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The Great WTF

The Success Stories Thread

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The Great WTF

I've been meaning to do this for a while, actually, but procrastination and grad school are funny things like that.

As a mod, I see a lot of repeat questions here and one in particular, "Will I ever find a partner?", tends to be seen a lot. I'll be the first person to admit it gets pretty damn bleak in here sometimes, too. People come in to ask for advice, gripe, and generally talk to other people when things are going bad, but it's rare to see reports of things going well. Thus, this thread: I want to create a collection of success stories, stories of people who have found happiness, a partner (or partners), and other tales that generally lend hope to those passing through here.

So, ladies, gents, and all between and outside the gender binary, please share your happy stories because sometimes modding this forum can get downright depressing!

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lorkhan

I understand that but, could only report in my case of a personal "success story" on my working business although I'd want to keep anonymous and its at least for me a happy story.

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ponz

Deleted.

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passionatefriend61

Yay! Thank you so much, Great WTF, for creating this pinned thread!

First, I'll share the story of Paul Cox and his wife "Amanda," (I think that might be a pseudonym?) who met through AVEN, fell in love, and got married. This article is actually from 2008, but I remember seeing the couple on a TV spot for asexuality in '06 or '07.

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2008/sep/08/relationships.healthandwellbeing

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CBC

Well, as some of those who've been around here for a while will know, my husband and I met here on AVEN nearly five years ago and have been married for over two and a half years now. Certainly neither of us came here looking for a relationship (and at least in my case, I pretty much assumed I'd never have one and was okay with that), but... well, unexpected things happen, haha. Now I can't imagine not having my best friend in my life. :)

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Philiarocks

My platonic partner and I have been in a relationship for about a year now. I don't think I've ever had such a wonderful friend-- I love her so much, and I have learned so much from her. There have been a few hiccups, but overall things couldn't be better! She is my family. :)

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Icarium

This thread has not enough posts :) I didn't met my partner on Aven but on another forum. We have known each otherfor almost a year now and are in a relationship for a couple of months now. We live about 500 km apart which makes it a long distant relationship, but we spent many weekends together. I'm very introverted and need time alone so it's not so much of a problem for me, but I guess my partner wouldn't mind if we spend more time together ;) He's not asexual but he accepts that I am ace and said that he prefers to cuddle a lot. That makes me very happy because I can't and won't compromise. But I love to cuddle (and can do so for hours) so he can get all the cuddles he wants :) So maybe that will give people some hope that relationships with non-ace persons doesn't always have to be complicated! I wasn't looking for a relationship and thought I would spent my life alone but I must admit that having a companion makes me (and him) a lot more happy :) I love him a lot and we get along so well. It's like having the best friend I always wanted to have.

I really hope that everyone who doesn't want to be alone will find a partner. Don't give up hope :)

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Calla

There are some great success stories (and links to success stories) in this thread: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/91418-did-you-meet-your-partners-on-aven/

I met Nevyn here in AVEN chat. Since our last update in the above thread, he's spent 2 weeks with me in Michigan and I'm currently visiting him in WV. We'll be moving in together, in West Virginia, as soon as we can find a place that will allow my two cats and we can make the logistics happen. :D

For those feeling discouraged, I second much of what ponz said in her post. Stay positive. Stay open-minded. Stay flexible. And above all, be willing to take the leap of faith! :wub:

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spookyrice

i'm in a really awesome romantic relationship with a wonderful human whom i met at college through my radio program.

we like a lot of the same music, and we ended up hitting it off really well and for a while i was like meeeehh about the whole relationship thing but i came around a month later and we've been together since march.

they helped me realize i was ace and got me through some really awful things with my family situation so i kind of owe that to them aha. they're very wonderful and i love them dearly.

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Quiggy

I met a user called Psych971 on this site in the year 2005.

It began with a simple forum post. I asked if there were other people who wanted to chat. My expectations were to find an online asexual friend or two, certainly not a romantic partner.

We started chatting online every few days, and it quickly blossomed into romantic interest. 2006, we began a long distance relationship (I lived in Canada, he lived in the US), and visited each other several times a year. I later lived with him in the US for two years and finished my degree.

We now reside in Canada, and have been together for eight years. We got married earlier this year! :)

I want to say to all asexuals in search of a significant other: keep searching. Online relationships will likely be long distance at first, but real love and commitment will withstand such barriers. Efforts made to maintain such a relationship gives greater testament to its strength if both parties believe it is worth it.

There are more members on this site now (and even asexual dating sites, which didn't exist back in the day!). Furthermore, asexuality is gaining more understanding, which makes finding a special someone who shares your orientation easier.

Although this isn't an asexual dating site per se, (and I certainly wasn't using it as such), make a friend and who knows, you might find much more than you expect.

I married my best friend, thanks to AVEN. ^_^

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angelstouch92

Me and my "sexual" boyfriend have been together for a year and 8 months, we tried sex within the first year and it never really seemed to work for us, we hadn't had sex for about half a year recently and I began to wonder if something was wrong with me, that I had no desire for sex, but I found AVEN and realised that I am grey asexual. I told him and he was completely fine with it. :) We both found some middle ground with things like cuddling, occasional kissing, and other equally physically intimate things, just not sex. We are both just as happy as ever. I love him. *Soulmate* ^_^ :wub:

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faintlymacabre

I am am married to an amazing sexual guy. We started off as friends but it became more very quickly. We connected on a spiritual level, and he loved all the little weird things about me. We have been together for about five years, married for over 4 and it just gets better every day. I honestly never thought I would find anyone, as I am not the "pretty" girl, I prefer using my brain and wits as opposed to my physical body. We work around my asexuality, luckily I don't mind sex it's just that I don't want it, so we have set up rules and boundaries, as well as an acceptable amount of sexual relations we can both agree on.

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belovedless

I am in a successful primary friendship! We've been friends only since August and agreed at the beginning of last November to stick together with a dedication to always grow and foster that friendship. We've also agreed that neither of us will seek out a romantic partner, and we are roommates.

It's really an amazing story. I started working my new job, and she is my colleague. We began carpooling and just chatting. I came out as asexual; she told me she was a straight sexual. But then, she took a super active interest in all things asexual, and it turns out that she sort of fits the definition (although will not subscribe to the label) and is predominately attracted to building spiritual friendships with women. She has no interest in marriage, and virtually no interest in men. It took a couple months for her to confess all that to me, all the while she and I had been building an emotionally-connected friendship. Then, everything fell into line. it's wonderful to be in an organic, asexual, sensual, and mutual passionate friendship!

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Annapox

I'm asexual (but not sex-opposed) and heteroromantic. My boyfriend is as straight as they come.

We had a class together last semester, and our friendship was solidified when he helped me through a panic attack in the middle of class.

I figured out I was asexual about a week before he asked me out. He wasn't thrilled when I explained the reasons for my prudishness (asexuality is just one of them), but he's still around.

When we started dating, he didn't want to fall in love because he was afraid of emotional attachment. He was the first one to say "I love you."

He's still not thrilled about the current lack of nudity in our relationship, but apparently I'm worth it.

I definitely don't make things easy for him, and I feel bad about that, but we find our own ways to have fun.

We are both the happiest we've ever been.

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Sherlockhan

Well, I've been married/handfasted since July 18th. My husband and I had been together for several years before that, but we finally figured we'd make it official for everyone else, too, and not just us. It's taken some talking and some figuring things out on the ace front, but it's great.

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improbability

I told my boyfriend on our first date that I was ace. We had a heart-to-heart about it and he suggested a poly/open relationship arrangement, where we're allowed to seek additional partners as long as we're honest with each other about it. I hadn't really considered polyamory as an option before; I'd just assumed my choices came down to staying single or finding an asexual partner. But I realized that the thought of him having sex with someone else didn't make me jealous, so I agreed to try it.

We've been dating for over a year now, and he's gotten me to try a lot of new things while still being very respectful of my boundaries and never pushing if I'm not comfortable with something. Now and then he asks other women on dates, and I know he's having regular sex with another partner, but I'm totally cool with that, especially since his sexual partner is someone that I feel like I could be friends with.

We get along very well, but I don't think I'm in love, really. I don't expect to marry him or make any other kind of lifetime commitment. But our relationship has already given me some invaluable gifts. It's shown me that I can have a successful long-term relationship even if my partner isn't asexual. It's made me more comfortable with my body and confident about what kinds of physical intimacy I want and don't want. It's taught me how freeing it can be to have someone I can be totally honest with--not just not lying, but being able to say anything and not be judged for it. (No conversation we'll ever have is going to be more awkward than the one we started with, after all.) Whatever happens next, even if I broke up with him tomorrow, I get to keep that self-knowledge for life. While I'm thrilled for all the people in this thread who have found a life partner, those of us who haven't gotten there yet can have success stories, too.

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Pan'sShadow

My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 2. I'm asexual and he's sexual. We didn't figure out I was asexual until about a year into our marriage. It's still pretty new to us but our relationship had never been stronger. We have developed a higher level of trust, understanding, and love than we had previously had. And the discovery of my asexuality probably saved our life. I couldn't ask for a better partner. Through communication and love and trust we have rediscovered ourselves and eachother and its awesome.

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eable2

I feel like this is a really important thread that needs reviving!

I am currently in a non-sexual relationship with a demisexual, and it is amazing! Even though she acknowledges that I sometimes arouse her, our relationship centers around our strong romantic and emotional attractions towards each other. I think that strong communication has allowed us to really trust each other, and we understand each other very well (even if we simply understand that we're both confused about what we want).

The relationship fell out of an increasingly close friendship, which I think is one of the best ways for relationships to happen. Keep trying to meet people, and you'll find that you have more in common with some people than you might think! If you want to be in a romantic relationship, don't shrink away from romantic stuff just because you're asexual. As my good ace friend advised me, there is a BIG difference between discomfort and dislike.

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Baggage_warrior

I found a girl on the internet and in a very long and complicated twist of events, we ended up getting together and even though we haven't met in person and I'm waiting till we can have some serious alone time till I explain my sexuality to her, I have a feeling that she'll accept me the same, but I feel that it might hurt her feelings.

We're hoping to have a holiday to Ireland this summer, and we're REALLY looking forward to it... She's just concerned that she might not have enough money for it :(

 

Update: We split up before anything happened lol

Edited by Baggage_warrior
Because update reasons

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Squirrel Combat

Do fictional success stories count? :P

I'll have to get back to you guys on a real one in a little bit.

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The Great WTF

It's amazing what you can find the time to do when you don't have a laptop full of thesis notes and homework to pay attention to. I didn't even realize I haven't added my own success story to this! I should probably preface this by saying I'm in one of those dreaded mixed relationships.

So, yeah, there's this guy who is affectionately referred to as Gin. I... didn't know his real name until about three months after we met. Not sure if I should be ashamed of that or not, but there you go. He was cosplaying Gin Ichimaru for one of my favorite (and his favorite) anime series, Bleach, at an anime convention that I was attending with some friends. As luck would have it, I happened to have a small plushie of Gin Ichimaru attached to my badge and he, while working at a vendor booth his friend was running, spotted it. I had a brief five seconds to notice 'Hey, that guy is cosplaying Gin and why is he running at me?' before I was suddenly and violently tackle-hugged while he screamed "It's me! It's me!"

That was just over five years ago. I haven't been able to get rid of him since. He's still listed as Gin in my cell phone.

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Amoeba-Proteus

It's nice to see some relationships really working out for people. ^_^
There always seems to be so many disaster stories...

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kriida

I first joined AVEN in 2007 and got to know a wonderful woman who became a friend of mine. We met and talked about asexuality, and she really helped me believe I could meet other asexual people. Something I was very dubious about at that time.

It was she who convinced me that if I was interested in having a relationship with another asexual, I needed to look for a partner actively.

She mentioned some asexual dating websites and I actually met my boyfriend on one of them :)

It's been six years now and we've managed to move from a long-distance relationship to living together :)

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Ziggy_G

Currently by most significant other is my plant. I call him Bartok and he has grow big and strong thanks to lots of tlc.

We're both very happy. Well I'm very happy. He's a plants and plants don't feel emotion :D

But lots of smiles and happiness from this asexual couple. (>>>get it? asexual? cos I'm asexual and its a plant which is the other meaning of asexual<<sorry bad joke...)

>Aromantic happily ever after :P :D :D

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Philiarocks

Currently by most significant other is my plant. I call him Bartok and he has grow big and strong thanks to lots of tlc.

We're both very happy. Well I'm very happy. He's a plants and plants don't feel emotion :D

But lots of smiles and happiness from this asexual couple. (>>>get it? asexual? cos I'm asexual and its a plant which is the other meaning of asexual<<sorry bad joke...)

>Aromantic happily ever after :P :D :D

Heh, your post cracked me up. What species is it? A lot of plants actually aren't asexual.

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Ziggy_G

Currently by most significant other is my plant. I call him Bartok and he has grow big and strong thanks to lots of tlc.

We're both very happy. Well I'm very happy. He's a plants and plants don't feel emotion :D

But lots of smiles and happiness from this asexual couple. (>>>get it? asexual? cos I'm asexual and its a plant which is the other meaning of asexual<<sorry bad joke...)

>Aromantic happily ever after :P :D :D

Heh, your post cracked me up. What species is it? A lot of plants actually aren't asexual.

Its an Oxalis Triangularis (a False Shamrock) I think it reproduces by division of the bulb which I think would make it asexual. Though I always forget that some plants aren't asexual.

He's an awesome plant to have, it opens and closes its leaves based on the time of day and its mood (sorta). :D

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whatsmyname

I guess I would consider mine and my partners relationship to be a success so far, we have been together for 7 years and got married in 2010. They came out as gender-fluid early last year and since then we've been navigating what that means for our relationship together. I'm starting to now work through my feelings on my sexuality but I've felt so positive about how well we got through my partner no longer identifying as male when I was what I considered to be a heterosexual cis-female (their transition helped me to stop looking at gender as a strict construct TBH and I wouldn't consider myself hetero anymore) that its made me feel really positive that we will work through this too. We're totally committed to each other as far as I'm concerned and I want us both to feel fulfilled romantically, sexually, emotionally and socially.

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AmberSkyeF

I'm not too sure if this could count as a success story, but I haven't even come out to him as asexual, and we've been together for 7 years. I told him some odd years ago that sex wasn't that important to me, before I even knew what asexuality was, and he was okay with this. We've never gotten into fights about sex or anything. We compromise. I enjoy it from time to time, but our fights, when we do have them, never circle around sex. So I guess this counts as a success story.

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transformer1903

Just over a year ago, I was having a kind of a rubbish day and on a whim (these are the kinds of things you can't do unless you live in a capital I suppose) I went to the meetup of an incredibly obscure fandom of the unpopular political comedy, The Thick of It. The guy who played my favourite character had a bit-part in a kind of rubbish play at the National Theatre, and I wanted to stage-door him and get him to sign one of the like 6000 copies that exist of his even-more-obscure play.

I arrived late and flustered and really kind of already regretting my decision, and only one other person had turned up, this trans punk kid. We smoked my cigarettes and chatted, and they seemed really cool, then we saw the play and waited outside the stage door for about three hours. Literally nobody came out, because the play was so obscure nobody even knew we were there to meet the actors. We played football with a little rock and chatted some more, and eventually this person had to leave and catch a train, and I swear when they left I just sat down in the bus stop and felt overwhelmingly lonely and crap, though I didn't know what had happened to me. I kind of assumed we'd exchange a couple of PMs and never really meet up again.

The following week they came back, we drank an entire bottle of whiskey between us and talked all night about music. I lent them a pile of books so they'd have to come back, some quite precious ones, such as the rare Paul Higgins play I'd wanted to get signed. The next day they mentioned reading Batman Year 1 and I knew I was completely screwed. The week after that I quit university to become a journalist and told Jack I loved them. I think I did both in the same day. Jack told me they wanted to be a journalist too.

Later that summer my dad was diagnosed with cancer, and seeing as I was already talking to Jack online, I told them. Jack called me every single day for the next month, sometimes from America using Skype credits they should have saved for other people. By the time they came back from America I'd already sort of fallen head-over-heels-down-the-stairs in love, and met them off the plane at Heathrow at seven in the morning. There hadn't been an early enough train, so I'd spent the previous night sleeping in the airport lobby.

I took Jack straight from the plane across London to get a coach to Glasgow, for another fandom meetup (I'd gotten a bit more enthusiastic about it). Jack was tired, hungry and quite ill from the anticipation of seeing me after so long (they didn't tell me this for a long time), and was sick on my shoes. I rubbed their back and somewhat deliriously realised I didn't even care. We sat in the cheap seats for our eleven-hour coach ride and about two hours in, Jack lost patience and just flopped over me in exhaustion. We then cuddled all the way to Glasgow.

That was September last year and I've never been so happy, for so long, in my entire adult life.

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