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What it Means to be Aromantic


Vampyremage

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Vampyremage

I am curiuous what it means to those who identify as aromantic what it means to you that you are aromantic? What about relationships is it that you have no interest in? Is it the commitment, the physical touching, something else? All of the above maybe?

I ask mainly out of curiosity and because I have been strongly reevaluating what I want out of a relationship. I'm not at all certain that I really want a traditional monogamous long term relationship any longer. Maybe it was one of those things in which I was simply following what society expected of me, or maybe its all just part of my recent identity crisis. Lately, though, I've been feeling almost aromantic, simply not wanting a conventional relationship at all. I haven't quite worked out if I ever want a conventional relationship again, if I'd rather something unconventional like a polyamourous relationship or if I've just given up on relationships all together. Either way, I'm looking forward to some responses.

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Hm, being an aromantic to me is just me being myself and being comfortable with who I am. It depends on what relationship it is that you have with somebody; Platonic relationships I'm fine with and probably the most I'll ever want with someone, whereas for a romantic relationship I just don't feel that it is necessary for me. Being physically intimate with a person doesn't really connect me to whoever I'm with--I don't feel anything special from doing those things, but that's just me. As for emotional intimacy, that's something I want to have in friends, but that's it.

For commitments, it's something I don't think about when being around with people. A majority of people that I know of who knows me personally can be friends with me for a certain amount of time and the next moment they can just be "the person I know from that classroom." There's only a number of people that I can count with one hand who are really friends only because they choose to have that intimacy with me, not because I wanted them to. I'm not saying I take my relationships with my friends for granted, but if they choose to be close friends with me, so be it. I just don't go out of my way for those kind of things. So this is probably the reason why I can't think of investing and committing so much of me to anyone for there to be a romantic relationship.

I totally get what you mean by following what society expected me to do. In high school and a bit of college when I didn't know anything about asexuality, I had lame attempts trying to get into a relationship. Finding girls interesting to me and talking with them a bit, but I never got around to asking them out. The whole process just made me confused with myself as hell than if I never did it (that changed since I found out that I'm asexual). It just didn't feel right to me doing that.

In any case, I hope you find what the answers you're looking for and that you found something useful that I've said that's of any help. :3 :cake:

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For me is all of the above and maybe one or two things more, I never really count them lol

Since I found out about me being asexy after I put my self into a sexual relationship, and before that I simply identify as straight. Even back in time I was never one of relationships, if I wanted sex I would do one night stands (as I said I didn't knew asexuality existed so socially correct I "had" to think about having sex as some point)

personally I'm a loner, also I do not like the commitment concept, I like to spend time with myself, if might sound selfish but that's who I am. Also I've always loathed marriage and family bonds and all that jazz. Never felt the need to be with someone and most importantly I'm not one to share things/feelings/etc also I'm not font of touching either, if someone tries to touch me without me knowing that it is going to happened I jerk of unconsciously and very awkwardly. If I want to touch or ask for a hug though I do like it :lol:

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It's not that I don't want a relationship...sort of. I figured that since asexuality is "a lack of sexual attraction" then aromanticism would be "a lack of romantic attraction". I don't get romance and I've never had a crush on anyone. So, even though I think I'll want a partner, I still identify as aromantic because I haven't felt any romantic attraction to anyone.

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It's not that I don't want a relationship...sort of. I figured that since asexuality is "a lack of sexual attraction" then aromanticism would be "a lack of romantic attraction". I don't get romance and I've never had a crush on anyone. So, even though I think I'll want a partner, I still identify as aromantic because I haven't felt any romantic attraction to anyone.

Exactly. Being aromantic has nothing to do with relationships. It's about having romantic attraction or not.

I'm aromantic but I think a romantic relationship would be enjoyable if I meet the right person(s).

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I have hardly ever experienced romantic attraction and in those incidences, not very much. There just isn't a pull towards people in that way, people are usually just people, they don't inspire me to want anything more with them.

Like Pepipanda and Almagest, it's not that I would never want a relationship (personally) because I think if the right person came along then I'd consider it (I ID as grey-romantic, not aromantic) but as it stands, people just don't attract me romantically.

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Well, I will refer to my post on another thread on the topic. Basically, I'm aromantic because I don't experience any discernible difference between romance and other types of love.

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Wow, I can relate so well to most of the stuff that has been said :)

Well, what makes me aromantic... It's just that people don't give me any kind of special feeling. People are all kind of "neutral" to me. Of course, my friends shine in a brighter light than others but I can't say I have ever seriously had a crush on someone. Also, I just can't see myself in a relationship even if it excluded sex. All the cuddling, kissing and holding hands... I can't see myself doing that.

Besides, I like being completely independent and being able to do things on my own a lot.

For example, I normally take walks all by myself. If I take a friend along from time to time, I'm extremely annoyed by their company because they won't stop talking and I can't concentrate on enjoying nature. Haha, I know I'm being mean here :P It's just how I feel: Nature seems to fascinate me a lot more than people.

What made me realize that I'm indeed asexual aromantic, though, is that my friends all have someone they like most of the time. I never have that and I don't really want to be like that either. I'm happy to be aromantic asexual :)

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Vampyremage

In reading the replies here, it has helped me clarify that I'm pretty sure that I'm not aromantic I'm just going through a very aromantic stage in my life right now, probably due to my personal identity flipping right over on its head.

Some of the things said I really relate to, such as MakazeHaruka's mention of a lack of commitment. I think that is a lot of what I'm dealing with right now, not wanted a traditional committed relationship. I've never viewed relationships as forever anyway, I guess you could say I'm more of a serial monogamist, splitting with my partners whenever we were no longer happy any more and feeling very little grief over that fact.

But in my mind I'm beginning to take things one step further. Why be locked into monogamy at all? Why have one partner and one partner only, complete with all the obligations and commitments of having only one partner? I was imagining the other day how wonderful it might be to be in a three way relationship, with two other people sharing the responsibility, so to speak. That way in those times when I'm feeling particularly antisocial, they have each other and I don't need to be a part of it. Then again, maybe that's unrealistic I'm not sure.

The reason I don't believe myself to be aromatic is because I mostly like being in a relationship. I like having an emotional and intellectual connection with another person and I like (when I'm in the right mood) to have someone to cuddle with and be physically close with. I just don't like the physical aspect all the time as I'm a very independent and introverted person. I think I do want some sort of relationship again, although what exact form it will take I no longer have a clear idea, but just not any time in the near future. There's a freedom intrinsic in not being in a relationship and that's a freedom I enjoy and cherish.

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  • 3 weeks later...

For me aromantic means that I am not romantically attracted to people but I have a squish on someone right now (my flatmate) and the fact she doesn't feel the same way is just as hurtful as it would be if I did experience crushes. IMO most people aromantic, straight gay or whatever don't want to be alone. For me it is about finding someone who wants to be close to me and spend time with me and maybe even share a flat but minus the romance so it would be a close non romantic relationship. I don't expect my friend to feel anything that she doesn't but if she had I would have had her as my "life partner".

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It's just that people don't give me any kind of special feeling. People are all kind of "neutral" to me. Of course, my friends shine in a brighter light than others but I can't say I have ever seriously had a crush on someone. Also, I just can't see myself in a relationship even if it excluded sex. All the cuddling, kissing and holding hands... I can't see myself doing that.

Wow, that´s just exactly how I feel right now. (:

I like reading about people falling in love, having a relationship and everything but I can´t see that happening to me. I never felt anything romantic towards another person though I really would like it. When I see others who are in love I´m either annoyed or a bit envious because I feel I miss something. But what can I do? ^^"

Sometimes I want something like a relationship with another person but at the same time I can´t see myself in a relationship. All that holding hands-, kissing-stuff ... Maybe that´s just a phase but I can´t imagine myself like that.

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Sockstealingnome

Well the touching would be one thing. I'm sure I could get used to it but there hasn't been anyone who has given me reason to want to be used to it. I also need A LOT of alone time, and I feel another person would encroach on that. I'd probably want to be alone so much more than I'd ever want to be around them. I don't want to share my bed. Knowing me, I'd probably even insist on sleeping in different rooms if not living in different houses. Maybe I do have a commitment problem when it comes to people. The idea of being with someone for the rest of my life has me running for the door. I just always find that the more I get to know someone, the more I begin to hate them, at least about 90% of the time. My friends used to always joke that I loved animals and trees more than I liked humans.

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  • 2 weeks later...
ThreePipeProblems

Hiya,

I'm asexual and aromantic. To me it means that the feelings of love as in a romance do not occur to me.

I do feel love towards my brother and dad, but that's a different kind of love, they're my soulmates. I do have friends and I'm not adverse or disgusted towards the concept of romantic love, but I simply have no interest in starting a romance with someone since I have never felt anything akin to romantic love. And I have no problems with that. I have friendly classmates, 3 good friends and 2 soulmates (my dad and brother). People sometimes ask me if I don't feel sad sometimes knowing I will never have a boy/girl friend or they can't imagine me having no interest in a sexual relationship. They say I'm missing out on it. But I don't since I have no interest towards that field. I'm happy the way I am and I can't imagine myself being any different. As long as I have friends I'm happy :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
articvibe

Im really like the level of depth/detail in this thread hopefully a few more people can add bits to this thread.

Stuck on a similar issue as vamp sooo... bump?

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Vampyremage

Since originally posing this question, I've actually come to a bit more of a conclusion regarding where I stand in regards to the romantic/aromantic spectrum. Essentially, I now think of myself as more of a grey romantic. I do have some romantic urges and I do have some slight preference for being in a relationship. I know that I enjoy being in a relationship, I enjoy having that physical and emotional closeness with another person.

However, the reason I now think of myself as more of a grey romantic is because I could quite honestly do pretty much just as well without a relationship. I know that I can be content being alone, even if it does get to be a little bit lonely at times. When I'm not in a relationship I don't feel any particular need to be in one, its just nice when/if one comes about.

In addition to that, I think even the way I approach being in a relationship is somewhat on the grey side of things. While I like cuddling and kissing, I only like it in moderation. Even when in a relationship with someone I love, I absolutely need to have my own time to do my own thing and I need a fair bit of it. When it comes right down to it, I would far prefer not to be in a relationship rather than be in a relationship with someone who could not respect my need to be on my own a large portion of the time.

It confuses me a little when people talk about needing to be in a relationship. In my mind, they are certainly nice and desirable but they are something I could live without if need be and I don't think it would be particularly difficult to do so. It causes me no distress to think of falling in love with someone, being happily with them for however long we remain compatible, and then leaving them if we ever change such that it is no longer desirable to be with them. I think even that sort of view, when it comes to relationships, is somewhat different from the norm in which people always seem to be searching for "the one" in which they will be with forever.

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