__AJ__ Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 how does it happen?? someone has to arrange a meetup, then they have to drag a conversation on by having to painstakingly think up topics non-stop. and god forbid you stop and relax, cause silence is awkward! then you have to do it all again and again, and each time you gotta get the other person to make time and not be lazy, and go out on date. so what is this "just let it happen" , or "love just happens" or "we tried to fight it, but love won in the end" shit i keep hearing??? is this all coming from the person who isnt making the arrangements? they're the follower? Follower: oh, love is a magical thing that just happens, and you just let it happen Leader: Theres nothing magical about it, its all about getting yourself to approach them by learning to overcome fear techniques, then get them to go out using persuasion techniques, then leading the conversations gradually raising the comfort level of of the topics and exchanging information fairly to the point that you know each other well. You continue at that process until your comfort and relationship is at a level where your considered "in love" or perhaps people actually enjoy spending time with each other, and Im just a soulless zombie wandering the earth, jealous of those with souls Link to post Share on other sites
Nugan Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 :lol: Well said, sir. This is exactly my experience with... well, I wouldn't say "love," but whatever it is that I have experienced. Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 (standing ovation and applausing ) Amen!!! This is why i have never been on one romantic date or had one boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
jr1 Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 great post Link to post Share on other sites
scootyscoot4 Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 I think if it's someone you already know or become friends with you could fall for them, but other than that I agree with your post! 8) Link to post Share on other sites
Puzzle_chick Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 I think people usually say that if they're already close friends, and then come to realize they feel even closer to each other than that. That's pretty much what happened to me since I was never out LOOKING to end up in love, it just sort of morphed into that. But we were already friends, so it wasn't like having to arrange anything or look for conversation. I still definitely see your point though, especially if it's something in like blind dating. (and I think blind dating is stupid, so...xD) Possibly people say it just to sound romantic and dramatic too. Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 I have probably always been the follower. - My conscious manipulative people skills are zero. I believe there are circumstances when both people are no real leaders. If you need a bit of hope: Life seems at least to me to become a bit more convenient in your late 20s, 30s because girls occasionally take the lead too at that age. And if you end watching the wrong movie you 're free to get up and go home. or perhaps people actually enjoy spending time with each other, and Im just a soulless zombie wandering the earth, jealous of those with soulsHm, I see myself sometimes zombie like but taking part in the life of others can wash that feeling away for a while as long as it seems enjoyable. Link to post Share on other sites
Zealous Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 and god forbid you stop and relax, cause silence is awkward! I'm on the phone with my SO right now. We haven't said a word in the past five minutes. Nothing awkward at all. But then again, I'm a freak. ;p Link to post Share on other sites
WingedParadox Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 I think the "love just happens" thing applies more to people who were already friends to begin with. My boyfriend and I were friends before we fell in love. It just kind of slipped into it without either of us noticing until one day he said "I love you" and I realized "oh yeah... me too!" 8) That might not be how it works out for you, though. Just don't feel that finding love always has to be awkward and stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
LeauPar Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Weell... When I had a crush (although I don't know if you can call it love, it was pretty intense), it did kind of just happen. It was almost from the first sight when I didn't expect it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Rix Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 That has pretty much been my experience of it. I don't bother anymore. However once it did 'just happen' but only for a short period of time, once we actually knew the other was interested the interest died, or it did for me anyway. Maybe i'm only comfortable when i'm uncomfortable? Anyway it doesn't matter anymore as i seem to have lost the ability to even develop crushes on people now, and thank goodness for that! Link to post Share on other sites
PrincessMinori Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 and god forbid you stop and relax, cause silence is awkward! I'm on the phone with my SO right now. We haven't said a word in the past five minutes. Nothing awkward at all. But then again, I'm a freak. ;p Nope, you're not a freak. I'm like that with my love, too! And yeah, OP, we're friends before anything else, so I dunno about the whole manipulation thing. Still, I see what you mean. Unfortunately, many relationships around me do seem that way. Maybe that's what sets us apart, the people who are really in love, and those who are pretending... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Heligan Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Well love may just happen for some people, the drifters...those who dont analysis too much, or think too much. Or worry too much. Love may even take the non drifters of us by surprise the first time and 'just happen' in a naive 'I just know its right' kind of way. But pretty much after that 'first love' thing I think most people have a truck load of baggage which got dropped on the naive drifting part of us and quashed it to a pluppy mess. Or maybe its just me.. it's just me isnt it ? :( !! That said before it 'just happens', pretty much everyone gets to feel like a spare part while it quite plainly isnt just happening with anyone! Its the whole 'just clicked' thing, when you realise you have been talking to a stranger for 3 hours and not felt any of the normal 'oh no silence' stuff. So yeah even when it 'just happens'- you have to wait like 20 years for it to get round to 'just happening' :roll: :cry: And even then baggage can kick in and sent either party runnning for hills. Aint love grand!!! :? Link to post Share on other sites
bbctv Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 i'd say it "just happens" as in you can't do anything to MAKE it happen, the way that almost EVERYTHING "just happens." or sometimes it doesn't. there are plenty of lonely and miserable people out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Davidrugova, I admire your definition! Link to post Share on other sites
Damaris Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 Weell... When I had a crush (although I don't know if you can call it love, it was pretty intense), it did kind of just happen. It was almost from the first sight when I didn't expect it at all. I think the feelings/emotions can happen pretty much spontaneously but the actuality of "love," i.e. a loving relationship, takes effort because two people are interacting. And of course the more shy, introverted, socially awkward a person is, the greater effort to establish any relationship, loving or otherwise. My two cents, anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
mdw Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 The reason people say it "just happens" is because a lot of times it DOES just happen. In my situation right now, it 'just happened' because I realized I DIDN'T have to try to come up with things to say to keep her interested, neither did she, nor did we have to try to think about things that would be fun to do, things really did just 'click' very naturally. This is not to say that a relationship doesn't require effort, it does. Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 It could be that you meet the person you talk about topics that matter to you a bit at first so they get to know you and you get to know them. After awhile, either you begin to grow to respect them and appriciate them or just grow apart. If both of you are very similar or very different, you might be attracted to each other cuz one partner makes up for the others' weaknesses and so forth or you could be similar and love doing many things together. The more you get to know the person, the more you can grow to care for them and fall in love with them. If you don't really like what they are saying, you can both remain friends. Link to post Share on other sites
jamie Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 How come love doesn't just happen to me? Bloody hell should I be wearing one of these!? Link to post Share on other sites
Hallucigenia Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 Leader: Theres nothing magical about it, its all about getting yourself to approach them by learning to overcome fear techniques, then get them to go out using persuasion techniques, then leading the conversations gradually raising the comfort level of of the topics and exchanging information fairly to the point that you know each other well. You continue at that process until your comfort and relationship is at a level where your considered "in love" *hugs AJ* The funny thing is that this is more or less how it happens. Except that a lot of people do it so automatically that they don't have to think about it too hard. They're just following their social instincts, which lead them to try to get to know a person in the way you described, and all of a sudden people know each other really well, and they're like "whoah, when did that happen?" For the rest of us... well, we have to think about it sometimes. XD There is, however, the additional matter of chemistry, which I think other people in the thread described rather well. For two people to really click, they have to have some mental similarities and compatibilities. If you do the getting-to-know-you thing with someone who doesn't have that with you, you're probably not going to end up "in love", even if you're trying. And if you do it with someone who's very compatible with you, not only does it work better, but it becomes easier to do because you start really, really enjoying being with that person and looking forward to it and thinking "hey, I bet this person would like this..." Sometimes people notice someone who they think will have good chemistry with them, and pursue that person. (Or sometimes they just pursue someone they think is physically attractive. That happens too.) But other times, people will just happen to interact with a person enough to suddenly notice the chemistry, which kicks the getting-to-know-you mechanism belately into gear, and in that sense, yes, it can take people by surprise. Link to post Share on other sites
__AJ__ Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 yeah, thats true Link to post Share on other sites
Milo Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 My significant other and I met as friends, and it just evolved from there. I'm not sure if it "just happened" but neither of us could put a time and place on when we started going out, or when we were officially a couple. I don't go on dates, because I'm aromantic. I don't sleep with people for the obvious reason. Getting goddamn *anyone* to be a significant other for someone for me is next to a miracle. We're in our second year together. I don't believe in god, but hell YES you can CAN get that one in a million shot! -milo Link to post Share on other sites
roddy9uk Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 When it happened to me..it happened. One phone call..talking about inconsequential things..small talk really..mixed in with "getting to know you" conversation and that was that. The sad thing was it was I that fell in love and not her. As she admitted many many years later it was my house and bank balance she wanted and not me. roddy Link to post Share on other sites
Shinnok Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Love doesn't really just happen. I had one encounter with "love at first sight" but it wasn't really sight I was looking at the profile of my boyfriend and I had a feeling I'd like him and maybe we'd get in a relationship later (internet boyfriend.) I don't really think love just happens you kind of have to think about it before you fall in love with that person. Some people (including me) have accidently fallen in love and can't help but be in love with them. I give thumbs up to the people who can control who they fall in love with and choose not to because to me, it's hard (with guys anyway). Link to post Share on other sites
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