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Advice on coming out as biromantic


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#1 theotherfey

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Posted 13 December 2013 - 03:53 AM

...and asexual. I announced my asexuality on facebook the other day, and encouraged people to look up the term if they were curious, and I came out to one of my friends via email and another via text. I knew they wouldn't have an issue with it. I am proud to call myself asexual, but explaining it to people might be difficult. I told my mom, and encouraged her to look at this site if she wanted to know more, but I still don't think she fully understands, and most people probably won't. I haven't told my dad (yes, I am 24 and still live with my parents. I don't make enough to live on my own, and I get along with them), and I'm not sure how to explain it to him. It's kind of hard to explain asexuality without going "here, check out this site" or "read the wiki article" lol. Still, now that I have discovered my, uh, preference has a name, I want to express it, show my "pride", if you will.

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Before, I was calling myself bisexual, but was closeted about it. Only my two closest friends knew, and it was something I struggled with. I have never been in a relationship with a male or female (unless you count the boyfriend that lasted about a month, and we barely kissed, though he wanted to), but I was attracted--though not sexually--to females, and could see myself in a relationship with one. I kept this to myself because I'd heard so many "coming out" horror stories. I knew if I told my parents I was bisexual, they would still love me, and wouldn't kick me out, but they would be disappointed, and I was afraid they would treat me differently.

 

I learned about the terms biromantic, homoromantic, panromantic, etc, when I looked up asexuality, so I'm an asexual biromantic. There is still the "bi" I have to contend with though, because I am open to a non-sexual relationship with either a male or a female, though I am currently not looking for a relationship at all. How do I come out to my parents that I am asexual, but bi? My mom probably suspects, but whenever she asks I just kind of shrug and says I'm unsure. So what should I do?



#2 Sally

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Posted 13 December 2013 - 04:51 AM

Consider it really carefully before you decide to come out to your mom, or dad, or any family.   If they haven't quizzed you intensely about it, they may likely not want to know, or think it's your business.  Your mom may not realize there is such a thing as biromanticism.   Why does she need to know?  


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#3 My alias

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Posted 13 December 2013 - 04:49 PM

You make it sound like you need to tell everybody at once maybe just take it slow and let people know one at a time and give them space to adjust if needed?



#4 MarieAntoinette

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Posted 13 December 2013 - 05:54 PM

I would sit down with your parents (or separately with each of them if you prefer) and tell them that you'd like to share with them something that you've discovered about yourself. Explain what asexuality is first, use aven or whatever site if they want to learn more. Then describe the different romantic orientations and tell them that you are romantically attracted to both males and females. I would emphasize that you are only interested in a non-sexual, romantic relationship so that way your parents won't be confused and think that you're bisexual. I wish you luck with telling them and hope everything goes well :) It's always nice to let people know who you are and to be proud of it! 



#5 theotherfey

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Posted 14 December 2013 - 05:30 AM

You make it sound like you need to tell everybody at once maybe just take it slow and let people know one at a time and give them space to adjust if needed?


I probably should have waited to announce it on facebook, you're right. That was reckless and I kind of regret it, but my friends have been supportive. I wasn't planning on telling my entire extended family right away, but I live with my parents, so it is hard for me to keep tihngs from them sometimes.




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