wolfies

Needing some validation

11 posts in this topic

This is my first post here, so I'm a little jittery. Hi, everyone!

I never thought I could be asexual, and that's why I'm posting here. My friends who know me best always joked about me being asexual, but I never took it seriously until now. After several failed ventures into the dating world and attempts to have sex.

I really, really love the idea of sex. I make fantasies and write erotic stories, and draw pornographic art, and have various sexual fetishes that stimulate me. But when it comes to actual real-life sexual interaction, I don't want to be a part of it. It holds no interest for me, it's like if someone approached me and asked to talk about emerging fashion trends (which I am equally uninterested in, haha).

This is why I joined here and made this thread. I never thought a person could be asexual and be fascinated with sex, and enjoy fetishes or any of those things. However, after Googling the issue, I read that many people who are asexual have fetishes, and some even masturbate. Since this information is really new to me and I'm not sure what to think, I just need a bit of validation that what I'm experiencing sounds like asexuality and not something else.

I know that when it comes to this label, it's all ultimately up to me and how I feel. What I'm asking is if it's possible for a person to be asexual and still be so interested in these things. I've become so frustrated over the years trying to understand why I don't want what everyone else wants, while still being weirdly interested in it. It'd be wonderful if I finally had an answer- if this is the correct answer.

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Welcome! :cake:

Yes, that's possible. There are some asexuals who like the idea of sex on some level, but have no interest in partaking in it, or may be too repulsed to want to partake in it.
Here's a thread about asexuals and fetishes: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/81289-bdsm-kinks-and-asexual-fetishes/

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Yes. Asexual people can be very interested in sex. Think of it like this.

A roller-coaster ride really sounds like a blast. You are all excited to go on one, your blood is pumping, the ride has gotten great word of mouth, and you are very curious about it and think it would be a lot of fun. Then you get to the roller-coaster and... it's a falling apart mess that looks like it will crumble if you put one foot on it. Crummy indeed.

In other words it's like being attracted to sex the idea itself, but not your partner. The key idea with being an ace is you can't see yourself as sexual with other real people. Many asexual people still have a sex drive and there are a lot of ways to deal with it. This can make things complex and can make you wonder about yourself. Heck, I just posted a wondering post just today! So you are not alone.

Just know, that yes, an ace can be into sex without actually being into sex. :)

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Thank you both very much for your replies!

Also thanks for the link to the other thread, Aqua! :)

Reading these things have made me feel much better about the subject. I'm glad to know other people think this is what my feelings sound like.

Thanks very much!!

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Hello newbie Avenite. In this site you will learn a lot about you and about others, I not only found out that this site was a source of knowledge (even about random things) but also a good platform to make friends alike me or not so much ;) Hope you have a similar experience here as I have had so far: good and fun most of the time.

Reading the experiences of others members will help you to clarify many doubts that are popping up in your mind, but as I read in another thread around few days ago, the most valuable validation should come from the inside.

Merry Christmas if you celebrate it, if not, then have a piece of my cake while I do it, if you don't eat cake :O mmmh lets just -introduce here something you would like to do-? :P

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All asexuality means is that one doesn't experience sexual attraction (though there are some asexuals that DO: gray-asexuality). There are asexuals that even enjoy partaking in the act of sex with another person. There's no "right way" to be asexual.

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All asexuality means is that one doesn't experience sexual attraction (though there are some asexuals that DO: gray-asexuality). There are asexuals that even enjoy partaking in the act of sex with another person. There's no "right way" to be asexual.

I'll have to admit that last bit is new to me. If an asexual enjoys partaking in sex with another person, then wouldn't they be considered sexual? Unless that falls in the "gray" area?

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Yes, it's extremely common for asexuals to masturbate, watch porn, and have fetishes. You're among friends. :)

The reason for this is that sexual orientation and sex drive are independent of each other. Many asexuals have an active sex drive, it's just not accompanied by the desire to actually have sex.

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All asexuality means is that one doesn't experience sexual attraction (though there are some asexuals that DO: gray-asexuality). There are asexuals that even enjoy partaking in the act of sex with another person. There's no "right way" to be asexual.

I'll have to admit that last bit is new to me. If an asexual enjoys partaking in sex with another person, then wouldn't they be considered sexual? Unless that falls in the "gray" area?

There are asexuals who either don't mind having sex as a compromise, or may enjoy sex for the sake of it. It's just that they don't have an innate desire for it. There's a bit of a discussion about that in this thread: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/89511-avenues-julyaugust-2013/

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All asexuality means is that one doesn't experience sexual attraction (though there are some asexuals that DO: gray-asexuality). There are asexuals that even enjoy partaking in the act of sex with another person. There's no "right way" to be asexual.

I'll have to admit that last bit is new to me. If an asexual enjoys partaking in sex with another person, then wouldn't they be considered sexual? Unless that falls in the "gray" area?

An asexual is someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction. You can enjoy sex without experiencing attraction. Lots of sexuals enjoy sex with someone they're not attracted to, as well.

"Sexual" can have many meanings... an asexual who enjoys sex could be considered a "sexual person" (sexual as an adjective) in the sense that they enjoy sex, but they'd still be asexual because they don't experience sexual attraction.

On this forum, the word "sexual" (as a noun) is used to mean "a person who experiences sexual attraction at least sometimes," though this usage is not very common off of this forum. In that sense, an asexual who enjoys sex would not be a sexual. :)

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I want to thank everyone who has given me such wonderful responses on this thread!

It's really helped me in thinking about the subject. I feel a lot calmer about the subject now, and it might help me find someone in the future that's right for me (I still want an emotional relationship which has been hard to find without the sex part).

Thanks to everyone :)

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