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Aromantic? Panromantic? I don't even know...


Random Happenstance

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Random Happenstance

I've only taken my asexuality seriously very recently (it wasn't long ago, though, that I identified myself as such) and now I have no idea what I want. I mean, I'd identify myself as panromantic, because I can imagine myself in the future with either a man or woman who I am very close to. Who I can get a hug from when I need one, and talk to about anyone, who cares about me and would tell me anything. Who hasn't got those barriers up around me, who I can be physically and emotionally close to. I would love that. But not necessarily one person, and I have no need for a monogamous relationship.

But in this society who would want that? It's not possible to get that close really outside of a relationship, but people expect a sexual relationship most of the time, and I wouldn't want that. So, of the really small number people who wouldn't expect that kind of relationship, I'd have to find someone who is my intellectual equal, and has a lot in common with me. I can't even find people like that generally. There's only one person I know who comes close. And there's no chance there.

So am I aromantic or what? I've only ever felt a large respect and like for some people, but never (I think) a romantic attraction, but that doesn't stop me wanting to have people I'm that close to....

I'm sorry for the unloading, I just don't feel like anyone outside of the community could understand. I told my mum I'm asexual, and she seems to pretty much think it's a phase, and I haven't met the right person. And she's really open minded too. My friend who I told is also of the same kind of opinion. That I haven't grown up yet really.

I just needed to get this off my chest without being shot down by people's ignorant comments. Thanks.

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yayitscaroline

I feel ya. I'm a demi/panromantic asexual and I just don't see what the big deal is with having monogamous relationships. It's not like I'm having sex anytime soon, so I don't need that sort of exclusivity, but its just so darn hard to try and explain that logic to people around you. And beside that, I define myself as genderless so ,if I were to get in a monogamous relationship with a sexual hetero male or homo female, I feel as if it would be kind of hard to explain...

I, in some weird fortunate way, have three very close friends who are like what you are describing (not necessarily physically close, though I'm not sure what you mean by that, so maybe we are?). Two of them are dating, both of whom are sexual. I'm not really sure how to describe the relationship we all have. I know that we share absolutely everything with each other and I trust them with my life, but I call them all my best friends, even though I feel closer to them than that. We've already all planned on living together after college and lament that we won't all be together this summer. We see each other every day and frequently say we miss each other when we don't. I wouldn't go so far as to say I am in a polyamorous relationship, although from what I've read about them, we almost fit the bill...

In all honesty, I think a relationship where I am very close to multiple people, sexual or not (though if more than one person was sexual, it would be easier on them, being asexual and whatnot I can't provide that aspect of a relationship), and openly and comfortably can say that I am in a relationship would be ideal. Kind of like what I have now, but more.... intimate I suppose?

Its terribly hard running against the treadmill of social standards...

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Herr Joseph von Löthing

Moving to musirants

--Herr Joseph, T&S co-mod

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Well, this is pretty much what I'm looking for. Based on the not knowing whether that is a romantic thing or not, I'm currently calling myself aromantic, since most romantic people seem to tell me that you just know the difference.

I've written at more length on why I call myself aromantic on this thread.

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Random Happenstance

I feel ya. I'm a demi/panromantic asexual and I just don't see what the big deal is with having monogamous relationships. It's not like I'm having sex anytime soon, so I don't need that sort of exclusivity, but its just so darn hard to try and explain that logic to people around you. And beside that, I define myself as genderless so ,if I were to get in a monogamous relationship with a sexual hetero male or homo female, I feel as if it would be kind of hard to explain...

I, in some weird fortunate way, have three very close friends who are like what you are describing (not necessarily physically close, though I'm not sure what you mean by that, so maybe we are?). Two of them are dating, both of whom are sexual. I'm not really sure how to describe the relationship we all have. I know that we share absolutely everything with each other and I trust them with my life, but I call them all my best friends, even though I feel closer to them than that. We've already all planned on living together after college and lament that we won't all be together this summer. We see each other every day and frequently say we miss each other when we don't. I wouldn't go so far as to say I am in a polyamorous relationship, although from what I've read about them, we almost fit the bill...

In all honesty, I think a relationship where I am very close to multiple people, sexual or not (though if more than one person was sexual, it would be easier on them, being asexual and whatnot I can't provide that aspect of a relationship), and openly and comfortably can say that I am in a relationship would be ideal. Kind of like what I have now, but more.... intimate I suppose?

Its terribly hard running against the treadmill of social standards...

Thank you for your response, it's nice to know I'm not completely alone. I think society sets things up so unconventional relationships are nearly impossible... And I think anyone you want that kind of really open relationship would be a bit iffy about it, if not completely reject it.

You seem to have a very fortunate situation in that way, and it seems very much like I want. What I mean by physically is... like a family really. You can cry on their shoulder, and they'll give you a hug when you need one and offer that kind of closeness and support. But without the familial hierarchy.

If I could find people like that I'd feel very happy... but though I'm always there for my current friends, they don't really care about me. If they ask if I'm okay, and I say I'm not they'll say something quick to cheer me up and change topics, or ignore it and continue with the conversation.

I wish there weren't such frustrating 'norms' set, that people expect everyone to conform to...

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Random Happenstance

Well, this is pretty much what I'm looking for. Based on the not knowing whether that is a romantic thing or not, I'm currently calling myself aromantic, since most romantic people seem to tell me that you just know the difference.

Thankyou. It made me surprisingly happy to know that other people want the same kind of things... It's so isolating when you tell people this, but they look at you blankly as if it's impossible not to want a monogamous relationship (sex and all).

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