Tabula Rasa Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 I've observed so many breakups and divorces lately. Last night I found out that one of my cousins is getting a divorce. My sister in law divorced my brother six years ago. Grandma had three failed marriages. Mom's husband left her with three kids over 47 years ago for other women. Some of the most widely respected public servants are divorced. All around me, people are getting themselves hurt and splitting up. This is not a rant against men. Rather, I'm seriously wondering why people still continue to pursue coupled relationships, even though breakups and divorces are more prevalent than ever. Call me a hopeless aromantic. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Wings of a Dream Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 I agree, it's odd, but society clings to the idea of finding your "one true love". Plus there's a lot of cultural politics going on there but I won't go into it for fear of sounding like one of my university lecturers XD Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 Movies, TV shows, romance novels are all about this foolishness called "relationships." I think that if a person is asexual, the best thing to do, if you do not find another asexual person that you really get along with, is to just support yourself and make your own way in this world. Yesterday I found out some stuff about my cousins' (that's plural) relationships... and I was like, why does everyone say they pity me for being single, sheesh! After hearing what I found out yesterday, I thank God I'm not married. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 I've been with my wife for 20 years...still going strong! Perhaps we're an exception to the rule? Link to post Share on other sites
graylightsavings Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" Link to post Share on other sites
Tabula Rasa Posted March 18, 2010 Author Share Posted March 18, 2010 "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" Loved and lost? My grandma did that and ended up with a pair of broken glasses (after being hit in the face). My sister in law did that and now has to file bankruptcy because my brother put a vehicle in her name and took off with it. I could go on and on... <_< Link to post Share on other sites
prettyeyes Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 This is what I've been trying to tell people. I don't believe humans as a species are predispositioned to monogamy and if anything quite the opposite. The only reason people even think two-person relationships work or are better than polyamorous ones or no relationship at all is probably the various religions promoting them as a way to get more children out of their followers and therefore more tithers. Link to post Share on other sites
shaedofblue Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 This is what I've been trying to tell people. I don't believe humans as a species are predispositioned to monogamy and if anything quite the opposite. The only reason people even think two-person relationships work or are better than polyamorous ones or no relationship at all is probably the various religions promoting them as a way to get more children out of their followers and therefore more tithers. Except you are proven wrong by people like CBC.Radio.Girl's family. My own family is made up of several successful monogamous relationships as well. People who think poly is right for everyone are just as bad as those who try to enforce the mono system. Link to post Share on other sites
EricK Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 Not exactly what the OP was asking, but... When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband; when a man marries again; it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck, men risk theirs. Link to post Share on other sites
Sleeping Beauty Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 Because they wish they were able to stay together forever (it's considered the way things should be) but then it turns out they are too individualistic and self-centred and egoist to reach the goal. Not everyone is right for this, if divorce had been socially accepted in the past there would have been a lot more divorces. I wish I was right, well...I can't know yet :P Link to post Share on other sites
prettyeyes Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 This is what I've been trying to tell people. I don't believe humans as a species are predispositioned to monogamy and if anything quite the opposite. The only reason people even think two-person relationships work or are better than polyamorous ones or no relationship at all is probably the various religions promoting them as a way to get more children out of their followers and therefore more tithers. Except you are proven wrong by people like CBC.Radio.Girl's family. My own family is made up of several successful monogamous relationships as well. People who think poly is right for everyone are just as bad as those who try to enforce the mono system. Or those are exceptions that prove the rule. Just think for a moment as to how many times you hear of a couple staying together for life as opposed to divorces, unhappy marriages that stay together for the kids, people who cheat on each other, and all those relationships people go through before they even think about getting married. The difference between the two I'm sure would still be staggering. In my family, there is not a single happy marriage. Most of my relatives have been through at least one or two divorces. If they haven't, they are trapped in a loveless marriage or a miserable long-term relationship. I don't think polyamory is for everyone, but I don't think it's worth trying for monogamy. If two people find each other and feel like they can stay together, just the two of them, and really stick it out, that's wonderful, but I don't think that should be the standard to hold all your romantic relationships up to, because it's not actually all that common. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 RE: Why keep trying? I think most sexual people have that need so they keep trying. We don't have that same drive, I don't think. Link to post Share on other sites
pawprint prettysure Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" "It's better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho the rest of your life" :P Link to post Share on other sites
PiF Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 the u.k.'s divorce rate is at or around 46%..so in many ways you could say why bother truth is many don't but those figures hide the actual amount of relationships that do work but not with a marriage certificate even at 50/50 i'd still take a chance Link to post Share on other sites
------ Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 the u.k.'s divorce rate is at or around 46%..so in many ways you could say why bother Could you show where you got that statistic because I've got nothing as high as that? http://www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=170 Link to post Share on other sites
EricK Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 The 46% is presumably the percentage of marriages which end in divorce (a statistic I have often seen quoted) rather than the divorce rate. But I don't really know how they calculate that percentage. Can anyone enlighten me? Link to post Share on other sites
mindsword Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 Beats me. My parents are still married and have been for 37 years. my grandparents are still married and they've been together for over 60 years. Only one of my aunts has had a divorce, and I have 2 aunts and 3 uncles by blood (no uncles divorced). three of my cousins are happily married and doing fine. I doubt we are just outliers, cause i know a lot of other people with this same basic set up. I'm aromantic, so frankly, i don't give a care who they're dating. That being said, I intellectually prefer the idea of monogamy, for a whole bunch of reasons, but, heh, that's me. Not going to say them, cause I'm not certain how correct all my opinions are. I'd rather not argue without knowing what I'm saying is at least mildly true. I won't yell at anyone for doing other types of relationships. Just not my cup of tea. Link to post Share on other sites
shaedofblue Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 This is what I've been trying to tell people. I don't believe humans as a species are predispositioned to monogamy and if anything quite the opposite. The only reason people even think two-person relationships work or are better than polyamorous ones or no relationship at all is probably the various religions promoting them as a way to get more children out of their followers and therefore more tithers. Except you are proven wrong by people like CBC.Radio.Girl's family. My own family is made up of several successful monogamous relationships as well. People who think poly is right for everyone are just as bad as those who try to enforce the mono system. Or those are exceptions that prove the rule. Just think for a moment as to how many times you hear of a couple staying together for life as opposed to divorces, unhappy marriages that stay together for the kids, people who cheat on each other, and all those relationships people go through before they even think about getting married. The difference between the two I'm sure would still be staggering. In my family, there is not a single happy marriage. Most of my relatives have been through at least one or two divorces. If they haven't, they are trapped in a loveless marriage or a miserable long-term relationship. I don't think polyamory is for everyone, but I don't think it's worth trying for monogamy. If two people find each other and feel like they can stay together, just the two of them, and really stick it out, that's wonderful, but I don't think that should be the standard to hold all your romantic relationships up to, because it's not actually all that common. We are talking about entire extended families made up of stable, happy relationships. If it was just an individual or two, you could maybe say it was the exception proving the rule, but it isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
hml1014 Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 Because hope springs eternal? Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 It's hard enough to carry on a relationship with one person. I can't imagine doing it with two. If you're naturally unconfident about whether your partner loves you and wants to stay with you, it sure wouldn't help it if your partner had another person in their life and at any given time, when they're away from you, could be deciding that other person is preferable to you. Yeesh. Polyamory works for people who want it, not for those who are just trying to please their partner who wants it. It's not something to be recommended, like eating healthier food. Link to post Share on other sites
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