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Crushes and you


R_1

AVEN census on crushes  

  1. 1. How do you feel about having crushes in general?

    • I love it.
      25
    • I somewhat love it.
      60
    • Eh, eh... Neutral
      47
    • I somewhat hate it
      46
    • I hate it
      20
    • Depends
      59
    • Haven't decided
      13
    • Not sure
      15
    • Crushes? I don't know what you're talking about.
      39
  2. 2. For those who experiences crushes, what do you do?

    • Take the initiative right away!
      4
    • I get to know the person first before doing anything about it
      75
    • I wait till the crush approaches me
      52
    • I ask other people for ideas of how the crush is like
      17
    • I approach and admit that I like my crush to my crush and that's it
      12
    • I don't do anything till the crush is gone
      38
    • I don't do anything at all.
      71
    • I do nothing and I pray that the crush is gone
      37
    • Other
      13
    • Not sure
      15
    • Crushes? I don't know what you're talking about.
      40

This poll is closed to new votes


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WhenSummersGone

I kind of like crushes, but they can be distracting. I like to hang around them more, to make sure I do like them, before talking to them.

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"I somewhat hate it." I like some aspects, but the hate kinda outweighs the love, me being romance-repulsed and all.

My current (prob also first) crush is especially bothersome, I'm not sure if it even IS one and not just a squish, since I know myself to be unable to distinguish my own feelings. In any case, the object is a teacher, which is weird as fuck and I just pray he hasn't noticed. (That guy seriously needs to stop being so goddamn cute. I'm sure this level of adorable is against the law or something. >.<)

Right, that's not what this thread is about. :ph34r:

So, second answer, "I do nothing and I pray that the crush is gone". The circumstances understandably make mine kinda hard to approach, but I'd do the same with anyone else as well. Because relationships, do not want.

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I only experience what I *think* is a crush very rarely (twice in my life so far) but they feel so uplifting when they do happen. They give me a source of happiness that is unlike anything else I've experienced in my life.

They don't even have to be requited crushes (and in both of those cases, neither of them were at first, but over time one of those changed and opened up toward what became a short-term sorta-relationship of sorts). Just having the feelings that I do makes me feel happy and uplifted with regard to that person, even if they don't necessarily think the same way about me.

In both cases, once I confirmed to myself that I was experiencing some sort of feelings beyond just friendship feelings, I announced it to the other person right away. In both cases, there were no expectations on my end at all... it was just a desire for me to come clean, because I respected both of these people highly enough to have them know exactly how I felt about them. My future interactions, if any, will likely work out the same way.

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littleheartsofjoy

Oh, I like crushes. I chose that I somewhat love it. As a romantic, it tickles me to get one, since it is so random.

I guess for crushes, it depends really. For most people, I don't tell them and I don't do anything. In one case, I did get to know the person and I still decided not to tell them even though I crushed on them for a bit. In the end, I made the right decision because some months later, they came out to me as gay.

Also, being approached is much easier but hasn't really happened to me more than once in recent memory and that ended up into dating.

I also don't do anything until the crush is gone, but still wouldn't tell them that I had a crush on them, unless it is somehow very relevant to some kind of conversation.

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1) I somewhat hate it

2) I get to know the person before doing anything about it

I don't like having feelings in general, it makes me anxious and throws me in a loop. It's great when it's requited, though. :)

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I hate it to the death and I want it to go away and never come back again.

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I've got two crushes right now and I find it a bit annoying. One's purely physical attraction to this girl in my class and the other's physical/personality attraction to someone here. Between my aromantism and the distance between us I don't see the point in pursuing either. I have had some pretty personal conversations with the latter though.

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NewfangledArtist

The main one I ever had drove me nuts. I got a high from it, hells bells 4-5 years later and I still feel happier than a friend should when I see him, although not as much as I did as a teen. But I had nothing to gain from this crush, still don't. I found it very distracting, my work suffered from the ups and downs I felt from it and I also literally kept praying it would go away. Over time I've just learnt how to deal with it more strongly, and as I did I felt less for the crush. I can now meet him occasionally as a friend without feeling too strong. Though, a little spark is still there which gets both nice but annoying. I just get annoyed by the fact you can even fall for someone you could never last long in a relationship with. My crush is someone I'll never go out with because he's too sexually centered for me, yet other aspects of our personalities link so well. If somebody is bad for you on paper, and you don't wanna date them, why the heck must you still get a high from them talking to you?! :angry: Bach, silly world.

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I just get annoyed by the fact you can even fall for someone you could never last long in a relationship with. My crush is someone I'll never go out with because he's too sexually centered for me, yet other aspects of our personalities link so well. If somebody is bad for you on paper, and you don't wanna date them, why the heck must you still get a high from them talking to you?! :angry: Bach, silly world.

Just because love exists (or heck, even if mutual love exists) it does not necessarily mean that a relationship should, unfortunately. It's good that you seem to have recognized this fact, even if it does cause you some grief >_>

Personally, crushes don't cause me any hardship because I don't necessarily have to "do" anything with them. I can enjoy the feelings that are there, simply for their own sake, without any strings attached. But not everyone seems to have the ability to do this :<

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NewfangledArtist

Just because love exists (or heck, even if mutual love exists) it does not necessarily mean that a relationship should, unfortunately. It's good that you seem to have recognized this fact, even if it does cause you some grief >_>

Personally, crushes don't cause me any hardship because I don't necessarily have to "do" anything with them. I can enjoy the feelings that are there, simply for their own sake, without any strings attached. But not everyone seems to have the ability to do this :<

You're/we're right :) Still, seems odd to me that it's still possible to care that much even once you know it wouldn't work. An off button for certain feelings towards the wrong people would be great, but that's life I suppose. I'd like to have your ability, that's what I keep trying to do, just enjoy what's there to stay without ever dwelling on it. Works sometimes, not always though.

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For me a crush is usually always the herald of feeling, haha, crushed sooner or later. I dare not do anything about them any more, and with any luck they'll just go away

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i dislike crushes because i inevitably feel weird around that person...i just ignore them until they go away.

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I haven't had one for years and years and I'm not at all sure what I'd feel if I had one now.

When I have a crush, I just want to be in the general vicinity of the person at least every now and then. That's all.

I made the mistake of telling one of my crushes in high school, and the person had a homo panic moment and went on xanga and wrote about how scary gay people are (without mentioning me specifically) and went from there to a large historical statement about social change that was somewhat racist and some other kid got upset and told their parent who sued the school; the lawsuit was reported on in at least one major (circulation over 100,000) newspaper. The lawsuit was settled out of court and afterwards the school put a bunch of more filters on the school computers to block websites like xanga.

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I voted the last option on both because I've never had a crush on someone. I've had feelings of wanting to be protected by someone's presence a few times but absolutely nothing more than that.

I still don't understand all the fuss about obsessing over other people like they're objects on a pedestal. *shrug* That's just setting yourself up for heart-breaking disappointment when you learn more of the Real Them.

( I'm probably broken in the brain or something for being so aromantic. :/ )

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I voted the last option on both because I've never had a crush on someone. I've had feelings of wanting to be protected by someone's presence a few times but absolutely nothing more than that.

I still don't understand all the fuss about obsessing over other people like they're objects on a pedestal. *shrug* That's just setting yourself up for heart-breaking disappointment when you learn more of the Real Them.

( I'm probably broken in the brain or something for being so aromantic. :/ )

Crushes are not something you choose. They just happen... That's the essence of having a crush. So it's not you setting yourself up in any real sense at all IMO.all you can do is react/respond to them.

To me they are pretty annoying and rarely appropriate...they don't happen very often, which is good. They always cause a lot of anxiety and aggravation and disrupt my life too much.

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gypsy_princess

I have crushes all the time. And i hate it because i know i will never be loved back, so it's useless. i fall in love too easily, and i can't just fall in love with one person, but 2, 3 at the same time. I HATE IT. fortunately most go away in a few days... but some remain and i wish i could rip my heart off and make a sacrifice with it.

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Being homoromantic I have always had "problems" with crushes because I almost always crush on guys who are not into guys. So I have learned to accept the pleasant feelings of crushing as a way to value another human being without expecting or wanting anything in return. It gives me the impetus and courage to get to know another person and perhaps develop a friendship and, in doing so, the crush dissipates. In getting to know the object of my crush they go from being an "object" of affection to a real human being with a full life. As soon as that happens, my crushing emotions flutter away.

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Looking back through my years pre-AVEN I am not sure if what I experienced were crushes or squishes. They were unwanted. Like Silver mentioned I too don't like having feelings. It felt like a betrayal to what was my burgeoning Asexuality. And so, just like Spock so successfully did but I couldn't, I tried to crush my crushes. Thaaaat didn't work out so good.

Everything I now have is a squish. They're nice. :) I can deal with them, forget about them and I can move on.

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I find it hard to distinguish between crushes and squishes, but I actually enjoy them. It's a kind of rush I can't even compare to anything (since I don't do drugs, haha). I don't even want a relationship, but it's so exciting to feel when I'm so often emotionally flat.

My brain has an insistence on choosing people I'm not even compatible with anyway...so that part is a downer I guess. And the idea of somebody else having a "normal" relationship with them makes me sad and offended (stupid, I know).

...But at least we all have cake, right? :cake: ;) yes, plenty of cake for all...

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Slight correction to my first post:

Pretty sure it's three times now, not two.

And it still feels pretty amazing.

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I'm in the middle of a pretty huge crush right now. I think it generally gives nice feelings, but I have no intention of doing anything about it...partly out of fear, partly not knowing actually what TO do and partly because I'm not sure I want to know if she feels the same.

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Well... For the first question I had to answer "It depends" mainly because I've only had two crushes before.

The first one was great! And I really loved having that crush... then it didn't work out at all! Like worst experience ever! That is serioulsy the only thing that has ever put me in a dark place (which I hate that a freakin' crush did that too me, wtf??) Then the second crush formed and I got scared of having a crush and hated it.

For the second question I said "I don't do anything at all" and "Not sure"

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marmalade-cats

I've had a few crushes before. Generally, I don't do anything about them, because I know that I don't really like the person, just an idealized version of them that my brain has somehow concocted. If I get asked about having any crushes, I generally say that. Needless to say, that rationalization has made my peers think somewhat oddly of me :blush:. The whole, "you think too much, why can't you just like someone and have fun, are you trying to be an emotionless robot/Vulcan" etc. So now I just say no whenever I'm asked! Not that many people bother to ask anymore lol.

Lately I find its easier to have crushes on fictional characters. Namely Sherlock (the BBC one), because he's fucking adorable. He's got dark, curly hair and puppydog eyes, and he's a smartass and too clever for his own good. What's not to love!

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I voted for "hate it" and (usually, but not always, depending on the situation) "take initiative". For me, crushes have always been very Charlie Brown-ish (if you are familiar with the Peanuts cartoons) - usually it's Charlie Brown and the football, but sometimes it's Charlie Brown and the little red-haired girl. And either way, all it ever produces is pain and misery.

For the "football" crushes, I make every effort and do everything in my power to try and woo the person, and every single time I end up flat on my back in the proverbial dust. Every time Charlie thinks he will be able to kick the football to an imaginary touch-down, and every single time he fails. Problem with me, is I haven't identified my "Lucy" that compels and tricks me to do something that will always fail. All I can figure is I just pick (and when you have a crush it does indeed seem to be completely beyond your control) crappy guys to fall for.

The other sorts of crushes I have had were those that might not have progressed to a full crush, but could have had I not done everything I could to hold back and prevent it. In those situations I just admired from a far, because I could see at the onset that nothing would ever have come out of it (at least nothing good), for instance, if the man was married.

But overall, crushes are just a formula for utter misery and despair (the last time it happened I literally sank into a dark depression that took me more than 2 years to recover from, although I had other bad things going on, the crush was just the final nail in the coffin), even though in the beginning they can be very elating. I'd be very happy if I go the rest of my life without ever having a crush on anyone.

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1. It depends

2. I get to know the person before I do anything about it.

.......Then it implodes and becomes a big messy mess, leaving me to pick up the pieces.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've had a few crushes before. Generally, I don't do anything about them, because I know that I don't really like the person, just an idealized version of them that my brain has somehow concocted. If I get asked about having any crushes, I generally say that. Needless to say, that rationalization has made my peers think somewhat oddly of me :blush:. The whole, "you think too much, why can't you just like someone and have fun, are you trying to be an emotionless robot/Vulcan" etc. So now I just say no whenever I'm asked! Not that many people bother to ask anymore lol.

Lately I find its easier to have crushes on fictional characters. Namely Sherlock (the BBC one), because he's fucking adorable. He's got dark, curly hair and puppydog eyes, and he's a smartass and too clever for his own good. What's not to love!

Well at least you're aware of it! I think that's great. I've had guys "crush" on me and I know they didn't like me because they don't even know me. It's so bizarre to me and not the least bit flattering. I think I'm too rational for most romance things because it seems silly.

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