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  2. So I had trouble sorting through my feelings two christmases ago and wrote this. Wanted to share with a community that would understand. Thanks in advance for reading~ I am ace and my feelings are valid. No, it's not an excuse to get you to stop hitting on me, touching me or making advances. It's not because I'm "being a tease" or trying to avoid you. I am ace and my feelings are valid. It's not because I want attention, or to be "part of the fad." LGTBQIA+ encapsulates so many gender identities and sexual orientations. Asexuality is part of that and it is REAL. I am ace and my feelings are valid. It's not me declaring something just because I "haven't found the one yet." I may or may not find a companion I want to spend my life with. I may or may not have sexual intercourse with this hypothetical partner. But you know what? That's none of your business unless you ask and/or I decide to share. I am ace and my feelings are valid. I feel no sexual or romantic attraction to people regardless of gender/identity. Even if I admit someone is "attractive" I am not commenting on them in a sexual or romantic way. People can be aesthetically pleasing to look at. The human form is one of my favorite things to draw, because it is interesting in an artistic sense. The way that fat bunches up, how skin hangs, the way light and shadow follow curves, slants and angles. You can appreciate a person for their unique beauty without wanting to fuck them. I am ace and my feelings are valid. I should not have to explain myself. I should not be guilted into feeling bad because I can't or don't reciprocate your feelings. Many people on the sexual and identity spectrum have enough issues. Please don't add to it if you can help it. I've struggled with finding myself as a person all my life, and now that I've found a niche that I fit in, that I BELONG to, you could simply continue to give me the love and support I've had from you up until this point. Just because I've come out, doesn't mean I'm a totally different person. I am still me, just a more sure me, and you should be happy for that right? I am ace and my feelings are valid. "But are you really ace? You told me you masturbated." The validity of my sexual orientation and identity should not be put on trial because you don't understand it. Ask questions. Get informed. Don't put me down because you don't get it. For me personally, I masturbate because the endorphins released relieve stress. Sometimes it's right before my period when my hormones are already heightened. Just because my body wants sexual interactions, does not mean that my mind does. Intimacy with another person scares me and makes me very uncomfortable. But masturbating with a vibrator? Not so much. I am ace and my feelings are valid. I am a person. I am fluid and changing. But I have come to learn so much about myself in the time I've been living alone, away from family and friends. Away from places and people familiar to me. I've have to learn about new places and people. And I've had to learn about myself. I've learned so much and though it has been a trial, I am coming to know myself so much better than I did before. I'm even starting to love myself because I'm getting to know her better now that she's all I have. I am ace and my feelings are valid. Whoever you are, however you identify yourself YOU ARE VALID. As are your feelings, your situations, your sense of YOU. Please, find it in yourself to LOVE yourself and work on turning that love outward (or turn your outward love inward, depending on your feelings now). That's all I have on my mind for now. I just needed to get it out as I had a stressful evening. If you have read this, please add onto it with your own works. And add resources for LGTBQIA+ individuals.
  3. Neutral Charge

    Dying Alone

    we all die alone anyway, death is a personal experience, having someone near you wont change how you die or how you will feel when you die, it will just change your life until that point and from the stories i have heard from older humans both married and single, its always harder when you die in a family, not for yourself as you are dead, but for those left behind. i dont really understand why people put so much emphasis in " i dont wanna die alone" it should be something among the lines i" i do not want to live alone" cause again, dying is irelevant on your life it wont affect you further and you wont feel anything about it and will not get a chance for impressions. so the question is, do you not want to live alone? or do you not want to risk dying sooner cause you are alone? My opinion
  4. Maeve


    You aren't strange - you've come to the right place! That's awesome you heard asexuality being discussed on the radio. You'd never hear that anywhere I've lived (I'm in the US). I learned about it from the A/Sexual documentary about David Jay when it was on Netflix. Anyhoo... Welcome & enjoy the cake 😁
  5. Celyn

    A Sentence Forming Game

    Seriously, a nice diamond will impress children handily.
  6. AllThisTime

    anyone past 50 on here?

    I wish older homes would be respected, just as we should be respecting our own elders; this is something that has sadly been lost for the most part. Maybe it has to do with the "altar of youth" and the view that aging means losing something, rather than gaining it. re: Renewable energy installations, there is so much holding us (ie. regular folk like you and me) back! These installations are controlled by government regulations and usually big business with big pockets are the ones that get built. It is an expensive investment that should be more actively supported. I'm not sure how it is in the US and Europe, but here in Ontario it is a real challenge to actually accomplish this. We should be actively working towards renewable energy. I am a member (board secretary) / have investments in a couple of renewable energy co-operatives - they are mostly solar installations that got enough points under the FIT program before it died - and I can see the locations where "my" energy is being produced. Which is the only way I can realistically do anything renewable. It is unfortunate that the huge negative publicity re: turbines really had a negative impact on solar in Ontario at least. Noise, negative health effects, even "stray voltage" which is a joke because your cattle wouldn't be standing around eating grass if that were the case! I could go on... and on and on about this. As it is, I survived turning 65 yesterday! so life is good. Recycling the age of 30 seems to be working...
  7. krissyrrrose

    Konnichiwa everyone~

    So... I made a big decision and moved to Japan last August. Sexuality has slowly become a topic between my work/friend group as we’re the few foreigners in town so we meet up often. Most are pretty understanding, or try hard to understand. But when drinks start the questions/statements come out. A few always wonder “have you just not found the right person? Are you sure you’re this way?” And ever since I’ve given myself this label it’s become so comforting, so right and helps me feel like I’m normal. I’m proud of it even. I guess what im getting at is... how often are you questioned for your sexuality as ace? I think my parents are slowly coming around and that’s what matters most to me. But sometimes I still feel at a loss when explaining myself or what ace means. Last time someone questioned me another friend stepped in and defended me. But I want to more confidently discuss it myself. I had pride but it disappears sometimes, you know? anyhow, it’s nice to meet everyone :’)
  8. Maeve

    Uh...hi. I'm Phage.

    YAAASSSS with the cake! Welcome 😁
  9. Maeve

    Should the cake worry me?

    Welcome! Yes feel free to ask questions! Lichley gave some good tips above on best places to post them Meanwhile, more cake for you (nothing to fear here... I swear 😉)
  10. The reason Europe hasn't, until recently, had much coverage, is because until recently it didn't sell. Even today a politician getting caught having an affair will generate more "hits" than the publication of a party election manifesto. At a European level consider this comparison. UK elections there's been sufficient demand that televised debates take place. There's been no such clamour during previous European elections.
  11. To the OP @Yolo, it’s never going to get better. In fact, it will likely only get worse. Knowing what you do, my advice would be to cut bait and run. You know about this now, you’re seeking advice here and seem young. If it’s hard at the moment, please understand that the difficulty only intensifies with time. Why accept a half life? You’re currently eyes open, it’s not working and you are here quite early on (As opposed to 15 years later with 2 kids and a shared history). The writing is on the wall, no?
  12. Maeve


    Gotta say @MichaelTannock - your cakes have taken a rather twisted turn of late... why you want to eat cute little cats & puppies? 😆
  13. ryn2

    Fellow Sexuals

    It’s handy to have a quick reference term for things, as opposed to having to type out the full explanation every time. E.g., it’s easier to say someone is built like a distance runner than it is to explain the type of musculature they have in their arms, core, and legs. Likewise, it’s much faster to say someone is male than it is to list all the components of maleness. Using that type of common shorthand isn’t typically intended to pigeonhole people. It just facilitates discussion.
  14. gabriele

    How to let someone down gently

    I always say that honesty is the best policy. The sooner you tell them honestly - the better. I get if you don't want to hurt their feelings, I'm the same way. But if you don't tell them clearly and honestly - it might lead to them not quite getting the point, still thinking they can get somewhere or other not pleasant situations that will hurt more feelings that telling the truth. I know it's not the most pleasant thing to do, but sometimes it just has to be done.
  15. PoeciMeta


    Agreed. If I weren't that ace though, they would have found other bullying material.
  16. TheAP

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    Blue 2
  17. Toa Lhikan

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    Blue 1
  18. JD_MacGill


    Any news regarding Pride in London?

  19. TheAP

    Guess the word!

    Elevation 1,3,5 Alienated 0,3,6 Bacterian 1,1,7 Tellurium 1,4,4 Unnerving 1,3,5 Ytterbium 1,3,5 Slapstick 1,2,6 Treadmill 1,3,5 Lunatical 0,3,6 Rulership 1,5,3 Umbrellas 1,4,4 Underlier 1,3,5 Chairlift 1,2,6
  20. Skycaptain

    anyone past 50 on here?

    I can understand turbines being contentious. By their very nature they need to be located in open areas with a clear airflow. However, unlike solar farms they can be located on say, grazing for sheep, with minimal disruption. Personally I like their aesthetic, but I wouldn't want them on every hillside. A thought. They're, big and prominent, so why has nobody tried selling advertising space on them?
  21. Chilli Pepper

    Dying Alone

    Birth = separation from the mother. Death = separation from the living. Both are equally lonesome if you ask me. Is there even such a thing as dying together? Maybe if you die in an accident (plane or car or whatever).
  22. That’s sadly spot on. While I didn’t know or understand my husband as asexual for the first 15 years, I clearly was living it. Since understanding, and plowing through the education, there has been this sense of “I wish it wasn’t so!” The sense of permanency and loss of perennial hope almost slayed me. Fooling yourself can last longer than one imagines and that sense of potential kept the greater relationship alive. It’s unhappy at the core, but possible to live in that space for years, if not life. My husband’s asexuality, or my sexuality (the mismatch), has been devastating to our lives. Yes, I’d wish it away if I could. Honestly, I don’t like it.
  23. is everyone else bored of this SNC Lavalin thing?
  24. TheAP

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

  25. Maeve

    C-PTSD and being asexual

    Wow. I resonate with everything you have said, @Meme1325 and @alienanteater. Had never heard of C-PTSD before, but think I need to learn more about it. Even though being asexual in and of itself does not mean you can't have fulfilling relationships, I know from personal experience that all the other ways in which relating is already a challenge definitely makes coming to terms with being ace that much more difficult. I live a very isolated kind of life already - it's so true that people seem to sense when someone is different and if they don't have a quick & easy way to define how & why you are different, they react with fear and hatred. I've experienced this all my life. So when I learned I was a-spexual*, it was terrifying to think that now people would have one more difference to focus on and use to dismiss me entirely. It sucks. But rather than focus any more on the negative, I'll share some things that have helped me to deal... 1. This forum!!! Really exploring it and reaching out to people here has been a huge help. It has been a vital gateway to learning how to come to terms with my a-spexuality* and even learning how to talk to people IRL about it (though I haven't - and may never - come out). Also, I've recently come to really enjoy the AVEN Arcade - it's a great stress-reliever and nothing breaks the ice like a good game! 2. I move around a lot, but each time I go to a new place, I search for ace groups on I'm excruciatingly shy but did manage to drag myself to a couple events with other aces and it was nice to be surrounded by similar people. Perhaps you can find a group in your area? Also, I've seen posts here from people wanting to meet other AVENites in their locale. You could do that, too! 3. If you're on Facebook, there are private ace groups on there you can check out, too. Reaching out and getting to know other aces/a-specs* is a great way to process all this. You never have to come out IRL if you don't feel comfortable with that - especially if you feel it will only isolate you more from the people around you. I'm currently living in a city with no ace groups nearby. If I were to tell anyone around here that I'm a-spec, I already know all the ignorant crap they would say and I just don't need to deal with that, so I don't feel the need to tell anyone. As such, this site is a godsend. I come here whenever I'm feeling especially isolated and even just reading other people's posts makes me feel better. Also, I just want to note that being a-spec as opposed to asexual does not necessarily make life easier. I think there's a tendency among certain aces to assume that demisexuals must "have it better" than them, but this reflects a serious misunderstanding about the a-spec reality. Just because someone can theoretically find someone they might eventually feel some level of sexual attraction toward doesn't mean it's easy to find that super-rare human with whom one can connect that deeply. I identify as demi-gray, but my experience is more akin to "total" ace than anything else. Don't let the prefix "demi-" fool you - we're not "half" sexual and "half" asexual!! * a-spec = someone on the asexuality spectrum. I recently started using "a-spexual/ity." I like that it's quicker & easier to say than "I'm on the asexuality spectrum" and I don't like having to spell out the specifics of my identity all the time. Anyhoo... more cake for you! Welcome
  26. anisotrophic

    Fellow Sexuals

    You are a narcissistic bloviating ass, and -- in contrast to other sexual men in the forums -- exactly the sort of masculinity I have no desire for. You demonstrate no memory of who I am. My romance does not evaporate with time, it hardens to a mettle that pulls us through hard times. The dreams become reality, as we become so much more together than we would have been apart. It is a relationship that now matures to transcend shifts in gender and orientation. We have children. It's going strong after a decade and a half. I hope my more recent love bears similar fruit, perhaps transmuted to a more platonic form, but there is no disillusionment. I fall in love with a potential, not an illusion, and I have been fortunate to see those potentials realized. All this comes with lust, set aside or channeled if I must. To hear a breath catch as my hands press against the heat of a partner's body, to taste them, to hear the groan of desire -- oh, I'm pretty sure I'm sexual too. My ability to bank those fires does not mean they do not burn within me.
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