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Do you ever feel like the odd asexual out?


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#1 squishward

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 07:37 PM

**Note: This is just for fun**

 

So we know how stereotyping can be dangerous, because then all people attach that particular identity with its stereotypes, which aren't true for everyone. Does anybody else feel like they really don't fit into many of the asexual "stereotypes"?

 

For me, I'm the perviest asexual I know. I get many sexual innuendos and find clever (not distasteful) sex jokes to be quite funny, I'm fine with sex scenes in movies/tv/books unless it's really, really irrelevant, I love reading smutty fic (even poorly written porn is at least entertaining for the laughs), I'd be fine if a friend wanted to talk to me about possible TMI sex stuff, I have trouble relating to a lot of the "Incredibly Ace Moments" thread  :P , etc. 

 

Obviously liking/disliking these things don't necessarily coincide with one's sexual orientation, but it seems like it's the asexual "stereotype" to not enjoy or be uncomfortable with sex-related things.

 

So...any other asexuals feel too "sexual" for their own good?  :rolleyes:


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#2 .Lia

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 07:40 PM

**Note: This is just for fun**

 

So we know how stereotyping can be dangerous, because then all people attach that particular identity with its stereotypes, which aren't true for everyone. Does anybody else feel like they really don't fit into many of the asexual "stereotypes"?

 

For me, I'm the perviest asexual I know. I get many sexual innuendos and find clever (not distasteful) sex jokes to be quite funny, I'm fine with sex scenes in movies/tv/books unless it's really, really irrelevant, I love reading smutty fic (even poorly written porn is at least entertaining for the laughs), I'd be fine if a friend wanted to talk to me about possible TMI sex stuff, I have trouble relating to a lot of the "Incredibly Ace Moments" thread  :P , etc. 

 

Obviously liking/disliking these things don't necessarily coincide with one's sexual orientation, but it seems like it's the asexual "stereotype" to not enjoy or be uncomfortable with sex-related things.

 

So...any other asexuals feel too "sexual" for their own good?  :rolleyes:

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#3 Xavy

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 07:41 PM

Nope, not me. Sadly, I am very much the stereotypical asexual.

#4 The Great WTF

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 07:45 PM

Constantly. Every moment I am on AVEN. The mere fact that I can grasp basic concepts like 'some people need sex' makes me feel like the odd one out a lot of days, much less the fact that I am in a mixed relationship and am sex positive. Also, my hatred of foisting Sheldon Cooper and the BBC Sherlock of asexual icons puts me at odds with a lot of people around here.


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#5 Breathe23

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 07:53 PM

I'm exactly like a sexual except the sexual part. I admit I'm not big on sex in movies or TV, but that's because I often find them pointless and tedious and lasting way too long. But I do actively read porn and think about sex often. If I didn't exactly fit the definition of asexuality I wouldn't think I was asexual.


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#6 `Silver

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 07:54 PM

Hi, my name is Silver and I need to add TMI tags to my conversations about sex with sexuals.

 

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#7 5_♦♣

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 08:02 PM

Definitely! I feel like an alien on here whenever the topics of movie ratings/sex free songs/the like comes up.


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#8 Aqualus

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 08:12 PM

I'm a sex positive asexual who is repulsed. Yes. I do feel odd.

 

Hah, What I mean is that I think sex is totally chill if other people want to do it and I'm not awfully freaked out by it (I've given sexual/relationship advice for pretty much my whole life because apparently I look like someone to talk to about that) But when it comes to me being involved personally I'm repulsed.

 

I make sexual jokes, and I understand most sexual jokes/references. I know more about it than some of my sexual friends!

 

I also listen to R&B, it's like my main genre. And the lyrics are almost ALWAYS about sex in that genre. But THE GROOVE THOUGH. THE FUNK. The bass. I can't not love it.


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#9 poindexter

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 08:32 PM

I don't mind sex at all as long as people keep it a long way from me. I don't mind if it's used in movies or tv either.

I sometimes feel like the "odd one out" when everyone else is talking about relationship angst, their fear of loneliness, and the general unfairness and difficulty that goes with being ace. While I can sort of sympathise, I've never personally experienced any of that. I love being ace and I love being aromantic. It makes life easy for me.
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#10 Techie

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 09:17 PM

Assigning stereotypes to asexuals would to me be no different than saying all gays are flaming or all lesbians are dykes. We are diverse. I get sexual jokes. I am 51 and have not been living in a monastery all my life. I even crack a few with colleagues. I am not turned off by them but I have zero interest in seeing sex scenes in movies. Porn does not excite me.

#11 Holsety

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 09:28 PM

Yeah, I mean, I don't do the sex myself and I'm not a huge fan of sex scenes, but I laugh along to sexual jokes and make them myself just like the sexual people I hang out with. I'm familiar with the terminology people use because I've lived around sexuals all my life. I don't think people could pick me out as asexual unless they've known me for a long time.



#12 Mysticus Insanus

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 09:30 PM

I feel like the oddball pretty much everywhere... but being among aces is where that feeling is at its smallest. 

 

Even with thing like not believing attraction to be a terribly useful concept, and instead firmly holding that desire is the actual key to orientation - and thus, being in the minority who outright disagree with the wording of AVEN's definition - I still fit here tons better than anywhere else I've ever been. *shrug*


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"Asexuality - no desire for sexual interaction." - Homepage of AVEN.de

(note: the word used in the original German - Verlangen - apparently translates better as "longing for", and is considerably stronger than the English "desire")

 

IMPORTANT: Please consider taking part in the current discussion about the AVEN definition of asexuality in this thread. Thank you!


#13 Zero 

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 09:43 PM

Meh I like to make satirical/ironic sex jokes.

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#14 fuzzipueo

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 09:45 PM

I sometimes feel like the "odd one out" when everyone else is talking about relationship angst, their fear of loneliness, and the general unfairness and difficulty that goes with being ace. While I can sort of sympathise, I've never personally experienced any of that. I love being ace and I love being aromantic. It makes life easy for me.

 

This ^. There are times when I'm reading other people's posts about feeling alone, etc. and wishing I could sympathize with them and not being able to understand why they would feel thus.

 

As for TV/movies/books, I'd really rather have as little as sex as possible. It rarely, if ever, actually adds to the plot and, more often than not, makes the story seem sordid and tawdry.


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#15 cdrdash

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 09:46 PM

I'm close to the stereotype you describe but not quite.   I find talking about sex and seeing sex scenes in movies boring and that fits right into the stereotype.  But when I'm with people and the talk goes to sex I am not uncomfortable at all which does not fit in the stereotype.   

 

Sometimes I feel a little odd being homo-romantic but not really since I identified as lesbian before asexual so its sort of old hat for me to be in the minority in that way.  I also sometimes feel out of place on AVEN being over 50 but not that much anymore since I have been active in the over 50 thread on Older Asexuals, but this is an AVEN thing and not really a Asexual thing.   

 

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#16 Law of Circles

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 11:02 PM

Even though I'm somewhat repulsed by the idea of me having sex, other people having sex doesn't bother me in the slightest. I could probably walk right by an orgy and shrug it off. I also think sex is an interesting topic in general, so I like to think and talk about it a lot (sometimes in pretty explicit detail). I wouldn't be surprised if I've inadvertently made people uncomfortable with my frankness before. :lol:

 

Lately, I've also noticed that I seem to be much more self-sexual that most asexuals. From what I've seen, most libidoist asexuals are either indifferent to or repulsed by their libido. Many have said that they find it annoying and would gladly get rid of it, given the opportunity. But I actually kind of like having a libido some of the time, and I think masturbating is pretty fun. Since I personally define asexuality as the lack of desire for partnered sex, I've decided that this doesn't call my asexual identity into question, but I still feel a little out of place sometimes. :P

 

I also feel like an oddball for finding the concept of romantic orientation to be personally irrelevant. It's not only that I haven't found a label that accurately describes me; I really think it's completely moot at this point. I find it hard to relate to aces who experience a clear distinction between romantic and nonromantic feelings and/or find it important to formally define their relationships one way or the other. It's essentially "po-tay-to, po-tah-to" for me.


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#17 Schrecken

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Posted 18 January 2014 - 12:56 AM

I feel less out of place around here than I do amongst sexuals; however, being grey-a is like being trapped in a weird netherworld between sexuality and asexuality.  I can "get" sexual innuendos easily, I can laugh at dirty jokes (I'm 100% sure my best friend and I were truly the most dirty-minded two girls in the Christian middle school we both attended, and we continued right on being dirty-minded up until she passed away a few years ago), and I don't mind many sexual references in songs, tv, movies, etc.

I also think I have quite a bit of "armchair" knowledge of sex (armchair of course because I have never participated in it myself), probably as much if not more than the average sexual my age and gender.

And, unlike many here, I have experienced having a mad crush on someone, and also the terrible urges to want to make physical contact with that person (even if not always wanting to have actual sexual intercourse with them).  But, there have also been a couple of times in my life where I could have easily jumped the bones of a couple of guys I had a crush on.  And once, I even found myself flirting with one of these men - I have no idea how I did it, nor could I ever replicate it here and now, but somehow, it just came over me like some kind of hidden ingrained knowledge passed on for generations.

 

But despite all of this, I also find quite a lot about sexuals very perplexing and a lot of it I can't for the life of me relate to in any way.  Years ago I had a friend who had left her husband, who was abusive to her.  She lived alone for over a year, and she shared with me what a struggle it was for her to "be without a man" in her life (it wasn't just the sex, she said).  I did the best I could to sympathize with her and support her, but for the life of me I just can't understand this desire to go from one love interest to another, or to feel awful when you have no one.  For me, the handful of crushes I have had in my life (4 were major crushes, and a couple were just "squishes") left me wanting to run far away from any kind of romantic entanglements with anyone once they were over.  I had no desire to search again for someone else to re-ignite that feeling, and all of these crushes just happened without me searching for any romantic interests. In fact, the last time one happened, I found myself plunged into a deep depression that took me more than 2 years to recover from.  So in that regard, it would seem to me that being a sexual would be an utterly emotionally torturous existence.  When I have "flipped" to sexuality for those few instances, I was very, very unhappy overall (though the crush itself could cause giddy excitement and high energy, almost like some kind of drug), so in that regard, I am mentally much healthier when I am in asexual mode.  Actually, sexuals do seem to me to be like drug addicts ever in search of another fix (not trying to be sex-negative here, just looking at things from my own perspective), going from a high to a crash and over and over again.  Unless of course they are the rare people who meet their soul mate early on in life and end up marrying or being with that person for ages. And for me, the withdrawal from the "drug" was hell on earth, almost akin to what a real drug addiction and detox might cause, so being asexual works out much better for me.

 

In these ways I feel out of place pretty much anywhere, but I also feel somewhat luck that I've been able to experience life from "both sides", so to speak.



#18 Philip027

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Posted 18 January 2014 - 02:38 AM

I feel like an odd asexual, yes, but for the opposite reason as you.  Nonlibidoist, definitely prudish, and innuendos and such consistently fly over my head.


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#19 PerfectlyDarkTails

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Posted 18 January 2014 - 03:26 AM

Other than having a very sexual fetish, have a ligido and have no interest in the portrayal of asexuals in Fandoms. I could say I am quite stereotypical.

Some could say I also cover most "Aspie" stereotypes as well :huh:


#20 Serran

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Posted 18 January 2014 - 03:34 AM

I kinda float between feeling out of place in different ways:

 

1) I get most sex references, I don't need completely sex free entertainment, I do have sex with my partner, I am not against sexuals at all and I don't really care if Sherlock is asexual or not (if he had sex with the girl I don't care, if he didn't I don't care). I also can't relate to most the asexual moments in the thread. I don't mind discussing sex with sexuals.

 

2) I am non-libidoist. I don't watch porn, I find it rather gross. I prefer movies without NUDITY and heavy sex scenes, Game of Thrones for example is way too much for me. I do turn my head if there is a brief nude scene in a movie I am watching. I can't relate to ever wanting an orgasm, much less NEEDING one.

 

I am just way too in the middle to relate to either the repulsed or positive groups on a lot of stuff.


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#21 starrynight

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Posted 18 January 2014 - 03:52 AM

Constantly. Every moment I am on AVEN. The mere fact that I can grasp basic concepts like 'some people need sex' makes me feel like the odd one out a lot of days, much less the fact that I am in a mixed relationship and am sex positive.

Definitely! I feel like an alien on here whenever the topics of movie ratings/sex free songs/the like comes up.

Yeah, I feel like an alien whenever I see one of the following topics/opinions on AVEN:

-Sex is NOT a human need!
-The hypersexual society...urgh!!
-People are obsessed with sex because they're brainwashed by the media.
-Looking for sex-free movies/songs.
-Is [a celebrity (who may have died) / fictional character (whose creator may have died) / bible character/etc.] asexual?
-I'm repulsed by other people's sexual interest in me.
-I'm going to be forever alone because I don't want sex.
-Added: If your partner loves you, they won't leave you for not having sex.

I'm sure there are more, but these are what I can think of right now.

In addition, I'm not into most of the stereotypical asexual interests, like Dr. Who, Sherlock, My Little Pony, anime, webcomics, and most of all, cake. And I don't get the big deal of gender identity (I don't have one) and romantic orientation (I have no doubt about my romantic orientation, but I just don't think it's important, and I wouldn't be bothered if I couldn't figure out my romantic orientation).


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#22 5_♦♣

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Posted 18 January 2014 - 04:13 AM

Even though I tend to ignore the 'Is so and so Asexual' threads, I can understand why they're posted, since it's human nature to want someone (whether real or fictional) to relate to in some way (Asexuality in this case).

 

The first 4 though, definitely make me feel alien here.


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#23 Etherial

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Posted 18 January 2014 - 05:04 AM

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Posted 18 January 2014 - 05:16 AM

Every damn day. I usually facepalm so hard that I lose a few teeth...

I ain't no fan of Dr.Who, or Sherlock, or The Big Bang Theory. I can't stand the word "ace" and I really can't stand all the cake references. Yeah, sex interests me, I don't hate it at all. I'm not "on the spectrum", I enjoy socializing, I'm usually the one who's dropping all the dark jokes
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#25 Quinoa

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Posted 18 January 2014 - 06:22 PM

If it counts, I hate scrabble and I've never seen a doctor who episode (or anything other than the trailers).


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Useful links:

The Asexual Story Project--A collection of stories on various topics relating to asexuality. Browse the stories there or submit your own!

AVEN Asexual Perspectives--Asexuals write about the way they think about things

AVENwiki--Info about asexuality

Just for fun:

Horizontal Process--A webcomic with an asexual character, Theo, who is trying to figure himself out

 

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#26 NamTar

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Posted 18 January 2014 - 07:48 PM

Constantly. Every moment I am on AVEN. The mere fact that I can grasp basic concepts like 'some people need sex' makes me feel like the odd one out a lot of days, much less the fact that I am in a mixed relationship and am sex positive. Also, my hatred of foisting Sheldon Cooper and the BBC Sherlock of asexual icons puts me at odds with a lot of people around here.

Well, I like Sherlock (I only started watching it on netflix a few days ago), but not Sheldon. I've never made it through a whole episode of BBT.

 

I'm sex positive and have no problem with nudity or any body parts.

 

And I have never watched Dr. Who, and I don't like cake. (Well, some cake is ok but I don't like frosting, I'm just more into savory foods than sweets).

 

 

I sometimes feel like the "odd one out" when everyone else is talking about relationship angst, their fear of loneliness, and the general unfairness and difficulty that goes with being ace. While I can sort of sympathise, I've never personally experienced any of that. I love being ace and I love being aromantic. It makes life easy for me.

Yeah, me too.Probably more than anything else, the thing that many other people on this forum experience and I do not is having a romantic orientation and wanting to be in a relationship. I've been in relationships and now understand for sure that I am aromantic and it has no appeal for me, And that is such a great relief, for me. I would never want to change that. I feel bad that many people have trouble in these areas, that they crave some sort of affection, that they experience loneliness, but honestly, all that's pretty alien to me.



#27 Hobbes!

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Posted 18 January 2014 - 07:58 PM

Constantly. Every moment I am on AVEN. The mere fact that I can grasp basic concepts like 'some people need sex' makes me feel like the odd one out a lot of days, much less the fact that I am in a mixed relationship and am sex positive. Also, my hatred of foisting Sheldon Cooper and the BBC Sherlock of asexual icons puts me at odds with a lot of people around here.

 

I sometimes feel a little like this! I'm pretty much ambivalent towards Sherlock (Though sometimes I wish it was set in Birmingham once in a while. I wonder how much anglophilia would be inspired by the show then), but Sheldon Cooper is a bad bad bad character to take as an asexual icon, in my opinion.

 

My general lack of relationship experience also means that the Relationships subforum is often foreign ground to me.


http://www.asexualit...pokemon-fanfic/

 

For Joshua Cook, it's a long walk away from his dull life to the Pokémon League. But does he really want to be the very best? A coming-of-age story of adventure, friendship, and growing up in the world of Pokémon


#28 bluesuburbanskies16

bluesuburbanskies16

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Posted 18 January 2014 - 10:06 PM

Well, I'm not uncomfortable with sex in the abstract - as long as it's not directly related to me, it's all good. I can enjoy dirty jokes and sex-discussions with my friends.

 

I'm not too fond of sex scenes in books/films/etc when they're based purely on the physical aspect, but if there's an emotional connection involved I'm usually cool with it.

 

People flirting with me weirds me out a bit, though, because I'm a bit crap with new people anyway, and I tend to feel a bit cornered, because I've encountered a lot of people (mostly guys, but that may just be the sort of places I hang out) who take it badly when I say "No, thanks - I'm an Ace" in response to their attempts to pick me up, which then makes everything awkward because they get angry and I feel threatened and it's all a bit meh.



#29 vestervig

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Posted 19 January 2014 - 05:14 AM

I definitely wouldn't characterize myself as the typical asexual, but I've never been the typical anything. Anytime I took a personality test in school I never fit into one category. I'm always full of exceptions. I'm not opposed to sex in movies, it just depends on how graphic it is. The idea of porn horrifies me and when I actually saw it I was even more horrified. It gave me nightmares! But sex jokes or humor or even talking about it doesn't bother me. I can have a rather dirty mind at times. But the act of it I'm not very interested in. If it was the right person and I felt close enough to them but it is not something I think about very often. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of not being sexual and not really being asexual.



#30 divided_sky

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Posted 19 January 2014 - 02:55 PM

Constantly. Every moment I am on AVEN. The mere fact that I can grasp basic concepts like 'some people need sex' makes me feel like the odd one out a lot of days, much less the fact that I am in a mixed relationship and am sex positive. Also, my hatred of foisting Sheldon Cooper and the BBC Sherlock of asexual icons puts me at odds with a lot of people around here.

Thank you. I stop reading threads as soon as they devolve into an asexual character lovefest. I don't understand how people on this forum routinely complain about being stereotyped in some way when people know they are asexual, and then trumpet someone like Sheldon, who seems to embody a lot of the stereotypes that people here throw a fit about. 

 

Also, cake sucks. Yeah, I went there :P

 

I have no issues cracking sexual jokes or explicitly discussing it with other people, just no interest in participating in any of it. Honestly, sexuality is a pretty fascinating subject.


It's a sad place to be, but at least I'll feel the breeze





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