questioning

[night_raven]

Hey all, I'm just a little confused, and thought i'd post these thoughts and see if i get any feedback.

I don't consider myself asexual, but is it possible to be kinda asexual/kinda sexual? not sure if that even makes sense. maybe it's just a low sex drive thing, but i don't know, i feel like i switch between the two.

in truth, i don't even know what i want. The guy i am with is the first guy i have ever dated, and is the first person that i have been able to see myself giving myself to in this way, but there are times when i wonder if i actually want sex itself. but i also wonder if my lack of sexual desire before just had to do with i had never met the right person. the irony is, i think that he might be asexual.

But like i said, i still consider myself a sexual person, because i defintly have some physical desires, the desire to be held, to kiss, to be touched. But when i desire sex, i then think about it and i wonder, why is it that you get pleasure out of it? i understand that it "feels good" physcially, but how can it be better at times, not so good at other? and then there's kissing, i've had the desire to do this, but when it comes down to it, i don't think i can go through with it for a couple of reasons, i don't think i can do it right is one. i mean, isn't it supposed to be something that more or less comes naturally? i mean, yeah you get better with time i suppose (not talking from experience here), but shouldn't you have some idea of what you're doing? i think i overanalyze though. i start to wonder, what is it about touching lips, of using your tongue to feel around the mouth of another, that is so great?

really, i can't tell if these questions are because i just don't have much of an interest in doing this, or if i'm just too scared/nervous and confused about what all of this really is.

So are these signs of someone who thinks about something more than seh should, or possible signs or asexuality?

sorry for the confused presentation of all this, but this is just one of many things that i've really been trying to get an idea of in my own mind.

[Madame_Sosotris]

Greetings, Night Raven! You sound like you're going through a lot of the same stuff as I am. I wonder this often myself. ALthough in my case, I worry that I like the desire so much in and of itself, rather than the desire to *want* to want sexual contact (which is weird for me, as I normally hate peer pressure.) I have nearly exactly the same feelings about kissing, plus a fear of being cut off. Of not being able to talk. I clincally (as a preMed) understand neurotransmitters and nerves, etc. but I feel like doesn't a relationship mean more than a physical sensation? I wish I understood any better than you. I feel much the same way and decide to classify it as "asexuality," although I (and you) may really be hyposexual (low_er_ sex drive) or even sexual (although in my case I doubt it...). For me, dating a sexual, it's easier to tell him that I'm asexual and have him assume that means forever and work things out that wya, and if we can compromise more in the middle, great, but I don't want to go into a relatioship with the expectation that I'll "get better." Since you're dating an asexual, it might be better to tell him that you might not always want what he wants, and if you do and it works out great. Anyway, my (jumbled and confused) two cents.

-Emmy