Can there be platonic crushes?

[BollywoodFan]

Also, I am a total cheat when it comes to crushes. I watch a Johnny Depp movie, he is the epitome of handsome.

Then I watch Jab We Met and go no, Shahid is. No, Mahesh is. No, Shahrukh is. No Ranbir is.

But I also think most of the guys in my class are handsome or cute, but it never goes behind teasing and friendship in class.

So it's not just unattainable celebrities, I think I get semi-crushes on my classmates. (I look forward to see them, but just to talk to them.)

Does this make any sense? I'm not sexually attracted to any of the people I find cute/handsome/beautiful, I just like looking at them when it comes to movie stars and talking to them in class. But I didn't start talking because I thought they were cute, I just like talking to my classmates and teasing and having fun.

The closest I've come is imagining dating a close male friend of mine, like over ten years ago. Or just hanging out with him even after school.

Where do crushes fit in?

I also wonder if I'm just unsure of being friends with a guy, so I assume that if I like talking to a boy, I must have a crush on him. Even though I never dream about him or wonder about the future.

And with the movie stars, I drool over the so-called imperfections because the beauty is what pulls me in. (Oh, and the acting too. I guess.)

When I had a dream about Shahrukh Khan, I just watched the events (which involved him making airbags for mice).

No sex, no kissing, just weirdness. (I also had a dream about getting a giant "Seeta aur Geeta" poster. (My avatar is from that movie.)

I'm just rambling... and my first crush was based on smarts (when I was 10, but someone blabbed so we never talked again.

Can crushes be non-sexual or asexual, or does me getting all twitterpated when Arjun Rampal filled the screen at the movies mean something else. (The man is gorgeous.)

[Eleutherius]

I have little experience in this area, but it is my amature opinion that there can be asexual 'crushes'. So maybe crushes isn't the best word for it, but I can't think of a better one. I totally understand what you're talking about in regards to the obsessing over people, but not in a sexual way, because I do the same thing. I'm interested to hear what other members have to say on the subject.

[busyjon]

the term you are looking for is squish. After some digging I found the original thread about it http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/23290-squish/

[BollywoodFan]

the term you are looking for is squish. After some digging I found the original thread about it http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/23290-squish/

That is perfect!

Thank you!

[Dr_Holmes]

haha yeah i was just going to mention squishes actually :)

so yeah you can totally get asexual crushes on people. you can also think people *cough* matt smith *cough* are completely fantastic looking in a completely non-sexual way.

and i know what you mean about the friends with guys/ crushing on them confusion issue. damn these all girls schools! :)

[Naples]

I totally get squishes.

I can fangirl (fanboy? fan-androgyne?) a character or actor hard, think that they're attractive and be kind of squicked out by the thought of even thinking about an actual relationship with them.

[BollywoodFan]

I totally get squishes.

I can fangirl (fanboy? fan-androgyne?) a character or actor hard, think that they're attractive and be kind of squicked out by the thought of even thinking about an actual relationship with them.

I don't get far enough to get squicked out at the thought of a relationship, because I don't even think of it that way.

I'd love to be friends with actors (or my perception of them!), but that's as far as I get.

And my fantasies about fictional characters involve... introducing Bollywood into their lives. Recently, it's been King of the Hill. Hank would hate it, Peggy would encourage Bobby (who would like it), while assuming that Indian films are totally the same as Laotion - they're both foreign! And Bill and I would hang out and watch them, because he's desperate for company, even if it's just a platonic friendship with a girl.

That is to say...

I am really weird.

And I like being an amoeba and don't want to post too much to lose that classification. It's such a pretty word... I really need sleep.

[Lord Dandylion]

Omg, yes!

I have only had one crush, EVER, but there were strange things that, if I'd described them to my friends, I would've been told were crushes, even though I didn't think of them romantically at all (I've had these for several boys AND girls, then again, considering I've only been romantically attracted to one person, I still think I could be panromantic, BUT these feelings were not romantic).

I have been around people that, perhaps they're new friends or people I really want to become close friends with or just like being around because they are happy or something (though this has never really been for looks, I don't think), and I get excited to see them. I used to be really excited back a few years ago because I'd get to see my crush one day and some of my 'squishes' other days. Every single day made me excited for the next, but I never wanted a romantic relationship with any of them but my crush.

I like that idea... squish. It gives me a word for all of those................. things that weren't crushes.

[CrochetFool]

Abso-fricking-lutely. I have a huge squish on Nicolas Cage, who is my all-time favorite actor. I would love to sit down for coffee and friendly conversation with him if I ever had the chance--but anything resembling a relationship? HELL no.

[Eleutherius]

Thank you, squish, I like that! Quite handy that there is, indeed, a word for such platonic crushes. And very nice to hear of other people feeling the same way as I do.

[Jin Kisaragi]

I had a couple crushes as a small boy before puberty.. so yes, possible.

[bluebanana2014]

Platonic Crushes are Asexual crushes.

[BollywoodFan]

Part of the fun of this place is discovering that it's more than just "I'm asexual," it's also addressing those other questions.

[Dr_Holmes]

Part of the fun of this place is discovering that it's more than just "I'm asexual," it's also addressing those other questions.

i agree.

sorry. that wasn't terribly meaningful was it. oh well just putting it out there that i also feel this way about this :)

[i-N6-V]

I totally think that "platonic crushes" or "squishes" or "fascinations," as I like to call them, are contained within asexuality. I definitely experience them, although only for people I know or see around, never celebrities.

[Rappy28]

If platonic crushes didn't exist, I suppose I'd be identifying as biromantic instead !

I thoroughly believe squishes exist. Like... you don't want to have a relationship with that person, you just really want to be best friends ! :lol: Sometimes there's the added bonus of them being cute too, but still, I'm happiest as just friends. Does that still count ?

[BollywoodFan]

If platonic crushes didn't exist, I suppose I'd be identifying as biromantic instead !

I thoroughly believe squishes exist. Like... you don't want to have a relationship with that person, you just really want to be best friends ! :lol: Sometimes there's the added bonus of them being cute too, but still, I'm happiest as just friends. Does that still count ?

I say if you think it does, it does!

Sometimes I don't even want to be friends with the squishes - not just the celebs, because I'd be like, uh... er...

[Rappy28]

Sometimes I don't even want to be friends with the squishes - not just the celebs, because I'd be like, uh... er...

Haha, yeah, of course, sometimes being friends just isn't possible. :lol:

I'd say... when you daydream, you usually daydream about your squish. But you don't want to be in a relationship with them.

[BollywoodFan]

Sometimes I don't even want to be friends with the squishes - not just the celebs, because I'd be like, uh... er...

Haha, yeah, of course, sometimes being friends just isn't possible. :lol:

I'd say... when you daydream, you usually daydream about your squish. But you don't want to be in a relationship with them.

Well, no, but even this gorgeous guy who was in my senior class (amazing dreadlocks and cheekbones) - I was too nervous to talk to him even in class!

I also don't daydream about my squishes... though I do daydream about those I could talk to, like classmates - expanding the relationship to friendship. Though that backfired, emphasis on the fire, with one guy (he was cute, not the cutest). I offered to tutor him because I enjoyed the class and most of the stuff was easy for me. I never planned to date him, maybe hang out.

Oh, and for my mom, I had amazing gossip fodder - a guy was in my room and on my bed! :o Because I needed the fan blowing on me and I needed my heating pad on my lap, and him sitting at the desk while I was on the bed would have been awkward... anyway, he puffed up my ego by saying I did a great job. (I'd never tutored before, and wasn't sure how I could explain something obvious to me in a helpful way.)

Then I ran into him at the student center/cafeteria. It was pretty empty, but I invited him to sit with me. I learned that a) he was a bigot and b) he thought it was funny to grab my hair and hold a lit lighter near it! I should have slapped him then (it was just a joke), but I was more in a state of "did that just happen?" I avoided him until I finally got up the nerve to tell him that was really creepy, I should have slapped you. "I wasn't really going to set your hair on fire. It was just a joke."

Ew.

So I also avoid most interviews with stars and only follow those on twitter that others are following and say is a good person. (And I don't watch the gossip shows, I don't need to know that one of my favorites is spoiled and demanding!)

Less info and contact, the better.

[prettyeyes]

Abso-fricking-lutely. I have a huge squish on Nicolas Cage, who is my all-time favorite actor. I would love to sit down for coffee and friendly conversation with him if I ever had the chance--but anything resembling a relationship? HELL no.

You know, I think I would too. :lol: He just seems like he'd be a cool friend if that makes any sense.

I also have a celebrity squish on The Edge from U2 and would love to play guitar with him someday.

[Verp]

Hmmm. I guess I've had one, but it's a bit different from what's been described here, I think?

There was this woman I knew from work and some part of my mind, something that I suppose is the equivalent of an appendix in the head because I seem to lack the parts that it's supposed to work with it, was switched on and it was rather confusing. If what happened could be described as a conversation between me and that part, it would be like this:

"O HAI. You see that person over there? Yeah, she's very SPECIAL. Just so you know."

"Uhhh. Okay, then, what am I supposed to do about that?

"... I dunno, lol."

In the end, I'm not sure what exactly about her made her so special. She was a very average person. But, I guess she was pretty close to what I would consider an ideal person: just the right amounts of everything from wits to looks. She was a well balanced mix, a concentration of humanity, a peculiarly flawed yet flawless specimen. It's hard to describe how it felt like, but I suppose my head appendix wanted me to pay some kind of special attention to her, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I didn't want to engage in anything intimate with her, have her feel anything for me, or even hang out with her. She was just there. I had no actual inclination to do anything except maybe use her for a model for a drawing. I don't even know her name, although I kind of started to hoping that there were more people like her in the world because she was a pretty darn decent human being. So, maybe I met the ultimate human being that should be used as breeding stock for a better human species, I really don't know.

This did convince me even further that I'm very much an aromantic asexual -- all that hassle and still not any kind of inclination to actually do anything about it. It was a tasteless, odorless, non-staining, soluble one-time crush.

[BollywoodFan]

I had a couple crushes as a small boy before puberty.. so yes, possible.

My first crush was pre-puberty as well - actually not the one I mentioned in the OP, but one in 4th grade (9 years old). I just felt... uncomfortable around him, but then it's taken years to feel comfortable talking to boys without assuming I have a crush. (Though in 7th grade, I thought I had a crush on a guy because we both liked the X-files... we passed notes about the show. Ooh, scandalous.)

I know many elementary kids - once they develop a resistance to cooties - get crushes as well. And as young students, we also get crushes on our teachers - male or female - because a good one is so odd - a nice adult and they're so grown-up and smart!

In Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Friend by Christopher Moore, Biff has a crush on Mary (The Mary) and by 10 says he'll marry her - after all, Joseph is getting old... If I remember correctly, he had a crush on her as long as he can remember. Of course, he's not asexual. But just another example of a childhood crush.

Verp - I think there is a small benefit of not pushing a squish - if you try to be friends and it backfires, work could be awkward. That is similar to a crush - if you get up the nerve to tell them you love or like like them or even ask them out. If you were friends before, it could make thinks really awkward. And if you're not, they may think you're weird because they had no idea... and the no is heartbreaking.

Besides, if I had a professor that looked like Hrithik Roshan, it would make class more fun, because I'd be seeing someone beautiful daily or so. People that you think are pretty inside and out just make the world a better place - or at least your world.

Just a thought.

[Verp]

Verp - I think there is a small benefit of not pushing a squish - if you try to be friends and it backfires, work could be awkward. That is similar to a crush - if you get up the nerve to tell them you love or like like them or even ask them out. If you were friends before, it could make thinks really awkward. And if you're not, they may think you're weird because they had no idea... and the no is heartbreaking.

Besides, if I had a professor that looked like Hrithik Roshan, it would make class more fun, because I'd be seeing someone beautiful daily or so. People that you think are pretty inside and out just make the world a better place - or at least your world.

Just a thought.

I don't even know what it means to "push a squish". I mean, there was nothing I wanted to do with that person outside of the things we normally did at work: worked and occasionally talked about something over a lunch with the rest of our colleagues.

[Dr_Holmes]

the things we normally did at work: worked

sorry I just found that funny :)

[Guest FrozenCherry]

I think my crush to my causin was non-romantic-platonic crush. But as a platonic crush is not attraction because of look for me.

[BollywoodFan]

Verp - I think there is a small benefit of not pushing a squish -

I don't even know what it means to "push a squish". I mean, there was nothing I wanted to do with that person outside of the things we normally did at work: worked and occasionally talked about something over a lunch with the rest of our colleagues.

Yeah, that sounds icky.

I just meant like when someone asks a friend for a date or tells them that they love them... or that they have a crush on them.

If it's not reciprocated, it hurts and can be awkward. It's like the stereotype of "ugly" shy girls in movies pining for their crush, but too nervous to say anything.

Forgive me, I got about 2 hours of sleep - I don't think squishes are meant to be revealed or pushed in some cases - it's admiration. Sometimes you're friends, sometimes you're work friends, sometimes you just nod at each other.

[Brackets]

All of my "crushes" were actually squishes...I just really wanted be friends with particular people.

Also,

And my fantasies about fictional characters involve... introducing Bollywood into their lives. Recently, it's been King of the Hill. Hank would hate it, Peggy would encourage Bobby (who would like it), while assuming that Indian films are totally the same as Laotion - they're both foreign! And Bill and I would hang out and watch them, because he's desperate for company, even if it's just a platonic friendship with a girl.

That is to say...

I am really weird.

This made me laugh because A) it made me picture Hank Hill watching Bollywood movies and B) I'm surprised to learn I'm not the only person who does this sort of thing

[Kamtoad]

All of my "crushes" were actually squishes...I just really wanted be friends with particular people.

Same for me. I've had a few squishes through my life. In fact I've for a squish on someone right now, though it's a bit more intense than my usual squishes

[Mugen Puchipuchi Hime]

My recent "real person" squish is on Sterling Holloway...

He has the most sweet but seducing voice (I blush even more when it's Jim Cummings doing his impression; it sounds better ;) ).

My favourite movie that he's in is "Shake, Rattle & Rock!", everything he says is always LOLs. Acting like a large ham to boot (he really noms on the scenery!).

I always thought he could be great to do campy comedy... But he managed to beat me to it on the idea: "A Sweater, A Sarong and a Peek-a-Boo Bang". Nuff' said.

[Rhaenys]

Shahrukh Khan ?

I am the Queen of Squishes since all of mine were. So yes crushes can be non sexual or asexual because I had crushes on guys before ( normal ones ) and they involved me wanting no sexy time and fantasizing about how life would be with no sexual intimacy and no kids.