Aromanticness

[Question?]

So...yeah, I've always struggled with the whole "attractive" idea, and feelings in general. I came out as a biromantic asexual, but now I'm not too sure. I don't feel any kind of longing for anyone of either sex, I suspect part of my thinking I was bi'sexual' was that because I hadn't felt any connection with men, I might with women instead. This is a bit of an issue at the moment because I have a boyfriend who I know really likes me, but I don't thinkI like him romantically at all, I love him as a close friend, butt he idea of loving him and of being intimate is weird and quite alien to me How did you know you were aromantic? How old were you (I'm only 16 so...) and how do you have relationships with others (if you do?)

[Trolley Girl]

well, this is one of those things where the answers don't come easy. I am a very well-defined aromantic myself, at the age of 23, soon to be 24 on the 31st of this month. I can tell you that the answers haven't come easy to me throughout the 10+ years following the point at which I reached puberty. I initially thought I might have been a late bloomer, but once I got closer to the age of 20, and nearing my entrance into college (I just graduated this past May!), I realized that this wasn't so much the case. Plus, I've never had a relationship with anyone of either sex, despite facing many opportunities, so I always knew that I was not within the "norm." Being as accepting of myself as I am now, I realize that I can be as happy as anyone else without a partner.

As for your question about being in a relationship in your given case, well..... I honestly can't say much, since I've never had a relationship with anyone, and somehow always knew I never wanted one. What you could try to tell him is that you think he is a genuinely good person to be around, and that you consider yourself as such also, but that you can't really give him what a guy typically seeks in a relationship, and that you would be better off on your own, IF that is what you want. Also, you could just tell him that you are the sort of person who just like to be friends with numerous people without having to feel "attached" to one person. These are essentially the same words I use whenever a girl has confronted ME with romantic interest, and trust me: IT WORKS EVERY TIME, AND THEY ARE NEVER HURT IN ANY WAY. But since this would be going the other way, from a girl to a guy, in your case, it may be a bit different, but I highly doubt it, since it is the honest and genuine way to deal with it; you are putting down neither yourself nor the other person.

Well, this is the best advice I can possibly give for now. Does it help at all? Tell me honestly! 8)

[NamTar]

I didn't decide I was aromantic until my late 20s. Before that, I just figured I had trouble meeting anyone that interested me in the ways other people seemed to be interested in each other. I didn't know there was such a thing as being aromantic, also, so I just assumed I was doing something wrong, or I was overly critical of others. I assumed everyone was romantic, even if I seemed less so. I figured if I waited long enough, somebody would come along and sweep me off my feet or whatever. Never happened. Eventually I decided that the whole idea of that kind of relationship just had no appeal to me, and that I was happier without even trying to seek out relationships.

[Chickenpede]

I'm 18, and I'm pretty sure I was always aromantic. I have always loved being by myself. When I was a kid, if I was punished by having to go to my room and be grounded, it would be a treat for me. So my mom learned that the right punishment was to be prohibited from going to my room :lol: . I never had the desire to have someone I couldn't live without, or be emotionally intimate with. I also don't like the idea of someone knowing absolutely everything about me, even if they mean no harm. The closest I've come to a romantic relationship is a strong friendship, where both people are nice to each other, somewhat loyal, and they like to hang out. I may just be an extremely late bloomer, but I'm pretty sure I don't have a romantic personality or any other way of thinking that would make me want a romantic partner. Also, I've seen many friends get into a relationship, and then they just ignore me and everyone else, because all they can think about is their boyfriend/girlfriend <_< . I don't want to be a jerk and do that to people. That's it for me.

[Gothwarrior]

I see that you are wondering how an aromantic can have a relationship with another person. There is actually a couple here on AVEN. They are called Ninny and Sassyeggs and Ninny happens to be an aromantic. In her case she can achieve some intimacy with her partner but in this case intimacy is not defined in a sexual fashion at all. Intimacy can be as simple as doing any given activity together.

You can have a relationship with a partner that may be romantic and may need to compromise a bit to please the persons romantic needs or you can fly solo and be a happy aromantic or maybe even find another aromantic to share your life with. I personally am romantic so I can't really put myself in your shoes but if Ninny and Sassyeggs are able to sustain a happy relationship even with Ninny being aromantic that means there definitely are ways to go about it. Look them up on the forums and have some cake.

:cake:

[Question?]

What you could try to tell him is that you think he is a genuinely good person to be around, and that you consider yourself as such also, but that you can't really give him what a guy typically seeks in a relationship, and that you would be better off on your own, IF that is what you want. Also, you could just tell him that you are the sort of person who just like to be friends with numerous people without having to feel "attached" to one person.

Well, this is the best advice I can possibly give for now. Does it help at all? Tell me honestly! 8)

Thanks :) When I see him tomorrow I might bring this up, but then again I will probably chicken out of it :)It was very helpful honestly as were the other responses ( I would quote but I dont really get how to :P ), thanks guys

[semiphore]

What you could try to tell him is that you think he is a genuinely good person to be around, and that you consider yourself as such also, but that you can't really give him what a guy typically seeks in a relationship, and that you would be better off on your own, IF that is what you want. Also, you could just tell him that you are the sort of person who just like to be friends with numerous people without having to feel "attached" to one person.

Well, this is the best advice I can possibly give for now. Does it help at all? Tell me honestly! 8)

Thanks :) When I see him tomorrow I might bring this up, but then again I will probably chicken out of it :)It was very helpful honestly as were the other responses ( I would quote but I dont really get how to :P ), thanks guys

Having been in a situation with a girl I know not too long ago, I feel I have to say this: don't wait. I'm oblivious to my own flirting, which made it even worse because she desperately wanted to know why as a guy I wouldn't even try it just because she has a pair of boobs.

[mindsword]

I figured out I was aromantic shortly after reading the definition. When I was in middle school and High School everyone was hooking up, going on dates, etc. I never saw the point. I thought that it had to be practice for real relationships later, as statistics show that High School romances rarely last. I considered it to be unimportant in the here and now and ignored it. never felt I was missing out on anything.

It takes me forever to realize people are flirting with me. I normally put them off long before I realize it. I could probably live my entire life alone except for people I work with and a couple close friends. beyond that, I'm pretty good.

[Jacqui]

I don't know. As far as I know, I haven't exactly wanted to kiss anyone in particular or hold their hand or anything like that. There are many people I wouldn't mind seeing a movie with and then going to dinner with them, which is the generic first date, apparently, but I don't consider that romantic or anything. I'm open to options, though. If somebody asks me out, I'd probably go with them just to see what dating is like. I don't notice my own flirting, though. It gets awkward sometimes. And I get this weird almost jealous type of admiration towards people that looks like I'm attracted to them romantically/sexually, but I really just want to pull them aside and tell them that I relate to them. (Often, they're people who share political and religious views with me, and I'm a huge minority in my school in those departments, pretty much.)

[Starred]

I didn't know about asexuality for a long time and once I discovered this website, I came across aromanticism and had a "hey that's me" moment my senior year of high school (age 17). Up until that point, I tried having a couple relationships, but I recognized that I didn't actually have the same kind of reactions, emotions, and expectations as my boyfriends. After my first kiss I knew that I needed to stop trying to force myself into a box and just accept that I just felt differently. Then I found aven and came to understand what that difference actually was. Any relationship, though, whether asexual, aromantic, sexual, etc is going to deal with some form of compromise. I've yet to figure out how much I'd be willing to compromise for my partner. But it's really important to be open in your relationships and to talk about things... understand what you want from the relationship and what you can give to it. Good luck with everything

[Ziel]

As for your question about being in a relationship in your given case, well..... I honestly can't say much, since I've never had a relationship with anyone, and somehow always knew I never wanted one. What you could try to tell him is that you think he is a genuinely good person to be around, and that you consider yourself as such also, but that you can't really give him what a guy typically seeks in a relationship, and that you would be better off on your own, IF that is what you want. Also, you could just tell him that you are the sort of person who just like to be friends with numerous people without having to feel "attached" to one person. These are essentially the same words I use whenever a girl has confronted ME with romantic interest, and trust me: IT WORKS EVERY TIME, AND THEY ARE NEVER HURT IN ANY WAY. But since this would be going the other way, from a girl to a guy, in your case, it may be a bit different, but I highly doubt it, since it is the honest and genuine way to deal with it; you are putting down neither yourself nor the other person.

Why do I have to be just reading this now? I could have really used this 6 months ago when I was caught in a situation where I really wish I could have explained myself a bit better (it turned out rather awkward and ended with me in tears and losing a good friend out of confusion).

But yeah, I can pretty much echo everything everybody else has said. I never really understood the point of 'dating' in late elementary and middle school. And anytime friends would talk about who has a crush on who, I always felt lost. I didn't have those sorts of feelings.

Now, I never really knew about aromantic-ness until a couple months ago when I joined here. But I look back and it really does explain quite a few things about my childhood that never really seemed to make much sense to me. I think I kind of 'knew' it for a while before, but never really had a word for it. Even back in high school, I used to tell people that I wanted to grow up and live on my own with a couple dogs.

And lately, one of my best friends has been talking to me some about finding me a girlfriend. When I act indifferent to the concept (which I am), she just doesn't understand. Next time I see her face to face though, I do want to try to explain myself to her. So I may still yet get to use some of the suggestions given here.

[Chickenpede]

It takes me forever to realize people are flirting with me. I normally put them off long before I realize it.

I am exactly the same! I simply can't tell if someone is flirting with me. And then since I either ignore them, look confused, or get angry, they stop it. :lol: I would much rather prefer that someone simply told me "I like you" instead of going through all the nonsense of making jokes, giving strange looks, and other body language that I can't recognize.

[WünderBâhr]

I agree. The most romantic thing a person can do to get my attention is to tell me flat-out that they like me. I mean... that takes guts and alleviates some confusion. At least, they'd be off to a good start. After which, we can commence with the wooing to maintain the interest, if it is there. :P Am I so wrong in thinking that this is a reasonable way to go?

However, keeping in line with the thread... I am not aromantic. I know I have my romantic moments. Sometimes just a tendency, sometimes the core of my being--it really just depends on my mood and the day. If it were less complicated, overall, I think I'd feel more inclined to be romantic...maybe...sort of...

[Trolley Girl]

As for your question about being in a relationship in your given case, well..... I honestly can't say much, since I've never had a relationship with anyone, and somehow always knew I never wanted one. What you could try to tell him is that you think he is a genuinely good person to be around, and that you consider yourself as such also, but that you can't really give him what a guy typically seeks in a relationship, and that you would be better off on your own, IF that is what you want. Also, you could just tell him that you are the sort of person who just like to be friends with numerous people without having to feel "attached" to one person. These are essentially the same words I use whenever a girl has confronted ME with romantic interest, and trust me: IT WORKS EVERY TIME, AND THEY ARE NEVER HURT IN ANY WAY. But since this would be going the other way, from a girl to a guy, in your case, it may be a bit different, but I highly doubt it, since it is the honest and genuine way to deal with it; you are putting down neither yourself nor the other person.

Why do I have to be just reading this now? I could have really used this 6 months ago when I was caught in a situation where I really wish I could have explained myself a bit better (it turned out rather awkward and ended with me in tears and losing a good friend out of confusion).

But yeah, I can pretty much echo everything everybody else has said. I never really understood the point of 'dating' in late elementary and middle school. And anytime friends would talk about who has a crush on who, I always felt lost. I didn't have those sorts of feelings.

Now, I never really knew about aromantic-ness until a couple months ago when I joined here. But I look back and it really does explain quite a few things about my childhood that never really seemed to make much sense to me. I think I kind of 'knew' it for a while before, but never really had a word for it. Even back in high school, I used to tell people that I wanted to grow up and live on my own with a couple dogs.

And lately, one of my best friends has been talking to me some about finding me a girlfriend. When I act indifferent to the concept (which I am), she just doesn't understand. Next time I see her face to face though, I do want to try to explain myself to her. So I may still yet get to use some of the suggestions given here.

Well, I certainly appreciate the fact that you find my words here to be promisingly useful. Best of luck to you! ;)

[Samael]

well, this is one of those things where the answers don't come easy. I am a very well-defined aromantic myself, at the age of 23, soon to be 24 on the 31st of this month. I can tell you that the answers haven't come easy to me throughout the 10+ years following the point at which I reached puberty. I initially thought I might have been a late bloomer, but once I got closer to the age of 20, and nearing my entrance into college (I just graduated this past May!), I realized that this wasn't so much the case. Plus, I've never had a relationship with anyone of either sex, despite facing many opportunities, so I always knew that I was not within the "norm." Being as accepting of myself as I am now, I realize that I can be as happy as anyone else without a partner.

As for your question about being in a relationship in your given case, well..... I honestly can't say much, since I've never had a relationship with anyone, and somehow always knew I never wanted one. What you could try to tell him is that you think he is a genuinely good person to be around, and that you consider yourself as such also, but that you can't really give him what a guy typically seeks in a relationship, and that you would be better off on your own, IF that is what you want. Also, you could just tell him that you are the sort of person who just like to be friends with numerous people without having to feel "attached" to one person. These are essentially the same words I use whenever a girl has confronted ME with romantic interest, and trust me: IT WORKS EVERY TIME, AND THEY ARE NEVER HURT IN ANY WAY. But since this would be going the other way, from a girl to a guy, in your case, it may be a bit different, but I highly doubt it, since it is the honest and genuine way to deal with it; you are putting down neither yourself nor the other person.

I agree.

These are exactly my sentiments on the subject as well. As a male in his twenties also, I've had to face a share of dilemmas with the more straightforward girls as well. It might seem like a complicated thing, to turn down someone - the execution of which might require a degree of premeditation. In my experience, it's been an effortless task though. I'd say don't worry about it.

I've come to learn different ways that sexually or romantically inclined people tend to communicate their interests. The way they sometimes act is well understood by them but perhaps not by us. As an aromantic myself, learning those ways has never come naturally to me. But, I believe that by studying the signals that they try to convey, either verbally or nonverbally, will let you know what's in their mind. Once you've become acquainted with some research (there seems to be plenty research done on the subject of sexual and romantic communication), it will be easier to "deal" with or "handle" the people around you.

[Trolley Girl]

I agree.

These are exactly my sentiments on the subject as well. As a male in his twenties also, I've had to face a share of dilemmas with the more straightforward girls as well. It might seem like a complicated thing, to turn down someone - the execution of which might require a degree of premeditation. In my experience, it's been an effortless task though. I'd say don't worry about it.

I've come to learn different ways that sexually or romantically inclined people tend to communicate their interests. The way they sometimes act is well understood by them but perhaps not by us. As an aromantic myself, learning those ways has never come naturally to me. But, I believe that by studying the signals that they try to convey, either verbally or nonverbally, will let you know what's in their mind. Once you've become acquainted with some research (there seems to be plenty research done on the subject of sexual and romantic communication), it will be easier to "deal" with or "handle" the people around you.

It definitely isn't easy to tell how someone is feeling just by looks, and without any words on top of all that. Like I've said before, sometimes the answers don't come as easy as A-B-C, 1-2-3. In fact, they almost never do. And as for turning anyone down in a genuine way, that may almost sound like an oxy-moronic situation to some of the average people in today's world. But as always, it is never WHAT you say, it is HOW you say it. And the way I worded it is a way in which one can tell the truth in essentials without having divulge one's sexual/romantic identity.

Glad you were able to pick up on this, Samael. I've said this many times before, but you seem to be the closest counterpart to myself I have yet found here on AVEN.

[Oro]

I'm pretty new to all this, but I'll throw in my two cents as well.

How do you know you're aromantic?

For me, it wasn't long after figuring out I was asexual. It was just the logical continuation of self discovery. I don't really want sex, and I also don't really want a relationship with anyone, regardless of their sexuality or gender. Figuring this out was actually helped by reading so many posts on AVEN about asexual romantic relationships and situations, and realizing that none of those quite matched up to my own, or what I wanted out of life. :) Sometimes figuring out what isn't you helps a lot when trying to figure out what is.

It wasn't until this year then (ages 21 and 22) that I figured this out, but it wasn't anything new, just newly validated and with a word attached. I've never been in a relationship, and even when I felt I should have been in one, as that was "normal," I avoided them. When people asked me how I identified before I knew what asexual and aromantic were I used to say bisexual as well, because I didn't particularly care for any gender more than the other. When I found out that not caring for them equally wasn't bisexual but asexual (and aromantic in my case) it was like someone turned a light on in a murky room.

Just my little story. I wish you all the luck in the world with this! Just remember to be true to yourself, however that is. :)

[Samael]

It definitely isn't easy to tell how someone is feeling just by looks, and without any words on top of all that. Like I've said before, sometimes the answers don't come as easy as A-B-C, 1-2-3.

Yeah I'd have agreed with that maybe a year or two ago without a second thought. However, I've come to notice there seems to be a great deal of scientifically proven psychological and socio-behavioural proof for interpretating people's intentions without them saying a word. It can't all be wrong :D

Anyway, I'm not a native English speaker but I think the name of the topic is spelled aromanticism, not aromanticness :o I long ago started a thread asking something about aromanticism or being aromantic and got corrected there by a member far wiser than me :D Then again, I spelled it aromancy back then, which was, as I came to notice, totally wrong lol.

[Verp]

This might sound really lame or something, but I see romantic relationships and friendships this way: if life's a competition, a friend ranges from someone who you root for and who roots for you to someone who you playfully compete against. When you have a romantic partner, you're attending the competition as a team.

Romantic relationship is something more exclusive, something that often needs more compromising from both sides than a friendship. I know I am aromantic because while I do like showing support to others and reveling in friendly rivalry, I don't want to team up with anyone. I'm not alone and I don't mind being supported and sharing my victories with my friends, but I want my performance to remain a solo performance.

[Kalea]

However, keeping in line with the thread... I am not aromantic. I know I have my romantic moments. Sometimes just a tendency, sometimes the core of my being--it really just depends on my mood and the day. If it were less complicated, overall, I think I'd feel more inclined to be romantic...maybe...sort of...

This is so totally me! Some days I'm anti-people in general and just want to be alone. Some days I'm completely jonesing for companionship. Most days I'm somewhere in between; sometimes there's a low-grade urge to spend time with someone (usually anyone interesting will do) if I haven't had much contact lately. But I guess a lot of the time, as long as I'm having some human contact that isn't totally superficial at least twice a week, I'm good with that. Occasionally I want to dig deeper with someone, but that's usually brought on by me meeting someone new who due to their newness I find I want to poke around inside their head. I think that's my version of a "crush".

This might sound really lame or something, but I see romantic relationships and friendships this way: if life's a competition, a friend ranges from someone who you root for and who roots for you to someone who you playfully compete against. When you have a romantic partner, you're attending the competition as a team.

Romantic relationship is something more exclusive, something that often needs more compromising from both sides than a friendship. I know I am aromantic because while I do like showing support to others and reveling in friendly rivalry, I don't want to team up with anyone. I'm not alone and I don't mind being supported and sharing my victories with my friends, but I want my performance to remain a solo performance.

That makes a LOT of sense! I've been trying to figure out the extent of my romanticism. (I've been going back and forth, but keep leaning towards being romantic... though someone had mentioned somewhere on AVEN the possibility of being a demi-romantic, and that really seems to fit a bit better... but anyway, I definitely have some romantic shades/tendencies.) But your explanation makes it even more apparent that I lean towards a romantic orientation; I would love to have a partner, in the truest sense of the word. Friendly competition is awesome, and I would think that too would be a part of a romantic relationship, but thinking about it as being partnered, well, that makes sense in my odd little brain. Thanks!!!

[crazychick18]

I am a 19 year old aromantic. It actually took me until senior year to realize it. I had always had "crushes", but one guy I was crushing on asked me out. He was extremely sweet, I found him very physically attractive...yet the first time he so much as looked at me with a dreamy expression I wanted OUT. I stuck it out because I didn't know how to break it off. Cuddling with him was about as fun for my as cuddling a spider. I'm severely arachniphobic by the way :)We never went beyond cuddling and making out, but I guess I thought I'd learn to like it. I was wrong. I suppose you could say I realized it when I desperately wanted him to dump me and danced in my skivvies as soon as he left my house when we finally mutually broke up because he was moving. He never did anything wrong-he was clean, neat, attractive, intelligent...he just made my skin crawl by no fault of his own. If you feel the way I did...I think you should explain it to your boyfriend. If I had had the nerve, I would have saved myself a lot of crap...

Oh and to Ziel-LOLOL that one hit home. My mother and I plan to live together permanently-accompanied ONLY by our furbabies-the only grandchildren she'll be getting

[GirlDreamer]

I just know... When I first joined AVEN i didn't think that never being with someone was an option, even though it's what I've always preferred. I learned the about aromanticism here, and it just clicked for me. I've never ever been interested in being with someone, not as a girlfriend or wife. I've had a few squishes, but thats it... I'm 27 now, so I'm pretty sure it's not just a phase I'm going through. :lol:

[Jacqui]

Right now I'm having a bit of a battle with my subconscious mind over whether or not I'm attracted to this one guy romantically, or if it's just my usual jealous form of admiration.

[Fish That Swims]

I wouldn't call myself romantic, even though I get crushes. Or, well, I say "crush"-- it's more like intense physical/aesthetic attraction plus intellectual fascination. (Not exactly a squish either, even though I only have a vague Idea of what that is.) I don't believe I quite have the patience or emotional depth to form anything a partner of mine might consider meaningful.

I say pseudo-romantic.

[.mouse.]

Well, I've never been in a relationship, and I don't have to in order to know that I'm aromantic. I've never been really affectionate or touchy-feely, and I like it that way. I much prefer having a good time than getting all mushy with someone, even family. Though I do desire a deep friendship, like another sister or brother.

[test account]

Right now I'm having a bit of a battle with my subconscious mind over whether or not I'm attracted to this one guy romantically, or if it's just my usual jealous form of admiration.

I think I can relate to that. I've never really been in love with anyone - I just get envious crushes on guys who have qualities I want myself. I think in my case it's a self-esteem issue. I grew up in a very abusive environment where I had only slightly more status than the family dog. I've identified that my crushes are all just cravings for someone to teach me skills that will enhance my status, even though I'm grown up now and don't live with my parents any more. Actually, lately I've been feeling more peace with myself and less susceptible to these sort of crushes. I hope it also means I might one day learn how to love romantically because I'd like to give somebody that gift if it's ever in my power.

[CreepyCrawler]

23 and I just started labeling myself as aromantic. For me it's something I've always known, but I tried to convince myself otherwise, mostly for the sake of people I'm involved with. I got tired of faking it though. It's just not who I am.

But it's really hard to stop mimicking. As soon as I find someone who likes me, it seems I'm back into pretending I have the same feelings for them. Eventually they see through it and get frustrated or bored with my lack of substance and commitment. Right now I'm in a confusing place of figuring out which feelings are mine and further making sure I don't suppress my real feelings to make someone else happy.

[shaiith]

23 and I just started labeling myself as aromantic. For me it's something I've always known, but I tried to convince myself otherwise, mostly for the sake of people I'm involved with. I got tired of faking it though. It's just not who I am.

But it's really hard to stop mimicking. As soon as I find someone who likes me, it seems I'm back into pretending I have the same feelings for them. Eventually they see through it and get frustrated or bored with my lack of substance and commitment. Right now I'm in a confusing place of figuring out which feelings are mine and further making sure I don't suppress my real feelings to make someone else happy.

I think I've had experience with the part I bolded, CreepyCrawler

Myself... I don't even know. I'm terrible, absolutely terrible, with labels. They're confusing, and half of the time I feel like I contradict myself.

Like for example, recently I've begun labeling myself as asexual because I'm not sexually attracted to people, don't care about sex, could happily live without it for the rest of my life, find some sexual things awkward and uncomfortable, etc. ...At the same time, I've had sex before (with my ex who I was very close to emotionally at the time) and have enjoyed it (although my mind wanders a lot sometimes and I'll find myself thinking about completely non-sex-related thing), and at times I've even looked forward to it (though that might be more of a "making-my-partner-happy-makes-me-happy" kind of thing).

Likewise, for a while I've called myself panromantic, because people's genders don't really matter to me. But lately I've been questioning whether or not I may actually be aromantic. I've been in two long-term relationships before, and was happy in them during the "honeymoon phase" -- and then we would start to drift apart and it's like I would withdraw from them over time. And ever since my last relationship ended, I have had zero desire for any kind of romance. I can't even put myself into the relationship/romantic mindset, I don't want anybody to like/love me as more than a friend (which I think sometimes causes me to mute my personality somewhat, because I think I tend to be friendly with practically everybody but am always afraid of them getting the wrong idea from my intentions), etc.

I used to like the giddy feeling of a new relationship, and the hugs and cuddles and kisses and stuff, but now I can't get that giddy feeling or get crushes at all anymore, and when I think about a relationship, all I can think of is how soon/how likely it is for things to go downhill and how much I'd rather just be single than deal with stress and relationship issues. Lately I also don't like the idea of being "tied down", or having someone expect to hear from me every single day or every other day (I really dislike being bugged by someone just because I didn't text them for a day or whatever), things like that.

But what I've been struggling with is trying to figure out whether or not these aromantic feelings I have now are because I'm actually aromantic, or if they're something that will pass and are just due to my emotional exhaustion and jadedness from past relationships blowing up, and whether or not it'll change in the future, etc. (Always afraid of labeling myself as something and then having it change... kind of like a big "lol jk!" to anyone I told about my previous label).

...I'm not sure how much of that made sense, and I think it's a little bit more of a novel than I intended. :blink:

[Aiko_spacer]

how I actually knew was because I got the same reaction with asexuality

'wait ... people experience romantic attraction ? Its like a feeling or something ???'

I thought multiple things about love

-its a boring game

-everyone finds a parter to 'deal' with life

-hollywood

Point 2 is the only point why I ever put up with a boyfriend, because people talked me into it. For the rest all that pairing up looks ... gently said ;crappy to me. I don't want to be tied down and owned by someone, I don't want to hug n kiss, I don't want to live with someone else in my place. I never understood the whole concept of 'dating and mating'. I also never had a crush as the way I looked at men as a teen was entirely different from cisgirls, but since everyone thought I was crushing I thought I was normal so, eh whatever.

for the rest, I even have the limited ability to form emotional bonds with friends, sure I'd do anything for them. But that doesn't mean I miss them when they are gone (exept for a very few) , or that I want to hang out with them all the time. I am not emotionally tied to them, I do not seek out friendship from other humans, part of me is scared just due my past being mindraped by women because I'm different.

edit; ho I'd like to explain point 3 ,I'v done animation and movie stuffs and romance is like 'a key' in movies. Your not going to find allot of movies that don't feature any romance at all, so it came with the package of storybuilding .

[eee]

I am aromantic because I let go of everything.....dedicated to spirituality by the nature of my will. Self enlightenment is better than human affairs.