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derelict43

Do looks actually matter when it comes to having sex?

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derelict43

assuming your partner adheres to the same hygeine standards as attractive people and relatively has the same self esteem? (I heard that can affect performance)

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Squirrel Combat

Do looks matter?: Not as much! I know plenty of guys whose girlfriends (sexual partners) are, frankly in my opinion, are not the best looking (far from it, really). In most cases they just ended up with those girls because they were at the right time and prettier girls weren't paying any attention to them so they had to lower their standards WAY down or else they were never going to get some "action".

My brother's last girlfriend was actually kind of ugly by my standards. And she cheated on him.

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FiddleKid

To shallow guys it does, some guys will only have sex with pornstar look alikes, to some guys it's all about the looks but hopefully not to everyone (I'm aromantic so I don't know)

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hadeel

The hetero-sexuals are just as different as a-sexuals are.

Yes, the normality, it certainly exists, is attracted by the looks of the partner, neither it is a woman or a man.

It is because, the duty of the sexuality, is to reproduce oneself, to become a mother/father.

Therefore evrybody who want children, search for the partner, with who they can make the best possible children.

This is also including how the partner is looking of course, because the look says many things about the health.

I certainly prefer the monogami, between heterosexuals, a husband and wife, married, and live together untill death do part,

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NeroReaper

I think everyone would want the partner to be 'well groomed' not greasy hair or anything showing lack of hygiene. As to physical appearance, guys are more swayed by someone's appearance. As humans we go after the 'best' mate to have children. If we look at the first humans, the strong one always won.

Personally, I will admit I want someone attractive but what is more important is the person they are at the end of the day.

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NamTar

I've seen studies where they have concluded that people tend to get together with a person of similar attractiveness on a 1-to-10 scale. But it's easy enough to look around you at the people you know or the people in your town and conclude that it doesn't seem to matter much. That, and they matter in different amounts to different people. One thing I think a lot of people forget is that not everyone even shares the exact same definition of "attractive," also, so even just going by physical appearance, people will have different aesthetic judgments of the same person, depending on what they find attractive.

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marmalade-cats

I have to be at least a little bit attracted to someone to want to be in a relationship with them, let alone sleep with them, so it does to me a little bit.

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Member7783

Of course looks matter, and anyone who says they don't is trying to fool you.

What I found though (and this is subjective), is that the "hotter" someone is, the less effort they put into trying to be sexy. At least in my experience, the most physically attractive women I was with were the WORST at all the things that made me want to have sex with them, which were a proper attitude, proper approach, and a dose of the right kind of seduction. Merely being "hot" wasn't enough to get my motor running. That being said, a woman who is a little more "plain-jane" with her looks, but who knows how and what to say to me, how to touch me, what kinds of innuendo to drop into a conversation...and I'd be panting like a dog for her.

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WhenSummersGone

Looks matter to me for my romantic orientation but it doesn't affect my sexual orientation much. I think for most people they experience aesthetic attraction, and whatever comes from that, and everyone has a type or types they fall for.

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BlackRose

It varies from person to person. Some people are more concerned with looks than others.

It also matters differently for dating and for sex. For me, sex feels amazing no matter what the person looks like, so I'm not really concerned with looks... I just like having sex! It's just physically pleasurable.

But for dating, romance, and close relationships, I'm much more concerned with looks, because that's more emotional than physical. The way someone looks very strongly affects my emotions. I experience romantic attraction based on the way someone's face looks, and sexual attraction from looking at someone's body - but if I'm looking at female genitals, I'll get sexually aroused and want sex no matter what their face or body looks like.

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Ana

I have to be at least a little bit attracted to someone to want to be in a relationship with them, let alone sleep with them, so it does to me a little bit.

Ditto. There are a lot of great people I just can't imagine wanting to have sex with.

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MadRat

It varies from person to person. Some people are more concerned with looks than others.

It also matters differently for dating and for sex. For me, sex feels amazing no matter what the person looks like, so I'm not really concerned with looks... I just like having sex! It's just physically pleasurable.

But for dating, romance, and close relationships, I'm much more concerned with looks, because that's more emotional than physical. The way someone looks very strongly affects my emotions. I experience romantic attraction based on the way someone's face looks, and sexual attraction from looking at someone's body - but if I'm looking at female genitals, I'll get sexually aroused and want sex no matter what their face or body looks like.

This is something what I will never ever understand.

My logic tells me it should be the opposite way - in relationship looks should be less important because there are strong emotions involved and these emotions should overcome physical imperfectness, while in sex for the sake of sex it should be more important to be with someone super hot because this emotional bond is missing.

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Philip027

For some, it would matter. Others might not care.

Of course looks matter, and anyone who says they don't is trying to fool you.

I don't know if you're just talking about sex or just in general, but I for one really don't care about looks.

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BlackRose

It varies from person to person. Some people are more concerned with looks than others.

It also matters differently for dating and for sex. For me, sex feels amazing no matter what the person looks like, so I'm not really concerned with looks... I just like having sex! It's just physically pleasurable.

But for dating, romance, and close relationships, I'm much more concerned with looks, because that's more emotional than physical. The way someone looks very strongly affects my emotions. I experience romantic attraction based on the way someone's face looks, and sexual attraction from looking at someone's body - but if I'm looking at female genitals, I'll get sexually aroused and want sex no matter what their face or body looks like.

This is something what I will never ever understand.

My logic tells me it should be the opposite way - in relationship looks should be less important because there are strong emotions involved and these emotions should overcome physical imperfectness, while in sex for the sake of sex it should be more important to be with someone super hot because this emotional bond is missing.

That may be how it is for some people.

For me, sex is about physical pleasure, and that doesn't have much to do with how someone looks or the emotions you feel. How someone looks matters more outside the bedroom, because there you're looking at them without the physical pleasure of sex. And for a relationship I'd want someone I have strong feelings for, and those strong feelings are caused, created, and continued by the way someone looks (among other things).

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.Lia

Moved from Asexual Q&A to The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions

Lia
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God.

It is all individual prefferences and what turns one on :) For someone they have to look like that or that, or between that and that to be attractive. For others looks are generally not important qualities for when it comes to attraction.

It is all individual prefferences, and everyone get attracted to different things :) Some even need sex to involve blood, sweat or even socks. It is no correct answer to this, but I think it is safe to assume that most of the population get sexually attracted to people they think look good. But again, person A may think person X is beautiful and person Y is unappealing, while person B think person X is meeh but that Y is really cute.

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Neurula

Of course looks matter, and anyone who says they don't is trying to fool you.

What I found though (and this is subjective), is that the "hotter" someone is, the less effort they put into trying to be sexy. At least in my experience, the most physically attractive women I was with were the WORST at all the things that made me want to have sex with them, which were a proper attitude, proper approach, and a dose of the right kind of seduction. Merely being "hot" wasn't enough to get my motor running. That being said, a woman who is a little more "plain-jane" with her looks, but who knows how and what to say to me, how to touch me, what kinds of innuendo to drop into a conversation...and I'd be panting like a dog for her.

Speak for yourself. All the things you said would never come out of my mouth in any form. Would it be ok if I said EVERYONE likes sex and whoever says otherwise is a liar?

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Member7783

Of course looks matter, and anyone who says they don't is trying to fool you.

What I found though (and this is subjective), is that the "hotter" someone is, the less effort they put into trying to be sexy. At least in my experience, the most physically attractive women I was with were the WORST at all the things that made me want to have sex with them, which were a proper attitude, proper approach, and a dose of the right kind of seduction. Merely being "hot" wasn't enough to get my motor running. That being said, a woman who is a little more "plain-jane" with her looks, but who knows how and what to say to me, how to touch me, what kinds of innuendo to drop into a conversation...and I'd be panting like a dog for her.

Speak for yourself. All the things you said would never come out of my mouth in any form. Would it be ok if I said EVERYONE likes sex and whoever says otherwise is a liar?

No doubt replying to you will get my hand slapped by a moderator or administrator - but I don't care. You're trying to pick a fight, and you really ought not to. I know you saw my comment as an easy target, but don't let your ego's need for recognition and vindication get you in trouble.

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mrmarbles

The hetero-sexuals are just as different as a-sexuals are.

Yes, the normality, it certainly exists, is attracted by the looks of the partner, neither it is a woman or a man.

It is because, the duty of the sexuality, is to reproduce oneself, to become a mother/father.

Therefore evrybody who want children, search for the partner, with who they can make the best possible children.

This is also including how the partner is looking of course, because the look says many things about the health.

I certainly prefer the monogami, between heterosexuals, a husband and wife, married, and live together untill death do part,

Agreed, I've heard that popular physical traits that are considered attractive can be traced back to finding a suitable partner for breeding children. the three easy ones to recognize would be, women with bigger breasts for breast feeding, women with wider hips for effective birth, and men with bigger muscles for effective work. Those features aren't desired for no reason, it is because those features have traditionally been good indicators of health, healthy children, and a healthy lifestyle.

Some people like to say "opposites attract". I think of it this way, If a person isn't too great at something, they would want a partner who can fill that gap in their life, and therefore in their children's lives. I'm a pretty shy and anxious person, and i tend to become friends with the people who talk a lot. Its just something i notice, and something that also makes sense.

when you think about it, fashion and therefore appearance plays a big part in how one might find a mate. For instance, someone who keeps extremely clean and preppy, might not want a skinhead covered in tattoos as a boyfriend. who knows though, maybe he "fills the gap". with that, i'd say appearance plays a big role when finding sex, but when finding something more? never consider appearance as the prime motivator

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Neurula

Of course looks matter, and anyone who says they don't is trying to fool you.

What I found though (and this is subjective), is that the "hotter" someone is, the less effort they put into trying to be sexy. At least in my experience, the most physically attractive women I was with were the WORST at all the things that made me want to have sex with them, which were a proper attitude, proper approach, and a dose of the right kind of seduction. Merely being "hot" wasn't enough to get my motor running. That being said, a woman who is a little more "plain-jane" with her looks, but who knows how and what to say to me, how to touch me, what kinds of innuendo to drop into a conversation...and I'd be panting like a dog for her.

Speak for yourself. All the things you said would never come out of my mouth in any form. Would it be ok if I said EVERYONE likes sex and whoever says otherwise is a liar?

No doubt replying to you will get my hand slapped by a moderator or administrator - but I don't care. You're trying to pick a fight, and you really ought not to. I know you saw my comment as an easy target, but don't let your ego's need for recognition and vindication get you in trouble.
Uh that post reveals an utterly lack of competent reasoning skills. I wasn't picking a fight with you. You are on a public forum making bold, FALSE statements. I'll say it again because I can: Speak for YOURSELF and take responsibility for your words instead of painting people as fight pickers.

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MadRat

It varies from person to person. Some people are more concerned with looks than others.

It also matters differently for dating and for sex. For me, sex feels amazing no matter what the person looks like, so I'm not really concerned with looks... I just like having sex! It's just physically pleasurable.

But for dating, romance, and close relationships, I'm much more concerned with looks, because that's more emotional than physical. The way someone looks very strongly affects my emotions. I experience romantic attraction based on the way someone's face looks, and sexual attraction from looking at someone's body - but if I'm looking at female genitals, I'll get sexually aroused and want sex no matter what their face or body looks like.

This is something what I will never ever understand.

My logic tells me it should be the opposite way - in relationship looks should be less important because there are strong emotions involved and these emotions should overcome physical imperfectness, while in sex for the sake of sex it should be more important to be with someone super hot because this emotional bond is missing.

That may be how it is for some people.

For me, sex is about physical pleasure, and that doesn't have much to do with how someone looks or the emotions you feel.

How someone looks matters more outside the bedroom, because there you're looking at them without the physical pleasure of sex. And for a relationship I'd want someone I have strong feelings for, and those strong feelings are caused, created, and continued by the way someone looks (among other things).

Your reply makes me once again wonder if current definition of asexuality makes sense... If sex isn´t about any kind of attraction for you, and I assume you´re sexual, shouldn´t we start to look for another definition of asexual? Because you can have sex with people who are not attractive for you, while many asexuals are in relationship with people who are beautiful and dear for them, and they still don´t want to have sex.

I think the only definition of asexual which makes sense is "a person who is naturally uninterested in sex" (naturally - it is not caused by trauma, like rape or sexual abuse).

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BlackRose

It varies from person to person. Some people are more concerned with looks than others.

It also matters differently for dating and for sex. For me, sex feels amazing no matter what the person looks like, so I'm not really concerned with looks... I just like having sex! It's just physically pleasurable.

But for dating, romance, and close relationships, I'm much more concerned with looks, because that's more emotional than physical. The way someone looks very strongly affects my emotions. I experience romantic attraction based on the way someone's face looks, and sexual attraction from looking at someone's body - but if I'm looking at female genitals, I'll get sexually aroused and want sex no matter what their face or body looks like.

This is something what I will never ever understand.

My logic tells me it should be the opposite way - in relationship looks should be less important because there are strong emotions involved and these emotions should overcome physical imperfectness, while in sex for the sake of sex it should be more important to be with someone super hot because this emotional bond is missing.

That may be how it is for some people.

For me, sex is about physical pleasure, and that doesn't have much to do with how someone looks or the emotions you feel.

How someone looks matters more outside the bedroom, because there you're looking at them without the physical pleasure of sex. And for a relationship I'd want someone I have strong feelings for, and those strong feelings are caused, created, and continued by the way someone looks (among other things).

Your reply makes me once again wonder if current definition of asexuality makes sense... If sex isn´t about any kind of attraction for you, and I assume you´re sexual, shouldn´t we start to look for another definition of asexual? Because you can have sex with people who are not attractive for you, while many asexuals are in relationship with people who are beautiful and dear for them, and they still don´t want to have sex.

I think the only definition of asexual which makes sense is "a person who is naturally uninterested in sex" (naturally - it is not caused by trauma, like rape or sexual abuse).

At one point I made the suggestion that an asexual with a high sex drive might be demanding or pushy or forceful about having sex with someone, despite not experiencing attraction... but I think the consensus was that it really doesn't work that way: asexuals are generally not oriented towards partner sex, and even the ones who enjoy it and have a high sex drive don't really need a partner for their sex drive. Just like a straight guy with a high sex drive wouldn't direct that drive towards men, an ace with a high drive wouldn't direct it at other people.

You can desire partner sex without attraction for your partner, as long as you're oriented towards their gender or sex. Sex with girls I'm not attracted to works for me, because I am attracted to some girls and their bodies are similar :)

But aces aren't oriented towards anyone, towards any gender or sex, so there's no strong need for partner sex.

Attraction pretty much means you think about some form of partner sex, thoughoh. So I think the best definition of asexual is someone who isn't oriented or attracted to anyone.

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Tora

Of course looks matter, and anyone who says they don't is trying to fool you.

Uhm... no. I can hardly decide whether anyone looks attractive or not. When my friends show me pictures of "hot guys", expecting me to agree with them or start a discussion about why they're definitely not "hot", I have a hard time finding an answer, because all I see is a guy who may or may not be considered good looking by most people, but I really can't judge that. I always go with something neutral, since I don't distinguish between "ugly" and "pretty". Actually the more distinctive looks they have the better for me, not because I find that attractive, but because I am horrible at remembering faces, so that helps recognizing them when I see them again.

So I have to say no, looks really don't matter to me and I don't even categorize or think about that. Speak for yourself if you say that they do. Not everyone thinks like you.

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Shinbyeong

Good looks combined with a kind and caring personality really catches my attention. However, no matter how physically attractive a person might be, but that individual has an unkind personality, I would be greatly turned-off by that person

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LevanaMoon

Hmmm...Looks matter to me, but not as much as personality. Although I see people as more attractive if I like them.

I think looks matter at different varying degrees to different people. To some it may not matter at all, but to me I'd rather be attracted to the person physically as well as emotionally. Although I've developed a higher amount of physical attraction over time to people based on growing emotional feelings for them.

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Pomz

I have standards and ethicality on my side. Buuutt, for the better part looks don't matter. I have developed feelings for someone who I didn't find particularly attractive and even fantasized about my first time (fortunately it didn't happen, found out she had nasty secrets and lied cruelly). I can find someone attractive, but never exactly want sex with them.

So pretty much, if you can somewhat relate with me on a personal level for several weeks (I'll start to realize you brighten my day, I may tell you), start flirting/sleazing and desires will rise :D

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