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Do you ever feel like the odd asexual out?


squishward

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I don't tend to make the sex jokes like I did back at school any more... Perhaps there was a defensive element to them? But I definitely still get them and enjoy them, so I know where you're coming from - And yeah you pretty much described me, I've had rather long, definitely TMI chats with some of my friends about their sexual antics, and to be honest it has been known to amuse me greatly. I'm fairly certain if I got a hold of any of my old friends from school (lost contact with most unfortunately), they'd never believe I was asexual after all I used to say back then. Was almost always me who lowered the tone of a converstaion back then :P

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AnorexicWalrus

Don't worry, you're not odd. From what I've gathered, from sources like the creator of this site himself, asexuality differs for everybody. Some people are very asexual, some people are not. I myself am an asexual who can tolerate sex in TV and films and pornographic images and smut in fanfictions, but not without crinkling my nose up and grimacing, and sometimes wondering why the sex scene or smut chapter was even necessary in the first place and why the writer couldn't just not put it in there. But in the end I can face it (a lot better than some of my sexual friends, funnily enough), because we live in a sex-crazed society and if you don't just grin and bear it then you're going to have a bad time.
Also, sexually, I'm the kind of asexual who still experiences sexual urges, but not sexual attraction, and who will satisfy those sexual urges, but not with others - I have no desire for the actual act of sex, finding it gross. But I'm sure that I could probably be a flexible asexual and be the sort that is able to have sex with a partner simply to satisfy the partner, if they are more sexually active than me. However, not everyone is like this. Some asexuals experience no sexual urges, some asexual don't satisfy the sexual urges they get, and some wouldn't be able to have sex for a partner's sake. Asexuals differ, and none are odd.

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marmalade-cats

Even though I feel no need at all to have sex and don't experience any sexual attraction whatsoever, I do joke about sex, and understand that other people need it. Sex is funny if you think about it, and it doesn't need to be taken seriously. I talk about it with friends when it comes up (and it doesn't come up often), I have no problem reading about it, I just don't feel the need to partake physically. Now, needless sex just for sex's sake in movies and books irritates me, but that's just because I'm not a fan of needless relationship stuff where it doesn't need to be.

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Yeah ALL THE TIME. I feel like being sexual is like this club of people and I am not in the club. I wish I could get it, but I just don't. Sexual people seem to feel so happy and fulfilled by the sexual experience, and the fact that I don't makes me feel shitty. So I prefer to not think about it, in fact I don't think about it unless I am reminded by other people who think about it. It just makes me uncomfortable.

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SpirallingSnowy

Sometimes i have, but over the years have felt more and more like the odd asexual out - One of the biggest reasons after taking a break from AVEN after being a mod for so many years, that i haven't been on these forums much.

Im sex positive, in a relationship ( married to a very sexual guy) , have had regular sex in previous relationships even after i realised i was asexual, get most sexual jokes, innuendos, not bothered about sex scenes in tv/movies. I think porn (especially as a couple) is a waste of time - because why watch people doing something that you could go off and do yourself? I've never watched it. I feel to sex positive for Ace community, and not sexual enough for rest of the world. le sigh.

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I'm a sex positive asexual who is repulsed. Yes. I do feel odd.

Hah, What I mean is that I think sex is totally chill if other people want to do it and I'm not awfully freaked out by it (I've given sexual/relationship advice for pretty much my whole life because apparently I look like someone to talk to about that) But when it comes to me being involved personally I'm repulsed.

I make sexual jokes, and I understand most sexual jokes/references.

Oooh, yes, this describes me perfectly! For some reason, my other ace friend and I make the most number of sexual jokes within our little friend circle, outpacing our sexual friends by miles. As for the act of sex itself, as long as it's not me involved and I don't need to look at it, I'm perfectly fine. I would say that I'm sex-repulsed on a personal basis against my will, even; I'd be fairly happy to feel entirely neutral about sex.

On that note, I didn't realise there existed stereotypical asexual interests (why is Doctor Who one of them? And My Little Pony?) beyond cake, and I happen to really, really dislike cake and sweet/sour foods. I have the lowest psychological tolerance to sweet and sour foods I know of! (I'm perfectly capable of metabolising glucose and etc.) Unfortunate... :<

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I don't dress like a stereotypical asexual, but wear dresses and skirts in a rocker chic like fashion. I would want to go into fashion and love theatre costuming and such. I get sexual jokes (but don't make them) and I get when someone is coming on to me because I feel like it would be bad to let that go on without them knowing I'm asexual. I understand how sexuals are also, because I myself don't have a problem with a lot of things, but I need to know what the limits are to not make them feel uncomfortable.

I also find it very humorous when someone gets turned on. I just do. It's really bad.

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I know exactly what you mean. Though I'm new to the asexual community, I've been poking around the threads here. I feel rather out of place because it seems nearly everyone is completely and totally repulsed by anything sexual, or is more or less a sexual without the sexual part.....I don't seem to be explaining myself well

As for myself, I couldn't care less about sex. Sexual lyrics and innuendos often fly over my head, or when I do catch them it's more or less a simple "not for me". Dirty jokes, fine, but pretty much anything else sexual or romantic? It doesn't really make sense-- I don't understand it, nor do I care to, really.

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Mycroft is Yourcroft

Talking about/ watching/ reading/ hearing sex makes me uncomfortable, but what you said about sex jokes I relate with entirely. I was constantly (lightly) teased about being such an innocent, and as a result grew into the habit of 'scanning' the situation, the mood, the conversation etc... In this way, I can usually pick up on sex jokes and find them funny, so long as I'm in a good mood :P

So yes, occasionally I'm odd Ace out, but most of the time I'm stereotypical I think :P

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I'm just like any other person apart from not wanting sex. Oh and the cake thing. totally goes over my head. *hides from lynch mob*

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PurveyorOfBadPuns

**Note: This is just for fun**

So we know how stereotyping can be dangerous, because then all people attach that particular identity with its stereotypes, which aren't true for everyone. Does anybody else feel like they really don't fit into many of the asexual "stereotypes"?

For me, I'm the perviest asexual I know. I get many sexual innuendos and find clever (not distasteful) sex jokes to be quite funny, I'm fine with sex scenes in movies/tv/books unless it's really, really irrelevant, I love reading smutty fic (even poorly written porn is at least entertaining for the laughs), I'd be fine if a friend wanted to talk to me about possible TMI sex stuff, I have trouble relating to a lot of the "Incredibly Ace Moments" thread :P , etc.

Obviously liking/disliking these things don't necessarily coincide with one's sexual orientation, but it seems like it's the asexual "stereotype" to not enjoy or be uncomfortable with sex-related things.

So...any other asexuals feel too "sexual" for their own good? :rolleyes:

Thank god, I thought I was alone! I am fascinated by sex in all ways possible except in actually wanting it. I plan to study its mechanics and psychology in school. I have a friend who is always TMI, and together we are the most TMI people ever. I feel un-asexual sometimes, but there it is!

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deleted00account

**Note: This is just for fun**

So we know how stereotyping can be dangerous, because then all people attach that particular identity with its stereotypes, which aren't true for everyone. Does anybody else feel like they really don't fit into many of the asexual "stereotypes"?

For me, I'm the perviest asexual I know. I get many sexual innuendos and find clever (not distasteful) sex jokes to be quite funny, I'm fine with sex scenes in movies/tv/books unless it's really, really irrelevant, I love reading smutty fic (even poorly written porn is at least entertaining for the laughs), I'd be fine if a friend wanted to talk to me about possible TMI sex stuff, I have trouble relating to a lot of the "Incredibly Ace Moments" thread :P , etc.

Obviously liking/disliking these things don't necessarily coincide with one's sexual orientation, but it seems like it's the asexual "stereotype" to not enjoy or be uncomfortable with sex-related things.

So...any other asexuals feel too "sexual" for their own good? :rolleyes:

You basically just described my entire life. I actually find watching/reading/hearing about sex really entertaining, and I totally get why other people want to do it so often, but for me it just stops there. I'll watch/read/talk about it all day--hell, I even write a bit of erotica because it's fun to do--but if it moves out of theory and into action I'd rather do laundry or clean the kitchen. A clean house is something I actually have a drive for :P

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To an extent I do, at least if by "asexual" you mean "AVEN member".

I have never seen a single episode of "Doctor Who", "Big Bang Theory" or Sherlock". :D

More to the point I have no problem with sex in the movies, literature or people's conversations. I can recognize sexual allusions, though I rarely make them myself. The fact that most people need sex is not a problem for me, either. I don't wish people in general were asexual, just more understanding of the fact that not everyone is like them.

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APurpleOctopus

I'm actually a complete split between the two!! I appreciate the sexual jokes, make a few good ones myself ;), I love talking to my friends about their sexual experiences and exploits (even if it's just to say "ewww why!" sometimes, hence why I fit in both categories...) yet, I am an awkward human by nature, so I can seriously relate to a lot of the other "ace moments" as well!

I grew up in a very sex-positive house, and I never resented my mom for that (she was trying to make sure I was healthy! But never pressured.) And I had brothers and a lot of male friends growing up, so I learned to appreciate all the sexual humour!

My friends and I have "hilariously bad porn movie nights" sometimes, where we watch terribley acted or funny porn movies (Pirates, Spiderporn, Batporn...and such) :P

I find during light and fun moments, I can act as sexual as the rest of them! But when it becomes serious and about relationships and feelings, then I really am more towards the..."traditional" asexual person, I guess. But, I also really like having the serious sex talks with my friends (maybe because my mom was always so adamant about sexual health...) and yet I sometimes find myself going "wat, people do that...? O_O"

So...even split over here :3

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  • 2 weeks later...

Oh, definitely.

I read/write smutty material (though I don't like pure porn-- in any type of media).

I like the idea of sex. The theoretical concept and what it fantasy-only might be like. (The moment I try picturing anything remotely similar with a "real" person- someone I know, an actor, a media character, etc.- forget it!)

I get how sex can be a strong desire (I'm not 100% sure I'd classify it as a need... jury's still out on that).

I get most sex references.

I sometimes fantasize about sexy-ish scenarios.

I find sexuality fascinating.

I don't object to sex scenes in a movie (implied).

I understand that people can see others at sexy.

Of course, there's a lot which lets me fit in pretty well:

I like Sherlock (first two seasons only) and Dr. Who. Big Bang Theory is okay but FAR oversexualized.

I am mildly against the idea of being fully sexual with another person.

I do object if the sex scenes are pointless, long, or... is it possible to call a sex scene over sexualized?

I don't get why most movie actors are considered sexy.

I have incredibly ace moments where I learn things like sexy is not 100% synonymous with beautiful and that people use OKCupid for something other than the quizzes.

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Yeeeep. I've run into a lot of posts on here from folks who are sex-repulsed or generally have a negative view of sex, whereas I'm very neutral. I'm totally cool with sex and willing to do it myself, but the thing that makes me feel asexual (or gray-asexual or whatever) is that I don't think I experience sexual attraction or the sexual thoughts and urges that so many sexuals describe.

In other words, I don't really identify with sexual culture OR asexual culture, so I'm stuck in that in-between spot, like some of you in this thread.

Sherlock is a real good show though. Doctor Who is OK, The Big Bang Theory is my arch-nemesis, and cake is good but it's no ice cream.

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I fit in with many asexual stereotypes. Nobody I've come out to has ever been surprised. Not even my former sexual partner. Especially not her.

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I feel like I'm the only desperately lonely hetero-romantic asexual. I keep trying to meet compatible asexual females but none seem genuinely interested in relationships. Don't know what to do anymore.

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More or less...

I'm not some kind of pervert or anything like that, but i'm pretty confident when i face off a sexual context despite my absolute distaste of it. I'm capable to say whatever i think, something which doesn't really correspond to asexual stereotypes, who is supposed to be shy and a bit childish.

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I can grasp most jokes/innuendos about sex fairly easily. Seeing it in TV/Movies actually makes me tired. To me, that kind of stuff is boring. I have nothing wrong with it, but it doesn't do it for me personally.

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I do in some ways--for instance, I hate Sherlock, Dr. Who, and tBBT with a passion. However, that's it. That's all that sets me apart.

I strongly dislike and am disgusted by sex, sex jokes, sex scenes, and ESPECIALLY smutty fanfiction. The only time I read it is to make fun of it since it's all absolutely terrible. ALL absolutely terrible. I haven't come across a single smutty fanfic that wasn't a completely out-of-character piece of trash.

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nolongeractive

The thought of me ever having sex myself makes me feel uncomfortable and icky, but i do get sexual jokes and innuendo and even laugh at it and have fun with it (Not every sexual joke or innuendo though, some of them can be pretty gross and unfunny.) I read fanfictions that feature smut i will admit, and it doesnt particularily bother me. I don't like sex scenes in movies or anything because for the most part they're pointless, in a shipping fanfiction meh it's alright with me, and the way some people write it is actually kinda silly too which gives me a chuckle

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DoubIeOhDevin

Yeah, this is me. I like to make a lot of stupid sex jokes and innuendos because I just find the whole thing so darn funny, you know? I kind of become a caricature of a super sexual person and it seems funny to people, so I guess it resonates? Or maybe my idea of a super sexual person is just the norm? I don't even know, but this thread is so me.

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Rather than be repetitive, just going to state that I identify with most that's been said here.

I think it hasn't been mentioned by anyone else yet: I'm pretty vested in BDSM, and get sexually aroused by certain (non-person-related) kinks too. It's the action that does it for me, not people. Never people.

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**Note: This is just for fun**

So we know how stereotyping can be dangerous, because then all people attach that particular identity with its stereotypes, which aren't true for everyone. Does anybody else feel like they really don't fit into many of the asexual "stereotypes"?

For me, I'm the perviest asexual I know. I get many sexual innuendos and find clever (not distasteful) sex jokes to be quite funny, I'm fine with sex scenes in movies/tv/books unless it's really, really irrelevant, I love reading smutty fic (even poorly written porn is at least entertaining for the laughs), I'd be fine if a friend wanted to talk to me about possible TMI sex stuff, I have trouble relating to a lot of the "Incredibly Ace Moments" thread :P , etc.

Obviously liking/disliking these things don't necessarily coincide with one's sexual orientation, but it seems like it's the asexual "stereotype" to not enjoy or be uncomfortable with sex-related things.

So...any other asexuals feel too "sexual" for their own good? :rolleyes:

THIS.

I'm very dirty-minded, express it all the time, am not remotely body-shy or touch-shy, and I wrote erotic romance. People are staggered when they find out I'm ace. A friend's girlfriend out-and-out said she thought I was a promiscuous lesbian! ^_^

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Even though I'm somewhat repulsed by the idea of me having sex, other people having sex doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Hear, hear!

These days I have zero libido and porn just bores me, but when I was a teenager with raging hormones that was a bit different. (Possible TMI -->) I used to watch porn and masturbate pretty frequently, but never really got to the point of wanting to have sex with someone. It was always just "well I guess I have no compelling reason not to, and this is what people do, right?"

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ioncehadasoul

Sort of. I feel like an outsider somewhat because I was late in accepting my asexuality (I'm 23), and....I've lost count how many people I've actually been with. You know how when you come out there's always someone somewhere who says "Oh, you just haven't met the right person yet!" Well, that's what I told myself. For seven years. Which led to a lot of sex in order to find that "right" person.

Also, I just don't really mind sex. I don't really like to be touched, but I like to do things for my partner (and I'm a tiny bit of a sadist here) because I enjoy watching their reactions and being the person in control of that. And it's been hard to find anyone who can relate. :redface:

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Reading this topic and seeing so many other asexuals that don't kneel at the altar of Doctor Who and Sherlock and who don't mind living in a healthily sexual society - it's more of a heartwarming discovery for me than discovering AVEN in the first place. :p

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