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The Great WTF

The Success Stories Thread

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costafox

These stories are GREAT! I feel hopeful now. I just told my bf am asexual so he's still trying to understand the whole thing. After reading these stories I feel some relief knowing there are asexual and sexual couples that have made it work 😆

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chloes

Well, more like a fail in my case, but at least for 10 years I was in a 'successful' relationship with a sexual, until he decided that he couldn't endure celibacy anymore. I loved him with all my heart, seriously believed we would be together forever. He even said to me once, to wait for him if I died before him, but eventually he left. Said he'd rather have non-lasting relationships that had sex in it.

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I Shot the Serif

I started dating my boyfriend about 21 months ago. Sometimes big issues came up, especially sex and religion. I went through terrible periods of worrying "Should we break up? But I don't want to break up! But maybe it's for the best." I felt stressed. I thought that maybe I should talk to a professional. I turned to people on the internet, such as you guys and Facebook friends who I didn't know in person, for help and advice. I turned to my boyfriend too, of course. I even let him read my electronic journal about him once, which was a little scary.

But now, I realize that all of that is in the past, and that I have reached the point in our relationship that I always wanted to reach: I love him and he loves me, I am happy, we both want to get married in the future and we are going to do so. And I'm so glad.

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Betty Badinbed

I was with my sexual BF for nearly nine years. It was really nice, and based on intimacy, friendship and cuddling, with occasional sex. I never came out to him as ace though, due to a previous bad experience coming out to someone close, who I thought would understand and didn't. No, I just told my BF that I had "the world's lowest libido", and would kinda joke about it, and he just seemed to like being with me regardless. It was so lovely... my previous relationships barely scraped the 3 month mark, once past BFs discovered the sex wasn't going to be as hot / frequent as they wanted, they would dump me. But my long-term BF... he didn't put his own gratification first.

We ended it recently, but only in status, He is quite a bit younger than me, and has realised that he does want to settle down and have kids -- which I don't want / am too old for. And how can I begrudge him that. He is now looking to date sexual girls, and we've ended being BF and GF for that purpose, but are still close buddies. I am thinking I might out myself to him at some stage, as I no longer need to worry about rejection - not that he would have.

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DollyWink

Well, more like a fail in my case, but at least for 10 years I was in a 'successful' relationship with a sexual, until he decided that he couldn't endure celibacy anymore. I loved him with all my heart, seriously believed we would be together forever. He even said to me once, to wait for him if I died before him, but eventually he left. Said he'd rather have non-lasting relationships that had sex in it.

Seriously, I can't believe this kind of jerk strung you along for so long. I really hate sexuals who claim "sex isn't a big deal" but once you tell them you're asexual not interested in sex they sing a different tune.

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BlushCW

I originally was going to post my mixed relationship success story in this thread, but it ended up getting pretty long! So I decided it would be better as a stand alone thread.... but here's the link to those would like to read it: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/113701-a-mixed-relationship-success-story-thus-far/#entry1061080806

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Shockwave

Lego M and I met here on AVEN. In the chat room, specifically. We did the long distance thing over Skype for several months, and as of the 13th we will have been living together for four years now.

Things are going great. We just moved to a bigger apartment and are planning on adopting a couple of cats.

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amunz

I'm so glad I found this thread.

I recently broke up with my sexual boyfriend because I was feeling uncomfortable and guilty in the relationship.

I've since lost hope of really ever finding an asexual significant other, or a sexual significant other who doesn't mind dating an asexual/having minimal sex. I want an extremely close spiritual/emotional romantic relationship, but I fear that for most sexuals, the "intimacy" that they want is sex, and I just view intimacy completely differently. I am struggling to accept my asexuality because I fear I will be forever alone, and am having a really hard time accepting that!

These stories make me feel a little bit better, and make me believe there's a little hope for me. Maybe I'll get lucky :)

If anybody else has any success stories, please post them, you wouldn't believe how helpful and inspiring they are!

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Kappamaki

So this isn't me who this story's about, but I'll start off by talking about me.

One time I was out to dinner with my mom and her parents, and I mentioned off-hand that I'm not straight. I realized then that I never actually came out as ace to my grandparents (Oma and Opa to distinguish them from Grandma and Grandpa on the paternal end), who probably hadn't heard about it ever. So I awkwardly came out and explained what asexuality is, without provoking much of a response. I don't think my Oma was listening while Opa was mostly just "alright, fine, next conversation topic." It was about a week later that he mentioned to me that he looked asexuality up on the Internet - probably with this very site - and he thinks Oma's probably asexual.

So what this means is that someone who's ace - or close enough that her lifelong husband thinks she is - has been in a happy marriage for sixty plus years with four children and nine grandchildren. That's a success story if there ever was one.

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Schattenschatz

I met the man who is now my husband several years ago, in university (my first year, his second). Neither of us had ever been in an actual relationship before, and neither of us was really looking for one then, but we were so drawn to each other that it just sort of happened on its own. I had recently-ish started identifying solidly as asexual and was really nervous about being in a relationship, because even before actually identifying as asexual I had always had the vague feeling that all guys would ultimately choose more sexual girls over me, and I didn't want to set myself up to get hurt.

I don't remember exactly how the subject first came up, but I was very upfront very quickly about both my lack of experience (which he thankfully shared - that made things a lot easier) and my relative lack of drive/interest. Since at first I wasn't even comfortable with kissing he was very considerate and willing to take things slowly with me. He did push me out of my comfort zone, but in a good way. He challenged the idea I had that intimacy would always lead to sex; or at least that with men that was always where they would want it to lead. He never pushed me for sex and eventually, once we had gotten serious, he told me that he would be willing to go without sex forever, if that was what I wanted.

The main issue with us in the beginning was that he thought he was doing something wrong. He was actually willing to listen to me and have honest conversations though, and eventually he started doing research on his own about asexuality. He's been to aven, he's seen the documentary, and he's read a few articles on asexuality that I didn't even direct him to, so now he has a good enough understanding that he knows my lack of a sex drive has nothing to do with anything he did or didn't do.

For most of our relationship we have had a comfortable compromise. Steps forward are always difficult for me, but when they happen these days it's more about me pushing myself because I want to do something for him rather than him putting any pressure on me. We still haven't actually 'had sex', and though I think someday we will and in a way I do feel like I should try it at least once in my life, I don't feel any rush to get there. We're at a level of intimacy that satisfies him so he isn't constantly frustrated and we haven't actually had a fight or even an angry disagreement about anything regarding sex at any point in our relationship.

We got married in June of 2014. :D

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BunnyCuddles

I'm usually a little shy about sharing so much, but I thought maybe someone might need to read happy stories someday and feel a little better!

I've been with my partner for almost 5 years now (crazy to me, seems both infinity longer and shorter at the same time!). We first met online when I approached them on a forum website to compliment their bravery at proudly declaring their (then) transgender identity. We ended up talking and falling madly in love. A little over a year later I moved across the country to live with them in an area that was totally new to me. It was a crazy leap, but I knew it my heart where I needed to be!

My partner now identifies as asexual and agender (-d? I'm not sure...Hmm..) and I love them more and more as each day goes on. They struggled with identifying as asexual about two years ago, but it really changed out relationship for the better that they did. I feel closer now...in a sense beyond words. And I feel SO much better knowing I'm not making any jokes that make them uncomfortable or crossing lines. I will admit at first I struggled with it quite a lot. Not anything to do with them but because I suddenly felt so insecure and vulnerable. I felt like they were just not attracted to me and I had done something wrong to make them not want me. Honestly on bad days my fears still say that to me...but I know my partner loves me, and that's enough!

I did a lot of research on my own about asexuality, sexuality in general, and advice (Boy do I wish I would've found this site then!). I've grown a lot closer to them now that I can try to understand a bit more and feel like I can support them better. I love my partner soooo dearly and I wouldn't change a thing about them!

I hope others can find a warm and supporting relationship as well. Never give up hope, you deserve it! :)

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I Shot the Serif

I'm engaged. The parents are finding out this May. They won't be surprised. I have a future brother-in-law who referred to me, while talking to me, as "my brother's fiancée-to-be."

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Frigid Pink

I'm engaged. The parents are finding out this May. They won't be surprised. I have a future brother-in-law who referred to me, while talking to me, as "my brother's fiancée-to-be."

Congratulations! :cake:

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I Shot the Serif

I'm engaged. The parents are finding out this May. They won't be surprised. I have a future brother-in-law who referred to me, while talking to me, as "my brother's fiancée-to-be."

Congratulations! :cake:

Thanks!

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Ace of Cakes

I'm an ace female dating a sexual male, and we celebrated our first anniversary today! I just wanted to share this to say that while it may not always be easy or be right for everyone, the mixed relationship thing is possible. Learning to see how the other person demonstrates love and how they feel loved is important. Sometimes that can be difficult, but communication is key. Don't give up hope :cake:

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Petticoats and cuddles

My girlfriend are in a relationship of about a month now. It's an odd one, we are best friends (both of us being demi-romantic) and we place that about the romantic relationship. it's an open relationship, i guess, where she can date anyone she likes and so too for me but we are also dating each other. if either partner doesn't agree with the open relationship it can be easily switched back to best friends. I see this as a success because she is EXTREMELY accepting of me being ace and that no way will I ever go past the dating stage. not even kisses. she is the singular most accepting person who knows me as ace. My family are the tipical "you'll find the right GUY." or "You can't be ace, you've had boyfriends before." So it's lovely she accepts me. We know the reltionship won't last forever likely but we want ti to last as long as it can because we keep each other in check (She won't just say yes to dating anyone when she has me and vice versa/ social expectations of having a partner.)

One very happy allo/ace shipping!

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AJ + Blake

The only kind of relationship I've ever had has been mixed. If you'd asked me during either of my previous ones, I'd have agreed that they're really tough and maybe even impossible to make work. I fully expected to be permanently single by the time I was thirty. In fact, I was kind of planning on it. But that was because those were with the wrong people. Now everything is different.

A little over a year ago, I made a huge change in my life. I packed up all of my things, got out of Oregon, and moved to Vancouver, BC to go to film school. I broke things off with my boyfriend (thank goodness,) made a bunch of new friends, and started right off doing my very best in school. Everything was going really well. Even got myself a new fella. He seemed great at first, as they all often do, but there were obvious conflicts I now regret choosing to ignore. He was way touchier than I ever will be, among a few other things. I did care about him though, and so probably let it go on longer than it should have. but we'll get back to that in a minute.

The school I'm attending is a bit unusual in that it's an intensive, year-round program. No vacations, hard work, and you really get to know your friends. (for more info, visit vfs.edu Not to try and sell it, honest, but my life has never been better since I found this place.) You'll see their worst and their best, often in the space of days, and if you don't drop out then when it's all over odds are you have a friend for life.

About halfway through the year I started developing a closer friendship with one of the guys in my class. His name is Bruno, and he is from Mexico. It was during storyboarding, and although we'd talked before and I'd definitely have called him a friend we hadn't really hung out outside of class. That was when things started to change, and a few months later we were inseparable best friends. To the point where our friends in the office (yes, our next closest friends were and still are staff members) made jokes about it. But just friends, and we didn't think there was anything else going on. Looking back, I'm not sure how we didn't know. I mean we wrapped him up in Christmas paper and spent four hours waiting in our friend/teacher's office because we wanted to surprise him with a holiday gift (there was an actual gift in Bruno's arms under the paper.)

But remember that boyfriend I mentioned earlier? Yeah, I was still with him. I wasn't happy, either. But I spent very little time thinking about it and didn't know how to end things.

A couple of months ago things changed again. We were out shooting our final film projects, and things changed even more, we had to spend about 14 hours together everyday for 3 weeks, and without me noticing he started to develop feelings for me. It probably didn't help that because we were so tired form filming I was letting him stay over most nights per week. (nothing sexual, yuck, although we were both sleeping in my bed [or rather spending hours and hours talking in the dark] and trying to hide it from my roommate. I didn't think it was cheating, but I knew some other people might.)

His feelings (and the ones I was trying to pretend I didn't have too) grew more and more as the 3 weeks of shooting went by, eventually to the point were he told me the way he felt even though I still had a boyfriend. I didn't know what to do, but of the two solutions we came up with (either he would get out of my life until his feelings went away, or we would continue on as though nothing was different) only one was acceptable to me. I couldn't bare the thought of losing my very best friend, and he didn't want to lose me either, so as we went into the editing stage of our final projects we pretended everything was normal.

One night, as we were talking and lying around in our pajamas, something happened. He kissed me, because he just couldn't not do it anymore, and I can say with all honesty that he is the only person I've ever enjoyed kissing. I've dated three other people, and I hated it enough that I actually spat in a guy's mouth to make it stop once, but not this time. Not even a little. I know it was cheating, and I don't feel good about it at all, but it... didn't feel wrong. After that night we agreed never again, just this once, no one has to know we kissed... and I can't believe I ever thought that would work.

Suddenly I had a problem. I had to hurt someone. And anyone who knows me knows I'll do just about anything to avoid hurting someone, especially if I care about them. Breaking things off with the other guy was really hard on me, but now that it's over I'm really glad I did.

A week later Bruno and I told a few close friends that our friendship had changed gears. We kept things hidden for the next few weeks, then announced it officially when out drinking with our friends the night of graduation. The responses we got were all extremely positive. Our friends said things like "Finally!" "You weren't already?" "I knew it!" and "Great! Don't fuck it up."

Now it's been over a month. We started a second-year program at school, and made some cool new friends who can't believe how short of a time we've officially been together. Though we have known each other for more than a year.

That's our fairy tale. And I do believe it is one. We come from different countries, and would never have met if we hadn't both chosen this particular film school. As far as our interests and career directions go, we work perfectly. Put us on a team together and people are amazed by the work that gets done. Outside of work/school, things are just as good. We never fight, and if we have a conflict we talk about it calmly until it's resolved in the best way for both of us. I can honestly say I didn't even believe it was possible for another human being to make me so happy (and for those who are wondering, he's the most understanding person I've ever encountered, even about the sexual stuff.)

We're in the process of moving in together now, and I'm so excited. I can't ever picture myself with anyone else, and for the first time in my entire life I can think about the future without seeing myself as ending up alone.

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lizthelizard

I just found this site and I am just starting to identify as asexual and hetero romantic, but since there is a thread for success stories I thought I'd post. I have been with my boyfriend who is sexual for about 6 months, we're both young and we love each other but I was always really frustrated with not desiring sex and not having any fun during any sexual stuff, I felt like I should be sexual and there was something wrong with me. But eventually I did research and thought allot and realized I'm just not sexual, which has actually made me feel allot better, I told my boyfriend and he was confused but swears he still loves me and would never leave me based on sex or lack of it. I so so lucky to be with him, he treats me better than I ever imagined anyone would. Sometimes I worry that he'll want sex and cheat on me and leave me, but honestly I think he's not going to. We haven't had sex in months but we're still very happy together, almost more happy now since we stopped attempting awkward painful sex that I never got into.

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Mandarina

It's really nice to read those wonderful stories that other people have had. >.<

In my case I've been in a relationship for two years and a half more or less and although we have still a long way to go, I think I can call it a sucess story. We met online within a roleplaying community and we spent almost two years as friends, you did some stuff together, we created and moderated some rp games and so on, and he was a huge support during those years that were pretty hard for me, so at the end we stablished a bond. By that time, I thought to be bisexual (or almost homo actually) so I didn't expect to fell in love with him, mostly since the year before I had a weird kind of relationship with a closed friend and didn't end up well. But one day, because of something I heard, I talked to him, it was a curiosity I didn't pretended to declare or tell my feelings because I wasn't aware of them by that time, but as the conversation happened we both realized that we did feel something for each other. It was, not typical, because we did it talking via messenger (he lives in the other side of the country xd) but in spite of the dinstance we decided to try and give it a chance.

We have already seen each other, and talked with webcam, I mean, we were friends, and we talked like that, but this time he came to where I live and we like "officialy" met, it went very good, he met my parents and everything wen ok, perfect I'd say. We kissed, it was less weird than the first time I kissed and I kinda enjoyed it, and we did have sex (thanks to my hypersexuality it wasn't a problem though and I really enjoyed it, I really liked the feeling of other person actually cuddling, hugging me). And we've been like that up to now, we see each other like two or three months for a weekend and then in summer or holidays we try to stay like a week or five days together.

I haven't had any problem with distance, yes in the sense that sometimes I'd like to have him by my side but taking account of my own personal developement I think the relationship would have ended badly if we would have lived near. It helped me keeping my own personal space, I was able to mantain my fantasies, masturbating habits (which consists the base of my sexual life and I don't want to get rid of them) and that all. Because they were things I didn't know the role they played for me. I had a very early sexual awakening, my hypersexuality has been with me since the early years of puberty although I never had a crush during high school, and all that was weird. I consider my relationship a success because of the distance in one had and also for his extremely supportive attitude towards me. I mean, I was considering myself by that time almost homosexual in a heterosexual relationship and he's sexual, heterosexual, heteromantic and so on, and even though we thought that I could fell over a girl he stuck with me. All the time.

And he kept by my side when we had a pretty big struggle with sex last year, it was the first time that due to my depression my hypersexuality was litteraly gone so it was impossible for me to get aroused and have sex with him. I felt pretty bad, I thought that meant what I had been thinking for long that I dind't feel sexual attraction towards him. I spoke to him, how I felt, i litteraly spent almost all night crying because I felt so helpless and bad, I didn't want to lose him. He means everything to me. But in spite of that, he still kept by me, I was literally telling him that I didn't know if I could remain with him, but he din't push me away. Some time later, I discovered pansexuality, with eased things up, because I thought it kinda explained everything and even though I did have a preference towards girls I could still be with him, which helped the next time we met, I spoke with him, a lot, and we were better that what we've been for months.

Nowadays, after asexuality has come to play it's part, he knows about it. And he has totally accepted it. When we had sex, he always asked me what I wanted to do or if I didn't like something but I never replied because I never kenw how to explain how I felt, how his corporal fluids made me feel gross and that's why I was never very eager to touch some of his parts, how I didn't like when he was like in provocative or seductive poses I never liked that because I found it gross and it just killed my libido because I didn't like it. I was feeling very selfish because I thought that in sex I only thought of myself and my pleasure, I felt very bad when I was disconnected while we did it thinking about my own fantasies instead of him. So this, has helped me to understand all the things that used and still make mee feel uneasy but now, I know how to explain it without feeling bad about myself. I've been asking him how he sees things, what is sex or attraction for him so I can understand and I've been telling him about all this. He just ended up saying that he was very happy that I finally was happy and we could do other things in sex that would make me feel better and that we could just skip parts that I don't like when I don't feel like doing it. As we see like, two days every two months, we always have sex at least once, I mean, for now that's not a problem because the dates are soo apart and I quite enjoy it, I like physical pleasure and my hypersexuality helps, and as he's always trying to help me feel confortable I think is good that I do my part to give him what he gives to me, because I think is what a relationship is about, sharing, compromise and doing things for the other that maybe you wouldn't do it in other situation.

We have a five years age gap, I'm younger which clearly draws an issue. I'm currently studying at uni, he's already working so my only fear is that our living pace don't match and that makes the relationship to break, because I don't think I'll be able to find with any other person that emotional, mental bond that I have with him. And also, as I'm studying a science degree and I would really like to pursue a career in reasearch that complicates things more because in that area you never know where are you going to end up! But for now, I try to not to think of that, and think about what I really have which is a lot, and I feel very fortunate of having this oportunity, and this wonderful person with me.

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RobinP

I've been with my husband for over thirty-five years. We are deeply in love and couldn't imagine a world without the other. He is sexual, I'm not. For years I thought there was something "wrong with me" and I had sex because I wanted to please him. But I really didn't enjoy it (yes I physically could climax but seriously I never "craved" one, or sex in general). I'm not really sure how long it has been since we've had sex....3 years? 4? I forget. He'd probably know the exact number ;-). I'm so much happier now that he "understands" and doesn't pressure me. I feel we have the best relationship in the world. Do I wish we were the same in the sexual / asexual sense? Sure. I feel bad for him in that he wants something that I don't. I'm not sure why sex has to have a "higher importance" than other activities. After all he enjoys going out from time to time to drink, and I do not. Somehow that's not a point of contention and friends wouldn't think it odd that I say home while he goes out. I know that it can be difficult when someone realizes they are asexual after marriage. But I just wanted to say it can work. I think ours is a great example of that.

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<Tom>

Reading through this thread has brightened my day ^_^

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Freya1970

I wish I had known about Asexuality years ago, it would have made things a lot simpler for me growing up!!

Here's my Success Story: My husband and I met 20 years ago and married 19 years ago. It was love at first sight even though I didn't believe in this. :)

Although sex was occasionally a part of our relationship in the very beginning, neither of us really asked for it. It quickly became irrelevant. We realized that neither of us needed it or wanted it. Neither of us felt rejected or dissatisfied because we felt the same way about it.

We flirt, cuddle, compliment each other and do nice things for one another daily. We share all of our secrets and have many loving intimate non-sexual moments. We are truly happy and still very madly in love. Even though neither of us officially knew we were Asexual when we met, we still found each other and still found true love. We were very lucky!

We have also formed close intimate friendships with other people over the years which I suppose makes us polyamorous too. :)

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MartyMcFly

Firstly, thank you to all who wrote something on this thread! It truly has made my day!

Secondly, I don't really have a success story. I've been dating my first boyfriend for just under a month. He's sexual. I told him I'm asexual before we started to date, and he said he doesn't mind at all. We're long distance, and so we're meeting up in December. I'm thinking of telling him that we don't have to be 100% non sexual, because I know he loves his intimacy. The point of me posting here is that I wanna come back to this in a year or so time and see where I am with this relationship!

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Semtex in August

I have a friend at work. And she is sometimes nice to me at work when she is not over stressed and when she isn't suffering from any of a number of allergies. She is nice. So that is my happy story. I hope that you all are feeling all warm and fuzzy.

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SomethingOrAnother

I don't have a success story to share but reading all about other people's successes certainly gives me hope for my future. Who knows, maybe one day I'll even have my own success story to share :)

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Tarfeather

Oh dear me, reading through all these success stories actually makes me sad, because they're all romantic, and everyone's implying that the romantic part is the reason it's a success story. :( Anyone got a non-romantic success story to share?

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Philiarocks

Oh dear me, reading through all these success stories actually makes me sad, because they're all romantic, and everyone's implying that the romantic part is the reason it's a success story. :( Anyone got a non-romantic success story to share?

Well, I'll bite. Mine was never a romantic story as such. It was about a queerplatonic partnership-- she is aromantic to the core, though I am romantic. But she has recently come to the conclusion that being someone's partner is not for her. To be honest, I'm still trying to figure out what changed exactly, but I do know that the relationship is now over. And yet this remains a success story, I think. For two and a half years we made it work, and that counts for a lot. And more to the point, we still care about each other deeply. Even though ending the partnership was not exactly a mutual decision, we still recognise that each of us wants the other in our lives. Our friendship is too important to throw away. And so even though it still hurts to know we will never be that close again, and we are still figuring out how this works, I am content. Friendship is just as powerful, just as valid, just as real. Our connection isn't over; it will simply take on another form. And that, to me, is success.

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Philiarocks

(Apparently my phone decided the above post was so awesome, everyone needed to read it twice! Sorry!)

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RaisedByHippies98

I work for a woman and both her and her husband are demisexual but have not had sex in over ten years, and not because they are older, but because he physically cannot after becoming paralyzed. At the same time he went through that, she battled cancer. I see so many other aspects of their marriage that i dont see in other couples but what gets me most is how they respect and serve each other and how they really won when "for better or for worse" challenged them

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alex_888

My new goal is to get a success story on this thread. After finding out I am Ace I've been put off from dating on the fear of losing someone after telling them I'm Ace, but now I feel like there is so much hope out there.

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