Snao Cone Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 So random question, and I'm probably totally derailing the topic, but does being on the aromantic spectrum mean that you don't want or desire physical contact at all, even in a platonic way? Not really. I'm not a touchy-feely person but I've grown more comfortable with platonic hugs as time goes on, while simultaneously becoming more confident in my aromanticism/lack of desire for an intimate relationship. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 So random question, and I'm probably totally derailing the topic, but does being on the aromantic spectrum mean that you don't want or desire physical contact at all, even in a platonic way?Very much not, I'm a snuggler ;) 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haesselmaas Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 For everyone: are you in or do you desire to be in a platonic relationship? What about a romantic relationship, if you are one of those people who do experience romantic attraction, are fluid, or do not know? What are necessary qualities of these relationships? I am in what I would describe as a platonic relationship with a great friend, although we haven't actually discussed calling it that. I love it. Like some others have written (sorry, I'm new and I don't remember names that well) I love living alone, but the thought of living in a roommate situation with someone I really trust and care for sounds amazing. Which is why my friend and I plan to do exactly that as soon as we both have steady incomes and can afford it :) I am aromantic asexual but my friend is not. I am sometimes afraid that he'll eventually find someone and leave me behind. Because honestly, what girlfriend would appreciate her boyfriend living with another woman and spending tons of time with them? I mean, yes, I could tell this hypothetical woman that I am aromantic and asexual, but who knows if she'd accept that - or have any idea what that means? Also, for the question about gender preferences in platonic relationships: Initially I would say no. For me all that matters is that they make me feel safe and free to be myself. Someone I can geek out with. But then again, it does take me longer to get comfortable in platonic relationships with cis-males. The guy I mentioned above (also cis-male), we dated for a little while (huge mistake of mine) and afterwards it took me about a year before I could trust that he wasn't thinking about me in that way. Even with cis-men I've met in ace/aro communities, there's still this wariness in me telling me to be careful around them. I guess it makes me nervous, not knowing which signals I'm sending out. So to sum up: It does take me longer to get close to cis-men, but otherwise I don't really have a preference, gender-wise. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
anzu2snow Posted November 26, 2016 Share Posted November 26, 2016 Hi! I've very recently realized I was aro. Realized I was ace back in June. I do still want a partner to experience life with. Just not a romantic one. A qpr, from what I've read, sounds like it'll be wonderful for me. I'd prefer another aro ace, but that might be difficult to find...Friends are very important to me. (Especially close best friends.) Almost feels like all my attractions went into my platonic one. I mostly look at people and think it'd be great to be friends with them. (Not to date or have sex with them.) They seem cool, have a great personality, are kind, wonder if we have similar interests, etc. I know some people are only close friends with people of the same gender (society seems to encourage this), some with the opposite gender (society seems to think this will automatically turn romantic then sexual. This boggles my brain), and some don't think about non-binary or genderfluid people. To me, the gender doesn't matter. So, I guess, I'm pan that way... I think what's helped me realize I'm aro (and ace) was looking back at being in the only romantic relationship I've been in. I was suckered into it when my would-be boyfriend made an ultimatum: either I tell him I love him, or I'll never see him again. I thought of him as a close friend, and didn't want to lose him that way. It was suffocating for a while, and almost felt like he kept trying harder at it. I started to like the attention eventually, but didn't need or 'crave' it. It was just nice. (Except for the bruising kisses and holding my hand all the time.) Didn't initiate any of it either. It still hurt quite a bit when he dumped me over the phone while he was on the other side of the state. I was emotionally attached to him. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
fuzzipueo Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 On 11/9/2016 at 10:23 PM, bookish.nerd.girl said: So random question, and I'm probably totally derailing the topic, but does being on the aromantic spectrum mean that you don't want or desire physical contact at all, even in a platonic way? It's very individual as to how people feel about touch. Personally, the less touching, especially unsolicited, the better, for me. There's only one person who can get away with hanging on me and that's my niece. Other people know I'm not comfortable with even hugging, though I can tolerate it from people I know well. On the whole, however, I'd really rather not. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 I don't want a platonic relationship. When I first identified as aromantic I thought that I would like a QPR, but upon reflection I realised that a committed/intimate platonic relationship was just as uninteresting to me as a romantic relationship. In fact I really can't tell what the difference would be, guess my feelings just don't work that way! I don't experience any type of attraction, platonic and sensual attraction are just as much of a mystery to me as romantic and sexual attraction. I think my initial 'a QPR would be nice' thoughts were just a result of my seeing that this desire seems normal in the aro community and subconsciously going "ok this is how being aro works, so it must be what I want too". On 10/11/2016 at 5:23 AM, bookish.nerd.girl said: So random question, and I'm probably totally derailing the topic, but does being on the aromantic spectrum mean that you don't want or desire physical contact at all, even in a platonic way? As others said, it's and individual thing. Personally I don't particularly like being touched, but that is not a requirement for being aro, any more than wanting cuddles and kisses is a requirement for being romantic. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte Posted December 11, 2016 Share Posted December 11, 2016 I wish people would stop acting like my transition will suddenly make me want to find love. I mentally prepped myself for the possibility of my orientations shifting with HRT, but 7+ months in, I'm just as aro ace as ever, and I feel like I have reason to believe that I would have had the same orientations if I were cis. Still, I wish I could just wait and see what happens in peace. All of this talk (especially from the nurse who does my shots) of "in case you meet someone" makes me feel pressured to defend my identity as an aro ace. I don't like the implication that my orientation could only come from dysphoria, because I don't think they really connect. (I'm not even romance/sex repulsed; I'm just disinterested, so taking a disinterest and treating it like trauma is really frustrating.) 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
UndeadWeapon Posted December 11, 2016 Share Posted December 11, 2016 I'm not trans or anything, but I get where you're coming from. I think it's just lazy and a massive cop out to conclude trauma or abuse are literally the only reasons anyone wouldn't be interested in romance/sex. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte Posted December 11, 2016 Share Posted December 11, 2016 1 hour ago, UndeadWeapon said: I'm not trans or anything, but I get where you're coming from. I think it's just lazy and a massive cop out to conclude trauma or abuse are literally the only reasons anyone wouldn't be interested in romance/sex. Agreed. It's such a cheap strain of logic that carries way too many unfortunate implications to be tactful in any conversation. When people try to apply that argument to why I have feelings of apathy, that usually tells me that they're not really understanding what's going on in my head. It's especially weird because nobody really made a fuss about my orientations before I came out as trans. Now that I am out, I feel like some people are reacting in a "there's hope for you yet" kind of way. Like they're retroactively assigning imagined trauma into the equation.Granted, both my parents suspected that I was into women before I came out, so maybe transition forced my orientations into the limelight. Most people are super cool about my gender/orientations, but that makes reoccurring comments like "bottom surgery might be a good idea for in case you meet someone" or "you know, a romantic partner could always give you your shots" from people who you already explained your orientations to all the more grating. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mallovv Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 /is late to the party Hello, everyone ;; I'm feeling guilty/confused about my identity, and I think I'm aro-spec, but "love" is a hard feeling to define, and different from person to person... A lot of things in my head make me unsure/consider aro-spec identities, but for the time being I'll just hover c: Not going to lie, it feels comforting to have a place like this with other people that maybe feel similar things to me. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 3 hours ago, mallovv said: /is late to the party Hello, everyone ;; I'm feeling guilty/confused about my identity, and I think I'm aro-spec, but "love" is a hard feeling to define, and different from person to person... A lot of things in my head make me unsure/consider aro-spec identities, but for the time being I'll just hover c: Not going to lie, it feels comforting to have a place like this with other people that maybe feel similar things to me. No need to feel guilty about your identity :3 Welcome to the new aromantic thread! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
highsupersaiyangoku Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Aye my aro friends, I just joined AVEN earlier today. I meant to do so a LONG time ago (like 1-2 years ago) but kept putting it off rip lol Uhhhhh question for you all, I know that most aro people, like me, have very varying opinions on romance itself, which tend to be more interesting then alloromantic mumbo-jumbo, so what is your guys and gals (and other assorted peoples) opinions on it? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 11 hours ago, highsupersaiyangoku said: Aye my aro friends, I just joined AVEN earlier today. I meant to do so a LONG time ago (like 1-2 years ago) but kept putting it off rip lol Uhhhhh question for you all, I know that most aro people, like me, have very varying opinions on romance itself, which tend to be more interesting then alloromantic mumbo-jumbo, so what is your guys and gals (and other assorted peoples) opinions on it? Hey there My opinions on romance is : Romance is like an oatmeal cookie. It's good to have,but I can live without it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TRexPhilbo Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 On 12/21/2016 at 3:07 AM, highsupersaiyangoku said: Aye my aro friends, I just joined AVEN earlier today. I meant to do so a LONG time ago (like 1-2 years ago) but kept putting it off rip lol Uhhhhh question for you all, I know that most aro people, like me, have very varying opinions on romance itself, which tend to be more interesting then alloromantic mumbo-jumbo, so what is your guys and gals (and other assorted peoples) opinions on it? Hurro! First, I'd just like to point you in the direction of Arocalypse, a forum much like AVEN for aros and aro allies. Second, personally I don't have an issue with romance unless it's over-the-top PDAs and the like. Allos can romance if they like, just please not in my direction. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 So... If anyone actually cares.... I just realized I had confused romantic attraction with sensual attraction... So in fact... I am probably aromantic... So yay...I guess... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Assemble Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 5 minutes ago, Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet said: So... If anyone actually cares.... I just realized I had confused romantic attraction with sensual attraction... So in fact... I am probably aromantic... So yay...I guess... You're fine, everyone calls my sister a drug addict for being aro ace...? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 1 minute ago, Assemble said: You're fine, everyone calls my sister a drug addict for being aro ace...? Seriously damn... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 On 21/12/2016 at 3:07 AM, highsupersaiyangoku said: Aye my aro friends, I just joined AVEN earlier today. I meant to do so a LONG time ago (like 1-2 years ago) but kept putting it off rip lol Uhhhhh question for you all, I know that most aro people, like me, have very varying opinions on romance itself, which tend to be more interesting then alloromantic mumbo-jumbo, so what is your guys and gals (and other assorted peoples) opinions on it? I like romance, I love reading a good romantic story or watching a romantic film, and I like seeing my friends flourish in their romantic relationships, but I have no interest in having any of that for myself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
m-mac Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 (idk if anyone used this anymore but) okay so aromantic is when you feel little to no romantic attraction so is it possible to be aromantic but then have a gender preference when you feel that little bit of romantic attraction? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 38 minutes ago, m-mac said: (idk if anyone used this anymore but) okay so aromantic is when you feel little to no romantic attraction so is it possible to be aromantic but then have a gender preference when you feel that little bit of romantic attraction? Yeah it is possible,I think (though I think this might make you gray aromantic though) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WoodwindWhistler Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 On 1/16/2017 at 3:12 PM, Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet said: So... If anyone actually cares.... I just realized I had confused romantic attraction with sensual attraction... So in fact... I am probably aromantic... So yay...I guess... Yay, indeed. Not to sound superior, but to me it seems aromantics' lives are so much less complicated. Whydoncha go ahead and be happy. *raises non-alcoholic beverage* Cheers! I have a friend who has both a very strong sensual and a strong romantic drive, so she knows the difference right off the bat. LOL 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 3 minutes ago, WoodwindWhistler said: Yay, indeed. Not to sound superior, but to me it seems aromantics' lives are so much less complicated. Whydoncha go ahead and be happy. *raises non-alcoholic beverage* Cheers! I have a friend who has both a very strong sensual and a strong romantic drive, so she knows the difference right off the bat. LOL Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WoodwindWhistler Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 On 12/20/2016 at 10:07 PM, highsupersaiyangoku said: Aye my aro friends, I just joined AVEN earlier today. I meant to do so a LONG time ago (like 1-2 years ago) but kept putting it off rip lol Uhhhhh question for you all, I know that most aro people, like me, have very varying opinions on romance itself, which tend to be more interesting then alloromantic mumbo-jumbo, so what is your guys and gals (and other assorted peoples) opinions on it? I only like romance in stories if the character development takes precedence. (I both ship characters and 'friend-ship' them, sometimes waffling between the two) IRL, I don't mind romance much and question the existence of the term "third wheel." In my personal life, I am dating someone, and we've discussed not overdoing it with the mushy stuff, praising, etc. Wrote a poem about it:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UCGTSsvotJLK4dCBsJnXUwbC5bEpS3wOe_9kuBeEzx8/edit?usp=sharing 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KatSmiley Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 On 01/18/2014 at 9:45 AM, Krampus said: Does anyone else feel ill at ease cuddling? I just feel like I don't know where to put my body and sort of hang about his shoulders like I'm a little disinterested animal. I can't seem to get the hang of it. I know exactly what you mean! I feel like when someone is trying to cuddle with me, I want to say, "You've given me your arm/hand/other body part... What exactly am I supposed to DO with it?" I just kind of sit there and try to think of an excuse to get up. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Baam Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 On 27/1/2017 at 3:35 AM, KatSmiley said: I know exactly what you mean! I feel like when someone is trying to cuddle with me, I want to say, "You've given me your arm/hand/other body part... What exactly am I supposed to DO with it?" I just kind of sit there and try to think of an excuse to get up. Same, yeah. It's just super uncomfortable, really. I don't mind the odd hug, but cuddling is just.. Get out of my personal bubble, please. : P 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Reddee Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 I don't think i've ever posted a comment on this thread, but i identify as aro ace too. I kind of internalized the struggle with coming to terms and eventually leveled out as aro ace, but lately events have resurfaced to bring back more issues. Has anyone figured out how to tell dear old mom that her grandbaby will always be a dog???? Seriously, it's an issue. And has anyone else experienced the ever awkwardness of being asked out by someone you totally want to be friends with but just don't know how to explain aromantic asexuality to them without it turning into a five hour explanation or having them think you're making things up? Cause seriously that ^ has happened twice this month. I want to hide under my bed rn. Can someone just help me figure out the talking end of this. I don't 'people' well, my sisters aptly call me 'the anti-social, emotionally stunted one'. I need all the help i can get. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 4 hours ago, danYell said: I don't think i've ever posted a comment on this thread, but i identify as aro ace too. I kind of internalized the struggle with coming to terms and eventually leveled out as aro ace, but lately events have resurfaced to bring back more issues. Has anyone figured out how to tell dear old mom that her grandbaby will always be a dog???? Seriously, it's an issue. And has anyone else experienced the ever awkwardness of being asked out by someone you totally want to be friends with but just don't know how to explain aromantic asexuality to them without it turning into a five hour explanation or having them think you're making things up? Cause seriously that ^ has happened twice this month. I want to hide under my bed rn. Can someone just help me figure out the talking end of this. I don't 'people' well, my sisters aptly call me 'the anti-social, emotionally stunted one'. I need all the help i can get. Well, I just told my mum that I'm not interested in having a relationship or children and I don't see that changing any time soon. It really was that simple. As for the being asked out by someone you are/want to be friends with, situations like that are always very awkward (I've been there a few times), but I don't see any need to complicate it with an explanation of aromantic asexuality. A basic 'I like you a lot and would love to be friends with you, but I am not looking for a relationship' does the trick. There is no need to justify your lack of interest in dating them. If they can't accept that you simply don't want to then they are not worth the effort. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Can people just stop asking me and my friend to date?! 1. I don't find them attractive. 2. Even if I did, I'm aromantic. 3. It's making the both of us extremely uncomfortable and I'm worried it's gonna put a rift between us. Just shuuuut up! 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Wearing my "No Romo" t-shirt to school tomorrow. (They have aro pride gear over at lookhuman.com 10/10 would recommend) 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 1 hour ago, ChillaKilla said: Wearing my "No Romo" t-shirt to school tomorrow. (They have aro pride gear over at lookhuman.com 10/10 would recommend) Yeah, I agree.At look human.com, they have a lot of good aro and ace gear. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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