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Ace's Love of Cuddles


Fruity<3

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I realize this doesn't apply to everyone, perhaps not even a lot of us. But I have talked to quite a few of aces that just like to cuddle with people. There is occasional talk of cuddle buddies in the forums. I'm curious to the reason why some aces love having cuddle buddies or desire them? I LOVE cuddling with individuals I trust, usually in seclusion and mostly as sleepovers. I don't really enjoy (can't handle) the standard dating scene that my generation has, so that's not my end desire from cuddling. I was thinking it might be just that I like being physically close to someone without the emotional bond. Like feeling protected and accepted without words. Even when I'm upset about leading people on from cuddling with them, I can feel better when in their arms _._ it's super illogical lol. I'm trying to be able to explain to people why I enjoy it so much. It confuses people and be fairly helpful to understand when proposing a cuddle agreement with people haha XD. I was just curious to the reasoning why other fellow aces love cuddling? Maybe I can get a handle on my reasons.

Thanks! Vegan cake for replying :D! :cake::cake::cake::cake::cake::cake::cake:

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iamphoenixfire

Oh, yeah. I cuddle with my friends, guys and girls alike. It's a nice sort of platonic physical intimacy. Something I like because it just feels nice.

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byanyotherusername

I know a lot of sexual people who love cuddles, too. Many of them have talked to me about how they wished platonic cuddling was more accepted, and complained that they felt very touch-starved between romantic relationships before I came along. ;) So, I think it's just a common thing to like, but aces are probably more likely to have platonic relationships (even romantic aces generally have much smaller dating pools, and are more likely to be "friendzoned" because of being ace), and are more likely to have alternative ideas about relationships (just because we have a different experience and different desires than most of the population). Ergo, we are more likely to engage in platonic cuddling.

Also, a lot of sexuals get turned on by cuddling, and aces are less likely to have that happen, and therefore more likely to see cuddling as an end rather than a means...Still, many sexuals I know appreciate cuddling for its own sake.

Just my guess. :)

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mostly harmless

Personally, I simply prefer to have someone by my side when attempting sleep. I feel a lot safer that way, and find it much easier to actually sleep. Alas, I also think it has to do with my tendency of being physically close to people-- though not strangers. In college my freshman year, myself and a group of friends ended up with about six of us on this tiny twin sized bed. I was at the bottom, but fell asleep without any qualms because of the comfort of being surrounded by others. When it comes to cuddling I have very little sense of personal space, I can have someone literally on top of me and not feel uncomfortable as long as it is completely non-sexual. I am cautious about cuddle buddies now however because I have had some unfortunately awkward experiences in the past cuddling with someone who was sexual.

So, the point to my rambling would be that I think for me it has to do with a sense of comfort/safety.

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Why do I like cuddling: It's warm (I am always cold), it's comforting and it feels nice. I love just laying around lazily curled up with someone, especially on a really cold day/night. I don't do it much though since my boyfriend would consider it a lead in to sex. :(

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I am younger, so none of my plutonic/romantic cuddling partners have been interested in sex. I found that a good way to start, is say "May I play with your hair." I am normally heteroromanitic, but I can get really into cuddling a guy. I also like just looking at someone's face for long stretches of time. For many of us, cuddling is as far as we go, so it is more valuable, and sought after than it is for sexual people.

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I love to cuddle. It just feels right to me. I do rarely get to cuddle though. Touch starved is now my new favorite term. :cake:

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WhenSummersGone

I love cuddling and it sucks I'm single. I miss those rare times when I have cuddled. Being held by someone I really like feels amazing to me.

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I like cuddling if I'm really attached to someone, and I actually seek it out pretty often in that case. Outside a relationship, though, it's never really on my mind. I actually get all privvy about my body and don't even like being hugged. So I'm kind of the opposite of the OP :P

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SorryNotSorry

You hit the bull's-eye. One of the reasons I'm so intent on hosting meetups is not just to help other A's meet but also to meet a suitable female who digs me and is very receptive to hugs.

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PurveyorOfBadPuns

I love cuddles a super lot, but I always get really nervous that I'm making the other person uncomfortable when I do! :( And whenever I'm in the kind of relationship where cuddling is socially acceptable, the other person always expects me to kiss (which is gross to me) so mostly I don't get to do it a lot.

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I'm lovin' everyone's responses to this! Thanks. I honestly don't know why people don't understand. Maybe it's because I'm not going further than cuddles? eh oh well. Awww, I'm really sorry that some of you are touch starved :{ If you feel comfortable enough, you should totally ask one of your friends if they're comfortable enough for you to snuggle up to them. My friends are usually rather receptive at either at parties or get-togethers.

You hit the bull's-eye. One of the reasons I'm so intent on hosting meetups is not just to help other A's meet but also to meet a suitable female who digs me and is very receptive to hugs.

Aww, woodworker! I'm sooo jelly. I wish I lived out in Cali. There seems to be so many more internet active aces from that area. Or if I have a meetup group near me :3 that'd be very delightful too.

I love cuddles a super lot, but I always get really nervous that I'm making the other person uncomfortable when I do! :( And whenever I'm in the kind of relationship where cuddling is socially acceptable, the other person always expects me to kiss (which is gross to me) so mostly I don't get to do it a lot.

Purvey, I know exactly how you feel, about not wanting to make the other person uncomfortable. I always ask permission before touching someone (hug or snuggles) and I tell them they can leave whenever. You could always ask the person you want to/are cuddling if it's alright. If you double check and they never say no, its on them at that point. I've also explained to my cuddle buddy that I don't enjoy kissing and he's so sweet to respect it. Communication is tough, but it's uber important! Good luck:D!

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littleheartsofjoy

I like cuddling if I'm really attached to someone, and I actually seek it out pretty often in that case. Outside a relationship, though, it's never really on my mind.

Same for the latter.

As for the former, I would like it, but maybe not often.

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I don't like being touched at all so cuddling is out of the question but some people like it, at least it's not sexual..

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crime_fighting_kitten

I hate being touched. My brother was a cuddle person, or at least it seemed like it to me. He was always trying to cuddle or sit really close. Safe to say he ended up with a lot of bruises.

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Purnkin Spurce

I like the idea of a cuddle buddy because I'm not too sure I'm ready for a relationship or even capable of one. I've barely had any to speak of. And I crave physical affection like cuddling an sensual touching and hand holding etc. But since I'm not quite ready for a relationship, it would be nice to get that once in a while from someone who is in the same situation as me. Where we can cuddle and act like a couple but then go off and do our own then as 2 single people would. I like being single, but I want someone to hold hands with and share emotional intimacy with on occasion. I get tired of being the 3rd wheel or THAT friend who is always single with no one with her.

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Still wrapping my brain around this, but I know I love sensual touching/cuddling. For me, it means that I trust someone completely.

I absolutely hate being touched by people outside that trust threshold... Perhaps 'hate' is too strong a word... I need something between 'hate' and 'dislike'.that has a more passive connotation even though my reaction to someone outside the trust zone putting a hand on my shoulder is usually a look that gets the hand removed in short order.

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I love cuddling! Even in the winter, when it's cold while watching a movie, and drinking hot chocolate. :D) But I don't want it to lead to anything else. that's just...ewwie. No. Just no.

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Sometimes my friends open their arms for a hug and it's super awkward. I hate touching, so it's really the kind of thing I prefer to avoid.

I go through with it, because they're my friends and yeah...but I could really do without it.

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I hug everyone. Constantly. To the point where even my slightly touch-phobic housemate will now hug me in the morning 'because it happens anyway.' :D

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I think I've made it abundantly clear before that I love cuddling. I find myself constantly craving it, but as things stand now, I rarely get any opportunity to satisfy that desire. For about a year now, I've been periodically going to a cuddle party group that meets in Chicago, but they have recently made changes that make it difficult for me (as a single male) to get in, so I am not sure how much longer I am going to be able to do that.

One thing that I'm starting to see sets me apart from most is that I make absolutely no distinction between male or female cuddle partners. Almost without exception, when I see people talking about looking for others they'd like to cuddle with, it's men looking for women or vice versa. To me, it makes no difference - I'll accept any approach, and approach anyone who I think would be receptive. I will say that my most satisfying experiences with touch have been with other men, though I enjoy contact with women as well.

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Still wrapping my brain around this, but I know I love sensual touching/cuddling. For me, it means that I trust someone completely.

I absolutely hate being touched by people outside that trust threshold... Perhaps 'hate' is too strong a word... I need something between 'hate' and 'dislike'.that has a more passive connotation even though my reaction to someone outside the trust zone putting a hand on my shoulder is usually a look that gets the hand removed in short order.

I'm completely the same way! Well for the whole trusting and not wanting anyone I don't trust to touch me. Except for me, I get defensive and scared when they touch me. Most of them get the hint when I flinch a lot >.> But cuddles are soooo nice with people I trust ^-^ so nice

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Ok, so my dog loves to get a hug and sometimes I will cuddle with her so that she will feel how much I love her. Well believe it or not, I do the same thing with my husband. I feel I can transmit my love that way.

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Silver-Cricket

Cuddles are as foreign to me as summer is to Olaf the snowman. (It's something in a disney movie I stumbled on surfing youtube, for those who don't get it.)

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I don't really like being touched by strangers or people I don't know very well. I only hug friends or family...and even that's not too frequent. I hug some of my friends hello/goodbye because the people in that group of friends do that sort of thing, so I've been conditioned to do that also. Parents and relatives aren't really the extremely physically affectionate type, so only the occasional hug for a specific reason/occasion. No random hugs or cuddles just because. I guess I'm just not a naturally touchy-feely person. BUT, that said, sometimes I do get random urges to want to be physically affectionate with people I am close to. These urges are sporadic, but during them I get urges to hug, touch or cuddle that person, and I often picture myself doing so. I usually don't act on these urges though, because unfortunately the other person may get the wrong idea (especially if it's a straight male friend). I don't like cuddling with random people though, so I don't think a cuddle party with strangers would work for me :( I have to have an emotional bond with the person first to want to be physically close or cuddle.

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I'm kinda weird about this sort of stuff.... for instance, if someone makes a move to hug me, I'll hug them back but often I just see it as a bit of a social formality, like shaking hands when a deal is made. Also depends, to a point, who the person is. As for other kinds of touch, I'm usually indifferent to it or sometimes I don't like it. One thing, ironically, I do like quite a lot, is a full body massage. Only problem is I prefer to spend my disposable income on other things these days, but it can be a nice treat.

As for simply meeting a need for touch, I get by just fine with my cats and dogs. IMO there are few things more mellowing and relaxing than having a loudly-purring cat curled up on your chest or belly as you lay in bed half asleep. I don't feel I'm lacking having warm, furry bodies to cuddle up to. Also, at this point in my life I think I'd find it a bit disconcerting to have that kind of non-sexual contact with another person - I may like it or I may not, depending on the person, but it is pretty foreign to me at this point.

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98slbrookes98

I love cuddling with my stepmother, stepsister and female step-cousin and giving my dad a huge hug on occasion. :)

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marmalade-cats

I'm kinda torn on cuddling.

With friends and family? No. I don't really feel the need to be that vulnerable/comfortable around them.

With a significant other? Sure! I'm super short (4'10"), so I generally end up completely surrounded and nice and warm and safe. It's very comforting, as long as they can tolerate me squirming around getting comfortable trying to avoid getting too hot and sweaty. I'd love to have someone I can just kinda sit next to on the couch and surf the internet or read with.

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