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Incredibly HAPPY being single?


TeaMistress

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Kitty Spoon Train

Yeah, this touches on a big problem I have with stereotypical relationships as they are commonly idealized. The whole "they complete me" idea and the idea that couples have to do everything "as couples" and *I/me* is completely erased for the *us/we.*

One thing that's always bugged me about romantic relationships is how there often seems to be an expectation of "compromising into mutual misery". In other words - do something together for the sake of doing it together, even though both of you would rather be doing something else, separately.

I don't believe this is an inherent component of romantic relationships, but it seems to be so common that it might as well be - at least with what the popular social contract seems to expect. *shrug*

eg. Going on vacation. It seems to be a HUGE deal when a couple has different travel tastes. Everything else works like clockwork (their everyday domestic partnership and other life goals, etc), but they just can't agree on destinations, or "travel style", or anything. Why does it often seem like such a big drama? Why not just take vacations separately? ie With other friends who are more "travel compatible" with each partner?

I suppose I can see where it comes from, sort of. You get into a tizzy about "sharing your lives" in a very complete way. To the point where often the sharing is "forced" in certain situations, and you don't even think to step back and just be individual people at times.

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As long as I have friends and my pets I'm more than happy to be and remain single.

I have though been told congrats by some married dude when he asked if I was single and I answered with 'Happily single.' :unsure: Not sure why he asked more or less why he told me congrats when his wife wasn't too far from him. :o

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The issue with relationships is that they require at least one other person. That's really where the problem lies for me.

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SorryNotSorry

I'm happy knowing that I'm depriving someone else out there of affection. :twisted:

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PurveyorOfBadPuns

I'm much happier being single as long as I have my friends! :D

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Janus the Fox

Yeah I'm pretty happy being single, alone and friendless as long there's carers to make sure I'm not neglecting myself.

I'ts not rust that, I'm also childless, jobless, penniless, health poor and probably a lot of other 'less' words and I find myself totally content in all of that.

I find it odd I'm not unhappy or fretting over something I 'should' want. Possibly if I had any one of the above, I don't think I be much happier or perhaps more unhappy.

Eh... Gwydion and Rhoslyn probably has a hand at protecting the mental well-being mor than I could imagine.

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SorryNotSorry

Actually, I'm not that happy... but I can fake it.

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Kitty Spoon Train

Actually, I'm not that happy... but I can fake it.

Don't fake it. Make it.

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SorryNotSorry

Actually, I'm not that happy... but I can fake it.

Don't fake it. Make it.

I'd get freakin' arrested!!!

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*Rises hand*. I'm happy being single. That doesn't mean that I don't want to find an appropriate partner, but I don't see any reasons to be sad in the meantime. On the contrary, now it's time to enjoy my freedom and do whatever I want :D

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This topic was made for me, since I am very content being single as well. I cannot even comprehend being in a relationship, as I've never been in one and don't have the interest to be in one either. I like belonging to myself and the freedom that comes with it. I like being my own person, having my own time, and making plans without consulting another. There is beauty in selfishness, I suppose :)

Having said that, I am not closed off to marriage. If someone comes along that ticks all the boxes, then I suppose it would be a challenge to give him up.

Yeah, this touches on a big problem I have with stereotypical relationships as they are commonly idealized. The whole "they complete me" idea and the idea that couples have to do everything "as couples" and *I/me* is completely erased for the *us/we.*

eg. Going on vacation. It seems to be a HUGE deal when a couple has different travel tastes. Everything else works like clockwork (their everyday domestic partnership and other life goals, etc), but they just can't agree on destinations, or "travel style", or anything. Why does it often seem like such a big drama? Why not just take vacations separately? ie With other friends who are more "travel compatible" with each partner?

I think this is due to the societal pressure to conform and do everything as one. We knew a couple who took their vacations separately and every time they mentioned it, there would be an uncomfortable silence among the group. I suppose people find the idea uncomfortable for their own reasons...

I value privacy in a relationship! I think it is all the more important when one is in a relationship. There should be space and lots of it, if necessary. Helena Bonham Carter even has a separate house for her husband! I think she said it was due to both of them having different methods of organization or something like that....I completely understand and applaud them for trying it out!

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Red Sun Rises

Honestly, I'm just starting to figure out that I'm probably more aromantic than I am hetero-romantic, because I am COMPLETELY happy being single, and I don't want to change that. Ever.

I mean, I can be a lazy butt sometimes and wish I had a rich significant other who will pay all my bills and let me lounge around the house doing nothing but read, watching TV, and learn new things, but that ain't gonna happen (and I'm not exactly sure that, if the opportunity arose, I would take it - I don't want to be tethered to someone).

*HAND RAISES AND WAVES WILDLY IN THE AIR* Me! Me! I'm happy being single!

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Kitty Spoon Train

This topic was made for me, since I am very content being single as well. I cannot even comprehend being in a relationship, as I've never been in one and don't have the interest to be in one either. I like belonging to myself and the freedom that comes with it. I like being my own person, having my own time, and making plans without consulting another. There is beauty in selfishness, I suppose :)

I actually think of "selfishness" in terms of romantic relationships quite differently...

I think being in stereotypical clingy romantic relationships (and/or indulging the mindset that leads to them) is far more selfish than being "alone". ie The whole cliche of using another person to "complete" yourself. When this happens two-ways, it's merely mutual selfish attachment - not really love.

Two (or more) whole people coming together to have a relationship is what's healthy. That's when no one is using another to fill voids in themselves, but instead coming together and creating something extra - like a "bonus level" of life fulfillment for each other. But there's no codependency, no insecure clinging, no desire to win over, "own" and contain the other at all costs. No need to constantly compromise into mutual misery rather than allow the other to be a free individual.

I'd actually say that most pop culture depictions of "romance" and relationships are inherently toxic. And pretty much any kind of social pressure to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship (to make oneself complete) plays right into that category.

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Two (or more) whole people coming together to have a relationship is what's healthy. That's when no one is using another to fill voids in themselves, but instead coming together and creating something extra - like a "bonus level" of life fulfillment for each other. But there's no codependency, no insecure clinging, no desire to win over, "own" and contain the other at all costs. No need to constantly compromise into mutual misery rather than allow the other to be a free individual.

I'd actually say that most pop culture depictions of "romance" and relationships are inherently toxic. And pretty much any kind of social pressure to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship (to make oneself complete) plays right into that category.

Very well put - I agree. I have always thought of a partner/husband as being a bonus - not someone I "need" but prefer to be in the company of - sort of like a luxury, more than a necessity. I don't mean to objectify the person but merely communicate that I am complete on my own.

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Me me me! I just broke up from a six-month relationship after I realised just how very aromantic I am and that kowtowing to social pressure to "need" a partner is a very bad idea for me. The relief is enormous! No more relationships for me, I'm a happy singleton. I wouldn't mind a pretty friend to cuddle platonically and have picnics and embroider with, though. uwu

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I don't think I am even capable of having a functional relationship in the conventional sense, so I am quite content to be single.

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Phantasmal Fingers

Nor me Xavy! I don't consider myself dysfunctional because of that though. ;) I function fine on my own terms: it's hardly my fault if society can't deal with that.

I don't like to compromise myself, I like to be myself.

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I'm happy as long as I get to sit in the middle on the couch. :D

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eg. Going on vacation. It seems to be a HUGE deal when a couple has different travel tastes. Everything else works like clockwork (their everyday domestic partnership and other life goals, etc), but they just can't agree on destinations, or "travel style", or anything. Why does it often seem like such a big drama? Why not just take vacations separately? ie With other friends who are more "travel compatible" with each partner?

I think this quote is an example of an incredibly ace moment. ;)

Not to say I don't agree with much of what you have to say overall. :)

Lucinda

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I jumped from long term relationship to long term relationship and now I have actually been single for over a year I've found out so much about myself, how I feel and what I'm like when I'm not hanging on to someone that I can honestly say I'm happier than I've been in years. I miss dating and I miss relationships sometimes, but I think I am better off single. I like thinking about myself and being a bit selfish now. It works for me!

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Yeah, I like being alone. Even though I have no knowledge of what being in a relationship is like, I can imagine it being a bit of a pain; trying to factor in the other person's needs and wants is something I can do without (makes me sound selfish, I know :unsure: )

Being alone gives me time to think and just do what I want, which makes me happy.

Seriously though, I think the media has a lot to do with why people are apparently miserable when they're single, I mean a lot of media use relationships as problem solving plot devices; making someone happier and more confident etc., I wish there was more media where characters who are single are depicted as enjoying themselves rather than searching for someone to be their "soul-mate"

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I really enjoy being single! And I really hate it when I mention this fact and people go all patronizing like "aww don't worry, you'll find someone". I mean it's not such a difficult concept to grasp.

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I'm quite happy being single. Rediscovering AVEN has helped me be so. Before, I was single but still thought about boys a lot. Now, I have the possibility of World Pride to look forward to. Plus this forum comes with an awesome chat room!

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I'm excellent with single, but I'm pretty awful at alone. During my college years, I've learned that I'm simply not very stable when I'm living alone (or with people that I don't know terribly well.) So if I don't get a good roommate when I move out of my parents' house, I'm going to have to get a dog or something pretty much right away... but I'm sort of terrified that the dog will get anxiety problems from me. I truly am stuck between a rock and a hard place. :(

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SorryNotSorry

I'll just buy a freakin' Realdoll. (raises middle finger)

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Yeah, this touches on a big problem I have with stereotypical relationships as they are commonly idealized. The whole "they complete me" idea and the idea that couples have to do everything "as couples" and *I/me* is completely erased for the *us/we.*

One thing that's always bugged me about romantic relationships is how there often seems to be an expectation of "compromising into mutual misery". In other words - do something together for the sake of doing it together, even though both of you would rather be doing something else, separately.

I don't believe this is an inherent component of romantic relationships, but it seems to be so common that it might as well be - at least with what the popular social contract seems to expect. *shrug*

eg. Going on vacation. It seems to be a HUGE deal when a couple has different travel tastes. Everything else works like clockwork (their everyday domestic partnership and other life goals, etc), but they just can't agree on destinations, or "travel style", or anything. Why does it often seem like such a big drama? Why not just take vacations separately? ie With other friends who are more "travel compatible" with each partner?

I suppose I can see where it comes from, sort of. You get into a tizzy about "sharing your lives" in a very complete way. To the point where often the sharing is "forced" in certain situations, and you don't even think to step back and just be individual people at times.

I agree with what you're saying so much. I especially like the phrase "compromising into mutual misery." to describe it. Those expectations were one of the main reasons I didn't want to be in a relationship. I'm not completely averse to being in a relationship, but if I'm going to be in one, I'd give my partner a lot of space, and they'd have to give me a lot of space too.

I can't imagine being part of a couple, and doing something or going somewhere for the sake of doing it together, no matter how much one half of the couple would rather be somewhere else. Wouldn't that foster resentment over time?

"You complete me" is one of those relationship phrases that comes across as a red flag to me, and I also don't like when people refer to a couple as an item, as if they're not individuals anymore.

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