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Lambda Corvus

The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)

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Lambda Corvus

So I've been thinking: Why don't we have an active megathread where the aromantics among us can go and chat, akin to the Agender Thread?

Once, in the days of yore, long ago and steeped in legend, there was The Aromantic Thread. Unfortunately, it died a year ago. Can we see if we can revive its legacy? This is a sort-of test to see if we can.

In this thread, all are welcome. We can share our aromantic (or questionable romantic) experiences, idly chat back and forth, derail the thread and get it rolling again, banter, share interests, etc; where this thread goes is totally up to whoever responds.

All aromantics, lithromantics, demiromantics, greyromantics, and anyone else who may be on the aro side of things, please grab your favorite beverage and snack from the table over there *points*.
For everyone else who has wandered in here, a great welcome as well.

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Krampus

Right up my ally as a demiromantic.

Took me almost four years to give my current boyfriend a chance, two and a half of which I wouldn't return his calls or emails because I knew he was romantically interested. Thought I was aromantic before as I'd go on dates with interesting men and feel nothing.

Does anyone else feel ill at ease cuddling? I just feel like I don't know where to put my body and sort of hang about his shoulders like I'm a little disinterested animal. I can't seem to get the hang of it.

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ShadeFox

Probably an aromantic here.

Never had a crush on anyone but I'm still figuring things out.

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Holsety

*waves to fellow aromantics* Hello everyone! How are you all doing today?

Does anyone else feel ill at ease cuddling? I just feel like I don't know where to put my body and sort of hang about his shoulders like I'm a little disinterested animal. I can't seem to get the hang of it.

I've never cuddled before but the thought of it puts me ill at ease.

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Jubbles

Is this the thread where we plan for world domination while everyone else is busy falling in love?

we can play with Cupid's arrows and later we watch how they all bow to us after their "happily ever after" :ph34r:

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ZombieDracula

I'm demiromantic (recently realized this) and demisexual (this is important to mention).

Thing is sometimes I experience sexual attraction right away if someone looks like someone I am already sexually attracted to. So long story short, I realized I was sexually attracted to this man. I didn't know him but he reminded me of someone physically. Anyway, things happened between us, which was unusual because sexual attraction doesn't usually happen until I'm close to someone. Anyway, after being close to him for awhile I developed romantic feelings for him (I actually questioned on if I was aromantic), which surprised me and made me realize that romantic feelings haven't actually happened as soon as I thought. So I did some thinking and realized it takes longer for romantic feelings to develop than sexual attraction.

I'm not sure if I'm making sense here. I haven't been awake long enough yet!

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byanyotherusername

Does anyone else feel ill at ease cuddling? I just feel like I don't know where to put my body and sort of hang about his shoulders like I'm a little disinterested animal. I can't seem to get the hang of it.

Just do whatever is comfortable, there is no right or wrong way. When I'm feel lazy or uncreative I usually just lean against the person as if they were a pillow, and let them wrap themselves around me or whatever if they want...XD Experiment and figure out what works for you. Do you feel ill at ease because you don't know feel like you know how to do it "right" or just because you don't enjoy it? Because if it makes you uncomfortable, you should express that to your boyfriend.

It seemed that the aromantic thread mostly died out because a lot of the topics discussed on it were given their own threads in the newly created "Romantic and Aromantic Identities" section. I'm happy to be a part of a new one if there is interest, though. :)

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`Silver

I am on the spectrum. Somewhere. Except it's somewhere I don't know. >_> :P

I'm probably just somewhat fluid in terms of romantic intensity (I used to be a lot more romantic than I am now, but I feel closer to the aro spectrum than anything nowadays). I'm fine with the idea of being in a romantic relationship, I've been in one before too. However, if not a single soul on Earth will ever wish to spend the rest of their days with this crazy ol' weirdo (can't really blame them for that) then I'll be fine anyway. Singleness has its perks. :D

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Zash

So, this would be the place for me to tell people about my bad romantic experiences from the past? *cues up the Lady Gaga song*

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Lambda Corvus

Welcome to all of you. It's good to see an interest in this thread thus far.

<...>

Does anyone else feel ill at ease cuddling? I just feel like I don't know where to put my body and sort of hang about his shoulders like I'm a little disinterested animal. I can't seem to get the hang of it.

The thought of cuddling itself doesn't make me feel uneasy, though that may be because I haven't ever tried it. Not enough data to say what my reaction would be for certain.

Probably an aromantic here.

Never had a crush on anyone but I'm still figuring things out.

I'm in the same "still figuring things out" class. I'm nearly sure that I am closer to aromantic than romantic. I'm okay with the idea of being in a romantic relationship, and sometimes even let the hyper-intensive planner loose on an abstract romantic scenario. I even get some minor feelings for people, but I really have no clue if they are romantic or not. One person suggested I may be lithromantic; another person suggested that I might be confusing platonic and romantic feelings because of how I have (or didn't have) friends. Both of these seem plausible enough. Once again, insufficient data is available to lend credibility to the ideas.

I'm demiromantic (recently realized this) and demisexual (this is important to mention).

Thing is sometimes I experience sexual attraction right away if someone looks like someone I am already sexually attracted to. So long story short, I realized I was sexually attracted to this man. I didn't know him but he reminded me of someone physically. Anyway, things happened between us, which was unusual because sexual attraction doesn't usually happen until I'm close to someone. Anyway, after being close to him for awhile I developed romantic feelings for him (I actually questioned on if I was aromantic), which surprised me and made me realize that romantic feelings haven't actually happened as soon as I thought. So I did some thinking and realized it takes longer for romantic feelings to develop than sexual attraction.

I'm not sure if I'm making sense here. I haven't been awake long enough yet!

Your story is highly intriguing. Particularly so with romantic attraction coming from initial sexual attraction.


<...>

It seemed that the aromantic thread mostly died out because a lot of the topics discussed on it were given their own threads in the newly created "Romantic and Aromantic Identities" section. I'm happy to be a part of a new one if there is interest, though. :)

That is how it went down, as far as I am aware. I think it has been long enough since that time to start another. I, too, am happy to be a part; hopefully our endeavour will be successful.

I am on the spectrum. Somewhere. Except it's somewhere I don't know. >_> :P

I'm probably just somewhat fluid in terms of romantic intensity (I used to be a lot more romantic than I am now, but I feel closer to the aro spectrum than anything nowadays). I'm fine with the idea of being in a romantic relationship, I've been in one before too. However, if not a single soul on Earth will ever wish to spend the rest of their days with this crazy ol' weirdo (can't really blame them for that) then I'll be fine anyway. Singleness has its perks. :D

You? ... Here? ... ... Welcome!

*shouts over the vortex* "Had a feeling you'd be here" *laughs*

Singleness does, indeed, have its perks. Crazy ol' weirdos UNITE!

Hey! I was on a grocery run, restocking the old castle larder, when a thought occurred to me. What is kissing like? Honestly, I have no idea. I wouldn't even know what to do. Just ... how? Why?

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Holsety

I sometimes wonder what kissing is like too. It seems like some people automatically know what to do? That's how it always seemed to me (as dumb as it sounds that's still how I think of it), because it's not like they ever gave us kissing lessons. And I can't even imagine why people enjoy it and crave it; I don't want someone else's nasty old tongue in my mouth. Kissing is one of life's mysteries that I don't think I'll be solving.

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Zash

I hear (in media, so not sure how often this actually happens) that people practice making out on their hands sometime. And I expect there is some trial and error involved when they are teenagers. They don't call them awkward teenagers for nothing.

I wouldn't know from experience, I've never been kissed. At least romantically (I have had a peck on a cheek from family type of thing).

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Janus DarkFox

Yeah, I'm Aromantic and blind to what's really going on :wacko:

http://arocalypse.com/index/ For Aromantic discussion there's always Arocalypse for this type of discussion, it needs new members :)

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byanyotherusername

Well, I'm aromantic, but I have done plenty of kissing. You just...figure it out. It was SUPER awkward and weird the first time, but I started liking it after a while (not something I normally seek out, but kind of like a board game you almost never play and then someone at a party suggests it and you're like 'oh, yeah! That exists and can be entertaining! Let's try it'). And, different people like different things (more pressure/less pressure, more tongue/less tongue/no tongue, light biting/no biting).

What does it FEEL like, though? I don't know...like a nice lip massage, if done right? Haha. If you rub your lips together (like you would do if you were putting on chap stick) you can kind of simulate it...if you ignore the feeling of your muscles pushing the lips together and focus on the feeling of pressure and sensation of movement...It feels more like that than like kissing your arm, at least, in my opinion. :P

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1/100 of me

I hear (in media, so not sure how often this actually happens) that people practice making out on their hands sometime.

LOL! I just had to try this, 'cause I'm cool like that. It's so weird!

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selkeskin

Is this the thread where we plan for world domination while everyone else is busy falling in love?

....It IS, right?

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`Silver

Well, I'm aromantic, but I have done plenty of kissing. You just...figure it out. It was SUPER awkward and weird the first time, but I started liking it after a while (not something I normally seek out, but kind of like a board game you almost never play and then someone at a party suggests it and you're like 'oh, yeah! That exists and can be entertaining! Let's try it'). And, different people like different things (more pressure/less pressure, more tongue/less tongue/no tongue, light biting/no biting).

That's basically my experience, too. Except for me kissing is not really necessary in a relationship - it's other kinds of touch that I am after, and ONLY if I like someone enough to want them.

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Lambda Corvus

For everyone: are you in or do you desire to be in a platonic relationship? What about a romantic relationship, if you are one of those people who do experience romantic attraction, are fluid, or do not know? What are necessary qualities of these relationships?

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poindexter

For everyone: are you in or do you desire to be in a platonic relationship? What about a romantic relationship, if you are one of those people who do experience romantic attraction, are fluid, or do not know? What are necessary qualities of these relationships?

My twin sister is my platonic life partner. Thanks to her, I've never felt lonely in my life! X) We've been planning to take over the world together for a while now, but we can't agree on the secret lair - I say volcanic island, she says isolated castle. I'm happy if other people want to offer their ideas on this point, but we definitely need a shark tank, and someone needs to kidnap the worlds best pastry chef to supply the cake.

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Lambda Corvus

For everyone: are you in or do you desire to be in a platonic relationship? What about a romantic relationship, if you are one of those people who do experience romantic attraction, are fluid, or do not know? What are necessary qualities of these relationships?

My twin sister is my platonic life partner. Thanks to her, I've never felt lonely in my life! X) We've been planning to take over the world together for a while now, but we can't agree on the secret lair - I say volcanic island, she says isolated castle. I'm happy if other people want to offer their ideas on this point, but we definitely need a shark tank, and someone needs to kidnap the worlds best pastry chef to supply the cake.

Might I suggest a communications/weapons/computations platform in far-earth orbit? You could use centrifugal force to to give the necessary artificial gravity for the space-sharks and to live comfortably in their space-tanks, while observing the world far below you, as you fall forever towards earth but never quite reach it.

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`Silver

There was an interesting thread about love styles in Census not long ago. I got a result from the test that fits me for the most part - it indicates that my primary love style is about companionship and understanding, so shared activities and dialogue, for the most part. Brain chemistry, if you will. That's the key ingredient of any relationship for me.

It's not the only one, though. A person I might consider as a partner should have a few other characteristics that I usually don't pin down, as they are more of a set of small things than a few big things. And they're mostly related to live-in compatibility and long-term decision making. E.g. I wouldn't want to be with someone who was too attached to their homeland, because I'm not and I WILL move out if I live somewhere I don't like living at. Likewise, I couldn't tolerate someone who was excessively scatterbrained and disorderly - I like my things in their place and I don't want to watch where I walk, not in my house.

The list goes on. BUT, it's long and mostly made up of very uninteresting material. :D Let's just say the degree of compatibility in everyday life situations is what matters most, as well as relationship compatibility (monogamy, shared housing and other related decisions). That's what makes a good relationship foundation, for me, whether romantic or not.

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poindexter

For everyone: are you in or do you desire to be in a platonic relationship? What about a romantic relationship, if you are one of those people who do experience romantic attraction, are fluid, or do not know? What are necessary qualities of these relationships?

My twin sister is my platonic life partner. Thanks to her, I've never felt lonely in my life! X) We've been planning to take over the world together for a while now, but we can't agree on the secret lair - I say volcanic island, she says isolated castle. I'm happy if other people want to offer their ideas on this point, but we definitely need a shark tank, and someone needs to kidnap the worlds best pastry chef to supply the cake.

Might I suggest a communications/weapons/computations platform in far-earth orbit? You could use centrifugal force to to give the necessary artificial gravity for the space-sharks and to live comfortably in their space-tanks, while observing the world far below you, as you fall forever towards earth but never quite reach it.

Nice idea. Putting a base in orbit also means that we can live in relative peace and quiet while the minions sort out the chaos that comes with world domination. People don't like being told what to do. It would be good to have some sort of solar death ray too, just in case things get nasty.

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lonely fox

In doing some self exploration I'v come to the conclusion I'm a Aromantic Asexual, and I'll quite happy with it

I have had one girlfriend, but that was a number years ago and it only lasted a few mouths, we had been friends for a few years and everyone was looking to us to make it into a relationship, she was to. So we made it official but I never did get my head round the change from a friendship to a relationship, so it never really worked so didn't last, but we still friends, so it didn't end to badly.

As far a kissing goes, I could cope with a peck on the cheek, but mouth to mouth :o, I'll leave that to a resuscitation scenario.

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Zash

For everyone: are you in or do you desire to be in a platonic relationship? What about a romantic relationship, if you are one of those people who do experience romantic attraction, are fluid, or do not know? What are necessary qualities of these relationships?

My twin sister is my platonic life partner. Thanks to her, I've never felt lonely in my life! X) We've been planning to take over the world together for a while now, but we can't agree on the secret lair - I say volcanic island, she says isolated castle. I'm happy if other people want to offer their ideas on this point, but we definitely need a shark tank, and someone needs to kidnap the worlds best pastry chef to supply the cake.

Might I suggest a communications/weapons/computations platform in far-earth orbit? You could use centrifugal force to to give the necessary artificial gravity for the space-sharks and to live comfortably in their space-tanks, while observing the world far below you, as you fall forever towards earth but never quite reach it.

Nice idea. Putting a base in orbit also means that we can live in relative peace and quiet while the minions sort out the chaos that comes with world domination. People don't like being told what to do. It would be good to have some sort of solar death ray too, just in case things get nasty.

I have designs for an orbital kinetic kill weapon, that could hit any target on Earth with the force of up to a nuke within 15 minutes of launch, and has no fallout. Though, does require large amounts of Tungsten. And lifting ammo to it would be expensive, unless we have asteroid mining.

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Tenebre

I hear (in media, so not sure how often this actually happens) that people practice making out on their hands sometime.

LOL! I just had to try this, 'cause I'm cool like that. It's so weird!

Glad to know I'm not the only one tempted to try this out of curiosity...

For everyone: are you in or do you desire to be in a platonic relationship? What about a romantic relationship, if you are one of those people who do experience romantic attraction, are fluid, or do not know? What are necessary qualities of these relationships?

I rarely have more than two friends at once (and usually it's one) so for all parts and purposes that person often becomes a platonic partner. Complete with cuddling, if we manage to have time together. The problem is that it tends to be a slightly one-sided thing (how do people manage to have more than two friends? This is a mystery of life.) so it hurts me more than them when the friendship ends and I tend to give a lot more to the relationship than I get. Except in the case of the friend that stayed with me through a very dark period of my life who I was never able to repay properly.

Right now I'd like something between platonic and romantic. Lots of cuddling and knowing each other's thoughts but since I don't seem to be able to experience limerence that'd be necessarily absent. Small favor exchanges and lots of traveling ideal.

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Ullysses

My twin sister is my platonic life partner. Thanks to her, I've never felt lonely in my life! X) We've been planning to take over the world together for a while now, but we can't agree on the secret lair - I say volcanic island, she says isolated castle. I'm happy if other people want to offer their ideas on this point, but we definitely need a shark tank, and someone needs to kidnap the worlds best pastry chef to supply the cake.

Might I suggest a communications/weapons/computations platform in far-earth orbit? You could use centrifugal force to to give the necessary artificial gravity for the space-sharks and to live comfortably in their space-tanks, while observing the world far below you, as you fall forever towards earth but never quite reach it.

Nice idea. Putting a base in orbit also means that we can live in relative peace and quiet while the minions sort out the chaos that comes with world domination. People don't like being told what to do. It would be good to have some sort of solar death ray too, just in case things get nasty.

I have designs for an orbital kinetic kill weapon, that could hit any target on Earth with the force of up to a nuke within 15 minutes of launch, and has no fallout. Though, does require large amounts of Tungsten. And lifting ammo to it would be expensive, unless we have asteroid mining.

OMG finally I have found people who understand my feelings!!!! Don't forget a time machine to rule at all times and forever!!!! :twisted:

For everyone: are you in or do you desire to be in a platonic relationship? What about a romantic relationship, if you are one of those people who do experience romantic attraction, are fluid, or do not know? What are necessary qualities of these relationships?

I'm not sure if that's as important as the domination over the world about the whole romantic attraction thing and I find it hard to believe that it's more then just a label for your dating preference, but that's probably just due to the fact that I don't experience it. The only kind of relationship I desire is the one that involves talking really long to people about world domination important stuff.

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byanyotherusername

I go back and forth about the platonic partner issue. Maybe?

On the one hand, I love living alone. On the other hand, there are things I love about living with other people--I'm in a roommate situation now and it is nice to be able to go out into the living room and have someone to cuddle on the couch without even having to change out of my pajamas or be fully awake to converse, haha. My ideal would probably be some kind of very independent type of communal living, like having adjoining apartments with someone, or like cohousing where everyone has their own building on the same property, and then there is one communal space where people go to hang out...I have always imagined these types of communities as fluid, though, with some lifers, and some members who come and go (and that I could at any point be one of them). None of them would specifically be my committed partner(s).

The only type of life-long commitment I feel like I can make to someone is an emotional one...Agreements to eternally share large amounts of time and space freak me out. XD But, theoretically, a platonic partner could be simply an emotional commitment to rely on each other for primary emotional support/companionship. I might live or spend lots of time with such a person at certain periods in our lives, but neither of those things would be defining or necessary features of the relationship. A platonic partnership with that kind of premise I think I could handle, in some ways it sounds ideal.

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A Taste of Harmony

-

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Tenebre

I have another question, if you are aromatic, and however you choose to define the platonic relationship on your own term, then do you think you will have gender/sex preference if you choose to have platonic relationship?

Yes, in theory I do, although the preference is a bit broader than a gender/sex. When I think about having a platonic relationship, I have a hard time imagining having one with someone who identifies and presents as strongly masculine because I bond much easier with people who are more androgynous or female (although there are some more feminine men that I find myself gravitating towards). I've grown up in a predominantly female family with almost entirely female friends so I trust female people a lot faster than male. An unfair bias but a real one for me.

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