Aromantic With A Desire To Marry? :o

[Himegami]

Yes, you read the title right.

Right off the bat with discovering my asexuality I identified with being aromantic. I have no romantical desire whatsoever and do not want a relationship, nor pretend I understand relationships. But then one day I got this really strange urge to want to get married. I found that strange since marriage is typically viewed in a romantic/bond sense and I'm not the romance-y, attached type.So why did I have this urge?

At first I rationalized: "I must want to please my family. Maybe it's because I want to feel normal and a part of society. Or.... maybe I am not aromantic as I thought after all?...."

But I finally figured it out, my own personal true reason that makes sense.

But first a few more facts about myself as an asexual aromantic individual:

1. I don't believe in love. Life is not a fairy tale and there is no such thing as an "indescribable, you-just-know feeling".

However, I do believe in compatibility. Compatibility is my version of what you may call "love".

2. I do have squishes, but only one at a time (lol).

3. With my squishes I desire a "monogamous" best-best-best-best friend friendship (again, lol). I know it is silly, but it is true.

4. So the two kinds of "relationships" I have with people are either valued friends or squishes who I admittedly admit that I like a teensie bit more than valued friends in a way that I might get jealous.

So what I desire: compatibility and friendship. And where could those factors combine? Marriage.

Marriage is the ultimate act of friendship, in my eyes, so I think this is where my "marrying urge" comes from. BOOOOOOM! I figured it out. It took me a long, thoughtful shower to understand where the urge came from, but I found it. :)

I am curious to know if I am the only aromantic who has the urge to marry? What's your opinion on this? I would love to hear thoughts, aromantic or not. :)

[Zerο]

Right off the bat with discovering my asexuality I identified with being aromantic. I have no romantical desire whatsoever and do not want a relationship, nor pretend I understand relationships. But then one day I got this really strange urge to want to get married. I found that strange since marriage is typically viewed in a romantic/bond sense and I'm not the romance-y, attached type.

A marriage is a relationship.

[orangesurfblue]

REPLY

[PendulEmPlum]

Right off the bat with discovering my asexuality I identified with being aromantic. I have no romantical desire whatsoever and do not want a relationship, nor pretend I understand relationships. But then one day I got this really strange urge to want to get married. I found that strange since marriage is typically viewed in a romantic/bond sense and I'm not the romance-y, attached type.

A marriage is a relationship.

I'm pretty sure she means that she doesn't want a romantic link with someone, just basically a permanent best friend.

[orangesurfblue]

BETTER REPLY

[TellerCam]

Yup, I have the same thing.

I desire marriage, because it means I'll never be alone. Of course, I'm completely fine being alone, so if I never marry, it's not that big of a loss to me. However, how much fun would it be to have your best friend with you at all times? Especially if the friendship is really good with being kind, loving, understanding, putting the other first, working out problems, etc. Being best friends, and having no pressure to have a sexual relationship. That's something I've truly wanted. I would be so blessed if a marriage like that could happen -- two people who are deeply in love, with no need to physically express it. You're not alone. =)

[orangesurfblue]

I don't know how to reply but you wanted a better one so here goes nothing.

That's pretty cool, idk what you mean exactly because I'm not aromantic, (hella relationship stuff) but I can see where you're coming from.

I think the idea of marriage is like the most romantic thing I can think of, but if you chose to commit with another asexual, hey, it works out pretty perfect for what you want out of it right?

The important thing is finding someone who knows exactly what they want out of it, and if it matches yours and you really care about this person that's totally punk and you'll be best friends forever and that's GREAT. :D

[Guest]

I'm in a similar position, in that I am neither fully romantic nor fully aromantic and marriage still counts as a good thing in my head. I'd be willing to marry a romantic partner if I had one, of course, but maybe I'd consider marriage even with someone I am really close to on a non-romantic level, providing we'd still be monogamous (some sort of queerplatonic relationship maybe?). It depends on the person, though. I love my current best friend of six years a lot, but I couldn't marry them for the life of me. We have completely different lifestyles :P

[Himegami]

Right off the bat with discovering my asexuality I identified with being aromantic. I have no romantical desire whatsoever and do not want a relationship, nor pretend I understand relationships. But then one day I got this really strange urge to want to get married. I found that strange since marriage is typically viewed in a romantic/bond sense and I'm not the romance-y, attached type.

A marriage is a relationship.

Yes, marriage is a relationship. There are all kinds of relationships, from acquaintances to friends and "lovers" (and not all of them are romantic). I think what I consider marriage is slightly (hugely) different than the typical marriage-relationship aspect. Hopefully this helps clarify what I meant. :)

[Manic Pixie Dream Nerd]

I know what you mean. I also want to get married, but I don't care about any other romantic stuff at all.

So what I desire: compatibility and friendship. And where could those factors combine? Marriage.

Marriage is the ultimate act of friendship, in my eyes, so I think this is where my "marrying urge" comes from. BOOOOOOM! I figured it out. It took me a long, thoughtful shower to understand where the urge came from, but I found it. :)

And nice job with that discovery. BOOOOM! :D

[A Meaningful Username]

I figured it out. It took me a long, thoughtful shower to understand where the urge came from, but I found it. :)

Well glad I'm not the only one who stands in the shower and ponders/soul searches.

I don't know about marriage but sometimes I think it would be nice to have a monogamous life partner. Especially now I'm getting older and all my friends are entering long term relationships and getting engaged. So you know I don't feel like I can depend on them for emotional and moral support like I use to.

I very rarely feel lonely but I do feel alone and I think having someone there when it feels like it's me against the world would be very comforting. You know I'd like someone there that I can talk to about my thoughts and do things with and support them in a similar way.

So I understand how you feel but I personally wouldn't want to get married.

[LittleRedhairedGirl]

I also get this. For me (as someone who still hasn't quite figured out where I fall on the romantic spectrum), I've never had a romantic urge towards another, but I'm not completely closed to the possibility that I might someday feel romantically towards someone, but a-romantic or demi-romantic as I may be, more than anything I value 'family' rather than a strict life-partner arrangement. I suppose this comes from my deep love of buddy-cop shows, but all I really want is someone who I can be adorable with; whether we 'tie the knot', raise children together or just remain close friends. My solution thus far is to move in with my best friends and business partners in a sort of communal living arrangement (I swear to God we aren't a Manson family, similar though we may seem!). We sort of operate as a family, but more like a group of siblings than romantic partners.

In a weird way this fulfills my current need for family. You know that old quote "Blood is thicker than water?" It refers to the phrase "Blood of the covenent is thicker than the water of the womb". I.e. friends can be more meaningful than familial relationships. It's definitely not the same thing as marriage, but it works pretty well for me for the time being.