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  2. Elonat


    Hello! You can use whatever label you feel most comfortable with. You can try them on and see if they fit you, too. And you don't have an obligation to label yourself at all. I can definitely relate to that 😅 . There is that voice in my head that keeps telling me that I probably missed something and how can I know I don't experience something at all if all I have to go on is 23 years and so on. I spoke to a few non-heterosexual friends about this and all of them seemed to go through a phase like this when first figuring out their respective orientations. I am using the label that feels comfortable and right to me, I think that is the best way to determine these things. No one else has the right (and no one else has the insight) to tell you what you are or are not.
  3. VanillaCakesForever

    An excited hello to all!

    Dear DorAce, I must add that I relate to your story. We are about the same age and when a friend asked me if I was ace and I came to know the term I also identified myself as demisexual - due to a previous relationship I'd had and in which I was not "opposed" to physical contact. I was not comfortable with labels, but the "categories" "explained" some feelings I had so I considered myself demisexual and romantic, although I had never craved for any romantic stuff. Time passed (like years), I tried to name my feelings again and got different results. People change and it is healthy to modify or simply quit any labels if you just feel like it. Very similar to you (though it was me, not a friend telling me), I thought "I'm pretty much the definition of asexuality". Even when in a relationship what I felt was nothing close to sexual attraction, even after a deep emotional bond was in place. Whenever I liked or craved for anything it was not sexual, though I noticed it could be physical. I came upon an excellent article that put a name to what I felt and I just concluded that I felt sensual attraction. When emotionally connected I wanted to hold hands, hug, sleep (really sleep) together, touch and kiss but it was not sexual. It was the definition of sensual. Considering many other aspects, I felt like I was bi-demi-sensual (but still ace! If that makes any sense) and aromantic. Quite complicated to explain but felt really nice to put into words. I know you didn't request any further comments, but I figured that as an overthinker you wouldn't mind to hear I'd struggled with labels and self knowledge. In case you're curious about the article, here it is: http://theasexual.com/article/2018/8/15/on-sensual-attraction-and-intimacy-yes-sometimes-people-really-do-just-want-to-cuddle Welcome again to the community! 🍰 Cake! 🍰
  4. ColeHW

    If you could reproduce asexually...

    What I mean’t by “causing the end of the world” is that if there was more of me then honestly we’d just steal food and supplies from everywhere.
  5. Morgan123

    Gay Panic

    This technique works for me, although it isn’t for everyone and I don’t know the context of the OP’s situation so it may not be suitable. I have quite strong political views and I talk about all different types of social injustice a lot, so it doesn’t seem suspicious if I throw in a bit about gay or trans rights.
  6. uhtred

    And now she knows...

    You have to realize that this may be very important to her. For many people sex and love are deeply tied together. You both need to figure out whether there is a sex life that can make you both happy, or whether divorce is a better solution
  7. Alejandrogynous

    Does anyone else like strip clubs?

    Same. It's not sexual for me at all but I like the environment and hyping up the dancers. It's just a good time. It depends on the club though, obviously.
  8. NordicNoir

    Word association game

  9. Moon Spirit ☽

    Romantic relationships are scary

    @Homer It is better that you don't say anything because you are seriously lacking empathy for this person and not trying to understand.
  10. darvyn


    I might delete this later, but I just want to scream it from the proverbial rooftops of the internet:





    👻👽 I BROKE UP WITH MY EX!!!!!!!!! 👻👽




  11. MiffKeks

    And now she knows...

    Let me hug you. It was very brave of you to tell her the truth. I can understand how both of you feel. As soon as you both feel better, you can discuss and work on how to continue with this change. I really hope for you that your relationship will become stronger! 🤗
  12. I don't think that is true. If a man doesn't ejaculate, his body just won't produce more semen until it's needed. It's not like men's testicles are constantly on the verge of bursting... It's rather 90% psychological habituation. Then, there's nothing wrong with self-pleasuring. But there's also nothing wrong with not self-pleasuring and there's nothing wrong with taking challenges. On the other hand, I'm fairly disgusted by this kind of conversations in which guys seems to brag about who is more addicted to sexual stuff...
  13. Ardoise

    Wanna join a commune?

    This sounds like a great idea, but my future choice of living arrangements is going to depend on where they need geoscientists the most.
  14. SaintPhilomena

    The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)

    @Homer Well I’ve definitely seen definitions of asexuality as “experiencing little to no sexual attraction” which definitely indicates a spectrum as apart of the definition of asexuality, I don’t see why it wouldn’t be a spectrum indicated for aromantics as well since some definitions for aromanticism are very similar. Definitions are useful and valuable things not because they are unchanging but because they help identify something in our language and help us understand something. So I would say that implying a spectrum within ace and aro definitions is helpful and a more honest definition. After all, no two ace or aro people are alike. Maybe you experience some attraction once in your entire life, and up to that point you thought you were completely asexual. And then you don't experience that attraction again. It would be very confusing and possibly upsetting to have to “unlabel” yourself as asexual entirely or change your identity to something more aspec like gray ace or demisexual. It doesn’t make sense in that case to change based on a rigid definition because 99.9% of the time you’re completely asexual, and it would be misleading to others and yourself to then identify as a demisexual or gray ace. Also there is another spectrum within ace and aro communities that already exists, based on their comfort with sexual/romantically coded activities. Some aces are sex repulsed and some aces are sex neutral and some are sex positive. I personally am romance repulsed in that sense, but some aromantics are perfectly comfortable or even enjoy romantic activities.
  15. Alejandrogynous

    Nineties internet nostalgia, anyone?

    We didn't get internet at my house until '98, I think. I remember always trying to sneak onto the computer late at night when my mom was asleep, burying the tower in blankets to muffle the sound. Recently a customer in my store had the dial-up tone as their ringtone and I had my very own Vietnam flashback. As for nostalgia, I miss the anonymity there used to be with screennames and everything being easily compartmentalized. Nowadays Google owns everything so I'm paranoid to ever post anything personal because I know there's always a trail back to me somehow. Back in the day, I mostly used AIM, Xanga (because Myspace was too popular, ugh), and MUD RPGs games. Good times good times.
  16. Ardoise

    Nineties internet nostalgia, anyone?

    I was only alive for the last few months of the 1990s, so I can't contribute anything here.
  17. NordicNoir

    Word association game

  18. In my opinion, sex isn't inherently bad or good. It provides some of us with tremendous pleasure and comfort, but it can have horrific unintended consequences (for example, the AIDS epidemic) and be wielded as a weapon to harm others physically and emotionally. I also think that modern society puts too much pressure on people to have sexual experiences as soon as possible. Even people who aren't asexual may not be emotionally ready for sex until they're a bit older, or need a strong emotional connection to their partner. In addition, we should respect people whose personal preferences or religious/ethical beliefs preclude casual sex. Looking down on those who are cautious or restrained about sex is every bit as bad as slut-shaming.
  19. I am a fujoshi, I enjoy BL manga and m/m fan fiction, I have read some erotica too and I enjoy reading the sexy parts. I have tried real life porn, but its just so unrealistic I really can't get into it. Sometimes I am in the mood to watch (mostly read) hentai (because the stupid characters I like won't get together 😤), I have tried to imagine myself in situations like that but it just makes me uncomfortable, I also enjoy writing fanfiction but for some reason I suck at romance and I can't write smut. I am very romantically oriented when I read, but when I try to write it I´m like "Hikaru chan needs a friend not a boyfriend!"ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)so I am unable to write the romance that is usually required for me to enjoy a story. I am NOT interested in haviving sex in anyway, shape or for. People have cooties, you know? I love fictional scenarios though and if I feel aroused, I just read some smut and it goes away once I finish reading. Is that weird? I have stimulated myself sometimes but never outrigh masturbated, I do not want to touch any icky stuff, be it mine or not.
  20. Ace of J

    And now she knows...

    Sooooo I came out to my wife on Friday, and it's been a rollercoaster. I feel like she hated me for telling her. I think she might be (very) slowly coming around, but I know she was really hurt by the whole deal. It's been a rough few days, but I feel like we might be okay. Hopefully. I keep going between feeling relieved and feeling broken. She's a very sexual person, and I'm just... well I'm here. Here's a link to my first post regarding this. (I wasn't sure whether it was better to start a new post or add onto that one. This is my happy medium, I guess.)
  21. RoseGoesToYale

    Nineties internet nostalgia, anyone?

    Yeah, I think for the most part it sucked, but there is one thing I miss about pre-2005 internet... as long as you stuck to known websites, advertisements stayed in their place. In neat little boxes on the side or banners at the top, not obscuring any of the content you came to view. Back before Java had the capacity to support continuous autoplay video ads, mouse-move-wait-don't-go ads, and teasing content paywalls. Of course, if you went to strange sites, pop-up city.
  22. VanillaCakesForever

    An excited hello to all!

    Hello there! Be very very welcome and feel free to overthink (I love to hear people's overthinking process, it is always enlightening in a way or another). I've just joined aven too and I'd like to show you all my appreciation for this welcoming community. I've come across the term asexuality more than five years ago, at college. I didn't know what it meant so I googled it and discovered this place. Once I became familiar with the term(s) everything made sense although I'd never felt uncomfortable with my (a)sexuality. From this moment on it has been a process of reanalysis of my past and current feelings and dealing (or not!) with labels. Aven has been here all the time to enlighten terms and doubts. I'm pretty settled with my id now and I just want to give you all a huge cake party for being so friendly and open and honest to discuss such an important aspect of people's life. 🍰 Cake! 🍰
  23. Ardoise

    An excited hello to all!

    Welcome to AVEN!
  24. Snao Cone

    TV shows no one else seems to know

    So many people are mentioning Canadian shows because there are so many gems that only a fraction of the Canadian population bothered to watch. We are so immersed in American television that without laws requiring a certain amount of Canadian content, so many shows wouldn't have been made.
  25. daveb

    Nineties internet nostalgia, anyone?

    No nostalgia for me. I don't miss the slow load times, the poorly designed websites, the sheer gaudiness and all of the "teething" problems that tend to come with something new.
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