What about NO romance?

[freewaydog]

I know we all don't do sex here pretty much but I also know that even though there is no sex involved, that most of you have or wish to have romantic partners, albeit nonsexual. What about someone like me who does NOT wish for a romantic relationship, let alone sex? It may be part of my AS, I don't know, but whatever it is, I am more than happy NOT to have nor want/need a romantic partner of any kind! Why should I have to "be in love"????? Ppl think that is terrible of me, like as if I had slayed their firstborn, or something! I think I get more negative feedback then if I were actually gay! I mean, when ppl ask me if I have a boyfriend or why I don't want one, or whatever, they say either something is wrong w/ me, or I am just to prudish & rigid, or they even get really ballsy & call me a "Lesbian" & laugh at me & how weird they think I am! I am NOT gay, nor straight! I even had a crazy f---'d up social worker who accused my late father of molesting me & when I told her "Never!", she insisted "Yes!" Doesn't anyone get me? Or will I even be ostracized here for not even desiring an ounce of romance???

[Pandoren]

That's what we call Aromantic :) There are quite a few aromantic asexuals on AVEN ;)

[LK204]

sounds exactly like me! when ppl ask me do i have a boyfriend i say why would i want one for? and they never really have a real answer

[Sally]

You will not be ostracized on AVEN for not wanting a romantic partner. More likely, you will be envied because it's really hard to find an asexual partner, and if you don't want one, then you're one step ahead!

[Dylan-Michael]

You're not that Unusual. You're Called Aromantic. I'm Aromantic.

Don't worry. People ask me all the time why I don't have a Girlfriend.

Here's what I say. I don't want one, because I don't like Girls or Boys.

What they hear. Blah... Blah... Don't like Girls... Blah... Blah...

Their Logic: No attraction to Girls=Homosexual.

I have to explain If I was Gay, I would like Guys, which I don't.

They still don't get it, and they try to convert me.

[Trix]

I know we all don't do sex here pretty much but I also know that even though there is no sex involved, that most of you have or wish to have romantic partners, albeit nonsexual. What about someone like me who does NOT wish for a romantic relationship, let alone sex? It may be part of my AS, I don't know, but whatever it is, I am more than happy NOT to have nor want/need a romantic partner of any kind! Why should I have to "be in love"????? Ppl think that is terrible of me, like as if I had slayed their firstborn, or something! I think I get more negative feedback then if I were actually gay! I mean, when ppl ask me if I have a boyfriend or why I don't want one, or whatever, they say either something is wrong w/ me, or I am just to prudish & rigid, or they even get really ballsy & call me a "Lesbian" & laugh at me & how weird they think I am! I am NOT gay, nor straight! I even had a crazy f---'d up social worker who accused my late father of molesting me & when I told her "Never!", she insisted "Yes!" Doesn't anyone get me? Or will I even be ostracized here for not even desiring an ounce of romance???

There is no requirement to want a romantic partner. It is just so prevalent in our culture that it is assumed you do. I'm sorry you have not found people who might be able to understand that, and who even insisted to explain your life in their own way. It's important to know that you can legitimately exist as you are.

You can legitimately exist as you are. People who tell you otherwise don't know what they are talking about, and could use a wider perspective on life.

[Guest member25959]

Yeah, thats aromantic.

There is also:

-Heteroromatic

-Homoromantic

-Biromantic

-Demiromantic

-Panromantic

All of which are attratcted to a peron, but do not want sex

[ily]

Or will I even be ostracized here for not even desiring an ounce of romance???

Of course not! And I understand where you're coming from. Romantic love is just one kind of love among many, and personally I don't see why it should be superior to all others.

[Teagan KGB]

If I didn't have my current relationship, I'd be envious. Things are simpler a lot of times when you don't feel that kind of need, although people asking about when you'll want an SO gets annoying. (I used to be mostly aromantic when I was younger.)

[Misterstomp]

Yeah from what I have seen the majority of asexuals are aromantic

[jrackula]

If you're happier without someone, don't let other people tell you what you need to be happy, you obviously already know what it takes (or I guess what it doesn't take?) I'm personally the kind of person who's fine with or without romance in my life so I can see where you're coming from by not needing it.

[The MoUsY spell-checker]

Yeah from what I have seen the majority of asexuals are aromantic

Really? I remember at least two threads asking where are all the aromantics. (I'm aromantic myself.)

Some others had the problem of people incorrectly assuming that all asexuals are aromantic.

[Nyxity]

Yeah, freewaydog, you are bloody normal here if you are not interested in any romantic relationship. As others said, aromantic fits you well.

[gedi]

No worries i'm asexual AND Aromantic there are probably a lot of people like us who just got pushed into the "norm" of wanting to be 'romantic' or in a relationship.

[freewaydog]

Thanks for all your reassuring & positive feedback guys. I was wondering if there is a section on this planet that would not crucify me for being "Aromantic/Asexual". Now, curious, what are "Demiromantic" & "Panromantic"?

[BKAce]

I know we all don't do sex here pretty much but I also know that even though there is no sex involved, that most of you have or wish to have romantic partners, albeit nonsexual. What about someone like me who does NOT wish for a romantic relationship, let alone sex? It may be part of my AS, I don't know, but whatever it is, I am more than happy NOT to have nor want/need a romantic partner of any kind! Why should I have to "be in love"????? Ppl think that is terrible of me, like as if I had slayed their firstborn, or something! I think I get more negative feedback then if I were actually gay! I mean, when ppl ask me if I have a boyfriend or why I don't want one, or whatever, they say either something is wrong w/ me, or I am just to prudish & rigid, or they even get really ballsy & call me a "Lesbian" & laugh at me & how weird they think I am! I am NOT gay, nor straight! I even had a crazy f---'d up social worker who accused my late father of molesting me & when I told her "Never!", she insisted "Yes!" Doesn't anyone get me? Or will I even be ostracized here for not even desiring an ounce of romance???

This rant made me smile, I relate a lot, especially to people mislabeling you. I'm always either a lesbian or a repressed heterosexual. Some even feel sorry for me and try to "reason with me to convince to go on a date"

They just don't get it when you say you're better off that way. Having relationships for me is like asking a lesbian to go out with a man. It might look "normal" to others but it's totally ridiculous and meaningless for her. That's the closest I can get to explaining my feeling about this.

[freewaydog]

I agree Bkace. It is just not natural for me. Ppl preach romance/sex like it is a religion & that I am Satan Incarnate for not performing! I also hate all the smut that society pushes in my face thru advertising, tv, movies, media, today's styles of clothes that girls wear, etc.

[Teagan KGB]

Thanks for all your reassuring & positive feedback guys. I was wondering if there is a section on this planet that would not crucify me for being "Aromantic/Asexual". Now, curious, what are "Demiromantic" & "Panromantic"?

Pan romantic means having the possibility to feel romantically attracted to any individual, regardless of sex or gender. Demiromantic means only feeling romantically toward someone one is already close friends with. Related to demiromantic is demisexual, which means only feeling sexual attraction to someone one is very close to emotionally.

[freewaydog]

Thanks for all your reassuring & positive feedback guys. I was wondering if there is a section on this planet that would not crucify me for being "Aromantic/Asexual". Now, curious, what are "Demiromantic" & "Panromantic"?

Pan romantic means having the possibility to feel romantically attracted to any individual, regardless of sex or gender. Demiromantic means only feeling romantically toward someone one is already close friends with. Related to demiromantic is demisexual, which means only feeling sexual attraction to someone one is very close to emotionally.

Isn't Panromantic/pansexual the same as Biromantic/bisexual? I am confused.

[Pandoren]

Bi refers to the two main binary sexes- essentially being attracted towards someone who is male both in gender and sex and female in gender and sex. Non-binary includes those who are transsexual (someone who is attracted to, say, women might not be attracted to someone after they find out she was once in a male body, or who is now bodily female but has masculine characteristics...) androgynous people, genderless, neutrois, intersexed etc... A pansexual/romantic is someone who experiences attraction towards anyone. Someone on here said "it's what's between their ears, not what's between their legs".

On that note though, I believe there is also Polysexual/Polyromantic, which I think is attraction towards one or more binary sexes plus at least one non-binary sex (for example, attraction towards women and androgynous people, but perhaps not transsexuals or something) and there might also be one for people who are exclusively attracted to non-binary individuals, but I can't remember the name of that.

Coming to AVEN is an education, isn't it? rofl

[freewaydog]

It's quite complicated, this whole "bi/pan" thing. Anyway, now the latest is my goddamned roommate hates me for being what I am!!!

[Samael]

Yeah, I identify as aromantic asexual as well. I've never even considered to have a significant other, because the thought of having one holds no appeal to me. I've managed to avoid being crucified for it most of the time though. Sometimes people don't have the guts to tell me what they really think, as few can summon the strenght to outright oppose me. I can see it from their eyes that they tend to feel anything between confusion and disgust, even though they remained verbally silent. But it's perfectly ok with me, since I don't want to associate myself with people who don't understand me anyways - I don't understand them either.

I'm perfectly fine being just by myself, but yeah sometimes people associate that being single equates to being lonely, desperate or in some other way messed up. I remember, there was a time when I felt deep frustration, even anger, for people's ignorant views. But later on I've learned to just ignore people because worrying what other people think about you is a tremendous source of stress. I recall being a sensitive person all those years ago but now there's no trace of that softness anymore. I've become more of a in-your-face kind of fellow, probably due to the effects of indifference :P

When asked, I'd love to explain my thoughts on aromanticism, because that's who I am. But in my experience, few people are interested in hearing. All they tend to be interested is trying to diagnose you, trying to find a valid reason for your "condition". They don't listen at all. It's nice indeed when once in a while there comes an understanding individual along that won't try to make a show out of it. Just listen, ask more questions and listen some more. That's too much to ask on a general basis though.

[singinglupines]

Yeah, I identify as aromantic asexual as well. I've never even considered to have a significant other, because the thought of having one holds no appeal to me.

I'm perfectly fine being just by myself, but yeah sometimes people associate that being single equates to being lonely, desperate or in some other way messed up.

I consider myself as aromantic, but I do wish to have a significant other in more of a lifetime best friend way then anything romantic.

I love being by myself alone and totally understand how everyone thinks being alone is something bad. I've run across it alot where people just can't comprehend it.

[freewaydog]

Yeah, I just want ppl around me that care, which is very hard to find.

[AFlyingPiglet]

Ppl think that is terrible of me, like as if I had slayed their firstborn, or something!

That's because as an aromantic, you are an uncaring, hard hearted person .... No seriously - as a fellow aromantic, that has been my experience of other people's reactions towards me too - Like you are a bad person. There is a perception that everyone has feelings (and included as part of this capacity to feel is romantic attraction). The only people who don't have feelings (and therefore don't experience romantic attraction) are mad axe murderers and the like.

I personally am happy on my own but I wouldn't mind being in a romantic relationship - its just that I don't experience romantic attraction so would be living a lie. I know that's what has happened in relationships I have previously been in - it goes get a bit tedious after a while and leaves you feeling rather guilty.

[freewaydog]

Well I WOULD mind being in a romantic relationship because it would be too unnatural for me. & if that makes me a cold hard person, TOUGH! Maybe I SHOULD be more cold & not so warm! This way, ppl would stop taking advantage of me! :(

[Tio]

Another aromantic asexual reporting in here. :)

Put quite simply, I am a happy, whole, and complete entity on my own. I have no need of a boyfriend or whatever to share my life. I'm actually quite solitary and I live alone. However, that doesn't mean I'm cold or horrible or anything. Though I'm by nature an introvert I have several good friends that I regularly hang out with.

[Oceania]

There is a perception that everyone has feelings (and included as part of this capacity to feel is romantic attraction). The only people who don't have feelings (and therefore don't experience romantic attraction) are mad axe murderers and the like.

To add on, people with their amygdala removed would also not experience any feelings. Of course, this would come about through brain surgery where the amygdala had to be removed (perhaps a tumor) or because it was damaged during the surgery.

[Marauder]

Another aromantic here; I completely hear what you’re saying. Just because you’re aromantic doesn’t mean you’re some cold-hearted person. I love talking to my friends and helping them with their problems. However, I’m also independent and don’t want or need a boyfriend in my life. This comes as a shock to some of my friends, one even said she was surprised I wasn’t married or engaged yet (I’m only 21!). I can understand someone wanting the companionship, but for me, the negatives of a romantic relationship far outweigh the positives.

[mindsword]

Another Aromantic finds the thread. Most of my friends call me emotionless, because of my general apathy. One of my friends who is good at reading people, though, said she kinda thinks of me like a Vulcan. Strong, powerful emotions, but completely controlled.