• Announcements

    • Kelly

      New Team members Needed--Moderator, Project Team, and Declass Team: Voting   12/10/13

      See:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164659-new-declass-team-member-needed-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164657-new-moderator-member-needed-qa-co-mod-and-world-watch-mod-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164656-new-project-team-member-needed-resources-and-education-director-voting/  
    • Kelly

      AVENues Holiday Special Edition is now live   08/17/17

      The new edition of AVENues is done!   See:        
    • Lady Girl

      Ace Community Census   11/06/17

      It’s time for the 2017 Ace Community Census!   see:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/162675-announcing-the-2017-ace-community-census/  
    • Heart

      Help fund AVEN's servers!   11/06/17

      AVEN is doing its annual fundraiser to raise donations for server costs! See http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/163251-aven-server-fundraiser/ for more details.  
The Great WTF

The Success Stories Thread

Recommended Posts

The Great WTF

I've been debating whether or not to add this relationship, because it's not exactly a conventional one, but after what happened last night it's occurred me that a story like this one can be just as important to see as conventional relationship models. I've already shared the story about my partner, but my sort of queerplatonic relationship with my adopted brother is just as important and I wanted to share it.

So, there's me, five years old, never really played with kids my own age before, socially awkward, introverted, obsessed with all things Transformers and Power Rangers and thus the natural social pariah of our gender conforming, conservative kindergarten, and there's a boy, military brat, introvert, talks kind of weird because of growing up in Japan, has VHS copies of every Godzilla movie and Super Sentai, and came to school with his Lord Zed plushie on the first day. We were best friends from the word go.

It just so happened that his dad, freshly retired from the Marines, worked for my mom and retired Army Ranger dad, which meant we ended up riding to and from school together a lot. He had a bunk bed (which I thought was the coolest thing ever at 5 years old) and I spent as many nights at his house as I did my own. When my parents went on business trips, his parents were always the ones that looked after me. After a while, we started taking him on family vacations with us, too. His mom took me to the family reunion and introduced me as her daughter, because that's essentially what I was at that point, and when my dad talked about his children, suddenly there were 14 instead of 13.

We had completely different friends in high school, but damn if we didn't make them play nice with each other every lunch period so we could hang out together. His girlfriends all hated me as soon as they found out we weren't "real" siblings and he protected me from the few guys who weren't terrified of me by playing the "over-protective big brother" card (and, being 6'2" at 15 years old, he was rather intimidating). When so many people questioned me, told me I was lying, or said I would change my mind when I came out as asexual, his only response was "Well, duh. We knew that in middle school."

When my dad died, he drove 1,500 miles without stopping to come look after me because he knew I would be too busy looking after my brothers and sisters to look after myself, got up at the funeral and gave a eulogy that made most of my family bawl, and spent the whole week cooking and cleaning at my older brother's house to take the strain off of him and his wife. (Apparently his at-the-time girlfriend also dumped him because he had dropped everything to come look after me and, even though I know he REALLY liked that one, he didn't say a word. I found out from his mom this morning, seven years later.)

And then there was last night. He's been through some bad relationships, but he's never had to really dump anyone before and he really, really did not want to hurt his girlfriend. We both still care about her, though she's never really been okay with me, just tolerant, and she's got a horrible home life that he didn't want to exile her back to. He finally worked up the nerve to break it off last night and, in typical him fashion, he called me as soon as she'd pulled out of the driveway because I'm the one he always calls after a breakup. I was asleep at the time, but my partner, who's always been a little insecure about him, was awake and answered for me. I got woken up by Gin yelling into the phone, "You have a fucking house key for a reason! You don't need to call and ask for permission to come over!"

Which is how the three of us ended up in my room binge watching Harry Potter (the boys also got suitably drunk and I got the joy of watching them both act like idiots) until I had to go to work. Apparently they're now beating the tar out of each other in one of the Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm games while watching Naruto on the computer (brother hasn't watched it yet and is currently trying to catch up on all the nerdy stuff he missed out on while dating his decidedly anti-nerdy ex for the last two years) and I'm just stupidly happy because the two most important men in my life are finally getting along. We've ended relationships over each other, stuck by each other for twenty years, have families so completely intertwined that his older sister's kids don't know that their aunt isn't biologically related to them, and I'm just realizing that, as much as I can't imagine what my life would be now without my partner in it, I can't imagine who I would be without my brother.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tarfeather

@The Great WTF: Neat. Finally a decent non-romantic success story. Though then again it's not really a "primary partner" kind of deal either. >_< All I want is to hear some stories of other people in a relationship like mine where it worked out. T_T is that so rare?

Also, he sounds like the kind of guy I'd be jealous of, strong in character and emotions, willing to sacrifice for others, successful with women.. Makes me wonder why he seems to end up with less than ideal partners.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The Great WTF

Short answer? He has the worst taste in women ever. He's like a magnet for the ones that seem sane but turn out to be clingy, controlling, mentally unstable, or just downright evil. One of them had their whole life planned out and when he hadn't proposed to her by the date she had chosen she flipped out on him. Like, overnight, she went from the best girlfriend ever to a shrieking harpy. We thought she was possessed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Frigid Pink

I'm happy for everyone who has a "success story" (as long as it's "safe, sane, and consensual"), even if it's about a relationship that's different than mine or wouldn't make me happy. After-all, it's not my "success story," therefore, it doesn't really matter whether or not it'd make me happy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tarfeather

Short answer? He has the worst taste in women ever. He's like a magnet for the ones that seem sane but turn out to be clingy, controlling, mentally unstable, or just downright evil.

Yep, that totally makes sense to me. From what you told, it sounds likely to me that he actually knows about the negative aspects of such a partner, yet chooses to continue the relationship in the hope of "fixing" things rather than giving up. In theory that's very noble, in practice unbalanced relationships like that aren't going to help anybody. But it sounds like he realized that, if he for the first time actually broke up of his own accord, so maybe his taste in women is getting "better". :)

I'm happy for everyone who has a "success story" (as long as it's "safe, sane, and consensual"), even if it's about a relationship that's different than mine or wouldn't make me happy. After-all, it's not my "success story," therefore, it doesn't really matter whether or not it'd make me happy.

Well, you have a good capacity for sharing in others' joy then. ^^ I must confess that what I feel for most strangers is actually more the opposite direction of empathy and compassion..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Restraint

Just wanted to share my story quick. I've been with my partner (sexual) for around 13 years and have been married for 8. We've had our ups and downs, but not more than any other couple that I know. We both are willing to compromise and communicate often to make it work. I'm not the type who yearns for a soulmate, but I feel very lucky that I found a best friend to share my life with. The rest doesn't matter so much to me :D

I hope everyone who is looking eventually finds someone who brings them joy and are able to find some mutual ground on which to build a life together.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hazelton

I love this thread. Congratulations to all <3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ColdFish

Maybe I was hypersexual when I was young because I was trying to figure it out. Maybe the traumas of living just moved me further and further away from sex. Maybe it's genetic - my birthmother didn't have sex after about age 40. Maybe it's environment - my real mother didn't have sex after about age 50. I was married when young, and though it was his problem and my problem and we just couldn't get the energy to "get it together." I've even "played" with alternative pansexual communities and BDSM to see if I could respond. Even the tantra - which was a bona fide trip, and changed the way I think about sex - could've ruined me for "normal" sex.

Up until the word, "asexual" and thinking about it as an orientation, it was a "problem." Now, thinking about it as an orientation, the load is so much lighter. That is a success story, just finding out that it's not a "problem," it's not really even a "choice," it's an orientation.

I was acting sexual when I married my husband and moved to Australia. But a few things happened sexually and I started to get disgusted with genitals - his and mine. Then I started having health problems which trebled the "gross factor" around sex. However I got here, I'm definitely asexual now, and happy to be among people who find so many different ways to communicate, to bond, to engage, besides just (as our founder has said) Insert Slot A into Tab B.

THAT, all by itself is a success story, though I still carry guilt for making a sexual man do without for over 10 years now.

I've given him plenty of space to be autosexual, and it's sweet, really, what fantasies he does share with me. He looks at me with fervent hope in his eyes, and I cannot kiss him because that just turns to ick quick. He knows about the traumas and the health troubles (though really, nobody knows what a trauma looks like from the inside). But he doesn't want to ask me to do something just for him. It would be a horrible compromise for me to "help him out," and I haven't done so. I'm worried I would feel degraded, or resent him after - so I leave it like it is.

This changed again when he had a prostatectomy. He's still potent, the plumbing still works, but now we have things in our lives like diapers and CPAP machines (for a stroke he had 3 years prior to that).

We love each other, we care for each other, we take care of each other. Sometimes, he expresses disappointment that what he has is a really close roommate, not a wife or partner. When I say to him he can go get a prostitute or pursue something else, after all, this drought is "my fault" (whoops, blame game, but there it is), he backs up and says, "No. Not start over with anyone else. We've come through so much together. Don't want sex with a stranger, or a new person, want sex with YOU."

:redface:

I guess that makes him demi-sexual, then.

So here we are, dedicated faithfully to one another. There are times when I look at my porpoise in life, my reasons for incarnating, and "to learn about the Other" is a big one on my list. And sex is like the ultimate confrontation with The Other. It is far easier to fight and war and make dramas than it is to blend and merge.

What I'm learning here on this list, is that there are so many expressions, so many ways to be clear, to communicate - (aside: this community is as clear as the BDSM community, about wants and desires and expressing them to partners - these things are vital to both communities in a similar way - so that nobody gets hurt or goes beyond "what is safe.") - to enrich relationship and grow.

Maybe someday it will be physical again, but I"m only getting older, and so is he. (another aside - all you young asexuals are simply ADORABLE with your shiny young faces, large expressive eyes, arts and dance and anime!) So I'm not holding a candle for it, and I think he's given up, too, except for that tiny hope - that fantasy fed by Hollywood movies and happily ever after dreams - that True Love will "be complete." :huh:

We've been married for going on 13 years now. They've flown by like no tomorrow. We travel together, we watch movies and plays, go to concerts, listen to music, play games together. We don't share 100% of our interests - but what 2 people do? :wub:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Philip027

My success story came from somewhere I never would have suspected, and I think is a pretty solid example of how something good can come out of something bad (which is all the more reason why you folks should never give up hope about these sorts of things, even when you "logically" feel like you should!)

For most of my life since high school, I have been suffering from existential depression. It has caused me to fall out of good graces with the school system since HS, and as it worsened in my late teens and throughout my 20s it left me questioning just what the hell I was even alive for, which in turn caused me to butt heads with my mom (who isn't really as "deep" as I am and is more so the "just do it, no explanations needed" type than I am) on several occasions over the years, generally with her trying to press a future on me that I just had no interest in anymore due to said depression.

Despite this, she was pretty much the only person I lived for, due to no longer feeling any particular desire to live for my own sake. This in itself led into some internalized conflicts and resentment in my head about not really wanting to be alive but nevertheless feeling tethered to life by my mom in this way, and it eventually spilled out into an AVEN post in one of my lower moments. It's a post that, honestly, feels rather silly to look upon now... because I'm feeling nowhere near that low anymore.

Anyway, Stuff happened in that thread and eventually it got locked (you can read through it if you're particularly inclined to know why; I'm not going to go over it here). But there was one person responding to that thread who noticed the lock and took the time to shoot me a private message afterward to make sure that I was okay, someone who admitted to feeling some degree of resonance with me due to sharing similar experiences of existential depression. I inquired about her own story and immediately felt that same sort of resonance back upon learning about her and her own experiences. We quickly progressed from friendly recognition of each other, to depression buddies, to reciprocated crushes, to "official" relationship, within the span of about two weeks, all throughout with the mutual desire to just help each other find our way out of those dark woods of depression.

I have been in an amazing, life-changing LDR with fellow AVENite Hooded_Crow for one year now :)

And in this past August (warning: shameless advertising ahead), we were able to meet up together in person for the first time, which also went amazingly well, so I'm sure it will not be the last.

a6QMDyNl.jpg

(there's more pictures in that linked thread!)

We have grown and continue to grow closer and closer, and while we both know that depression is not something that magically fixes itself just like that, I think that we are making great strides toward the end of those woods ^^

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams

hahahaha! Woot, Philip!!! (And crow!)

I have to admit, you're both looking pretty cute in that picture ^_^

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tarfeather

Despite this, she was pretty much the only person I lived for, due to no longer feeling any particular desire to live for my own sake. This in itself led into some internalized conflicts and resentment in my head about not really wanting to be alive but nevertheless feeling tethered to life by my mom in this way, and it eventually spilled out into an AVEN post in one of my lower moments. It's a post that, honestly, feels rather silly to look upon now... because I'm feeling nowhere near that low anymore.

Holy shit, I hope you have your like notifications disabled, because otherwise your notificaiton inbox is about to get spammed. o_O

We have grown and continue to grow closer and closer, and while we both know that depression is not something that magically fixes itself just like that, I think that we are making great strides toward the end of those woods ^^

Curious, somehow I feel more connected the version of you in that very bleak thread than the current you (kind of a shame I only came here once you had already shifted to increasingly optimistic). We've both gone through a very much life altering experience related to finding a great partner, but for me it's only changed the way I currently feel, not my overall perspective.

Well, you know yourself best, so I can't judge whether your new approach is likely to work out. I wish you good luck either way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
El-not-so-ace

I didn't even get through the first page, but it has filled me with lots of hope. :) Hoping the good luck rubs off on us single folks too! ;) Hehe

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
TheNickLouie

I am a gray a or demisexual (still self exploring) and am open to sex in relationships but in previous relationships I found that sex is uncomfortable and not really my thing. I tried pretending to be straight for 6 years before finally coming to terms with the idea that I will die alone. As I am the type to crave relationships, I decided to not give up and I came out as asexual and continued my hunt for some poor suckered who would put up with my shenanigans. That is when I met this one guy. He was so rediculously cute and hansome and interesting and I immideately got this frustrating little kindergarten crush on him from the first time I met him. But the scary part was figuring out if I should go for it and figuring out how to tell him I wanted to date without sex, because that normally goes very poorly. Luckily, he heard from a friend that I am asexual, Google what that meant, decided he didn't care about something as trivial as that, and asked me out on a date anyways, because unknown to me, he fell in love with me on our first meeting too. But then he asked me the dreaded question: can we have sex? I was so nervous I wouldn't like it and it would put me off of him and I would ruin our relationship but I decided we could try and it was the best thing ever to my pleasant surprise. Before even anyone touching me would repel me but this guy somehow attracts me in every way. To make a long story short I figured out that I am probably demisexual and there is a nice chance I won't be dying alone now and that makes me a very happy little asexual.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
IBendTheLine

Success is when you sort of accidentally slip into a relationship after a half-year of depression and self-hatred, and even before it was official she sort of just makes you happy to be around. Fourth time's the charm.

Also when you find out after a few weeks that you're BOTH asexual sociopaths. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sprouttacus

As an aromantic, I don't have any success stories of primary relationships in the normal sense. But I do have two wonderful guy friends. They're both extremely supportive of me and frequently help me through hard times, big and small. I've come out to both of them as asexual and aromantic, and they accepted me without question. (One of them even suggested I look into asexuality before I came here). I love each of them and they love me, in a comfortably platonic and friendly way. We have known each other for a little over two years.

I thought I would contribute this little story, to share the importance of close friends. I'm still young and hoping for a permanent relationship someday, but for now I'm content with my marvelous brother-friend-thing-people. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sunray

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this blog and I just wanted to say that reading these success stories fills me with hope. I'm gray asexual. I've pretty much given up on relationships and accepted being alone, but then again I never met another asexual! So I dont have my success story to share with you yet, but now I feel more hopeful than ever that one day I will :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Whispearl

My success story isn't really about the longevity of the relationship, as I haven't known this person for too long of a time at all. But after my previous relationship, I started to lose hope because everyone I met seemed like a sexual person, and I thought that would be a turnoff for a lot of people, and I felt lonely and afraid of being rejected.

So naturally, I was scared out of my mind when I met this guy and things started moving pretty quickly.

The more we hung out, the more I could tell things were getting serious. The things we were saying and doing indicated interest from both parties. I knew he was a straight guy, though, so I was scared. I knew I had to tell him, but I didn't want to ruin what we had because it was pretty perfect, and I know that it can be a deal breaker for a lot of people.

But two nights ago, I came out to him, because I really do trust him and like him a lot, and in the process I told him I didn't want it to change anything. He took it amazingly. I sort of told him how scared I was and he told me not to worry about that and that he was cool with it. By the end of the night, and every day after so far, nothing has changed at all.

He's made me the happiest I've ever been in such a short time, and I wanted to tell this story because I want people who've lost hope in finding someone who'll accept them to get some of that hope back the way I was able to. It hasn't been long, but it's already been really, really good, so I hope that's able to help someone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
gablesgirl22

Someone kindly suggested I post this over here!

Hello Everyone!

My asexual ex-spouse/best friend/family life partner, (why are there not better terms?!?!?) and I don't post a lot but are forum members and community advocates. We are so excited to share something with everyone here! Today we had an article published by Psychology Today Online, and our story is on the front page. It details how we have restructured our relationship after finding that Cris is an ace and I am sexual. We have found a lot of kinship here and wanted to share our story in hopes that we might be able to pay it forward by encouraging others. We also wondered if you could help us. We would love to get the word out to as many people as possible that this article was carried by Psychology Today Online. We want Psychology Today to know without a doubt that carrying stories on asexuality will draw readers. Any help anyone can give us in spreading the word about this article would be very greatly appreciated.

Thank you all for being such a safe place!
Annie Thomas

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/unseen-and-unheard/201510/divorcing-differently-end-marriage-save-the-relationship

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hpets

When I first discovered AVEN I was 20, nearly a year into my first ever romantic relationship, and had no prior idea that asexuality was a thing. Learning that I wasn't the only one out there who had no interest in sex was, to put it simply, huge. I felt suddenly freed from all the expectations that I had felt hanging over me about what sorts of things we should have been doing at this point in our relationship. I also felt terrified, because I was certain that this meant the end of said relationship; I was asexual, and my boyfriend was not (he had had a previous girlfriend, and I knew that he was not a virgin), and surely that was that.

But it wasn't. When I finally gathered the nerve to come out to my boyfriend, I was a wreck. With tears I told him that I was asexual, and then I broke down before I could manage further explanation. And that's when he shocked me by saying that 1) he was familiar with the term, 2) he was okay with it, and 3) he was actually relieved that that's all that it was, because he thought I was breaking up with him. I was stunned with the realization that this was not a break up unless I wanted it to be one. That day was the first time that we told each other, "I love you."

From this moment the two of us made a huge leap in our ability to communicate with one another. Whereas before I would feel guilty about not allowing him to take things further, and as a result would largely just freeze up whenever he tried something that I wasn't comfortable with, now I knew that I was allowed to plainly say, "This is as far as I want things to go right now." And by speaking up in these moments, my boyfriend was able to feel more confident that I would let him know whenever I was uncomfortable with something. I learned to trust him to respect my wishes, and he learned to trust me to let him know what my wishes were. As much of a cliche as it may sound, proper communication absolutely became the solid ground of our relationship.

Early on, when my boyfriend was asking me for more information about asexuality and about what it meant for me, I told him that I had no interest in sex, and that I might never. Once again stunning me, he told me that he was okay with us never having sex, if that's what I wanted. And he absolutely proved himself in this. For 4 more years our physical intimacy reached no further than kissing and cuddling. And then, when I was 24, he proposed to me, and I said yes. About a month into our engagement, I realized that this was a man who was absolutely willing to spend his life with me and never have sex again. And at this point I felt enough trust in him and love for him that I realized that I wanted to have sex with him. It wasn't a physical desire, per say, but it was absolutely an emotional one. And so I'm able to say that when I (if you'll excuse the phrase) lost my virginity, it was entirely on my own terms and timeline, and I have no regrets about it.

A year after we were married, we had another conversation about my asexuality. At this point it had been years since I'd been on the AVEN site, and most everyone I knew (except for my husband, mom, and a couple closest friends) had never been given any indication that I was anything other than heterosexual, mostly because this is simply not something that comes up. I think it's much the same as it would be for a bisexual person in a monogamous relationship; People don't tend to ask someone in a relationship about their sexual preferences, and to specifically bring it up would seem only to serve to put the significant other under a spotlight. ("So you're with someone who feels THAT WAY about sex, huh?") For myself, I still absolutely identify as asexual rather than heterosexual, because although I do continue to have sex and want to have sex with my husband, this remains much more of an emotional want than any sort of physical one, and the idea of sex with anyone else, with someone with whom I don't share this strong emotional connection, is still absolutely foreign to me. As I once told my husband, "I'm you-sexual."

So here we are now, just about 4 years into marriage and 10 happy years together overall. I'm currently 8 months pregnant, and yes, if you ask me I will still say that I identify as asexual rather than heterosexual. The actual "asexual" label is no longer a important to me as it was when I was 19, but I still remember how much it meant to me when I first discovered the term, and how much it meant to our relationship to have this as a jumping-off point for building an understanding between us. Honestly, without AVEN we may never have made it through the miscommunication and awkwardness of the beginning stages of our relationship. So thank you, AVEN, and thank you to the whole community!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Neapolitan_Cat

Still waiting on my successful relationship

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hpets

*Duplicate. My apologies, I was having trouble posting last night and didn't realize that it successfully went through.*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tarfeather

But it wasn't. When I finally gathered the nerve to come out to my boyfriend, I was a wreck. With tears I told him that I was asexual, and then I broke down before I could manage further explanation. And that's when he shocked me by saying that 1) he was familiar with the term, 2) he was okay with it, and 3) he was actually relieved that that's all that it was, because he thought I was breaking up with him. I was stunned with the realization that this was not a break up unless I wanted it to be one. That day was the first time that we told each other, "I love you."

:wub:

Early on, when my boyfriend was asking me for more information about asexuality and about what it meant for me, I told him that I had no interest in sex, and that I might never. Once again stunning me, he told me that he was okay with us never having sex, if that's what I wanted. And he absolutely proved himself in this. For 4 more years our physical intimacy reached no further than kissing and cuddling. And then, when I was 24, he proposed to me, and I said yes. About a month into our engagement, I realized that this was a man who was absolutely willing to spend his life with me and never have sex again. And at this point I felt enough trust in him and love for him that I realized that I wanted to have sex with him. It wasn't a physical desire, per say, but it was absolutely an emotional one. And so I'm able to say that when I (if you'll excuse the phrase) lost my virginity, it was entirely on my own terms and timeline, and I have no regrets about it.

He is certainly strong. o_O I couldn't do that..

But thank you for describing this. I've thought about it, and realized that this is what I genuinely expect to happen some day in my relationship. I think I've been trying to deny myself that hope, because it is a shitty expectation to have, but when I reach into my feelings, I notice that I feel absolutely certain about it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ace of Cakes

This may not sound like a success story, seeing as my boyfriend (now ex) and I recently broke up. However, I wanted to share that our breakup had nothing to do with the fact that I'm ace and he's straight. We had diverged in our religious beliefs and simply wanted different things. It was a mutual breakup and we hope to remain friends.

It was through our relationship that I discovered my asexuality, and he was so supportive through that entire process. He was extremely understanding and willing to take things as slow as I wanted. I hope I can find someone else like him someday, but he'll be hard to beat. Even though our relationship is over, I don't regret any of it, so I'd call it a success.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
divided_sky

Still waiting on my successful relationship

Let's make it happen. Boom!

It's just a dream he keeps having

And it doesn't seem to mean anything

Always good to see some success though, it can get discouraging.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
over_it

I've been with my sexual SO for over ten years, our relationship is based on friendship, we accept each other's different sexualities and the compromises we have found work for the most part. Yes, there have been bumps along the way and long periods of being away from each other, but they were mostly not related to my asexuality but other problematic aspects of my personality. The funny thing is, to this day I'm not even sure I'm romantic, because I think if my boyfriend went away somehow I'd never have another relationship afterwards. It was so much work to come to terms with myself and with him and with how we relate to each other during the last decade that I just don't think I could ever do it again. I'm generally happy on my own but have gotten kind of used to him as well, I guess. I think the best aspect of it (and the one I'd miss the most if he were gone) is this feeling of being seen and known with all my flaws and occasional craziness and still being accepted. Maybe that is what they call being loved, I don't know. It's certainly a very nice feeling.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Autumn Season

I'm not sure whether this counts as a success story. For a short time I was in a LDR with a demi. It was definitely lovely as long as it lasted and I regret nothing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Neapolitan_Cat

Still waiting on my successful relationship

Let's make it happen. Boom!
If only it were that simple. As a (most likely) demiromantic scarred into being totally aromantic and romance averse I must say it might take a minimum of years for that to happen

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
divided_sky

Still waiting on my successful relationship

Let's make it happen. Boom!
If only it were that simple. As a (most likely) demiromantic scarred into being totally aromantic and romance averse I must say it might take a minimum of years for that to happen

I've developed a patented technique that takes only 3 weeks!

A lot of us are slow movers. I perpetually assume that another person can't like me, so my attempts to move things along into a relationship aren't going to work well. But, still worth the risk.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Neapolitan_Cat

Still waiting on my successful relationship

Let's make it happen. Boom!
If only it were that simple. As a (most likely) demiromantic scarred into being totally aromantic and romance averse I must say it might take a minimum of years for that to happen

I've developed a patented technique that takes only 3 weeks!

A lot of us are slow movers. I perpetually assume that another person can't like me, so my attempts to move things along into a relationship aren't going to work well. But, still worth the risk.

3 weeks? And what sort of technique finds a successful relationship in 3 weeks?

I already know another person can't like me romantically, I don't just assume it. There's probably a 99% chance that another person I interact with won't care to date me. And if he does chances are I won't want him as a date

Edit: and I realize I'm clogging a successful relationship thread with a lack of success

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
divided_sky

Still waiting on my successful relationship

Let's make it happen. Boom!
If only it were that simple. As a (most likely) demiromantic scarred into being totally aromantic and romance averse I must say it might take a minimum of years for that to happen
I've developed a patented technique that takes only 3 weeks!

A lot of us are slow movers. I perpetually assume that another person can't like me, so my attempts to move things along into a relationship aren't going to work well. But, still worth the risk.

3 weeks? And what sort of technique finds a successful relationship in 3 weeks?

I already know another person can't like me romantically, I don't just assume it. There's probably a 99% chance that another person I interact with won't care to date me. And if he does chances are I won't want him as a date

Edit: and I realize I'm clogging a successful relationship thread with a lack of success

Booze. Lots of it.

I'm kidding with you. I have no tips to offer as far as dating, I've not had a legitimate relationship in my life. I've been at the bottom of the self confidence/esteem pit, and I have to say, you don't always have to feel that way about yourself. It's true to you, but not to anyone else. I struggle mightily with it every day, but I know I'm worth more than I used to believe, and capable of a lot more than I used to think. Feeling as though you are worthless, or hopeless, is the worst. What are you doing to help yourself? Or, if you're still in a "I'm too miserable right now" stage (which I totally get), how long have been there?

I will not accept that someone is undateable. There are so many people out there looking for dates. And most of them aren't that great anyway, haha.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now