bit of affection.

[xanthesun]

I consider myself an aromantic who wants to have a partner (later in life). No attraction, but there's still the desire for a companion, some kind of super best friend to potentially settle down and raise kids with.

That's kind of how I'm feeling right now too! Like someone to be intimate (as in sharing thoughts/feelings) but not necessarily more than that.

[FedoraMan]

I've been thinking lately that I might fit into this or a similar category, in that I have romantic feelings but no desire for a relationship.

[shouzensetsu]

I'm pretty much aromantic but sometimes I just wish I had someone who would hold me. I think dating is a waste of time and I can't understand why anyone would do it. But I DO want to be loved. But it could just be a really close friend, it doesn't need to be romantic. I don't even understand what separates a romantic relationship from a deep friendship. For a while I thought it was sex but if there's romantic asexuals then I guess that isn't the case. I'm pretty clueless, really.

[test account]

I think the difference between a romantic relationship and a friendship or aromantic relationship is just the level of bullshit tolerated and enjoyed by both parties :D I'm a romantic and I love bullshit--i actually get seduced and believe in it on and off, but my aromantic pragmatic side brings me down to earth again.

[catonahottinroof]

I confuse myself with this issue all of the time. My two sides are: " Yay! I like you!" and "Please get away from me, if I'm near you a second longer I will kill myself." I have a really strong need to be by myself even if I'm in a relationship. On the other hand, I do surprisingly well as a partner and I enjoy that bond, the feeling of a working, happy relationship. So...... in a perfect world, I would have a mate who gets that my introversion is very important to me, its not something that I can (or want to) change. Someone that accepts that I don't mind sharing space, but I create my own space within that space. You see, totally confusing.

[Qutenkuddly]

Agreed. That's why I use the term "grey-romantic".

So would that potentially make me an asexual grey-panromantic? Hmm, that does seem like a bit of a mouthful.

Yep. I'm a hetero-romantic asexual cis-gender male. It's almost to the point where we should be buying label makers; maybe wear the whole phrase printed on a bracelet or something. XD

[Vampyremage]

Agreed. That's why I use the term "grey-romantic".

So would that potentially make me an asexual grey-panromantic? Hmm, that does seem like a bit of a mouthful.

Yep. I'm a hetero-romantic asexual cis-gender male. It's almost to the point where we should be buying label makers; maybe wear the whole phrase printed on a bracelet or something. XD

Well, if we're listing off all our labels, then to be completely correct I guess I'd be a gender neutral asexual grey-panromantic :P

Hmm, I think I'm starting to like this label maker idea. Sounds like I could do with one of those as well haha.

[Lano]

Personally I consider myself romantic, but I don't need romance. I would love to be in a relationship, but the difficulties in finding someone who will work well with me AND be able to deal with me is enough of an incentive to keep me from looking. And that's ok too.

But if I ever meet someone who'd fit my life well, I'd accept that pretty easily!

[CompassRose]

I think of myself as demiromantic as opposed to grey romantic. The difference being that I need to become close to the person before any romantic feeling is able to kick in. Then throw in grey/demi ish asexuality and homoromanticism and you start to understand why I quail at the idea of trying to explain myself to people. In general I'd prefer to just be mysterious. ;)

[Fancy-Porridge]

I've been thinking about where I fit into the whole romantic spectrum for a while now, and it's enough to make me utterly insane. There have been a couple of times where I thought having a romantic relationship would be nice, but lately it seems like it would be too much of a commitment. When it comes to relationships, there's all these expectations that come into play. The idea just doesn't really appeal to me anymore.

I like the situation I'm in now: living with my family and spending plenty of time with my friends. With my family, there's very few expectations. As long as I behave, keep my grades up, and acknowledge the fact that they exist once in a while, there's no problem. My circle of friends is made up of awesome people. We have a blast whenever we go somehwere together, and the majority of them are pretty affectionate, so I can get the occasional hug. I loves teh hugs. :3

With friends, there's no constant need to snuggle or "just talk" do other gushy, gooey couple-ish things. Sometimes I can sit silently with a friend for a long time and...it's enough. Know what I mean? Just them being there is fine. And I absolutely need my alone time. I can't see myself living with someone, much less if we're in a relationship. Sometimes even my family can be pretty damn overbearing, but I can tolerate them since we've been together my whole life. Thank goodness I have my own room, I can retreat there when I need solitude.

So there's my two cents. TL;DR I need affection and friends but that's pretty much it. So, aromantic? It could change in the distant future though.

[Chickenpede]

Hmm, it definitely is a spectrum. I am heavily on the aromantic side of things, maybe because of my lack of understanding of romance, and also my dislike of how romance is viewed in society (I don't like lovey-dovey mushy stuff at all). I also seem to be missing the "needing" someone else part of romance, and there is no one I currently know that I absolutely "need" in my life. But I have noticed some strong homoromantic tendencies recently, as well as some past heteroromanticism (very little).

So you could say I'm about 90% aromantic, 10% biromantic (leaning towards homoromantic). That's quite a label. :)

[AndrewGyne]

Agreed. That's why I use the term "grey-romantic".

So would that potentially make me an asexual grey-panromantic? Hmm, that does seem like a bit of a mouthful.

Yep. I'm a hetero-romantic asexual cis-gender male. It's almost to the point where we should be buying label makers; maybe wear the whole phrase printed on a bracelet or something. XD

LOL! I identify as a polyamorous androromantic demisexual male androgyne on Aven and as a polyamorous homoromantic demisexual on Facebook ... but everywhere else I just prefer queer.

I hail from the Maritimes too. 8)

[Vampyremage]

Agreed. That's why I use the term "grey-romantic".

So would that potentially make me an asexual grey-panromantic? Hmm, that does seem like a bit of a mouthful.

Yep. I'm a hetero-romantic asexual cis-gender male. It's almost to the point where we should be buying label makers; maybe wear the whole phrase printed on a bracelet or something. XD

LOL! I identify as a polyamorous androromantic demisexual male androgyne on Aven and as a polyamorous homoromantic demisexual on Facebook ... but everywhere else I just prefer queer.

I hail from the Maritimes too. 8)

Well if we're including gender identity in our full label, then that would make me asexual grey panromantic gender neutral :P

[Bijou]

I consider myself an aromantic who wants to have a partner (later in life). No attraction, but there's still the desire for a companion, some kind of super best friend to potentially settle down and raise kids with.

Exactly, though without the part about kids (I'm kind of paranoid that if I have children, they'll turn out to be psychopaths or something because I'd be afraid to let them out of my sight, ever). I definitely find myself wishing for this kind of a super best friend, though I don't know how to find one. It doesn't help that I have a tendency to be afraid of/not like people, so I tend to hide away unless I feel a particularly compelling drive to be around others.

[Old_Bean]

I consider myself aromantic because I have never understood the concept of love and doubt I ever will, unless of course I fall head over heels in love with someone. While I accept that this is a possibility I'm not holding my breath. But, as others have mentioned, I would some day like to find a partner for hugs and companionship and someone nice to come home to at the end of the day. Someone who likes to have me around but is ok if I'm not and vice-versa. Like an awesome housemate I can share a bed with. Although preferably a woman, so I don't know where that leaves me.

I think I'm now more confused.

[Qutenkuddly]

Agreed. That's why I use the term "grey-romantic".

So would that potentially make me an asexual grey-panromantic? Hmm, that does seem like a bit of a mouthful.

Yep. I'm a hetero-romantic asexual cis-gender male. It's almost to the point where we should be buying label makers; maybe wear the whole phrase printed on a bracelet or something. XD

LOL! I identify as a polyamorous androromantic demisexual male androgyne on Aven and as a polyamorous homoromantic demisexual on Facebook ... but everywhere else I just prefer queer.

I hail from the Maritimes too. 8)

Ye Gods! Shall we just get you a bunch of t-shirts with tag clouds printed on 'em? :lol:

What part of the Maritimes do you hail from?

[Ardebis]

I'm pretty much aromantic but sometimes I just wish I had someone who would hold me. I think dating is a waste of time and I can't understand why anyone would do it. But I DO want to be loved. But it could just be a really close friend, it doesn't need to be romantic. I don't even understand what separates a romantic relationship from a deep friendship. For a while I thought it was sex but if there's romantic asexuals then I guess that isn't the case. I'm pretty clueless, really.

I'm aromanic as well, and I feel this way. While I would never seek out a date, I do like the idea of someone just being there for me like that (though not going beyond cuddles). A deep friendship is all I want, though I don't need it; I would be fully content living my life with 'just' friends (hate that term, but it works).

[Pagemaster]

I'm borderline aromantic; I don't see myself in a relationship anytime in the future but I feel attracted to certain people I meet. (though the feeling goes away after a while) I do feel attracted to certain celebrities but I don't know if that counts!